Texting with married ex after almost two years

[Searchin81]

also for the mention.. a mutual friend of ours was out with him one night. He mentioned me. They went to a bar that he went to after he and i had a fight once, he mentioned it to them and said "I came here after i had a fight with xxxxx" My friend thought it was odd that i was mentioned out of the blue.. this was only a few weeks ago

[Searchin81]

also after we broke up and about a month before he met this person.. he told me he slept on the couch because he hated sleeping in bed alone..so i guess he was feeling very lonely

 

I wanna text him some more so bad but im afraid i will look desperate and that he will shoot me down

[BewitchedandBothered]

Let him go. He is married. Pursuing will bring you nothing but pain and grief--you could end up being the other woman. She is his priority; you would only get her leftovers. And....say you get involved...He will dis you, too. Leave him alone.

[gibson]

She is his priority; you would only get her leftovers.

 

Hahahahaha!

 

You make some valid points but come on Bewitched... At least be honest about the guy and his wife.

 

1. He got engaged within 3 months of meeting her.

 

2. He just got out of a LTR.

 

3. He was married within a year after his break up with OP.

 

No "healthy" person in their right mind would get engaged within 3 months of meeting someone and no "healthy" person would accept his marriage proposal after only knowing him for 3 months. Not to mention he just got out of a LTR with the OP.

 

This guy is selfish, impulsive, reckless, etc.

 

To imply this is some upstanding "healthy" guy who loves, honors and cherishes his relationship with his wife (who is a rebound / leftovers) and that she is his "priority" is a huge stretch!

 

See Below...

 

Fast Fwd we ran into each other this weekend we didn't speak both were in shock to see each other. So we ended up texting each other. I left a brief remark that was closed ended and didn't invite a discussion. He seemed very talkative well we ended up texting all day. He didn't mention his significant other at all, nor did I ask. He was at work so the other half wasn't around.

 

1. His wife is a "priority" but had no problem texting with OP?

 

2. His wife is a "priority" but continued to text even though the OP ended the conversation and gave him an out?

 

3. His wife is a "priority" but texted with OP all day?

 

4. His wife is a "priority" but didn't mention her once throughout the entire day?

 

This guy is going to text the OP again. He is also going to tell her that he is not happy, he made a mistake, he doesn't love his wife, etc. and actually mean it.

 

Now back to your point...

 

Does he have the courage, strength, fortitude, conviction, etc. to leave his wife?

 

That is yet to be determined.

 

If he has a "soft landing spot" lined up?

 

More than likely.

Edited May 17, 2012 by gibson

[Searchin81]

lol gibson! what about all the other new comments i left? you forgot to address those lol

[Searchin81]

I just feel that maybe he still doesn't want me. Why did he just give up after i blocked his number.. when we broke up the first time he said he wasn't in love with me anymore, but still wanted me around.. i think he just wanted to go live up the bar life and single life and have fun.. then when we talked again he affirmed that view when i asked him about it. He said single life wasn't what he thought it was gonna be.. and missed being in a relationship and said he realized that he loved me... then i played hard to get, we tried making plans.. but then i started playing a power game.. simply because he said something i didn't like.. so i punished him and cut him off again.. then we talked again and planned to meet up and go for a movie i bailed out..then i asked him to come over to help me put together something but then i canceled and didn't buy the thing... then something else happend i didnt like.. sadly i have no recollection of what it was.. and i cut him off again for a few more months..I ran into him when i was out once and i completely ignored him and i was with another guy.. who was btw just a friend..Then we text again and he told me he regretted everything, missed me, ect.. and i felt victorious and vindicated and wanted to make him suffer more because i felt superior. stupid in hindsight.. but i was still unsure if he really wanted me.. after someone says they aren't sure they love you anymore.. i thought all he wanted was friendship.. i was to afraid to ask.. I told him one day i would leave and never come back he said that was wrong and"i couldn't put him through that.".. so i knew he didn't want that..so i did it on purpose to punish him. so one night.. we were talking i asked him what he was doing.. he gave me an answer i didn't like.. and that was it.. i blocked his number and haven't talked to him for almost one year and 8 months.

 

WTF was wrong with me.. did he love me.. or just want to be friends..Im such a moron i lost the love of my life for stupidity and i cant do anything to fix it now, thats the worst part. Ugh I hope he text me again i really wish i could tell him all that.. im getting scared ill never hear from him again or not for very long time

Edited May 17, 2012 by Searchin81

[gibson]

G.I.G.S. personified!

 

This is a story about two people having G.I.G.S. at different times.

 

Searchin81's Ex with G.I.G.S.

 

when we broke up the first time he said he wasn't in love with me anymore, but still wanted me around.. i think he just wanted to go live up the bar life and single life and have fun.. then when we talked again he affirmed that view when i asked him about it.

