kyle77 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 So my ex broke up with me roughly 7 months ago.....initially I was destroyed. An emotional wreck. But since then I have done my best to pull myself together and force myself to not think of her. However, recently (the past month or so) it has gotten way harder to not think about her. I am constantly thinking about her and fantasizing about how we will be together again.... I thought it was suppose to get easier as time went by. A few months ago I was maybe thinking about her every other day for just a moment but now its like it is consuming me and a few months ago I was in constant contact with her. Now I haven't talked to her or seen her in a month and she is my every thought.... what do I do?
january2011 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Because you kept in contact with her, you weren't allowing yourself the space and time to heal properly. Now that you're not in contact anymore, it's as if you're breaking up all over again. Don't do this to yourself. Maintain NC. Give it at least six months, if not a year, before you get in touch again. 1
billythefish Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 i agree...its time to start again & move on...i was dumped 9 months ago & i went total N/C...( 8 months) i got over her ages ago but i still get drunken texts & emails from her every now & then, i just ignore her as her silence when she is sober is all i needed to know...going N/C has to be one of the toughest things to do & i did feel guilty about it but it had to be done. you might have heard this before but its their loss if they dont want us.
johan Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I've found breakups are most painful and take longest to get over when you blame yourself. It's easier for some reason to look at what you think are your own inadequacies than the other persons. You then kick yourself and think if not for those things you would still be together. Another chance with that person would give you redemption. If another chance is not possible, you face living with your failure forever, and you envision the other person happily moving on to someone who doesn't have such flaws. That's an unbearable thought. This kind of self-punishment comes in waves. You rise above it for a while. But then your thoughts circle back around, and you're back in it. You reason your way out of it, and then reason your way back into it. The cycles can take months, or they can take hours. It takes time to gather up enough good experiences to convince yourself it wasn't all you. And that you're a good guy, with or without your faults. Then you feel recovered and looking more to what you want your future to be and less to what you wish your past was. 2
lovinglife21 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Remember that she gave up on you and not the other way round. It's time for you to embrace what not having her in your life can give you. If you can't cope I gave some coping strategies in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/326401-how-do-you-cope. Unfortunately adjusting to her not being in your life is just part of the painful process xx
Author kyle77 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I just don't know what to do because right now I honestly feel like I don't want to live life if she isn't there to live it with me and I haven't felt this way in 3-4 months
Mr Scorpio Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 what do I do? Stop thinking about her. When your mind turns to her, have a default thought ready to go: something about her you didn't like, a song that you like, a mantra, anything other than a thought about her. It really is all about mental discipline. Time won't heal the wound if you keep tearing it open by thinking of her. This is where meditation comes into play: training yourself to calm your mind.
Author kyle77 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 its just i feel that when I force myself to not think of her its exactly what I end up doing and I fear that if I continually force myself not to think of her should I see her one day I am gonna be thrown off track because I will be forced to think about her if we talk....I guess what I want is to be naturally okay with thinking about her...I just don't want to be obsessing and I don't want my thinking of her to bring negative thoughts into my life...such as I am not good enough, I will never find happiness again, she was sooo perfect etc.
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