Devastated isn't the word!

[kimeebee]

Read your response Kimeebee, and when I say I understand your feelings on 'the dream' what I mean by that is I get you 100%. Been there.

 

Good God don't they just realise the damage they're doing....have done?? But anyway, I have the benefit of hindsight, and it is my sincere wish that at the very least this could help somebody in a similar situation.

 

The thing is, even if he came crawling back and you would so very much want to believe in him but only after him first having to endure being skinned alive..... even if all that happened..... the lurking question is: could you ever go 'there' again? And by 'there' I mean that place of safety, trust, respect.... in a word: love.

 

And, Kimeebee, while I for one can absolutely see him doing all of that (yes, including willingly being 'skinned alive' first), only you can answer the question. And I would guess that perhaps not even you can answer that right now, at this moment. Would I be right?

 

Give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

 

Rooting for you.

 

XX

 

Even if he did come back skinned alive etc...tough question? And yes you are right at this moment in time I could not answer that right now. My gut reaction is yes in a heartbeat, my heart says that man adored, idolized you, trusted him implicitly and always felt so safe, that can't possibly ever be taken away, not ever....but it was.

 

How could we ever repair that damage, 16 years worth of all of those things crushed in a few reckless weeks with her! And not even an attractive one to boot, well that's the good part lol...but I know he will move on from her...she's rebound too. Yes I am a very forgiving person but also I can't live and bite my tongue. Things would have to be out in the open, that would be tough.

 

My mind says no, it will never work...too much water under the bridge.

Love, would I ever go there again..with him yes is the answer but I can't? With someone else, absolutely not...I would destroy an innocent person. I truly only ever loved one man in my life, it is highly unlikely that I would ever meet someone as compatible and in love as we were.

 

Another thing I just thought of...disposing of the last bunch of flowers he bought me, the night before he left he helped me out of the shower as I had hurt my ankle. I looked at him and said Jon? He looked me in the eyes and said ...more than you will ever know!

 

And all along he was seeing her, granted just a few snatched hours a week...how can he look at me and say that? I can't explain how me and him were, calls from work...do you miss me...waiting for him to walk in the door, the affection he showed the butterflies that I felt until the day he left.

 

And yes do they realize the damage they have done...do they? How the **** can I cope with these constant flashbacks...all good and loving...I hate hate hate him.

 

I would feel happier if he knew that I know everything, the most cruel betrayal to a woman who loved him heart and soul. I want to scream and laugh at him and his 'new love', it's not healthy I know....but still.

 

I just want to know that one day he will hurt as I hurt...and then I hate myself because I would never ever want him hurt, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

 

What is wrong with me, was it him breaking NC with that text...or is this normal?

 

XXXX

[happyme]

I get you Kimeebee... I get you 100%.

 

Yes, it's normal. You're normal. That rage you feel? Oh totally normal... the incredulous indignation at the immense, indescribable HURT which he (seemingly cold-heartedly) inflicted on you. I'm with you there.

 

Although, again speaking from hindsight, and I guess it won't be much consolation at this moment but... I don't believe it was cold-hearted. Not at all. From the feeling I get about your situation I would say even less than it was in mine. If I would say to you now that he is suffering, what would you feel? Because that is what is happening... Here she goes again you must be thinking... bloody mrs crystal ball etc but I stand by what I say. And you will see.

 

However, that doesn't help you much for the time being does it (maybe a teensy bit? . So for now, if you want you can mail me [email protected] and vent about about how many pins you'd like to stick in the doll and where . I'll stick with you through this if you want me to, simply because when I went through it I had nobody and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

 

Rooting for you xx

Edited June 15, 2012 by happyme
spelling

[kimeebee]

I will email you...and I do want you to stick around miss crystal ball, you make a lot of sense so clearly you MUST have been there!

[ladyabstrused]

Hun I DON'T KNOW how I'm holding up, I'm just doing it one day at a time! I know I'm strong and I will survive but it's the TIME....35 days NC broken at day 32 by HIM, I want it to be day 135 NOW.....the agony is not letting up, yes the tears have stopped mostly but only because they have run out. Not back at square one as I thought, just for that 1 day did I break like the 1st day, as even though it was a text it was from him.

 

I have lost 2 stone, and yes I am eating but probably because I leave my house after midnight and walk along the beach, the silence and just the waves is comforting...also knowing he can't and wont see me...just feeling free from him.

 

My heart physically aches, tears sting my eyes but I wont cry...I wont...angry since the text I guess.

 

Thank you for looking out for me...I appreciate it more than you know XXXX

 

It seems that we always go through the anger phase one way or another and it's good to have an avenue to let it out, I'm glad to see that there are other posters here whom you can relate to and that they'd be willing to stick with you through this.

 

I do believe things happen for a reason. You came here to LS for a reason and there are people here who would be there for you, because I believe you're a good person with a good heart and that this is the least that life can give you to make sure you're all right despite all the pain and heartache.

 

Please take good care of yourself, kimeebee, you need to for your own sake and well-being. Post here anytime or talk to our lovely LS peeps whenever you need to let things out. *hugs*

[kimeebee]

It seems that we always go through the anger phase one way or another and it's good to have an avenue to let it out, I'm glad to see that there are other posters here whom you can relate to and that they'd be willing to stick with you through this.