 

At one point when we broke up the first time, he told me to move on, that he wasn't sure if I was "the one" anymore, even though we hardly ever fought, had great chemistry ect...

 

Searchin81's Ex Post G.I.G.S.

 

Then a year later he said he regretted everything he did, and did a complete 180, and he really seemed to change.

 

He said single life wasn't what he thought it was gonna be.. and missed being in a relationship and said he realized that he loved me...

 

Searchin81's with G.I.G.S.

 

then i played hard to get, we tried making plans.. but then i started playing a power game.. simply because he said something i didn't like.. so i punished him and cut him off again.. then we talked again and planned to meet up and go for a movie i bailed out..then i asked him to come over to help me put together something but then i canceled and didn't buy the thing... then something else happend i didnt like.. sadly i have no recollection of what it was.. and i cut him off again for a few more months..I ran into him when i was out once and i completely ignored him and i was with another guy.. who was btw just a friend..

 

Even more time has gone by and Searchin81's Ex still wants her back but Searchin81 is still in G.I.G.S.

 

Then we text again and he told me he regretted everything, missed me, ect.. and i felt victorious and vindicated and wanted to make him suffer more because i felt superior. stupid in hindsight.. but i was still unsure if he really wanted me.. after someone says they aren't sure they love you anymore.. i thought all he wanted was friendship.. i was to afraid to ask.. I told him one day i would leave and never come back he said that was wrong and"i couldn't put him through that.".. so i knew he didn't want that..so i did it on purpose to punish him. so one night.. we were talking i asked him what he was doing.. he gave me an answer i didn't like.. and that was it.. i blocked his number and haven't talked to him for almost one year and 8 months.

 

Searchin81's Post G.I.G.S.

 

Im such a moron i lost the love of my life for stupidity and i cant do anything to fix it now, thats the worst part. Ugh I hope he text me again i really wish i could tell him all that.. im getting scared ill never hear from him again or not for very long time

[Searchin81]

grass is greener syndrome .. ah.. but what do u think about what i wrote last.. did he love me or love me not.. i so regret playing games.. at the time i even managed to convince myself that it was justified and righteous. I really skrewed up and now look at me.. did he really love me or just want to be friends?

Edited May 17, 2012 by Searchin81

[gibson]

grass is greener syndrome .. ah.. but what do u think about what i wrote last.. did he love me or love me not.. i so regret playing games.. at the time i even managed to convince myself that it was justified and righteous. I really skrewed up and now look at me.. did he really love me or just want to be friends?

 

Yes he loved you.

 

He had G.I.G.S. first while dating you and dumped you. After a year or more went by... He finally grew up, matured, etc. and realized that he loved you and you are what he wanted. You got G.I.G.S. during your break up and when he came back, you basically said, did, treated him the same way that he treated you.

 

Chalk this up to Age, Immaturity and Bad Timing.

Edited May 17, 2012 by gibson

[Searchin81]

so now what? do u think he will contact me again? what about his new person..

[Searchin81]

Also does this mean anything?

 

also for the mention.. a mutual friend of ours was out with him one night. He mentioned me. They went to a bar that he went to after he and i had a fight once, he mentioned it to them and said "I came here after i had a fight with xxxxx" My friend thought it was odd that i was mentioned out of the blue.. this was only a few weeks ago

[gibson]

so now what? do u think he will contact me again? what about his new person..

 

Yes I think he will contact you again.

 

You have a very long and painful road ahead of you where your Ex is concerned.

 

He is married, would have to jump through a million hoops and a lot will have to happen for him to be able to be with you.

 

It will take a long, long time before he is in a place and a position that he could ever give / offer you what you really want.

 

My advice...

 

Go post your story in the "The Other Man / Woman" forum. You will get a lot more support / help / advice / sympathy from people in there. The people here in the break up forum are going to find you and your Ex offensive. In here, you are dealing with people on the receiving end of what you and your Ex are doing.

[alexandria35]

Oh where to begin? Lets talk about the MM and his marriage first of all. If he was engaged just a few months after you dumped him and married in under a year then yes, his wife was definitely a rebound person. However this doesn't in any way mean that he doesn't love his wife. I see there have been a couple of people here saying that he just settled, isn't happy and can't possibly be in love with his wife just because he rebounded to her. This is not true. I have fell deeply in love with a rebound person in the past and I know others who have too. Maybe his wife treats him a whole lot better than you ever did. Maybe she has shown him what real love looks like and doesn't play mindf**k games with him the way you did. Maybe their relationship makes the relationship he had with you pale in comparison. As a matter of fact, if this MM is still carrying a torch for you I would say he probably needs some intense therapy to find out why he's still pining after someone who treated him like a big piece of crap because that screams major issues to me.

