Devastated isn't the word!

[kimeebee]

Oh Maya, hun this is so wrong on every level, you are healing him before he has even left you. You are allowing him to think it's ok to do this to another human being, making him feel comfortable and making sacrifices at your own detriment, for a grown man whom should know better!

 

How can he ever miss you, know what it is truly like to be without you...it's one thing planning it but reality is completely different? When he does leave Maya you will crushed to the point where you feel there is no way out of the grief, it is without a shadow of doubt the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me.

 

Even now 23 days NC although I am coping better I still pray every night that I wont wake in the morning, that gut wrenching, heart thumping moment when I wake and realise he is not there...and never will be again.

 

The reality that yes I am told he was in a bad place for a week or so still doesn't alter the fact that he told me he will love me to the day he dies but is not in love with me rips me to the core of my being. I cannot get those words out of my mind.

 

I've tried being angry with him, I can't...even though I know in my heart if SHE hadn't come along my world would still be me and him...loving each other as we did for almost 16 years.

 

I'm told she could be rebound love whatever that means, that the grass is greener on the other side maybe for him, I just don't know. All I know is if we had been arguing or in a bad place it would have been easier to understand but he was still the same attentive loving person until she entered the scene.

 

I know it's not the kid thing, he never wanted them and it's highly unlikely her being 36, a teacher with 2 children would want more children?

The grass is greener forums say, he said he wanted to live life and be single and promptly meets up with a woman with 2 kids, more confused than ever!!!

 

I have never been friends with him on facebook but I could see his picture if I chose to but following the rules NC I never looked, someone said innocently the other day that he had blocked his profile to friends only...and I can only think that he did that so I wouldn't even be able to see a picture of him.

 

I don't know why that hurt me so bad or why he felt the need to do that after all he dumped me, all I know is Maya this torture never seems to end and you my darling aren't even started on this journey yet.

 

I feel desperately sad for you, like cat and mouse...it's not a good place to be in Maya. You really must sit and talk with him and tell him how you feel, you can't keep pandering to his needs. You are clearly a decent, kind human being and you need to start rebuilding YOUR life now and stop worrying about his.

 

I will be there for you whatever your decision XXXX

[maya.arrow]

Hi Kimeebee,

 

I've been trying to reply but for some reason this site kept freezing on me. So frustrating.

 

Thanks for your kind words--it is so helpful to have someone out there who knows what this feels like. I know the reality of this is going to be gut-wrenching when it is over, and I have thought that it would be better to get started on my new life sooner than later. I don't doubt the wisdom of that...and there are other wise people on this forum that have suggested that by choosing this "soft landing", my last memories of our relationship will only be this sadness, and that my partner won't have much respect for me when it is over. Those are all fair points...but the reality is, again, so much more complicated. The day-to-day isn't really sad. We do love each other, and we still have fun together and spend most of our time together. He always comes home to me, and I am still the most important person in his life. I don't doubt these things. As time goes by, too, I get better about concealing how much I am grieving from him...only because by sharing that, I know that I will be tainting the last few months we have left. I will have plenty of time to fall apart later. I just want to enjoy whatever we have left. There are other practical reasons why breaking up would be really difficult right now...but I guess, above all, I know that the reason I stay is because I love this person so much, that I don't care about the rest.

 

I do get angry, I do feel that my needs aren't being met...but I know in my heart that it is all temporary. I already know it is ending...so I try to cherish the good things. Does this mean I am putting him first and that I should have the strength and self-esteem to realise I deserve more? Probably. But I just can't be anyone else right now--at least not in the next few months. I may never love someone like this again. I'll take all I can get--the anger, the sadness, and the joy of just seeing his face for one more day.

