Author Searchin81 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 I just cant take this. My MIND tells me that im never going to see him again, that he never thinks of me, and that he is better off now than he ever was with me, and that he has no feelings left and that this whole thing is a fantasy. But my heart and instinct feels like my relationship with him is not complete. I just have this overriding feeling that I will have more with him someday. I never felt this way about my other two ex's. There is just something in my heart that tells me "this isn't finished". I cant explain the feeling, my mind is telling me to stop it and that its wrong.. but i just feel it. Which one is right?
Jono85 Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 I just cant take this. My MIND tells me that im never going to see him again, that he never thinks of me, and that he is better off now than he ever was with me, and that he has no feelings left and that this whole thing is a fantasy. But my heart and instinct feels like my relationship with him is not complete. I just have this overriding feeling that I will have more with him someday. I never felt this way about my other two ex's. There is just something in my heart that tells me "this isn't finished". I cant explain the feeling, my mind is telling me to stop it and that its wrong.. but i just feel it. Which one is right? how many ways are you going to ask the same question?? this thread hasn't gone anywhere. you've heard advices from both sides, utlimately you just need to make a decision by yourself.
EgoJoe Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 I just cant take this. My MIND tells me that im never going to see him again, that he never thinks of me, and that he is better off now than he ever was with me, and that he has no feelings left and that this whole thing is a fantasy. But my heart and instinct feels like my relationship with him is not complete. I just have this overriding feeling that I will have more with him someday. I never felt this way about my other two ex's. There is just something in my heart that tells me "this isn't finished". I cant explain the feeling, my mind is telling me to stop it and that its wrong.. but i just feel it. Which one is right? You ****ed up, you played games thinking he'd beg. Now he is married, whether that is healthy or not you watched too many romantic comedies and played games the result was that you lost. Deal with it. 2
veggirl Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 If he was interested he'd have contacted. And FFS, everyone yelling about how his WIFE is a rebound, if he leaves his wife (NOWHERE IS THERE EVIDENCE HE GIVES A FK ABOUT OP ANYMORE), then OP becomes his REBOUND. Wahoo!!!! op do yourself a favor and forget this guy. He's married and has shown no current interest. I don't know why people are blowing all this smoke about you and him, there is nothing.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 another thing.. when we broke up and started talking again he accused me of being the one who ran off!!! Because i cut him off and went NC.. he had the nerve to say to me "You can run off and just think you can come back" something like that.. Imagine My shock when he said that! He the one that was uncertain of everything and was going out drinking, partying living it up, and he accused me of being the one that ran off!
Author Searchin81 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 (edited) For the above poster, Well he did text all day sunday from seven am till 8pm, and I gave him a way out, he prompted me back when I stopped answering.. He met a rebound a couple of months after telling me he compared everyone to me. I think this person extorted his heartache, and loneliness, and manipulated him, as he is very easy going and trusting. And from a mutural friend, He even told the wife he got her engagement ring when he was drunk. And he was stupid enough to tell her this. And coincidentally she doesn't like when he drinks. She wears the pants and he is her little puppet. He is love struck.. He was even the same way with me when we started and was telling people he loved me before we even were officially together! This person was fresh out of a relationship to and probably needed someone to latch on to. Edited May 19, 2012 by Searchin81
Author Searchin81 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 Heres something else i thought is big! There's something else I forgot to mention! This could be a big thing...after our second break up we started talking again. He then did something that pissed me off, in hindsight it probably such a stupid thing to get mad over.. But he was going out with some of his party friends and then told me he was going to not go because he was going to see me. I got mad that he even mentioned them to me, he knew I disliked this and purposely told me he had plans with them but would see me instead. So that annoyed me. I told him he was never going to grow up, that he was the same person, to much partying, hanging with the same losers, that I didnt talk to him for months and it only took 4 days for him to tell me that. And I said u would never change never grow up and that he was a 36 year old baby and needed to grow up and have a stable life. And I said look at me, since we broke up I got a big promotion, doing important work. I rubbed It in his face and said I showed you, and he was like "yup, you did" So in a way I feel that him running off and getting married was his way of trying to show me..
