thatone Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 A big part of how men express their love, is through sexual connection. By not allowing that, you are blocking his love, in a sense. This is very frustrating for him. I am surprised he has hung in this long, and that is why I think he really cares for you and is not just trying to manipulate you into sex. I think your boyfriend is being honest with you. At the beginning, he probably thought he could do it. He doesn't sound like he is being a jerk about this, he just sounds sexually frustrated, which is very understandable. He's still respecting your boundaries. You are still wanting the affection and romance, but those actions no longer bring him pleasure because they are a constant reminder that he can't have all of you. He is avoiding those things because they bring him pain. Your insistence on still doing those things, knowing how it makes him feel, is insensitive. It makes you seem like a tease, because you are seeking to meet your needs (affection and attention), while disregarding his (sex). Why should your needs for affection and attention be more important than his? You expect him to meet your needs for affection and attention, and then expect him to be completely okay with having his needs denied. You should break up because right now, with no sex or affection, you are essentially just friends anyway. It is okay to decide that you are not ready for sex in a relationship, but for it to work BOTH partners need to genuinely agree about this. You don't want a sexual relationship, and he does. You are not compatible. agree completely. every man out there has been stuck in this situation at least once. the vast majority of them after making this mistake once will make a personal rule to never get attached to a woman who denies them sex again in the future. QS's explanation is spot on. you want a relationship and commitment and love from him, but you deny him something at the same time (sex). therefore it can't work unless you decide to start having sex with him, because absent that you're being selfish. so do the deed or leave, one or the other. 1
Pierre Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I do not think you should sleep with him if you aren't ready, but expecting him to never have a release is not right either. I think you should start taking slow steps forward... you touched his penis, and that's good. Maybe next time, you can touch it again, then let him masturbate while you make out with him. Then the next time, maybe you can stroke it some too. Then maybe you can try oral sex for a couple minutes. Just go slowly - but ALWAYS let him release, even if he is doing it himself. Keep making out though, so that you keep that connection and keep building your own desire. The thread is not so much about virginity. All women were virgins at one point and somehow got a push to have sex. It must be said that many teen women have sex at age 15 and 16 due to the pressure of the boys and most of these girls have no clue about what is like to have an orgasm or how to enjoy sex. They simply give the pussy up to keep the BF. Many of these women can only reach orgasm with oral and yet their sexuality is judged by allowing the penetration. The OP is sexually inexperienced and perhaps she needs a patient man that is a better lover. Perhaps the BF is one of these guys that just wants to insert the penis and does little else. When I had a virgin I never pressured her. That is the worst mistake a man can do with a virgin. She may give it up but, it will not be natural. When I dated the virgin I gave her orgasms with oral and afterwards she would also reach orgasm by grinding on top. Once she got used to that sort of pleasure she would ask me to insert my penis. There was no need to pressure her. The problem is that some men only know how to pump and dump and nothing else. This does very little for the women that do not have orgasms with penetration who quickly learn how to fake it. 1
thatone Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 it IS about virginity. you're trying to make it into some sort of self hating/guilt ridden religious conversation but it's really not.
Pierre Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 it IS about virginity. you're trying to make it into some sort of self hating/guilt ridden religious conversation but it's really not. I don't think virginity is the issue since all women were virgin at one point. The issue is that the BF of OP is a selfish man that probably only knows how to do the pump and dump and nothing else. The other possible issue is that perhaps OP is not very sexual. However, that has nothing to do with virginity. Like I said all women were virgins including the nymphomaniacs and the prude ones.
WonderKid Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 He's not selfish in imo. Brave in fact. But stupid also. He knew what he was getting into. I have been held without a release before and I tell you guys are pissed when they get blue balled. You're not cool with penetration? Try other things. Handjobs or blowjobs. But only if you're comfortable with it. It isn't right for him to force you. You're not a bad person at all. It is just your principles right? But just really find someone compatible with you. There is someone out there who share your same views and interests.
thatone Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 but that's not the issue, he stayed with her for 7 months and is apparently being honest in his reason for leaving her. like i said you're trying to turn it into some sort of stereotypical religious thing but it isn't.
Pierre Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 He's not selfish in imo. Brave in fact. But stupid also. He knew what he was getting into. I have been held without a release before and I tell you guys are pissed when they get blue balled. You're not cool with penetration? Try other things. Handjobs or blowjobs. But only if you're comfortable with it. It isn't right for him to force you. You're not a bad person at all. It is just your principles right? But just really find someone compatible with you. There is someone out there who share your same views and interests. Good post! they are a mismatch and they are both at fault.
6ft180natl Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 i was raised in a very conservative muslim family and believed in sex after marriage. nowadays, i dont know. im figuring it all out- when i want to have sex...if i ever do before marriage...how far should my boundaries lie? etc etc i told him im in a very exploratory stage...so far i have taken major milestones with him but they seem real insignificant to him. i sleep over at his place, he is the first guy to see me shirtless, the first guy i make out with the first guy to touch my boobs etc etc. all these are HUGE steps for me and should demonstrate that i do care and love him very much to share these events with him...but he just keeps wanting more. and now i dont want to proceed because i feel pressured and that i am doing it for HIM and not for me, yet. i dont feel ready, ESPECIALLY under these circumstances when he wont even kiss me unless i say we can move forward. I believe that he isn't denying you affection as a way to punish you for not giving him sex. You have to understand for men it really can be very painful and frustrating to get so worked up sexually without a release. His feelings on that are just as valid as your feelings on sex so it would be kind of hypocritical for you to get mad at him for that.
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