 

He has asked me a couple times if it was right of him to be honest with how he was feeling...that he knew we weren't forever, but he still loved me too much to actually want to end it. He wondered if he was being too honest, and that it would have been best to just break up when it finally felt right. A few of my friends have said that his honesty is almost cold. But I don't know... He isn't most people. And there are times I wish we never had that conversation and I was still living in ignorant bliss. But I believe that it was neither right nor wrong. What was said was said...and I guess I am learning from this too. Maybe one day, he will look back and think he HAD been wrong. But that will be in another time when I will no longer be in his life.

 

I know what you are saying, about waking each day with the realisation that he has gone. It must feel a bit like being an amputee. I know it will be like that for me too. I know there will be days I will feel like I would rather be dead. How do you get through each day? After that initial awful morning?

[Leigh 87]

I am literally about to cry!!!!!!! From reading this:(

 

You have gone through one of the hardest things.... It is pretty much like them dying. As sick as it may be, ti may be HARDER; at least if they are dead, they cannot be with another women!

 

Any ways, I have never felt that level of pain before. My longest, current relationship is almost 2 years. However, I am truly in love and know that after more years together...... It really would be the hardest thing in my life I would have to endure.

 

 

..... I cannot help you, but I do want you to be able to come to loveshack, after feeling like cr@p, and at least smile once or twice just from the responses on here! Sure, we cannot fix your broken heart... but I sure hope some people on here can provide you with some much needed smiles and happy feelings:)

 

 

Who says you cannot feel anything good, during this extremely gut wrentching grieving process? You constantly feel the dread and pain - yet, I hope you can see that you can still find moments, or even just seconds of feeling " happy"? You know - due to kind words from people, or seeing a really good movie?

 

 

 

You are doing amazingly! I mean OMG - girls who have been dumped after less than a year, go texting and calling their exes.. I HAVE BEEN THERE! haha..... and yet, after 15 years, you are letting a men you love go - which is more than people who have gone through FAR LESS pain then you, have been able to do!

You should be really proud at how your handling this. Your feeling the worst possible pain, and your not giving in and contacting him to get any kind of closure.........

 

And MANN - what you had for 15 years, will NOt compare to this girl he JUST met... Not possible. It takes a very special person, to compell a man to stay for that long. AND he was young and had a lot of other younger options...

.. .......Yet he picked you.

Please remember: regardless of his jerk like, cold, @sshole behaviour in how he left you - You were STILL amazing enough, to get a younger guy tio want YOU, above and beyond hsi other options.

 

Here is a happy story: my mothers friend, had a partner that left her after about 10 - 15 years. He left her for another women, and went on to have a ****ing baby with her! ( oops, that might nmake you feel eveb worse...)...

.................. She is now married, happily, again. She met a guy a year or two later. She is in love again, as you will be, even though it is not even a remote possibility in your mind right now. AND - she is SUPER ATTARCTIVE: she teaches pilates for a living... and yet her ex left her. DO NOT FEEL BAD. Highly attractive people get dumped.

 

 

Lastly... You have made me feel better, by reminding me to NOT take my currently happy relationship for granted!!!!!!!! I am THRILLED I do not feel as terrible as you! I feel soooooooooooo greatful and happy that I have nto had to go through what your going through, and will make the MOST of my time with my partner. Because I never know what is around the corner.

 

Good luck with it all, your handling thngs SO well, come to loveshack and get support and try to smile even though you will feel like total [email protected] the most beautiful women on earth have their partners leave them....... It is not you, it is him and the way life has just turned out, you KNOW Love transcendes looking young and pretty! Something deaper compelled him to leave, it sucks but DO NOT THINK it is because your passed your used by date!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Goooood luck I am sorry if my message has upset you - I just wanted you to know that u can get some lauighs and smiles here during this difficult time, if not from me, from others lol.

[happyme]

Kimeebee,

 

How are you doing today? What's been happening? I believe the site was down for a few days but you see you have not been forgotten!

