ginastar Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 can you people stop fighting and just answer the girls questions! why is he taking 4 freaking full days plus to text again??? I would like to know this also! and also i know the guys dont think he was just catching up (another question that they keep ignoring) bc he didnt mention the wife, etc etc....can you tell her why you think he wasnt just catching up instead of fighting you morons! no matter what anyone says she is going to reply to the man if he texts her again, she made that mistake before, so no need to argue about it.
gibson Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Because someone gets engaged after 3 months you deem the relationship a rebound? Let's see... Broke up from a LTR and within in a month living together with new girl, three months later engaged and married all within a year of the break up with the OP. Although you think that is a healthy way to start a relationship, get engaged and be married within a year... There are a lot of people (professionals too) who will disagree with you on this. 1. I don't date someone that just got out of a LTR because I have never seen one of those relationships work. (I am 40 and have seen a lot of these with friends, co-workers, family.) 2. I would break up with someone if they even mentioned living together within a month of meeting me. I don't know them, I don't know if I want to be with them long term, too much, too fast, too soon and only a CRAZY person would ask / do this. 3. I want to actually know and be in love with the person I ask to spend the rest of my life with. It is impossible to truly know and be in love (not infatuation but real genuine love) with a person in 3 months. You think the Married Man is going to dump his wife for this girl? Let's see... He went from OP to living with the wife within a month, married in less than a year, that he contacted OP and was texting her all day (a little more than just saying Hi) and he never once mentioned his wife... What is so great about this marriage that you think they are going to be together till death do us part? With a 50% divorce rate... It's not looking good for the home team if you ask me. Considering almost all 500+ of your posts are in the "Other Man / Women" forum or the "Infidelity" forum... You have seen thousands of marriages where cheated happened and many ended in divorce. Not everyone is a lucky as you, you were on the receiving end of having a spouse that cheated on you but she stayed. You think the OP and the MM are going to be living happily ever after? Can you read? I said that everyone losses in this deal. I feel you are giving her very incorrect advice and basically telling her all her dreams will come true. The only advice I told her was to go post in the "Other Man / Women" forum. I haven't told her once to contact her Ex, respond to her, be with her Ex, etc. As you are well aware... People are going to do what they want to do and she isn't going to listen to any of us. Unless you are her ex, you cannot tell her his marriage isn't valid Really? Then why does this LS even exist? Why are you here? Why do you have 500+ posts in the "Other Man / Women" and the "Infidelity" forum? You sure do spit out a lot of advice, jump to conclusions, make assumptions, etc. without talking to all parties involved in your posts. What makes you so special that only you are allowed to do it? He isn't interested any longer in being in a relationship with her; as least in my view. He texted her 2+ years later and none of it was flirtatious, encouraging or even remotely longing for her. They caught up. Big deal. Oh really? So you know the entire contents of all the texts that went back and forth all day where he didn't mention his wife? Is this not how your spouse started down their road to cheating on you? He hasn't sent any more texts. Hahahahaha! Sham on you. For someone who spends a lot of time in the "Other Man / Women" and "Infidelity" forums and has read countless threads about spouses cheating... You know these things develop over time. Are you willing to bet your life that this guy doesn't text the OP again? I know I sure wouldn't. OP, people grow and change. He may have loved you once; but he found someone else and married them. Yeah... cause marriage = love and happiness. I will never quite understand why 50% of them fail. I was engaged 2 months after dating, married 6 months later and happily married for 10+ years. You want me to share the full story or would you like too? He didn't settle for his wife. Hahahaha! Yeah... People never settle when getting married. I can name you probably 20 people off the top of my head that knew they were making a mistake before they got married but went ahead and did it anyway. You are reading the posts in the forums you are in right? Because I can post you 1,000 links where the people said they knew they were settling with the person they were marrying. Looks fade. Its what is inside that matters most. Hahahaha! Do you live in a compound and have a spiritual leader where you dwell? You are telling me a women has never married a man because he offers security or for money? That a man has never married a girl for looks? Again, you do read all the "I am no longer attracted to my spouse" threads in the forums you post in right? I can post 1,000 of those too if you need me too. People get married all the time after 6 months of being together. And the marriage lasts. I don't understand all the bashing of the EX. Because you did it, I touched a nerve so you feel the need to defend it. Why are we bashing the Married Ex who is contacting the OP? Do you want your wife texting another guy again (an Ex in this example) all day long and never mentioning you? You can say they all last to feel better about yourself but 50% of marriages end in divorce. I am willing to bet the percentages of marriages where they got married in a year or less are higher.
