YasminAriannaJohn Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I just got out of a relationship and it was long distance also. When we were dating I gave my everything in the relationship. I traveled to go see him and paid for everything. When it was his turn to do it he never put in the effort. I put in so much to the relationship, he ended it with me three months ago through a text message. He never even tried to call me. All I want is closure. But I can't seem to get over it, I know people say ' time heals all wounds" But for me it seems like time keeps going so slow. I tried everything I have emailed, text him even tweeted him. He is still active on most social networks but it seems like he just fell off the face of the earth when it comes to me. As mentioned before all I want is closure and he won't even give me that. What should I do? Any advice??
Eddie Edirol Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Closure only comes from him, not you. He knows that if he answers you, that no answer will be enough. You will continue to look for answers just for him to tell you that he wasnt that into you. Time will move slow for a few months, but it will pass. You will think about him alot, but your closure has to come from within you. Keep yourself busy with friends and hobbies, work, etc, and your closure will only come when you no longer think you NEED the closure from him.
Phanpooh Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Everyone will say NC so i will give you a tip:" keep smiling, keep shining" what should come, it came what you leave, it left what isnt yours, you cant own that im a lonely boy who is just out of 2y LDR due to emotional cheating i feel you! but you need to live your own life you will miss him, you will think and dream, but that isnt all of love There feeling is just needy, guilty, regret, it came and will go soon when you r free, hang out with your friend and dun claim about Him Stop listening any love song, that hurt like hell, i almost died once time cause of that kind music when im driving Watch some movie, that really helpful, try any series just like HIMYM or SuperNatural go gym walking outside when you miss him focus to yourself and anything you like or really love aloneliness will come to your bed, so find some supporters, friends, family.... take care of yourself, keep boys around you, and increase your self-respect. dun let anything disrespect you, Chin-Up And remember: You just lost someone who dun love you and He seriously, lost the one who truly LOVE-D him.
Tree_Salmon Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I did two long distance relationships a long time ago. Believe me it's much easier to heal after its over because you don't have to see this person. You are lucky that it wasn't even more involved. Start living your new life now. Trust me there will be better. From my experiences long distance rarely ever works.
ladyabstrused Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 From my experiences long distance rarely ever works. I used to think the opposite. Now I'll just say that this is true. It can't work.. until you move to physical. LDRs are like....the dream stage where you want things to happen but it's not happening yet. So if the dream never really happened, then it means that there can never be closure. I don't think so in my opinion.
Phanpooh Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 LDR is "suck" cause that depend on Trust and emotions Sometime, i think it's fake relationship, but when i was in, i feel my price, her price and we connected so deeply. But if there is a BU ? it's suck like hell, you lost your trust in Person Slipt a part is nice? maybe, in my case, i only feel lonely and i dun know how long is it. that is a feeling mixed by happy and sad... just like you drink an "espresso afogato", pure coffee with a ice-cream.... Goodluck your healing process
Tree_Salmon Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I used to think the opposite. Now I'll just say that this is true. It can't work.. until you move to physical. LDRs are like....the dream stage where you want things to happen but it's not happening yet. So if the dream never really happened, then it means that there can never be closure. I don't think so in my opinion. Even when you move its difficult. My brother had a successful LDR that's still going strong after 10 years. Allot of people realize that they can't live with this person after being far away for so long. You start to see who they really are instead of this image you've created. I like to keep my relationships local now. 1
orangelady Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) @ladyabstrused, I wish you have a PM message or that you can PM me because we share some things in common and maybe we can support each other in some way. However, I'd like to say that, yes LDRs ar tough and very slim chances of it working out. However, those who come on to share here are the ones that are usually in LDRs where its not working out and didn't. I mean, that's why they're here. So that's the statistics that you are getting. I don't know, if LDRs don't work why are so many still in LDRs? Why are we hurting ourselves? And what is the solution? Did any of you just quit the relationship yet recently based on the responses here? Or you feel you want to hang on to some kind of tiny hope? Finally, I also think that for LDR to work, both have got to want it quite badly and either one has to make the sacrifice and both must be okay with that. Edited May 17, 2012 by orangelady
ladyabstrused Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Even when you move its difficult. My brother had a successful LDR that's still going strong after 10 years. How in the world did your brother do it for so long? I can't imagine...going through another 5 years the way I was going through mine. :\
ladyabstrused Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 @ladyabstrused, I wish you have a PM message or that you can PM me because we share some things in common and maybe we can support each other in some way. However, I'd like to say that, yes LDRs ar tough and very slim chances of it working out. However, those who come on to share here are the ones that are usually in LDRs where its not working out and didn't. I mean, that's why they're here. So that's the statistics that you are getting. I don't know, if LDRs don't work why are so many still in LDRs? Why are we hurting ourselves? And what is the solution? Did any of you just quit the relationship yet recently based on the responses here? Or you feel you want to hang on to some kind of tiny hope? Finally, I also think that for LDR to work, both have got to want it quite badly and either one has to make the sacrifice and both must be okay with that. Hi orangelady, I don't know if there is a PM function here or not. Perhaps they should create one. Or is there one already? I'm quite new here actually. Or we can start another thread talking about stuff. I just got out of my relationship..just few days ago. Sighs.. Me and him both made sacrifices. But what if one or the other doesn't acknowledge the sacrifice or feel that the sacrifice from the other party isn't enough to sustain the relationship? That's what happened to me, I think.
Professor X Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Hi orangelady, I don't know if there is a PM function here or not. Perhaps they should create one. Or is there one already? I'm quite new here actually. There's a PM option, however, you are need to become "Established Member" before you can use it. You need to be a member for at least a month in LS and have a minimum amount of posts (which you have).
ladyabstrused Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 There's a PM option, however, you are need to become "Established Member" before you can use it. You need to be a member for at least a month in LS and have a minimum amount of posts (which you have). Oh, so if I remain a member for a month from the time I signed up, I'd be an established member and then only I can have the PM function? That's interesting. Why though, I wonder? Then I guess, orangelady, we'll have to wait till I'm a month old on here?
Professor X Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Oh, so if I remain a member for a month from the time I signed up, I'd be an established member and then only I can have the PM function? That's interesting. Why though, I wonder? Then I guess, orangelady, we'll have to wait till I'm a month old on here? To prevent bots or spammers from abusing it. To make sure the person who PMs you is one that has contributed to the community (I guess). You're already half way there I suppose, so just another couple of weeks 1
CopingGal Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 This guy is a first class bastard and believe me, there will be no closure with him. He has disrespected you and any further interaction with him will probably lead to more pain and not closure. You have to get closure from yourself. There's no excuse for his behavior. People do what they want to do. Even if his life was diificult, he could have still put an effort into the relationship and treated you with respect. Here's your closure: The man is an idiot and a disrespectful ass. That's it. Now, that being said, it's time to move on. Be good to yourself, patient with yourself and use healthy coping mechanisms: journaling, going for walks, getting counseling, volunteering to help others, etc. Cry and process the break up. Look at the red flags you ignored so you won't ignore them again. 1
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