 

Listen. This is important. If you felt deep in your heart that all was well, really, truly well (and I don't mean all super shiny exciting and all that, but still well...) then I believe that this is not the end. It can't be. Things don't just go from 'good' to 'nothing'. And another thing, something that takes off so damn quickly is not reliable! I don't mean him, I mean the 'thing' between him and her. Reall.... wait and see.

 

Just remember these words....' when he comes ringing your bell....' It is up to you how you want to fill in the rest

 

All will be well. In the meantime, it SUCKS and it sucks bad. I know. As I said: been there. Yuk!

 

You're doing great xx

[kimeebee]

Here I am crying again...floods of tears brought on by your post and sharing my pain, it's very humbling.

 

A twist in the tale, seems he has gone off the teacher and she is now been demoted to 'friend' status but bizarrely he is now 'madly in love' with a girl he met before he left me but here's the odd part and NO none of what is being said is my thoughts or words..........!

 

People are asking why he would fall head over heels in love with a woman that is so ugly...they say she is weird and mentally unstable and will end up stalking him, she is also still in a relationship 2 years and about to tell him it's over so she can be with my ex. They say he didn't contact her for 2 days as was out with 'teacher friend' and she was near hysterical posting all over his facebook wall!!!!!

 

I have seen a picture and I must admit I was taken aback and showed it to others and they too were shocked that my ex would even consider seeing her let alone have sex with her.

 

My ex is extremely handsome and everyone that knows him men and women alike would tell you that and I think that's why they are having trouble connecting him with her.

 

I don't see it that way, looks aren't everything but in all honesty I can't see my ex with her because he is so not into witchcraft/healing/crystals etc, total opposite of me in fact.

It doesn't make sense to me that he is head over heels in love and chasing after her in just weeks of knowing her!

Maybe she has cast a spell on him, maybe she does things in bed that I wouldn't [can't think of anything we didn't do]?

 

But the reality is it made me smile, glad she isn't better looking than me and I'm 20 years older lol. And I doubt he will want to parade her in front of me, sorry if that sounds harsh but I just think he got what he deserved and I hope she is the girl from gaga land...and breaks his heart.

 

30 days NC and I'm actually feeling great anger towards him, never ever wish him harm I only want him to be happy...but also want him to hurt as I do...is that ok to feel like that...I mean it's just so not me?

 

Reality is 30 days NC, missing him like you would never know, that sinking feeling when I wake and he is not there, hallucinations too...I actually saw him a few days ago leaning over me to kiss me as he always did when he left for work...he wasn't there when I reached out.

Hearing his voice/laughter...him calling my name....but he isn't there, it's upsetting me and I don't know why this is happening.

 

Just so confused, proud that I have made NC a whole 30 days...and I'm ALIVE, not happy but I will be one day and I believe that because of all the people on loveshack.

 

I have to say though that at 30 days NC I'm wondering how much longer before this constant ache goes away. Want to stop loving him now, I will never break NC.

 

Massive thanks, love and hugs to all of you XXXX

[ladyabstrused]

Way to go, kimeebee. 30 days and you're still at it. I'm proud of you.

 

I shall continue in my journey of NC too. Keeping you in mind as a motivation to keep going. It's so damn tempting to want to find out how my ex is doing, because I just hope that he's all right and moving on well at least. Just like you, I want him to be happy.

[suzyq63]

Here I am crying again...floods of tears brought on by your post and sharing my pain, it's very humbling.

 

A twist in the tale, seems he has gone off the teacher and she is now been demoted to 'friend' status but bizarrely he is now 'madly in love' with a girl he met before he left me but here's the odd part and NO none of what is being said is my thoughts or words..........!

 

People are asking why he would fall head over heels in love with a woman that is so ugly...they say she is weird and mentally unstable and will end up stalking him, she is also still in a relationship 2 years and about to tell him it's over so she can be with my ex. They say he didn't contact her for 2 days as was out with 'teacher friend' and she was near hysterical posting all over his facebook wall!!!!!

