How do you cope?

[lovinglife21]

Hey guys,

 

So I seem to be pretty pro-active in my break up about getting over it and moving on. But what seems to happen to me (and I've noticed others) is that I will feel better for a few days, and then I'll wake up one day and feel like I did on day one, like I have to start again.

 

So how do you cope on the days that are hard? because the overwhelming feeling of pain, betrayal and hate is sometimes just crippling.

 

I find that doing excersize helps, so I have been dancing lots. I also tend to over-analyse and obsess about things so I have written lists of why I don't want to be with him anymore and why he is an utter dick, along with some inspirational quotes. This helps me think that over-analyzing is pointless since I don't want to be with him anyway, plus the usual things of what is done is done. However, this is good for a few days, but when I get into that really dark mood I find it so hard to pull myself out of it.

 

I also use some visualisation techniques, for when I'm really freaking out (I have anxiety).

 

So what do you guys do?

 

xx

[MissBrunette84]

I make myself do something, it takes all I have when I'm crying so hard I can't breathe. I just go out to the shop or drive to my Mum's house or a friends. I have even driven in PJs just to get away for a while. It helps alot.

[Tree_Salmon]

Sadly there is nothing concrete you can do.

You are not the only one who gets this way. It happened to me today.

 

What I do is I ride it out because I know its going to hurt like crazy for 2 to 7 hours and then ill feel good again. Just look forward to the fact that eventually it'll be reduced to 5 minutes of hurt instead of 5 hours.

 

Exercise helps allot, being with good people does too, but also you have to spend time with yourself and start making yourself happy. Do something new, try something new, prepare for something new.

 

The reason the relationship was so awesome was partially due to the "newness" of it. And the excitement. I'm sure you can substitute that with other things. it wont be the same but eventually youll be more protective of your own time.

[lovinglife21]

See I really don't believe there is nothing concrete I can do, there are always things one can do to make themselves feel better, watch a comedy, exercize, meditation, going for a walk etc. I'm not really in a position just to wallow unfortunately (I have my finals in about 3 days).

 

Also I don't feel sad being on my own and am already embracing me time and pursuing my own interests. My relationship at the end was not new or exciting, it was comfortable and loving. I miss some parts of the relationship sure, but it was definitely not in my best interests to stay with that person, and I feel sad because the relationship/person I thought I was with wasn't actually real, and letting the fantasy go is painful.

 

I'm asking for more pro-active suggestions, cause I have my finals soon, and I really do find that doing something proactive does help, wallowing makes me feel worse, and because I have anxiety the cycle just tends to continue. Obviously I have a few already, but I think taking some sembalance of control back over our lives is important, and everyone could benefit from implementing practical coping strategies.

 

These are the ones I have discovered:

Writing a list of why I wouldn't want to be with him

Remembering that what he did to me was inexcusably awful

Imagining I am in a bubble of white light that no negative energy can enter

Belly Breathing Technique

Watching anything funny (and staying away from anything romantic)

Making plans for the future

Seeing Friends

Exercise

Taking more interest in my hobbies

Listening to white noise when revising

Listening to songs that empower me (generally anything by Christina Aguleria)

Remind myself that remembering is not experiencing, and that as long as I stay away from him the pain will just diminish

When I start to analyse I look at my lists, and remind myself that it doesn't matter how much I analyse, 1. it doesn't change anything, and 2. He always remains mentally unstable.

 

I think that is all I have for now.

 

Anyone else?

 

xx

[Tree_Salmon]

Wow, you're already doing way more than I am.

 

I'm curious to see this "Belly Breathing Technique" you speak of.

 

Sounds like you're pretty proactive already. Maybe go on some random date with someone. Nothing serious, just meet a different personality. Maybe a type of guy you wouldn't normally date.

 

I've been on a handful of dates with interesting girls and even though I wouldn't do anything with any of them I like seeing cool people and connecting. Take him out of the fantasy in your head. He is not Zeus.

 

I am

[Own Worst Enemy]

i've been quite calm since sat, and today i am in total volcanic sobbing meltdown mode. i know i asked him not to contact me unless he had something to say about how important what we had was. and i know he said he would respect that, so that is what he is doing.

 

i also know that he said he wants to have that conversation, and i believe him. but the longer he leaves it to get in touch, the less likely he is to say what i want him to say.

