AnchorGurl Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I am in a long distance relationship and have been for six months. My boyfriend was supposed to come and visit me in two weeks. We have had a wonderful relationship so far and everything has been progressing well. Yesterday I got a very strange text message from him that said "life is awful ..all I want to do is go home and call Ardis"...well I don't know any Ardis and this message was obviously not meant for me. I questioned him and he kept saying his phone had a virus and he had no idea how that message got sent to me. I knew in my gut he must be lying and the whole thing seemed extremely shady. He kept making excuse after excuse. Later that day he sent me a very long text about how much he loves me and wants things to work etc. He said he is willing to work as "hard as he needs to because he loves me so much" I replied with a text that said.."if you want things to work you you will need to be 100% honest with me about things" He replied with..."you wont' love me after I am 100% honest with you" Finally he called me to say that he was actually texting a friend and sent it to me instead and that he was contacting this "Ardis" guy to see if he could buy marijuana from him. I had no idea he smoked at all. But more importantly I cannot believe he lied to me all day about it. It makes me wonder what else he is lying about. I got all emotional and told him that "we were done" and he calmly replied with an "ok" I fully expected him to call today and try to make things work but he has not made any move to do so. No calls, no texts, no emails and no trying. I cannot believe him. I don't even know what to do. I thought he was a completely different person. I keep expecting him to call and apologize but he has made no move whatsoever. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated. Also a few weeks ago I was not being the best girlfriend and he decided we needed to take a little break. I could not stand the thought of losing him and instantly did everything I could to show him how much I cared for him including sending him a long letter, trying to get a hold of him and telling him how much he meant to me. We worked it all out and now this? I cannot believe how much effort I put in and he has just dropped off the face of the earth.
Radu Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Popularity of Ardis Ardis is a very popular first name for women (#1621 out of 4276) and also a very popular surname or last name for all people (#14424 out of 88799). (1990 U.S. Census) You know, 'A boy named Sue' might have been a very nice song by Johnny Cash but generally boys are not named with girl's names. You are not a priority for this guy ... i think you should move on to someone better.
Author AnchorGurl Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 All I can think is...if he cared as much about me as he claims..he would take the steps to make things better...he hasn't...and I don't know what to think about that..
gaius Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 All I can think is...if he cared as much about me as he claims..he would take the steps to make things better...he hasn't...and I don't know what to think about that.. It's hard to be mean to someone you have affection for that hasn't done anything wrong. Sounds like he got what he wanted from the whole exchange, you dumping him.
Author AnchorGurl Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 I guess I don't know what to think at this point. I don't know if the marijuana story is BS or not. I don't know if it was rash of me to end things or not either. The bottom line is he lied to me all day about the text. If he was not hiding anything then why didn't he fess up right away..if he had I would have forgiven him and we could have moved on. I guess when someone really loves you I expect that they will contact you and try to resolve things no matter if you tell them it's over. Just to make sure that's the case I sent him a text saying "it's not the marijuana that makes me upset..it's the lying..I care for you still and am trying my best to understand where you are coming from" but he has not responded at all which makes the whole thing worse. Honestly if you ask me..when someone loves someone..they don't give up that easily..He lied to me and should be taking steps to make it better..even if I did say that I wanted things over. He said that a few weeks ago and I bent over backwards to make things right because I could not bear the thought of losing him. That is what you do when you care for someone...you don't let them go just like that....
Quiet Storm Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 The weed story could be true, and if that's the case he's probably feeling pretty good right now and isn't too stressed about losing you. Or Ardis could be a woman, and he may be chatting up Ardis right now and isn't too stressed about losing you. Either way, his lack of contact speaks volumes. Also a few weeks ago I was not being the best girlfriend and he decided we needed to take a little break. I could not stand the thought of losing him and instantly did everything I could to show him how much I cared for him including sending him a long letter, trying to get a hold of him and telling him how much he meant to me. We worked it all out and now this? I cannot believe how much effort I put in and he has just dropped off the face of the earth. For many men, once you mess up, they are DONE emotionally with you. They may keep you around physically while they search for a new girl that they don't have that history with. Bending over backwards for a few weeks doesn't make up for some things (not sure how you were being a bad girlfriend). Sometimes, our actions have consequences. You can't always unring the bell.
nessaaa Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 you broke up with him over something so pety... now you're crying because u want him to beg for u back? if that's all it takes for u to break up with him than good for him for not contacting u. 1
Onlyjonley Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 you broke up with him over something so pety... now you're crying because u want him to beg for u back? if that's all it takes for u to break up with him than good for him for not contacting u. Dishonesty is not a petty reason to end things. Once trust is broken, things are never the same.
ascendotum Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Honestly if you ask me..when someone loves someone..they don't give up that easily.I agree, but he could say the same thing of you. You dumped him. Told him you dont trust him and he is likely a liar about other things and not just that txt that day. Now you want him to plead to stay with you and suck up to you for forgiveness. Some guys will, some guys wont. He seemed resigned to the fact that he screwed up, and you probably told him that you can never trust him, and thats that! I would expect its easier to get over a LDR than a regular one. Also he did say 'life is aweful' in that txt, so he may be depressed and dealing with other issues you dont know about. I also agree with the others the weed story could be true but it could also easily be a yarn. Though I would have thought if its his nature to be a deceiver & a cheater, that he would keep up with the act and bs his way back into your heart. 1
Fondue Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 She just wants him to chase after her. This was exactly the first thing I thought when I finished reading that. Besides, you mentioned how you "were not the best girlfriend" just such a short while ago. You probably put a big dent in the relationship following that incident-- whatever it was. Maybe afterwards, he got himself involved in ulterior things that can bring joy to him, maybe that Ardis is a weed supplier, maybe it's a female he's chasing, who knows?