 

I have seen a picture and I must admit I was taken aback and showed it to others and they too were shocked that my ex would even consider seeing her let alone have sex with her.

 

My ex is extremely handsome and everyone that knows him men and women alike would tell you that and I think that's why they are having trouble connecting him with her.

 

I don't see it that way, looks aren't everything but in all honesty I can't see my ex with her because he is so not into witchcraft/healing/crystals etc, total opposite of me in fact.

It doesn't make sense to me that he is head over heels in love and chasing after her in just weeks of knowing her!

Maybe she has cast a spell on him, maybe she does things in bed that I wouldn't [can't think of anything we didn't do]?

 

But the reality is it made me smile, glad she isn't better looking than me and I'm 20 years older lol. And I doubt he will want to parade her in front of me, sorry if that sounds harsh but I just think he got what he deserved and I hope she is the girl from gaga land...and breaks his heart.

 

30 days NC and I'm actually feeling great anger towards him, never ever wish him harm I only want him to be happy...but also want him to hurt as I do...is that ok to feel like that...I mean it's just so not me?

 

Reality is 30 days NC, missing him like you would never know, that sinking feeling when I wake and he is not there, hallucinations too...I actually saw him a few days ago leaning over me to kiss me as he always did when he left for work...he wasn't there when I reached out.

Hearing his voice/laughter...him calling my name....but he isn't there, it's upsetting me and I don't know why this is happening.

 

Just so confused, proud that I have made NC a whole 30 days...and I'm ALIVE, not happy but I will be one day and I believe that because of all the people on loveshack.

 

I have to say though that at 30 days NC I'm wondering how much longer before this constant ache goes away. Want to stop loving him now, I will never break NC.

 

Massive thanks, love and hugs to all of you XXXX

 

 

You sound like a lovely woman Kim and your plight has touched many of us. You are definitely going to come out of this a stronger and wiser lady. Be concerned that your younger ex may very well attempt a reconciliation. Think a long time on that if he does...Wishing you and all of us the best of luck on our journeys to heal!

[happyme]

So Kimeebee/Ms wonderful - .as you see things have already changed.... wow, another woman already?? He really does seem confused... puts things into another light altogether really. Not sure what light however, but at least we know it's not that he is totally besotted with one woman and left you for her and yeah.... it IS a relief that he's with a, shall we say, less beautiful woman. (Sorry people: not very mature but hey... it's one thing less to feel bad about.) Totally with you on that one Kimeebee.

 

When I went through this ... well it was beyond unbelievably and insanely horrid. At the risk of tmi... in the beginning (the first weeks) I would wake up in the morning and instantly have to run to the bathroom! And no, I was not pregnant, in fact, I was nursing our 5 month old baby at the time.... it was all I could do to survive one day after the next and look after the children as best I could. A time I will never forget, even though it was years ago now.

 

Keep us posted won't you? Apart from a desire to support you as much as possible I'm now quite curious as to what will happen next! Silly man. And remember: things are not always what they seem.

 

Stay being your amazing, inspirational, classy, strong self and soon you will see a lot of changes, both within yourself and without. You are doing brilliantly! xx

[kimeebee]

You sound like a lovely woman Kim and your plight has touched many of us. You are definitely going to come out of this a stronger and wiser lady. Be concerned that your younger ex may very well attempt a reconciliation. Think a long time on that if he does...Wishing you and all of us the best of luck on our journeys to heal!

 

NO!!! Hell will freeze over before I would get back with him, NC does work i'm a lot stronger now. It hasn't removed that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I wake...that's hard....tears always flow.

NC is working in that it isolates me from him....contact would make me very vulnerable and weak I can see that.

I go out of my way to make sure our paths don't cross, I think that would take me back to square one....terrified at the thought, my heart would sink.