 

And what about you? I don't think you ever loved him. Does a woman in love treat her man like you treated this guy? You took pleasure in his pain, the more he suffered the happier you were. Sounds like he approached you several times to try to make amends and you wouldn't forgive him but you liked the validation and demanded more, more, more. "oh you love me and regret what you did wrong? well that's not good enough. I want to see you crawl on your hands and knees. I want to see you suffer" Oh yeah that sure sounds like love to me. And sadly I think your interest in him now is just more of the same warped psychological game you played on this guy before. In the past you demanded some sort of hoop jumping from him to prove his feelings for you, to feed your ego and give you validation. Now you want him to cheat on his wife for you, leave his marriage for you. Gee wouldn't that be the ultimate ego stroke? If he would walk away from his marriage for you I bet that would make you feel really powerful and validated wouldn't it? And then what? What great feats would he have to accomplish next to keep you interested? What new lows would he have to sink to prove himself and to make you feel validated and good about yourself? I can see you being one of those OW who decides she doesn't really want the guy once she has him.

 

I say if you actually care about this guy and you truly regret how you treated him before you will wish him well and let him be with someone who doesn't torture him. If he has any sense he will see the futility in risking his marriage for someone who treated him so bad and enjoyed playing power trip games with him.

[muzik_lvr]

I co-sign Alexandria's whole post, but especially this:

 

I say if you actually care about this guy and you truly regret how you treated him before you will wish him well and let him be with someone who doesn't torture him. If he has any sense he will see the futility in risking his marriage for someone who treated him so bad and enjoyed playing power trip games with him.

[Searchin81]

Well ur trying to make it look like it was all me..he was far from a saint and admitted it. So to say its all me and I didn't show him love is wrong, I gave him love till he started acting up and being selfish, when he decided he was gonna go out and live it up with his friends thats when I turned the heat up and started being mean. He one who apologized for all his behavior.

[alexandria35]

Well ur trying to make it look like it was all me..he was far from a saint and admitted it. So to say its all me and I didn't show him love is wrong, I gave him love till he started acting up and being selfish, when he decided he was gonna go out and live it up with his friends thats when I turned the heat up and started being mean. He one who apologized for all his behavior.

 

I'm just posting based on what you have said yourself. I don't doubt that he contributed to the end of the relationship and I never said he was a saint. It's simply that your actions towards him when he tried to make amends and do right were not the actions of someone who loved him. You wanted him to suffer, you wanted to see him crawl on his hands and knees, you wanted to punish him and power trip on him. Is that how we treat the people we love. If you felt he had damaged the relationship beyond repair and simply felt it best to part ways then that would be fine, but that's not what you were about. You didn't want him to leave, you wanted him to crawl and demean himself for you. You didn't want to forgive him but you enjoyed seeing him suffer for his wrongs and wanted him to keep suffering. Nothing about this sounds like you truly loved him. Most women in love have the opposite reaction and are too overly empathetic and to quick to forgive because they hate to see anyone they love hurting or suffering.

[Phanpooh]

To Homebrew: i think you didn't get my joke ^_^

You are pushing a Women steal other women's men, and you absolutely, believe that is right things ? should i put " " with supporter?

At begin, this Women, and you are right, she is an OP, and she hav her choice but NOT with a married man... she can keep contact with him but she cant tell him leave his family BECAUSE she know that, he is married and she doesn't want to destroy his family, also his heart again, that i called CARENESS

Yup, they had GIGS but so what? that isn't immature or not? that just bad things happened and we all know, it's stupid, hurt, bla bla bla

This man, he has his choice too, and that isn't include on OP. If he love her, he can do anything to be with her. if he love her, he know how to take care of her and how to make her happy.

you know what i mean about "story"? i don't want to blame on your words but take a wardback, you are mean that things (_ _") and it's suck. if they really love eachother, something will happen. If they not mean to be, we can't force it. If we force that happen, i could call it a story and we all dun know what is in ending...

PS: don't be a hister ^_^

[wilsonx]

Right while all you people are debating semantics of what you believe is "Logically" right and wrong, you haven't seen or can't see the emotional aspect of this.

 

This deal is signed, set, and delivered.

 

I can't stop it, you cant stop it, his ex's current wife cant stop it. Its all over but the crying.

 

Its all there in the very first post.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Hahahahaha!

 

You make some valid points but come on Bewitched... At least be honest about the guy and his wife.

 

1. He got engaged within 3 months of meeting her.

 

2. He just got out of a LTR.

 

3. He was married within a year after his break up with OP.

 

No "healthy" person in their right mind would get engaged within 3 months of meeting someone and no "healthy" person would accept his marriage proposal after only knowing him for 3 months. Not to mention he just got out of a LTR with the OP.