WildHorses Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Lol actually I have a lot of luck.. I hate to sound coincided. But I'm very hot. Good looking and have very hot men interested in me and have been on dates ect and seen other guys ect. My ex actually gained weight probably like 30 pounds and doesn't have a six pack like he used to and I still want him and I know I could get any guy. I am not being concided but I'm blond, blue eyes and very in shape. And far from desperate as you say. I just love him and realize what I lost, i had a very good connection with him. And that is hard to come by. Looks and age have nothing to do with it. For the record his wife has nothing on me.. She not all that great lookin at all.. And a few of his friends said to me they thought he could have pulled better. Even when I ran into him the other night I was getting checked out and guys comming up to me. His poor little wifey didnt even get any looks.. And I noticed she was watching me lol damn did I love knowing I looked so damn good that night.. Hope she felt insecure lol After reading this, I have concluded that this is just a completely trashy thread. This would work much better in the OW/OM gutter forums. Even though him getting married so quickly is completely unhealthy, he did in fact make that decision. He did contact you because he does care about you, but at the end of the day he is married. I would NOT ask him out for coffee. He made the choice to marry and move on. If he wants to contact you again, he will. Then you can determine what the next step would be. After this trashy post you did, I think it would be good for you to really sit down and think hard. Is this just all about competition? He is married so now you feel that he is the one? The feelings have come on strong I'm sure. You and your ex sound unhealthy. The new girl too. A three ring circus if you ask me. You asking him for coffee, completely inappropriate. Instead of you meddling, let him ruin his relationship on his own, if in fact he does want to be with you.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I can't stop thinking about him. He probably doesnt even think of me. I'm foolish to even be thinking this.
Dark Phoenix Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 When did you originially go NC with him Month / Year? When did you realize all of this was a huge mistake Month/Year?
alexandria35 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Gibson you keep remarking on the OP's ex contacting her and texting her and yet I'm not seeing anywhere in this thread where it says the ex intiated the contact. As a matter of fact by reading the very first post it sounds like the OP sent the first text. She says she made an closed statement that didnt' require a reply but the ex did reply. I don't think the ex initiated the contact but he did end it by not responding to the last text the OP sent him. There has been nothing in any of the OP's post that has pointed to this guy wanting to have an affair with her or leave his spouse for her. The best she has is that once when he was in a club he mentioned that he had been there before after a fight with her. Big whoop. If I go out I might also mention that I had been there before when I was with so and so or after such and such. It doesn't mean anything. I suppose it's possible that the ex is warming up to coming on to the OP but it doesn't look that way so far and I'm not so sure why you are so insistant that this is the case. I'm also not sure why you sound so angry about this guys marriage. Yes she was a rebound gf but it doesn't mean he hasn't grown to love and care for her. I used to have a bad habit of getting myself rebound boyfriends and one I did truly fall in love with. When my ex came knocking on my door a year later I wasn't interested because I had become deeply attached to my rebound. It's not impossible for a rebound relationship to work out and go the distance. The OP broke up with him and refused to forgive him or let him make amends. He didn't wrong her by getting himself a new gf or getting married. 2