Still in terrible pain, the ache is like nothing I have ever experienced....and I guess a part of me would love him to make contact.....to have the chance to say NO....not now not ever!!!!!!! That really is my biggest fear right now, seeing him with her....panic attack at the mere thought of it, I even go out with sunglasses on...even in the rain. I don't want him to see me, to look into my eyes, strange I know but it makes me feel safe.

 

HAPPYME I cannot imagine having a baby AND having to cope with your loss too, but you make me stronger because you have been there...and survived.

 

And yes I will keep posting with updates, loveshack and all of you beautiful people have shown me I can and will get through this. XXXX

[kimeebee]

I feel like such an IDIOT. He's contacted me after 32 days NC.

 

He dumped me after nearly 16 years together...have posted about it but started new thread as can't post on my other thread for some reason.

 

He left saying not in love with you but love you, it's over...you can't make me love you.

 

I later found out he met someone else a few weeks earlier...he doesn't know i know that.

 

Half awake and I get a text, I had deleted him and so his name didn't come up, I answered the text....message as follows:-

 

Him How's thing..I hope you are ok?

 

Me Who's this?

 

Him Jon X

 

Me Ok

 

Him I'm glad to hear it X [smiley face

 

Me Unless it's about me and you then you shouldn't be contacting me.

 

Him Ok I'm sorry...I just thought i'd ask...look after yourself Kim X

 

Me X

 

I feel so ill, physically being sick....what an idiot I am.

I was half awake, I wanted to say You shouldn't be contacting me like I asked you not to.....which meant DONT.

 

Now he has all the power...I'm sobbing I hate myself...32 days NC from me and I screw up like this???

 

I kept telling myself a hundred times a day IT'S OVER...even wrote it down hundreds of times. I WAS NOT hoping to get him back, I knew he didn't love me anymore and through all of you I was surviving...barely...but was stronger.

 

Now I'm back at square one sobbing....and he's happy of course because reading that it basically says...Jon I'm here waiting for you doesn't it, I mean how else can it be read?

 

I'm waiting, he's moved on!!!

 

Now what?????

[maya.arrow]

kimeebee,

i have to run to work in one minute but i wanted to say--YOU DIDN'T SCREW UP! there is nothing wrong with what you wrote, and it doesn't read like you are waiting for him at all. i'll write more later, but stop beating yourself up. you did NOTHING wrong.

[kimeebee]

Oh Maya...I hope not, I'm getting paranoid now!!!

[maya.arrow]

i'm back!

i hope you are feeling better, kimeebee. you really shouldn't feel bad about what you wrote. YOU didn't break NC--he did. And it's easy when you are grieving to think that you are wearing your heart on your sleeve and everyone can tell how you are really feeling. But I think what you wrote was fine. Firm, and kind. Personally, I think his smiley faces and "take care of yourself" is pretty dickish but he probably only had good intentions. He just doesn't realise that those casually kind words only make things worse.

 

I think the biggest blow is the fact that he has contacted you like that and just has no f-ing idea how hard it has been for you, and his words--though cheerful and meant to be nice--come across as callous. Don't worry about it though. It's not your fault. And maybe next time he texts you, don't answer. ONly do the things that make YOU feel better and F the rest.

 

I have to say, what a weird choice of rebound ladies though. Maybe your ex is going through a midlife crisis???

[kimeebee]

Yes Maya, you are right he broke NC not me, I told I wouldn't and told him dont contact me neither, I did stand my ground...he didn't.

 

But it doesn't make me feel better letting him go like that...but I guess he now knows I survived....and he can now move on easier, relieved even.

 

Yes I too thought his text was dickish and glad you said callous because I thought just that...how mean how the **** did he think I feel....he knows every inch of my heart and soul?

I honestly believe he wont contact me again, i'm 33 days NC now but I truly have been hit by that truck again.

 

Do you have a facebook acc maya, sometimes I can't log in on here for days...and I so need you right now?