2sunny Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 He wasn't honest - about two things. That would be enough for me to end it. No trust = no relationship.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 it doss not make sense at all. if it was about marijuana and him, I would imagine ue would trhy to rectify the situation especially if he's going to go visit you. so then why the sudden need to completely avoid you especially if you gave him an in? the fact of the matter is that he's lying about something even bigger and he's not sorry about lying in the first place but merely the fact he got caught.
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Forgive me but the phrase "all i wanted to do was go home and call Ardis" does not sound like " i want to go home and call my weed dealer". It sounds like "i just want to be comforted and talk to someone close to me." Screw this whole LDR thing.
Author AnchorGurl Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I hope I made it clear that it's not really about the smoking weed as much as is it about him lying. He fessed up to me only because he got caught (sending the text meant for someone else) Also we have been together 7 months in a long distance relationship and he never once mentioned he smoked to me. Last night in a fit of pure sadness I texted him and said..."why weren't you just honest with me? I could have moved past it had you just told me the truth" He followed with a heartfelt explanation of "You deserve someone better than someone who lied to you for 7 months and you will always have a place in my heart etc" But the fact remains that he has done nothing besides that to rectify the situation. If someone really cares they will call, text, email ..explain...he only even texted me back because I texted him first. I love him but I am disappearing. His actions will show me far more than his words. And if he does not feel this is worth saving then I will find out shortly
2sunny Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) I hope I made it clear that it's not really about the smoking weed as much as is it about him lying. He fessed up to me only because he got caught (sending the text meant for someone else) Also we have been together 7 months in a long distance relationship and he never once mentioned he smoked to me. Last night in a fit of pure sadness I texted him and said..."why weren't you just honest with me? I could have moved past it had you just told me the truth" He followed with a heartfelt explanation of "You deserve someone better than someone who lied to you for 7 months and you will always have a place in my heart etc" But the fact remains that he has done nothing besides that to rectify the situation. If someone really cares they will call, text, email ..explain...he only even texted me back because I texted him first. I love him but I am disappearing. His actions will show me far more than his words. And if he does not feel this is worth saving then I will find out shortly Many times - in a LDR - these men are taken. It's very telling that you two are fighting now that he's expected to visit. How many times have you MET HIM? Face to face in person? His message is clear - he doesn't intend to get honest with you even now. He won't allow you to understand what his real problem is... But that's why many people have LONG DISTANCE R to begin with - they don't intend for you to KNOW THEM in REAL life! Edited May 17, 2012 by 2sunny
Author AnchorGurl Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 We met exactly two weeks before I got another job in another city. In total we have spent probably three and a half weeks together in our 7 month relatioship BUT he was never shady before and always called everyday several times an day etc...this is the first time he has been this shady but it's telling. I just keep thinking if he really loved me he would call and text and try his best to make this work. His lack of action is what really hurts especially since deep down in my heart I am still holding out a shred of hope
2sunny Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 We met exactly two weeks before I got another job in another city. In total we have spent probably three and a half weeks together in our 7 month relatioship BUT he was never shady before and always called everyday several times an day etc...this is the first time he has been this shady but it's telling. I just keep thinking if he really loved me he would call and text and try his best to make this work. His lack of action is what really hurts especially since deep down in my heart I am still holding out a shred of hope He's not calling because now you know! He was willing to participate as long as you didn't know the REAL him! Are you even going to answer IF he calls?
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 We met exactly two weeks before I got another job in another city. In total we have spent probably three and a half weeks together in our 7 month relatioship BUT he was never shady before and always called everyday several times an day etc...this is the first time he has been this shady but it's telling. I just keep thinking if he really loved me he would call and text and try his best to make this work. His lack of action is what really hurts especially since deep down in my heart I am still holding out a shred of hope He sounds too depressed to be chasing any girl and that was before you broke up with him. Now that you have stomped on his little heart haven't you done enough damage? Just leave the poor guy alone.
2sunny Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 He sounds too depressed to be chasing any girl and that was before you broke up with him. Now that you have stomped on his little heart haven't you done enough damage? Just leave the poor guy alone. Stomped? HE did this... Not her!
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Stomped? HE did this... Not her! He didn't break up with her. She broke up with him.
2sunny Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 He didn't break up with her. She broke up with him. He CAUSED it! His lies...
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 He CAUSED it! His lies... An omission isn't a lie. No one tells anyone everything. 1
2sunny Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 An omission isn't a lie. No one tells anyone everything. Lying by omission is still a lie. No two ways about that!
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