Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Well I Do know she gave him a few expensive things. I prefer not to go into the details here but there are some other small financial things she did i know about. My ex had debt. But I don't think he is the type that would marry for financial reasons. If anything he rebounded and everything I have said comes into play. He told me he compared everyone to me, regretted everything he did, I cut him off, he thought he wasn't going to find anyone again, he meets this new person who is also going through break up, he gets some attention,she helped him through me cutting him off, a month after they meet they move in together, two months later engaged, he thinks its love gets married. Bang. that's how I see it. But I know it does me no good and I should move on but I don't know how. Even if it is it we bound and still secretly wants me I can't wait around obviously for this to unfold. It would be a huge mess and require much time. He's probably surprised that we actually spoke. And I am sure you thought about it since.
immitable Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Well I Do know she gave him a few expensive things. I prefer not to go into the details here but there are some other small financial things she did i know about. My ex had debt. But I don't think he is the type that would marry for financial reasons. If anything he rebounded and everything I have said comes into play. He told me he compared everyone to me, regretted everything he did, I cut him off, he thought he wasn't going to find anyone again, he meets this new person who is also going through break up, he gets some attention,she helped him through me cutting him off, a month after they meet they move in together, two months later engaged, he thinks its love gets married. Bang. that's how I see it. But I know it does me no good and I should move on but I don't know how. Even if it is it we bound and still secretly wants me I can't wait around obviously for this to unfold. It would be a huge mess and require much time. He's probably surprised that we actually spoke. And I am sure you thought about it since. You are beating around the bush here, guilt is taking the best of you but are afraid to admit that. You realized that he is a marriage material and that you lost someone who is worth fighting for. Life is not about waiting on destiny to take its course, life is about taking chances, life is about not having regrets etc. You need to take action, since you pushed him away, act now and invite him for a coffee and see where it takes you. But if your gut is telling you different then let it be.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) Immitable.. I would love to do that.. But I am way to scared. Honestly I just think its part of my nature.. I just feel let and be and let fate take its course. I'm not best on acting but better at thinking, unfortunately gets me nowhere. And to do something like that would scare the hell out of me. I'm so afraid of how I would look and how it would be recived. How would I just ask him to meet me.. And then confront him with something like this.. That might be a shock to his system. I figured that us just texting is enough and if he really wanted to talk to me more or had any more interest he would have text me more than just one day last week. Unless he is waiting for me to text him again. Have no idea. Edited May 20, 2012 by Searchin81
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Also about the guilt.. Yes I don't understand why all of a sudden I feel this way. Even a year ago I knew he was going to get married and didn't bother me like this. But I have been doing a lot of self analyzing, spiritual improvment, sorting stuff out with guidence, and now all of a sudden this is comming back to haunt me. I thought I was over it and I accepted it.. But recently is comming back with a vengeance.. By no means was he a saint.. At the time I mostly blamed him for everything and failed to see that I did anything wrong.. But now I'm startin got realize I wasn't perfect either. I suppose this is good so with a new person I won't make the same mistakes. But it's not all my fault he was the one that wanted to break up and then regretted it all.. How was I supposed to Belive he loved me again and changed is mind?
immitable Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Immitable.. I would love to do that.. But I am way to scared. Honestly I just think its part of my nature.. I just feel let and be and let fate take its course. I'm not best on acting but better at thinking, unfortunately gets me nowhere. And to do something like that would scare the hell out of me. I'm so afraid of how I would look and how it would be recived. How would I just ask him to meet me.. And then confront him with something like this.. That might be a shock to his system. I figured that us just texting is enough and if he really wanted to talk to me more or had any more interest he would have text me more than just one day last week. Unless he is waiting for me to text him again. Have no idea. i know and it is hard, send him something in the lines of 'was nice catching up with you' and see what he replies. Do this for you, either you open the lines of communication or get closure and move on, but stop torturing yourself it is not worth it imho. He told you basically where he stands. If you get no reply from him, his wife is either reading his texts or he is busy, but if his wife reads his texts that means she doesn't trust him. You shouldn't worry about his wife though, it is about you and him.
immitable Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 But it's not all my fault he was the one that wanted to break up and then regretted it all.. when the breakup happens there are always two parties involved and guilty. Time only teaches us that there are no winners actually (unless relationship involved abuse).