 

You are all a great comfort to me on here, I can never thank any of you enough...you all make me cry because you are so kind and caring...and certainly without a shadow of doubt I couldn't do this without the help LS gives me.

You've all been there and yet still stay here for me even though it must be like an old record.

 

Hugs to you all XXXX

[ladyabstrused]

You are all a great comfort to me on here, I can never thank any of you enough...you all make me cry because you are so kind and caring...and certainly without a shadow of doubt I couldn't do this without the help LS gives me.

You've all been there and yet still stay here for me even though it must be like an old record.

 

Hugs to you all XXXX

 

Aww *hugs*

[maya.arrow]

butterflies until the day he left...

oh kim! i know exactly how that feels. i still feel that for my love too. they never went away. and although he still says he loves me, he must not feel that, or he wouldn't be leaving me. and soon he will be gone.

i sent you a msg. hope to hear from you soon.

thinking of you!!

[kimeebee]

I got your message...and will reply.

 

In such a dark place right now, I think the text although he broke NC is what has set me back...but still 37 NC as far as I'm concerned...very confusing time for me.

 

My heart bleeds for you Maya...I can't bear the thought of you not even where I am at right now...all to come.

 

Hugs

 

XXXX

[Leigh 87]

Hi Kimeebee, how are you holding up?

 

I cannot relate to you, I have only suffered high school break ups! I have never lost a true love; a long term, comitted partner, who I was truly in love with.

And even the mere puppy love type relatioships; I thought I loved them at he time, and I cried a great deal! I cannot fathom losing TRUE love~!

To be honest, your post scares the cr@[p out of me. If you love strongly, which both you and I do have in common, then it really would feel like you have lost someone; as though they are dead.

 

I feel so, so much for you. I have read all this thread. I just want to wish you well, and hope you learn to live with the pain. If you will always love him, at least you can learn to live with it, and find a new kind of happiness in life after him.

You know - it won't be the same in life now, but you can find a new type of happiness.

It is sickening to process it all, it must be, I cannot even imagine. But please hold out hope that you CAN learn to live with this, and even be very happy again?

............. And again. The blow was lessened because the girl was ugly:) LOL........................... okay just trying to have a laugh with you after all this hell you have been through....

 

.. He wanted to explore regardless of the women at least; it would have hurt more if he went for a pretty girl who he was truly in love with. A girl who was a great person.... not some girl cheating on her OWN partner:sick:

At least you have more time to process all this mess! Not that it is any cosolation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, still... it is BETTER than what it could have been, if that helps!?!?!?!?

 

Things are bad, but they could always be worse. You got to experience true love, that is a great thing. Those 16 years will far exceed the days your in this living hell.

Really. Many people never find true love, or their soulmate. You have, he has, so although this is just AWFUL beyond belief; please take comfort in the fact that love exist, and you have enjoyed it for 16 years.

Now that you have gone through this terrible situation, do you feel mroe compassion for others who have lost a loved one? Personally, although I have never gone through it, I am VERY compassionate already, because IT JUST SOUNDS SO AWFUL.

 

 

 

 

I want to give you many hugs:):) I hope coming onto loveshack makes you smile and injects at least some happy feeling into your day.

 

.............. I will check up on this thread and hope so much that you learn to live with this, and it stops feeling like hell, and the intensity dissipates.

 

GOOD LUCK, hang in there, I hope you have friends and/or family for love and support.

 

If not - I LOVE DOGS, maybe you could consider that, if you do not already own a pet, even if you do not like animals already?

.... I watched a show on prisons, and they gave abandoned dogs to the safer inmates to bond with - and train. The inmates, who ever would have thought about dogs, came to love the dogs! They dogs brought them such joy, when they were i a cell 23 hours a day..

 

.. Just a thought:) I am a dog lover.

[kimeebee]

LEIGH 87

 

 

Things are bad, but they could always be worse. You got to experience true love, that is a great thing. Those 16 years will far exceed the days your in this living hell.

Really. Many people never find true love, or their soulmate. You have, he has, so although this is just AWFUL beyond belief; please take comfort in the fact that love exist, and you have enjoyed it for 16 years.

Now that you have gone through this terrible situation, do you feel mroe compassion for others who have lost a loved one? Personally, although I have never gone through it, I am VERY compassionate already, because IT JUST SOUNDS SO AWFUL.

 

Firstly can I say what a beautiful young woman you are, I was touched by your words and the time taken to write to me...thank you.

 

And yes, I do and have always shown compassion for people left heartbroken I always imagined what it would be like if my partner left me, how would I feel...and then he did.

 

And yes I do have animals hun, 4 dogs and they are more faithful than he will ever be that's for sure lol.

 

38 days NC and it honestly isn't getting any better...I've just learned to hold in my feelings more as people get tired of hearing it...LS is full of like minded people all at various stages but still all in the same boat and so it's better for me to talk to all of you.

 

Leigh I hope you have learned something from my experience...and that you never ever go through this pain...and thanks again for your beautiful words.

 

Hugs XXXX