 

This guy is selfish, impulsive, reckless, etc.

 

To imply this is some upstanding "healthy" guy who loves, honors and cherishes his relationship with his wife (who is a rebound / leftovers) and that she is his "priority" is a huge stretch!

 

See Below...

 

 

 

1. His wife is a "priority" but had no problem texting with OP?

 

2. His wife is a "priority" but continued to text even though the OP ended the conversation and gave him an out?

 

3. His wife is a "priority" but texted with OP all day?

 

4. His wife is a "priority" but didn't mention her once throughout the entire day?

 

This guy is going to text the OP again. He is also going to tell her that he is not happy, he made a mistake, he doesn't love his wife, etc. and actually mean it.

 

Now back to your point...

 

Does he have the courage, strength, fortitude, conviction, etc. to leave his wife?

 

That is yet to be determined.

 

If he has a "soft landing spot" lined up?

 

More than likely.

Okay, point taken. I just figured he's married now; he should just focus on his wife, and the OP shouldn't give him a reason to keep texting. He sounds like someone who is playing games; he will tell the OP he's not happy at home, but does anyone think he will up and leave the new wife?

[BewitchedandBothered]

Well ur trying to make it look like it was all me..he was far from a saint and admitted it. So to say its all me and I didn't show him love is wrong, I gave him love till he started acting up and being selfish, when he decided he was gonna go out and live it up with his friends thats when I turned the heat up and started being mean. He one who apologized for all his behavior.

 

do you think his behavior will change? He is being wishy washy about the wife; do you think he will leave her and change his ways for you?

[wilsonx]

Okay, point taken. I just figured he's married now; he should just focus on his wife, and the OP shouldn't give him a reason to keep texting. He sounds like someone who is playing games; he will tell the OP he's not happy at home, but does anyone think he will up and leave the new wife?

 

Faster then you can snap your fingers.

[Searchin81]

Wilson. I wish I had ur certainty. I haven't heard from him now in four days, since Sunday, I'm scared I never will again. Funny I don't talk to him for year and 8 months and here I am counting and worried after four days.. I feel awful for cutting him off like I did. I was cruel to do that. I would say I wonder what I put him through but a month after I did that he met this new person lol, so not sure how much it bothered him.

[Jono85]

ppl still take advice from wilson??

 

 

 

OP u had ur chance and blew it. be a homewrecker, but karma will catch up with u.

[Searchin81]

Well I haven't text my ex since that day. I probably won't send him one. But if he sends me one I will answer. But I'm thinking it's unlikely he will. He hasn't in four days so I'm doubting he will. I'm just surprised our text the other day didn't have a conclusion, he didn't say nice talking to u, have a nice life, or goodbye, e conversation just faded almost like you do with friends and continue it another time.

[gibson]

To Homebrew: You are pushing a Women steal other women's men, and you absolutely, believe that is right things ?

 

First, I am not pushing her or her Ex to do anything! They crossed that line long before she ever posted here. Point out in one post where I instructed the OP to do anything besides move this thread over to the "Other Man / Women" forum.

 

Second, The OP has already made up her mind on what she wants and what she is willing to do and there is nothing we can do to stop her.

 

Third, Her Ex rebounded, He took a vow in front of God, Family and Friends and married a rebound, He is the one contacting and texting an Ex all day while he is married.... Not me!

 

Unbelievable...

 

I have never met or talked to the Ex and his wife but apparently I took a vow to convince / make sure / force the Ex to honor the vows that he made to his wife in front of God, Family and Friends. Apparently it's now my job to get him to love his wife, save their marriage, get him to stop contacting the OP, etc.

 

How do you propose I do all of that?

 

Don't you think that's his job?!?!?!?!

 

For the record...

 

I am not a "supporter". Her Ex makes me sick and this is a very sad story.

 

The OP was young, immature, didn't know who she is, what she wanted, what love was, etc. and her Ex was right there with her. Their relationship, break ups, getting back together, etc. reflect that fact.

 

However, the OP was smart enough to know that she should not get back together with her Ex while she and he were in that "place".

 

Unlike the OP, her Ex is "unhealthy" and because of that he committed an extremely cruel an selfish act by seeking out and finding a willing "victim" to use as a rebound and to make matters worse, married her!

 

No, the future Ex-wife really isn't a "victim", she is "unhealthy" too. She has to be if she got involved with someone right out of a LTR, got engaged within 3 months of knowing him and married him a year later.

 

The Ex is going hurt / torment the OP for a long, long time while he goes through the process of destroying / divorcing his future Ex-wife and their sham of a marriage.

 

There are no winners in this story.

Edited May 17, 2012 by gibson