 

Hugs XXXX

[maya.arrow]

hey kimeebee!

yes! i do have fb and email. i was trying to figure out how to send it to you without broadcasting it on this forum. maya arrow is obviously not my real name, but send me your details to maya dot arrow at gmail. then we can go from there. it's so good to "know" someone in a similar situation--i hope we can help each other!

 

i think people can be really callous without even realising it. i can't believe how stupid he was. he must be worried about you...but in a situation like this, you don't show it in such a casual way. what an idiot.

 

33 days and you are surviving!!! i haven't even truly begun...

[kimeebee]

Yes. that would be him, thinks just because he is over me that I would be the same I guess...just kidding myself, he would know I'm in a bad way but does love and care for me and it's his dick head way of making himself feel better to relieve his worry, not my benefit at all.

 

I also know because of the strength of love/attention/gifts etc just days prior to him leaving....having read other forums....that I love you but not in love with you is just a cop out expression for I have met someone else..

 

I guess they must be right in a way because he was hardly going to say...I've met someone else was he?

 

Oh Maya you really have got to go through all this, my heart bleeds for you I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy...please watch my progress and contact me because you really will need the help of everyone on here, they are truly all amazing people XXXX

[Leigh 87]

....hey:)

 

 

...At least he didn't leave you for someone beautiful. Come on - that would have made things worse.

 

 

If my partner left me, I would be devastated, yet if they were unnatractive and heavier than me, I would not care AS much. Where as if it were with a thin stunner, I would be MUCH more upset.

 

That doesn't help with your grieving - but I just wanted you to now that at least it COULD be much worse!

 

..............What makes the lady so ugly? Lol. Good looking men do not normally go for very ugly girls. Unless they KNOW the girl for some time, and the girl is an utterly amazing person.

 

....The fact he fell for a very ugly nut case? It just sounds really weird!

 

 

I hope your holding up ok:)

[Leigh 87]

hey kimeebee!

yes! i do have fb and email. i was trying to figure out how to send it to you without broadcasting it on this forum. maya arrow is obviously not my real name, but send me your details to maya dot arrow at gmail. then we can go from there. it's so good to "know" someone in a similar situation--i hope we can help each other!

 

i think people can be really callous without even realising it. i can't believe how stupid he was. he must be worried about you...but in a situation like this, you don't show it in such a casual way. what an idiot.

 

33 days and you are surviving!!! i haven't even truly begun...

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, people can be very,. very selfish and hurtful in the ways the go about ending relationships.

 

 

It is SO bizarre to me! I LOVE my partner, and I would NEVER just " end things " with him, only to go off with some other guy!

 

 

I mean.... Geez. I would be very kind, considerate, and make SURe the guy I love or once loved dearly, is OKAY....

 

 

.... It really is that simple to me. I would

 

- tell him why I did not feel right together

- let him have HIS say.

- make it clear if I thought there was absolutely no way I wanted things to work out

-try to make things work if there was even a remote chance, if he wanted me to

- part ways nicely, respect his wishes ( my partner tends to not want to talk to girls if they break up, he takes it as an insult)

- I would still text or facebook him, asking him if he was ok, and telling him that he was everything to me, and was still VERY important to me, and that not everyone can work out in a romantic way, it is NOT him as a person that is at fault, there will be a girl who is suitable for him long term......

 

 

 

I would just be very nice and respectful to a guy I once loved! No breaking up, and then finding other people anytime soon! It is NOT FAIR o the person in love with you still. It is totally gut wrentching and a sick thing to do:sick:

 

Hey - at least there are people like us, who would not just throw someone away and crush them to badly. Breaking up is hard ENOUGH! DOing it in a heartless way... I do NOT understand.

 

 

Then again, I try to be a nice person, and would try to do everything I could, to look after those who are very close to me.

 

WHat floors me even more, is that after 16 years, you still ARE close; how can he NOT feel close to you, after 16 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 ANYONE I am close with - I would let them down VERY slowly, if I were to break up with them, and I would still feel very close to them, and want to know if their okay.