Dark Phoenix Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) One thing most people on this forum have a concept of understanding is that there IS a difference between IN LOVE LOVE In love - is infatuation (Just a Chemical/emotion), something you have mistaken your entire life as LOVE and its not. Hopefully one day you will learn the difference between the two The OP has gone through the process of understanding the difference between the two. She is emotionally mature. Just like her ex is. Everyone here is debating morals of whats right and whats wrong and projecting their OWN beliefs into what the OP should and shouldnt do. I will tell you from experience and OP already knows this is, those 2 have the strongest connections of love that a couple can have. He knows it and she knows it. Which is why Gibson and Wilson are correct on what will happen regarding the outcome Is it morally or ethically right? Its really no one's concern but the parties involved. I am not judging them. Its their life and if that's what it takes for them to be happy, then I will be happy for them. In my opinion, everyone wins and moves forward regardless of the outcome Edited May 18, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
Author Searchin81 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Dark I wish i had your faith that he still loves me, ect Im not sure i believe it myself. - I agree there is a difference between love and in love. I knew this at the time because i had a previous long term relationship and realized that warm fuzzy infatuation phase fades. On the other hand, I was my ex's first serious relationship. When we broke up cause he thought he wasn't in love with me anymore ect.. he used to say things don't feel the same as it was in the beginning ect things like that. I told him that those kind of feelings fade and its a honeymoon stage.. he didn't believe me and i assume he thinks that is how you should feel all the time in a relationship. My ex also falls in love and gets attached easily.. he did to me.. and he used to tell me how i was "The One", then he wasn't so sure anymore... Now from what people tell me he thinks this new wife is "The one" .... So i think he is infatuated.. what do u think.. do you think will happen in future.. will i hear from him again? Again I could be wrong.. I am not as confident as some about his love for me.. I feel i just might be doing wishful thinking... I kind of feel that maybe he is happy in his new relationship and that his text were just being nice and catching up.. After all He hasn't text back in 5 days, and didn't respond to my last text. But i do find that interesting that he didn't say goodbye or nice talking to you.. it was left as if almost the conversation will pick up again at some point.. Again i could be wrong and he might not have thought of me once since we text. To the person said that he married a year or so after me.. yes that is correct.. but we still had contact.. I talked to him a month before he met this new person.. told him if he didn't straigten his act.. that would be it and i would walk away permanently his reaction was this "you cant do that to me"... he didn't want it to happen.. month later met the new one, then two months after that engaged... I also told him he would never grow up ect.. ALSO I FORGET TO MENTION, SOMEONE TOLD ME THEY ASKED A FAMILY MEMBER WHY HE WAS GETTING MARRIED SO QUICK AND I GUESS THE NEW GIRL HELPED HIM OUT THROUGH A LOT. MEANING ME CUTTING HIM OFF AND STUFF. so we can amuse a few things..I could be wrong, i misjudged him in the past and didn't see marriage coming.. but. I see it like this.. He was upset about me finally making my absence completely permanent and blocking his phoen number, he thought i was never comming back.. met a new girl, she helped him out through the heartace, he fell in love/infatuated.. proposed quickly as to not let another one get away, to fill his void that he told me himself that he had, that he was so lonely that he slept on the couch, to prove to himself and to me that he was grown up.. even in his most recent text he made it a point to tell me he "never goes out anymore".. What do u think? What will happen in the future?