Minnie09 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) Well, you've asked the same question over and over again. Will he contact you again? I think the answer is no. He doesn't seem too interested TBH. No matter how much you analyze your past R with him, who said what and why, doesn't really matter in the here and now. He's M. Period. He chose M. Period. If he wanted to pursue a relationship with you, or an A, you would HEAR from him. Yes, he texted you and you texted him throughout one entire day. That doesn't mean much and it's not continuing, even though you tried to reinitiate it. His W may have found the text exchange, who knows, and put her foot down. No flirting/hidden communication may be her rule, and he complies with it. Or maybe he found out for himself that it was inappropriate/sneaky, and that he wouldn't want his W to do anything like that, either. He may love/respect/value her. Ever thought about that? Either way, he's an ex, for a reason, and he's now with someone else and doesn't seem unhappy. IF you need clarity, I'd suggest you call him (not text), and convey your message clearly. Say what's on your mind, and let him answer. Then you'll know. If you text, he won't reply. Maybe W is monitoring phone. Who knows? If you call, he can't escape. And you'll have your answer. And then you can move on from there. Just stop obsessing and stop the guessing game. I THINK I already know the outcome. Edited May 20, 2012 by Minnie09 1
Dark Phoenix Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 that marriage is a sham. i know it, she knows it, he knows it, his wife knows it and even god knows it. you people are so bitter and black and white that you can't see that its just a "HOLDING PATTERN" If you can't see that that marriage is a holding pattern, a facade, you people have serious problems. her asking the same question over and over in different ways is called self talk. very wise people do it to look at all the possible angles besides the "MOVE ON" advice that most of you people bring to the forum. shes figuring it out. its just a matter of time
Minnie09 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Unless you're trolling I don't understand why you're saying the M is a sham. Based on what evidence? 2
muzik_lvr Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 The reason I suggested moving on is because that is just my opinion of what would be best for all involved from what I have read, especially for OP. Like I said in another post, I know it is tearing her up everyday, so the quicker to move on the quicker she can heal from it. Not bitter at all. I was actually trying to think of what's best for her and offer some help. I know she is pursuing her happiness, and I think it's good to think of what will make her happy and go for it and things, but it is clear that this is causing her turmoil from reading all of her posts asking the same things over and over, so I am thinking for what would be most beneficial for her. Anyway, I share the same thoughts below from what minnie said in their last post. His W may have found the text exchange, who knows, and put her foot down. No flirting/hidden communication may be her rule, and he complies with it. Or maybe he found out for himself that it was inappropriate/sneaky, and that he wouldn't want his W to do anything like that, either. He may love/respect/value her. Ever thought about that?
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 hmmm getting an engagement ring for someone while your drunk, after telling someone else 3 months before that you missed them regretted everything, wished you could spend time with them ect both out of a relationship with his wife moving form her ex's house into my ex's house after a month of knowing each other.. and there is a lot more.. might not be a sham.. but good chance it is.. im split 50/50.. i don't know what to think..but i think its 50/50 who knows
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 hmmm getting an engagement ring for someone while your drunk, after telling someone else 3 months before that you missed them regretted everything, wished you could spend time with them ect both out of a relationship with his wife moving form her ex's house into my ex's house after a month of knowing each other.. and there is a lot more.. might not be a sham.. but good chance it is.. im split 50/50.. i don't know what to think..but i think its 50/50 who knows He didn't take the ring back. He went through with the wedding. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Um...do you personally know the OP and her ex? How do you know that they are emotionally mature? She played mind games with him and he married his rebound. Nothing sounds emotionally mature there. There is also nothing emotionally mature about choosing to have an affair or get involved with a married man. Never mind morals. It's self destructive and sure to cause pain to at least one or more people.What if the ex embarks on an affair with her but never finds the will to leave his wife? What if the wife or the OP ends up pregnant and the MM leaves his wife alone and pregnant or leaves the OP alone and pregnant? What if the OP wastes a few years of her life waiting on the ex? Morals and ethics have nothing to do with it. Getting involved with a married man is extremely emotionally volitile and emotionally mature people don't make choices like that. The OP dedicated an entire paragraph to talking about how hot she is and how she hoped the wife felt little and insecure. Does that sound mature? Not to me. He also felt the wife was marriage material; not the ex. He moved on.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Can we get back to the main topic... I'm worried that I'm not gonna hear from him again.. So everyone can breathe a sigh of relief while I wallow in my misery lol.. How long would it take for him to contact me again.. U think he will sooner or later, or if at all? He hasn't measaged me in four days now. I wonder if he has thought about me the past few days at all the way I have thought about him. Does the fact that we text all day men anything or was he just being nice and catching up? Also I found it interesting that he told me he doesn't go out often anymore to bars and stuff...when he did he spoke in the singular sense using "I"... Not we.. I know when he talks to mutual friends he always tells them he doesn't go out because he is married... But to me he just said "I" you are over analyzing. He doesn't go out because he is home with his wife. He was just responding to your texts and being polite. I hope he doesn't contact you; it would be inappropriate and hurtful to his wife. If he does contact you, you are going to get hurt. Don't chase after a married man and waste your time living in hope.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Married man or not, he was mine first. I haven't said if was going to pursue him. He should be with whoever he loves the most. He's not yours anymore. He is with his wife now.