 

 

He wants to know your okay, but he needs a lesson or two on how to go about ending things with a long term partner.

 

 

If MY boyfriend were to end things with me - he is the type to:

 

- be very saddened things did not work out ( after all, he was madly in love with me)

- would offer to stay with me to look after me

- would esure I was safe and would not harm myself

- would check up on me

- would want to know I was doing well in life

[happyme]

Kimeebee, I had been looking out for you the last days but for some reason missed your last posts, otherwise I would have responded earlier. Anyway.... here's my take on it. Firstly though, I want to do a little 'I told you so' on you the fact is that I predicted he'd be in contact, remember? And as I got that bit right there's a bit of a chance I could be right about the following:

your dignified silence is a bit of a surprise to him, intriguing even (good: you're in his thoughts) and that is the reason he contacted you.

 

While I understand FULLY about you finding him callous in his messages etc I don't believe that is what it is. No way has he forgotten about you... no way can he just get over 15 years like that. Not. Instead of being a dithering wreck (ok, I know you are but HE doesn't...) you are getting on with your life, not running after him and being totally dignified. What a woman! He's impressed Kimeebee...

 

So I disagree that you acted badly, I think you did just great and I mean that.

 

Please keep it up. May I ask you: what is your greatest wish for the outcome of all this? Then perhaps I could help you attain it

 

Well done you, keep in touch xxx

[kimeebee]

....hey:)

 

 

...At least he didn't leave you for someone beautiful. Come on - that would have made things worse.

 

 

If my partner left me, I would be devastated, yet if they were unnatractive and heavier than me, I would not care AS much. Where as if it were with a thin stunner, I would be MUCH more upset.

 

That doesn't help with your grieving - but I just wanted you to now that at least it COULD be much worse!

 

..............What makes the lady so ugly? Lol. Good looking men do not normally go for very ugly girls. Unless they KNOW the girl for some time, and the girl is an utterly amazing person.

 

....The fact he fell for a very ugly nut case? It just sounds really weird!

 

 

I hope your holding up ok:)

 

Lol, I'm glad you said that and not me, but yes I must be honest and admit I was pleased because of the reaction from others when they saw her picture. I would have no problem whatsoever at standing next to her, I'm shocked but also know in my heart that as he only knew her for a few weeks and is known as 'easy' it can only be one thing certainly not that she is an amazing person!!!

 

The fact that she is also cheating on her partner with my ex and is planning on leaving him also doesn't rate her too highly in my book.

 

Hugs XXXX

[kimeebee]

Kimeebee, I had been looking out for you the last days but for some reason missed your last posts, otherwise I would have responded earlier. Anyway.... here's my take on it. Firstly though, I want to do a little 'I told you so' on you the fact is that I predicted he'd be in contact, remember? And as I got that bit right there's a bit of a chance I could be right about the following:

your dignified silence is a bit of a surprise to him, intriguing even (good: you're in his thoughts) and that is the reason he contacted you.

 

While I understand FULLY about you finding him callous in his messages etc I don't believe that is what it is. No way has he forgotten about you... no way can he just get over 15 years like that. Not. Instead of being a dithering wreck (ok, I know you are but HE doesn't...) you are getting on with your life, not running after him and being totally dignified. What a woman! He's impressed Kimeebee...

 

So I disagree that you acted badly, I think you did just great and I mean that.

 

Please keep it up. May I ask you: what is your greatest wish for the outcome of all this? Then perhaps I could help you attain it

 

Well done you, keep in touch xxx

 

Sometimes I can't even get on loveshack...and it's a worry because I so need you all right now..but thanks for looking out for me.

 

He knows I would be distraught...but he also knows I am a strong person. But I still have feelings that I can't just shut down...and believe me I am trying because I know there are only 2 ways to go up/down...and I'm not going down for no man, it's not negotiable.

 

He was my soulmate, I will love him until the day I die...and what is my greatest wish for the outcome of all this you ask?