alexandria35 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 One thing most people on this forum have a concept of understanding is that there IS a difference between IN LOVE LOVE In love - is infatuation (Just a Chemical/emotion), something you have mistaken your entire life as LOVE and its not. Hopefully one day you will learn the difference between the two The OP has gone through the process of understanding the difference between the two. She is emotionally mature. Just like her ex is. Everyone here is debating morals of whats right and whats wrong and projecting their OWN beliefs into what the OP should and shouldnt do. I will tell you from experience and OP already knows this is, those 2 have the strongest connections of love that a couple can have. He knows it and she knows it. Which is why Gibson and Wilson are correct on what will happen regarding the outcome Is it morally or ethically right? Its really no one's concern but the parties involved. I am not judging them. Its their life and if that's what it takes for them to be happy, then I will be happy for them. In my opinion, everyone wins and moves forward regardless of the outcome Um...do you personally know the OP and her ex? How do you know that they are emotionally mature? She played mind games with him and he married his rebound. Nothing sounds emotionally mature there. There is also nothing emotionally mature about choosing to have an affair or get involved with a married man. Never mind morals. It's self destructive and sure to cause pain to at least one or more people.What if the ex embarks on an affair with her but never finds the will to leave his wife? What if the wife or the OP ends up pregnant and the MM leaves his wife alone and pregnant or leaves the OP alone and pregnant? What if the OP wastes a few years of her life waiting on the ex? Morals and ethics have nothing to do with it. Getting involved with a married man is extremely emotionally volitile and emotionally mature people don't make choices like that. The OP dedicated an entire paragraph to talking about how hot she is and how she hoped the wife felt little and insecure. Does that sound mature? Not to me. 2
Author Searchin81 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) When did you originially go NC with him Month / Year? When did you realize all of this was a huge mistake Month/Year? When I finally cut him of completely it was August 2010..he met this person less than a month after that.. And then engaged in three months. The More time that goes by the more I realize I miss him and What a great person he was. And how much I gave up. I didn't know how to recive the love he gave me and probably thought I didn't deserve it. I wasn't living in the present and my mind was either on the past or focusing on what i was going to do in the future, I wasn't living presently. I have had a huge shift. I probably wasn't in the best mentally at the time...not that I'm perfect now but I have made a lot of progress. And again he is no saint, and he did a lot wrong to that i suppose he realized. But there is so much more to these mental aspects. I wanted to contact him when he was engaged but thought it would be wrong of me to interfere so I did noting...though I knew I still loved him ect I didn't know what to do and I was afraid he would say he did not feel the same and tell me to get lost and I was afraid of the humiliation and embarsement that would bring to me.. I was afraid of the rejection again after he told me he told me he didn't love me before.. But later changed his mind so he said.. But I didn't believe he could just change his mind like that.. So I had a hard time believing it. He never came outright and said "I want to get back together we you" so I ws waiting for those words, everything else I interpreted him as just having regrets and trying to relive his consciousness. Once we talked and I was gonna cut him of the said to me "go ahead at least I got to say what I wanted to say" so I thought to myself why what a jerk he just wanted to relive his own feelings of guilt. But he never specifically said I want to work things out with out or I want you back.. I was always I regret this, I regret that, I miss you, I regret everything I did ect... Never anything that said he wanted me back.. Maybe he didn't or maybe we just didn't communicate what we wanted well. When you here someone say they don't love you anymore, and not sure they wanna be with you, and feel that there is not much in th relationship.. Is hard to shake off that feeling...even after he told me he regretted everything. And that he realized that he loved me and stuff.. That was still in the back of my mind. All the times he contacted me I would think "he told me before he doesn't love me, our relationship was crap.. Now he's contacting mere probably just wants to be friend and be on good terms, after all he never said I want you back"...how can he go from calling our relationship crap and that it couldn't be repaired because he wasn't feeling the honey moon phase, he loved saying it doesn't feel the same as it did in the beginning.. So I thought he wanted to live bachelor life going out with friends partying, all that then tell me he regrets it all..how can that be possible? So I couldn't accept that answer. Is it possible to tell someone u don't love them then decide you do? Edited May 18, 2012 by Searchin81
Dark Phoenix Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Yes it is possible. Your feelings changed didn't they, they went from not wanting anything to do with him to willing to take a bullet for him. That sucks you came out second. I can empathize with your ex and wanting to settle like he did. Imagine how you feel right now, that's how your ex felt when he came back and you shut him down. How you feel now is how he felt then. at the same time, its not your fault you weren't ready at the time. Now you are. Knowing how you ultimately feel about him now and using that to realize and seek validation within yourself, you have the power to win him back or let him go. If you want to win him back you have to be emotionally honest with him and how you feel and see what happens.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Dark if I was to do that..and not saying I will.. Cause I would feel guilty about possibly ruining a happy marriage. On top of that I'm even more afraid of the humiliation of being rejected.. Want would be a proper way to let him know my feelings? Do u think he will text me again? Is it good he never said goodbye and just let our conversation left as is with out some kind of closing statement.. The worse alternative would have been him to say good bye nice talking to you, take care.. But there was none of that.. Which I feel good about. Unless he wants to punish me now and never respond again but I feel he would have never had a long text conversation with me had he felt the other way. I am more certain now than ever that I want him back and that I love him..what the hell do I do. This all sucks.