Dark Phoenix Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 He also felt the wife was marriage material; not the ex. He moved on. he didnt move on, he's on a holding pattern. (Hey look a new term for LS)
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I love how this man who is married can be the one contacting the OP, texting with her all day even after she ended the conversation and never once mentioned his wife and he wins the "Husband of the Year Award". Note: The OP is not contacting him... it's the other way around! She initiated the texting.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 he didnt move on, he's on a holding pattern. (Hey look a new term for LS) He obviously felt marriage was appropriate. He didn't marry the OP.
Minnie09 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 And he doesn't really seem to do any pursuing, either. So I don't know why it matters whether or not his M is unhappy. Or a rebound. Or a mistake. Who cares? If he wanted OP back, or even if he only wanted an A with OP, he would've continued the texting/communication. He wouldn't have let that great opportunity slip away. But that's exactly what he did! What's that telling us? 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 And he doesn't really seem to do any pursuing, either. So I don't know why it matters whether or not his M is unhappy. Or a rebound. Or a mistake. Who cares? If he wanted OP back, or even if he only wanted an A with OP, he would've continued the texting/communication. He wouldn't have let that great opportunity slip away. But that's exactly what he did! What's that telling us? the OP can't seem to accept that maybe he IS in love with his wife. And if he doesn't love his wife, why would one be interested in a man who is that flighty? And conversely, isn't the drink 'truth serum'? He got an engagement ring and gave it the woman he wanted to marry, which is not the OP. If he truly loved OP, he would move mountains to get to her. He found a connnection with someone else. It doesn't have to be touted as a 'rebound' or 'gigs'---maybe he found something in this woman so wonderful that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 1
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) I accept that it may be true.. Thats why I am here.. I think it's 50/50. But I how easily he falls in love also. He met her less than a month after I blocked him, they met in September and moved in together in October, while she was still living with her ex and movin stuff from her ex's house to his.. They got engaged in dec. a month before they medtronic my ex was telling me he wished he could see me, that he compared everyone to me and that he regretted absolutely everything he did to me and wished he could take it all back, ect but that wasn't enough for me.. He didn't stay the magic words "I want you back" For the record he falls in love very easy, he thinks this person was "the one", he also told me he thought that about me when we first started, think he would hae learned that those butterfly feelings at the beging don't last? He also has an addictive personality with liquer and who knows what else. He also makes very rash decisions and regrets them later. He very impulsive. I noticed this from him before. Often doesn't think about the consequences. Don't forget also he may have been trying to reach me.. I blocked his number at the time..There is no way he could contacted me.. I blocked him in almost every possible way. And yes he hasn't text me at all yet since last sunday. but he didn't say goodbye, take care nice talking to u either.. It was left very open ended. This girl was described by few people as white trash. And countless people have told me They liked me better...Including his own family.. I know his parents were even refusing to attend the wedding but ended up relenting litterely a few days prior, as they had no choice.. But they refused to go to his engament party, and wedding shower and all the rest. Edited May 20, 2012 by Searchin81
Author Searchin81 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) Also he told some mutual friends after we broke up that.. When he went out he was feeling old.. And that his friends weren't there for him like he thought they would be.. Another important part to this story is that he told me if he didn't work out with me he thought he would be alone and never have anyone. So I think that played on his mind when the first person that came along gave him attention he jumped on it. Also for the record his Facebook doesn't say married. Edited May 20, 2012 by Searchin81
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Also he told some mutual friends after we broke up that.. When he went out he was feeling old.. And that his friends weren't there for him like he thought they would be.. Another important part to this story is that he told me if he didn't work out with me he thought he would be alone and never have anyone. So I think that played on his mind when the first person that came along gave him attention he jumped on it. Also for the record his Facebook doesn't say married.My ex also said he thought he would be alone. He has a new g/f. Leave him in the past or you will waste your life swooning for a man who is with someone else. you are hurting you. Regarding FB; he will get around to it, eventually. FB doesn't have that kind of 'urgency' with guys from what I have seen.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I just thought of something......Is he okay financially? The reason I ask is that a guy I know admitted to marrying his wife for benefits and her disability check. He is a tool. He keeps her a secret from ladies he talks to. He has been with this woman for years.
Recommended Posts