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) Won't he think he's odd we haven't text in a year and half now all of a sudden I'm texting him. What he gonna think of me, I kinda feel embbarressed, more than I am worried about anything. Is my own humiliation that is that hardest to face. Like some of the above posters said, he might be happy now. What if he wants nothing to do with me... I'm just not confident that he has any feelings left for me. And no way of telling. The smallest hint is when he send open ended text when I gave him a way out and he prompted me back. And he used the nickname he used to call me. Edited May 20, 2012 by Searchin81
immitable Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Won't he think he's odd we haven't text in a year and half now all of a sudden I'm texting him. What he gonna think of me, I kinda feel embbarressed, more than I am worried about anything. Is my own humiliation that is that hardest to face. Like some of the above posters said, he might be happy now. What if he wants nothing to do with me... I'm just not confident that he has any feelings left for me. And no way of telling. The smallest hint is when he send open ended text when I gave him a way out and he prompted me back. And he used the nickname he used to call me. Well, imho, there are too many what ifs. And we both know that there is only one way to find out. I think you are torturing yourself and overanalysing. I'd just do it, but I'm a guy. He told you by the way what he feels, hasn't he. 1
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Not since he met the new person. He told me 2 years ago.. Sure a lot can change from then till now.
immitable Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Not since he met the new person. He told me 2 years ago.. Sure a lot can change from then till now. Yes, but, we both know he married too quickly. Send him a neutral message, what is the worst that can happen - you'll feel relieved.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Yes, but, we both know he married too quickly. Send him a neutral message, what is the worst that can happen - you'll feel relieved. I agree with this 1
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 What would a neutral message be? I just feel blah about all of it. I'd feel so strange doing it.
immitable Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 What would a neutral message be? I just feel blah about all of it. I'd feel so strange doing it. 'it was nice seeing/catching up with you' for example-- and stop dwelling.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Yes, but, we both know he married too quickly. Send him a neutral message, what is the worst that can happen - you'll feel relieved. Do you still think it was quick.. He met this person a month after me, they noth just got out of a relationship, they moved in together the following month, engaged the third month. married a year after they met.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Lol who thinks I actually have a good chance lol? Cause I am with the naysayers here lol I don't think I have a chance, and I feel bad about it cause he is married. But but I still feel she kinda stole him from me when he was vulnerable. Even though he said he compared everyone to me.. Is this person the new measuring stick
beyond Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Searchin, this is going around in circles! What would it take for you to send him a text? What would it take for you not to contact him and forget about him? Either way, do it. 1
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 I know! How do u think it feels in my head for 2 years, even thought it got better and I accepted it for a while now its bothering me. Every option Is lousy!
MissBrunette84 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 What do you have to loose? you don;t have him now, so you are not losing anything by getting in touch with him are you? if he doesn't reply.. you're no better off, but no worse off 1
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 I should do it I am so nervous but I was also nervous when we spoke last week.and I got a much better reaction than I thought. But I am still so scared it's all complicated and confusing. Probably has no interest in me anymore. Like one of the other poster said if he did he would've text me again by now. I know he was busy this week but still. I told him to get something and told me that he would get it. I am wondering if he will text me when he gets it and let me know his opinion .
Author Searchin81 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I think I should just give up. I don't think I have a chance. I don't think he would run out and get married if really wasn't in love with the person.
LogicallyIllogical Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 You're overanalyzing this entire situation. You played games, he moved on and got married. The question of whether or not his wife was a rebound at one point in time is irrelevant because now she's his wife. You exchanged a few texts, he got a nice ego boost and probably some final closure. He has a new life and is likely an entirely different person from the man you knew. If there was any interest, he would have said something substantial or you would have heard from him again. If you text him again, he may answer, but I would imagine that he would keep it short and simple as you've already done your catching up. This ship has sailed and entertaining any advice others have given about GIGS or holding onto hope is only going to keep you in this holding pattern of turmoil and pain. Let it go.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 Logical, I agree I need to move on. I just have a hard time understanding how someone can move on so quick and get married. I agree with most of your statement.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I kinda understand now how people rebound. I feel like finding someone now to take my mind off of this and move on. Im probably not going to get him back. I feel like I want to date people to push this away.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 So on another funny topic.. A friend of mine tried setting me up with a guy that just broke up with his wife back around in December.. I wasn't interested. So find out today.. He been with with another girl for a few months and they are getting married.. We don't even know if she is divorced yet! Wtf Is wrong with people lol.. People so insecure they are afraid to be alone? Lol nuts.. Talk about rebound!
gibson Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Are people so insecure they are afraid to be alone? YES! I have met, dated and been friends with woman who wanted one or several of the following: Didn't want to be alone, husband, father, security (my paycheck), a child, to have a wedding or just to be married. With these type of women, you are just a "cardboard cutout" and they don't really care about you. It's all about them and having their "needs" / insecurities met. NOTE: Men are just as guilty as woman.
Recommended Posts