 

My dreams show me I am about to get into my car, he sees me and I avoid his gaze, I start to drive away...and he stops me. After hours of talking he sweeps me up, holds me so tight and I feel an overwhelming sense of being safe in his arms, nuzzled into his neck, I can smell him....my baby loves me again.

 

Then I wake up...truthfully I would love the dream...but how would I ever forgive him, he has absolutely no idea that I know who/what/where and the reality is if I ever saw him again I would crumble back to square one after going at him with every bit of unreleased anger I hold.

 

I can't forget his words I love you but not in love anymore [means I've met someone else but it's easier to say it this way].

 

You can't make me love you!!!....16 years of EVERY day without fail over and over how much I love you.

 

So yes the answer is I want him....but it can't ever be.

 

Thank you for all your kindness happyme XXXX

[ladyabstrused]

Kimeebee, *hugs*

 

Don't really know what to say, but I just feel really sorry that you had to go through all that, even with the dreams. It must be torturous.

I read your posts when I get on LS and I just wonder how you're holding up all this while. Hope each day will get by easier for you. Please know that you've got my support and that I'm here reading although I don't say much. I don't feel I'm one who could give sound advice at the moment.

 

But keep on going, kimeebee.

[hinatticus]

Hey kimmeebee

 

I've been reading your post since the beginning and let me tell you, you are stronger than you think!

 

You mentioned you can't forgive him. How about forgiving him for yourself! It will help in moving on. Once you seriously forgive him and get out of this anger phase you're in you'll feel much better. I promise. Anger can be helpful for awhile, but if you stay in it too long you become a bitter person. I was that way for a long time and I didn't even realize it. You sound like a very positive person and I wouldn't want you to continue holding resentment towards him. Resentment will eat at you. Forgive(you don't have to tell him, just tell yourself) but don't forget.

Good luck and stay strong, I know how hard it is!

[happyme]

Read your response Kimeebee, and when I say I understand your feelings on 'the dream' what I mean by that is I get you 100%. Been there.

 

Good God don't they just realise the damage they're doing....have done?? But anyway, I have the benefit of hindsight, and it is my sincere wish that at the very least this could help somebody in a similar situation.

 

The thing is, even if he came crawling back and you would so very much want to believe in him but only after him first having to endure being skinned alive..... even if all that happened..... the lurking question is: could you ever go 'there' again? And by 'there' I mean that place of safety, trust, respect.... in a word: love.

 

And, Kimeebee, while I for one can absolutely see him doing all of that (yes, including willingly being 'skinned alive' first), only you can answer the question. And I would guess that perhaps not even you can answer that right now, at this moment. Would I be right?

 

Give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

 

Rooting for you.

 

XX

[kimeebee]

Kimeebee, *hugs*

 

Don't really know what to say, but I just feel really sorry that you had to go through all that, even with the dreams. It must be torturous.

I read your posts when I get on LS and I just wonder how you're holding up all this while. Hope each day will get by easier for you. Please know that you've got my support and that I'm here reading although I don't say much. I don't feel I'm one who could give sound advice at the moment.

 

But keep on going, kimeebee.

 

Hun I DON'T KNOW how I'm holding up, I'm just doing it one day at a time! I know I'm strong and I will survive but it's the TIME....35 days NC broken at day 32 by HIM, I want it to be day 135 NOW.....the agony is not letting up, yes the tears have stopped mostly but only because they have run out. Not back at square one as I thought, just for that 1 day did I break like the 1st day, as even though it was a text it was from him.

 

I have lost 2 stone, and yes I am eating but probably because I leave my house after midnight and walk along the beach, the silence and just the waves is comforting...also knowing he can't and wont see me...just feeling free from him.

 

My heart physically aches, tears sting my eyes but I wont cry...I wont...angry since the text I guess.

 

Thank you for looking out for me...I appreciate it more than you know XXXX