muzik_lvr Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 In offering my opinion of what I think would be best for you, I honestly think it would be best for you to let this go and continue to move on with your life. I say that because staying in this unsure/wondering zone is clearly tearing you up inside, and I just think it would be best for your own heart and emotions to make the decision to let it go and move on. The quicker you do that, the quicker you will be able to heal from this and look ahead to the future. But, I think the longer you stay in this unsure zone, you will continue to go through pain and suffering day in and day out, and it may end up turing out to be all for nothing in the end. At the end of the day, you make the decision that you want to, but I am just offering my opinion from what you have shared so far and thinking of what will be the best for you in the coming months/years.
Dark Phoenix Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Knowing what you know now, put yourself in his shoes your married, you went through what he did, he's chasing you now, would a text message win you back? Would you want more effort then that. I wouldn't leave a marriage over a text message. I would if my ex put a lot more effort and showed me that I was hers for the rest of my life. Figure out how to do that and then do it.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 u think i have a chance? how do u think he feels about me.. what signals should i look for? I sometimes feel like the other poster said i should let it go.. but i cant.. i have missed him for years. I wonder if this is unfixable. Give me an example of how i would start with him.. should i text him randomly and work into it or just blurt everything out.ect
Author Searchin81 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 One thing most people on this forum have a concept of understanding is that there IS a difference between IN LOVE LOVE In love - is infatuation (Just a Chemical/emotion), something you have mistaken your entire life as LOVE and its not. Hopefully one day you will learn the difference between the two How long before he realizes this with the current one he is with? those 2 have the strongest connections of love that a couple can have. He knows it and she knows it. and this one i really need to know! I kinda know it.. but i don't know if he feels that way.. How will i know? Can you explain this one more? How do you know we have a strong connection if we aren't even talking regularly or for almost the past 2 years?
MissBrunette84 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 The only way you're gonna know is if you bite the bullet and get in touch with him.
Author Searchin81 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 Never mind the fact that his "wife" was just out of a relationship, and moved in from her ex's to my ex's, from what someone told me she even had stuff left at her ex's and was going back and fourth to his house, and my ex asked her why she just didn't get everything at once lol
Dark Phoenix Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 (edited) Rebound..... Thats a healthy relationship...pretty sure it was already called out a few times in this thread but yes thats GOING to go till death do you part.... RIGHT Edited May 19, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
Med Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 He is now married to this other women & you need to leave him alone & respect his marriage imo, try & move on.
Med Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Rebound or not. Supposing you do get back with him only for you later to realize it didn’t work again like last time, are you gonna be happy for ruining his marriage to this other women. I would except i made a mistake & move on in life rather then live with the romantic thoughts of what if's of uncertainty etc.
Med Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 (edited) I can't stop thinking about him. He probably doesnt even think of me. I'm foolish to even be thinking this. When you love some one, you let them go & hope for the best for them....If he is meant to be with you, then he will come running to you on his own. Till then respect his marriage to this other women the very same way we all expect our marriages to be respect. Edited May 19, 2012 by Med
EgoJoe Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Why is it that every tom, dick and harry mega ego want to take Gibson on as if his advice threatens them in some way? More people agree with Gibson to some degree than do not. There is something to be said about overlapping models of reality. That being said, if we all shot 100% we'd be millionaire NBA players. Hood. 1
Author Searchin81 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 Dark what about those two qoutes of yours a few posts ago i asked about? Can u give more details?
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