excesum Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Hello guys, my first post so not quite sure how this is supposed to be done, but please bear with me. So, i've been dating this girl for about six months, until she yesterday called it of by saying she sees me more as a friend and told me that her feelings had just been going downhill lately. I really didn't know how to respond as it pretty much came as a surprise. She said she really still wanted us to be friends, because I've turned out to be one of her best friends and one of the few people she knows who she can be 100% herself with. In that moment I told her that I understand, and that we can still be friends, but that's not what I really want. After we talked we still hung out for like 5 hours, still pretty weird seeing as I couldnt kiss her and all the usual stuff. But I started thinking (when I was still at her place), that I really need to get over her if she really is over me. So after we had just dropped the subject, I brought it up again saying: "Listen, to make it a lot easier for me to lose the feelings for you, you will have to tell me that you are 100% certain that this is what you want, and that you will never have any feelings for me again." then she replied with "Are you really sure that will help?" and she kinda hesitated, and I told her "Just do it, it will be a lot easier for me." and then she hesitantly said "Hm.. alright.. I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm sure, and I will never have the same feelings for you as I once had.", and at that moment I got a bit shocked, as I was hoping she wouldn't be able to say it. I do (partially) understand that this is a lost cause, but usually when something like this happens I just think that it's for the better, and I get over it. But I really do not want to get over her, at all. I'm afraid that she is misinterpreting her feelings, seeing as she is not good at interpreting her feelings at all. I really want to take a last stand and just try to convince her that what we have is really special, and she knows that. But the last month we haven't had much time to hang out with a lot of tests and finals, and I'm just afraid that she has forgotten how amazing our relationship and friendship is, and I just want to try to make her understand that she will probably regret this. Our relationship is the most serious relationship she has ever had, so I just dont hope that she is misinterpreting that "honey-moon"-phase, with love. And really, I do not take the word "love" lightly, but I really do want her to understand. So, to my question: Is there any chance that I can change ANYTHING? Her birthday is coming up in 5 days, and I'm usually quite romantic and I've painted her a nice (put really homemade) picture, and I've been thinking about writing her a old fashioned letter, where I try to set focus on her feelings and the feelings she had before, where I just tell everything as I feel it. I know I have a lot of influence on her if I try to convince her, but please give me some tips. I want to remind her of what we've had for a really long time. I want to tell her that it's not always going to be action in a relationship. Please give me any advice, I REALLY want to fight for this girl, whatever it takes. I'm simply not ready to give her up yet, atleast not until I've tried everything. I've got nothing to lose, because I know that I can't be friends with someone I have feelings for when it's not mutual. Thanks for reading, 19-year old.
relationship_stuff Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Hey, the best you can do is let her realize her feelings herself. Trying to convince her that she was wrong about her feelings would be futile IMO. I know you feel like you don't want to get over her, but even you should get over her to find out your true feelings for her. Right now, your opinion is overshadowed by your emotions and the fact that you were rejected. I would say, apply no contact for a while and decide after that whether or not you want to take a last stand.
Skittykarp Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Hey there.. unfortunately I've got no real advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know I'm going through something similar.. my ex broke up with me on Sunday after nearly 9 months of being together and said 'he wants to just be friends' and 'that it was the best for me' but I felt that he was just trying to spare my feelings. He told me that Sunday I was his best friend and he loves me and I told him the same, I will admit I begged and pleaded with him to not do it but he still did.. so I had no choice but to go along with it. I still promised him (and I don't promise things lightly) that I would never give up on him because I know he's what I want. Seeing as he said we were friends, I tried talking to him for about three days after and upon the third day, I had become restless with feeling unwanted by him and asked him if he still loved me, because if he didn't then I would leave him alone forever but I would never give up on him, to which he replied 'I don't love you anymore, I'm sorry.' Yet that night we spoke over Facebook for nearly 3 hours and it was just like being with him again, we were talking about anything and everything and making each other laugh. I've showed a few people, obviously looking for advice and they've all said they think he's lying to save himself pain. We're all worried about him as he's going through a lot at the moment and his medication, Lustral, doesn't seem to be working for him. He's been drinking for nearly two weeks straight now and I'm really concerned that he broke up with me out of the blue under the influence of alcohol and an SSRI. Anyway, more to the point, I've promised him that I will never give up on him or on us and everyone I know is actually really supportive of my plan to follow through with NC. They think, and I wonder, that after a few weeks of us not talking, he'll have a real idea of what it's like to not have me in his life and naturally, he'll start to think about the times he did have me. I can't guarantee this is going to work and I'm trying to give us both at least 6 weeks so we can gather our wits and live independently and if it doesn't work, at least I know I gave him what I wanted. I know I will never give up on him, nor will I ever close my heart to him. He thinks we were just making each other worse and that I changed but I know he made me feel so good, I would wake up with a random smile slapped across my face. He's my soulmate, I know he is and I think he does deep down but perhaps it scares him because someone does actually want to fight for him. I understand entirely where you are coming from sweetie, I know it's difficult but I'm really proud of you wanting to fight for this girl, she doesn't know what she's losing out on and neither does my ex. But have hope one day we will both reach the point where we can be friends with our exes, because true love requires no reciprocation. It doesn't mean we love them any less, it just means we're strong enough to let them live their life the way they want to. Stay strong. <3
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