 

and right up until today i have been imagining how i am going to fling it back in his face and tell him that he left it too late. today all i can do is cry and cry and cry because i miss hearing from him so badly. i don't think i've hurt this badly since i was 21, and THAT was 13 frickin' YEARS ago.

 

how pathetic do i feel?

 

i need to try some of your techniques!

[lovinglife21]

A breathing exercise that calms panic attacks.

 

I do this, and when I open my eyes I ground myself by just remembering where I am, so I look around and I'm like oh that's a chair, or I can hear cars or whatever, and just be completely in the moment.

 

Aha yeah he's really not... he's just an unstable mess, who could sometimes be really nice.

haha oh really?! And I'm Aphrodite!

 

I can handle the break up, it's just the fact that he completely blindsided me that is the hardest thing to deal with. I think what ****s me over is that generally I forget about it and am pretty happy, and then I remember, and it's like a punch in the gut and then I have to compose myself again.

 

Yeah I think dating might be good, maybe in a couple of weeks when exams are over!

 

Lol I tend to be very determined when I set my mind to something, so if I decide to get over someone I will really do it.

 

xx

[lovinglife21]

i've been quite calm since sat, and today i am in total volcanic sobbing meltdown mode. i know i asked him not to contact me unless he had something to say about how important what we had was. and i know he said he would respect that, so that is what he is doing.

 

i also know that he said he wants to have that conversation, and i believe him. but the longer he leaves it to get in touch, the less likely he is to say what i want him to say.

 

and right up until today i have been imagining how i am going to fling it back in his face and tell him that he left it too late. today all i can do is cry and cry and cry because i miss hearing from him so badly. i don't think i've hurt this badly since i was 21, and THAT was 13 frickin' YEARS ago.

 

how pathetic do i feel?

 

i need to try some of your techniques!

 

Yeah try them! And most importantly, try and make yourself happy instead of trying to hurt him, you might want him to say something, but when you're happier in yourself you may realise that you don't need him and his drama and you are better off without him

 

Stay strong and PM me if you want to talk xx

[relationship_stuff]

Listening to empowering songs is a great way for me. Other than that, getting a massage also works great.

[Own Worst Enemy]

How do I do the Pm thing? I am trying to see it and failing - useless technology fail! X

[Tree_Salmon]

A breathing exercise that calms panic attacks.

 

I do this, and when I open my eyes I ground myself by just remembering where I am, so I look around and I'm like oh that's a chair, or I can hear cars or whatever, and just be completely in the moment.

 

Aha yeah he's really not... he's just an unstable mess, who could sometimes be really nice.

haha oh really?! And I'm Aphrodite!

 

I can handle the break up, it's just the fact that he completely blindsided me that is the hardest thing to deal with. I think what ****s me over is that generally I forget about it and am pretty happy, and then I remember, and it's like a punch in the gut and then I have to compose myself again.

 

Yeah I think dating might be good, maybe in a couple of weeks when exams are over!

 

Lol I tend to be very determined when I set my mind to something, so if I decide to get over someone I will really do it.

 

xx

 

Don't tempt me, Aphrodite.

I can be pretty romantic.

 

I'm the same way. Once i make a decision its really hard to change my mind.

 

I'm telling you, once you really move on its gonna be hard to convince you to be with that person again. They always try to come back.

 

I think we are all with people who wouldn't even bother coming to a place like this. I know my ex wouldn't. In fact she jumped on another guy instead.

 

Punch. hole. in. world

[lovinglife21]

How do I do the Pm thing? I am trying to see it and failing - useless technology fail! X

 

Whoops I don't think that they PM on here. I'll set up an email addy and put it on this thread when I've done it

 

TREE_SALMON

 

I love romance! I always think out there in the big bad world there have to be some charming men to woo me... and then being a modern day female, for me to woo them right back

 

Yeap, I'll be done and he'll sit there wondering what the hell did I do, oh **** I have to live with my crazy ass BPD Mum. And I'll just be crazy happy. Then he can spend the rest of his life sorting out his issues.

 

Nah my ex wouldn't either, he's apparently joined some PUA (pick up artist) forum. He wants to learn how to be cool and funny or some ****. Sad because I actually thought he was those things... but apparently his self-esteem is so low that he has to learn. Oh I feel sorry for him.

 

See, Tree_Salmon, you've got to the hate now, and then in a few days you'll get to the pity just like me ... then soon enough it will be happiness for almost the whole day! yay! After all, pity means you have no respect for that person... and you can't love someone you don't respect.

 

xx