Sooo my ex got a DUI

[thinman]

I don't know how comfortable I am posting my story, as I'm not exactly sure of my motives. However I'm deeply confused and I could use a little clarity in my life. Things got a little crazy recently and I feel like I have to share it with somebody.

 

I'm thinman, and up until I turned twenty-two, I was a virgin. I've always had self esteem issues and I had a slow start out of high school; family obligations really kept me from discovering myself and reaching out until much later in life than normal. It's all good in the hood. A healthy dose of bushes, alcohol, and derelict friends later and I've become a new person that I don't hate nearly as much as the one I was before.

 

About a year and a half ago I met this girl (we'll call her Macy) who I naturally fell head over heels for. Despite not having ****ed anybody but a hand in my life, I'm not a little bitch. If I feel like somebody's using me, I cut them off. I don't let people prey on my weaknesses, and I can tell you with full confidence that this chick was the bomb diggety. She took my v-card and for a year and a half, we had a really cool relationship.

 

Problem is, like all relationships, we had some issues. Macy's parents abandoned her when she was 15, and as a result, she was raised by her brother's wife at the time...we'll call her Seline. Well, Seline and Macy's brother divorced, but Macy kept living with Seline. They have a real strong familial bond because Seline had a kid with Macy's brother, who's now fourteen or fifteen. Seline is the matriarchal figure in Macy's life.

 

Unfortunately, Seline and her current husband are rude, selfish, materialistic people who use to take advantage of my ex-girlfriend Macy, constantly making her run errands and pick their kids up from school, running her work schedule....they even had her cleaning pools for their pool business for free. It is what it is...I fussed over it, especially because every time I encountered them they made ME go out of MY way to do things, and were overall just very disrespectful and clueless around me.

 

Suffice to say, Macy is obsessed with pleasing these people, because that's what she is; a people pleaser. And she hated the fact that me and her adopted family didn't really get along. I tried to many a time, but it was to no avail; we have nothing in common. Whatever. It became an issue though at the tail end of our relationship because I was trying to start a life with Macy. I wanted her to move into my apartment.

 

We talked about it, even planned it a good six months ahead of time. I was skeptical that she was going to move out with me because she's incredibly dependent on these people. I ended up being right. When the time came to move, she hadn't saved a single penny. Which was fine; I had fifteen hundred dollars towards a move and was willing to pay for both of us. However Seline, the matriarchal figure, told Macy she shouldn't move in with me; Macy went along with it. She refused to move in with me unless SHE got to pick the apartment, and I wasn't about to let someone with no money who was only working 20 hours a week pick an apartment I couldn't afford.

 

So the logical thing to do was to break it off. I wanted to get serious, she didn't. End of story, clear cut. It's almost like I had my hand forced. And I tell you what. Breaking up with her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do emotionally. Ever. I was a mess for the first month. Especially because we ended on bad terms. The week we'd been arguing she went out with her good friend Katie and ended up making out with Katie's brother. Granted, Macy told me about it, but it only fueled the fire. It was evident that Macy's feelings were in a different place then mine. Not only did I break it off with her, I called her a whore and told her not to talk to me.

 

Break-ups are difficult, especially when it's your first major relationship. I mishandled my emotions and made some mistakes. I hung out with Macy's sister a couple of times after we broke up, and finally, after weeks of seeing me distraught over this girl, her sister told me Macy had already dated three different guys in the three weeks we'd been broken up and to get over her. This was none of my business, and it was certainly Macy's right to do whatever she wanted. She's single afterall. But I got angry. I got angry because I'd spent a lot of money on Macy and taken good care of her for the duration of our relationship, and it seemed like that meant nothing to her. I sent her room mate Seline a nasty text, calling Macy a whore, and that I never wanted to see her again. Then I changed my phone number, lol. Totally immature and juvenile, I know.

 

Ever since I did that though, my life sort of took off. I scored a rebound **** with this one chick, and I started working on myself. I resigned my lease with my old apartment so I could keep that fifteen hundred dollars, and I balled out. I bought some new furniture, had my carpets cleaned, and started getting tattoo work done. I'm actually working on a Florida themed sleeve right now that's cool as ****. Not only that, but I started to learn that women are actually pretty interested in me. They're not always the most desirable women (LOL), but lately I've been having a lot of fun and I've really come out of my shell.

 

Here's where **** gets crazy.

 

Me and Macy broke up mid March, and it is now mid May. I kept no contact for two months because initially I was hurt, but it got easier as time wore on. I've been on my facebook a lot trying to get pussy and ****, and the other day Macy's younger sister (she's 15) tried to friend me on facebook. I sent her a message, asking her “Why do you want to friend me? I don't date your sister anymore,” and she replied, “I still know you, don't I?” Hey, whatever. It sounded innocent enough, and besides...maybe my ex Macy was trying to spy on me and see how I'm doing. I have a bunch of pictures on there of me balling out in clubs and ****, so whatever, I added her, not really thinking anything of it. Two days later Macy finally messages me on facebook, going straight psycho.

 

She accused me of trying to be friends with all her family and talking **** about her to them, which, in the beginning, may not have been too far from the truth. She finished it with, “you need to move on and let go. I thought I showed you how it was done.” That got me hot, and for a minute I got sucked into a stupid namecalling fest. Then I realized that calling each other names wasn't going to accomplish anything. I apologized for the previous incidents and asked her politely not to message me anymore because there's no point. The apology was sincere. She never replied.

 

This was Saturday. Yesterday, I think I discovered the main reason behind her lash out. A mutual friend informed me she got a DUI last week.

 

Listen. I really, really, really loved this girl. I took good care of her. Bought her jewelry, took her places...we went out all the time. Our relationship was never boring. The sex was fantastic. The only reason I ever ended it was because I wanted to advance, and she wouldn't. I want a life partner. I wanna start a family. If you can't move in with me after a year and a half, it's time for me to start looking, you know? I didn't want to, and ultimately have had a tough time dealing with it...now I'm just blown away. Her life sucks sooo bad now. She shares a bunk bed with a twelve-year-old kid at Seline's house...she's about to be twenty-three-years-old, and she sleeps in a bunk bed with a kid. Not only that, now she can't escape her reality...she doesn't have a freaking license anymore! And she doesn't live anywhere near civilization...she doesn't have many friends...

 

Part of me is real spiteful. I definitely feel like I'm an awesome person with a huge heart and that the relationship's destruction was due to lack of effort on her part. I don't appreciate how she just started wading into guys after we split either. But...I know she's at rock bottom. That's probably why she flipped on me. And part of me is sick to my stomach about it. I couldn't even sleep last night.

 

Her birthday is 5/22. She has a court date for her DUI 5/21. I don't know whether it's appropriate for me to contact her again....I know she's going through it right now. I wouldn't wish a DUI on my worst enemy, and the worst part about it is, she doesn't even drink like that. I feel terrible. I want to send her a message saying I heard about the DUI and I'm extremely sorry about it, and that I know she'll beat it in court and that I hope things work out....but...I know it's gonna be super difficult for her to mack on dudes right now, and I don't want to get sucked back into the relationship via the shoulder to cry on. I'm not trying to get used. I think I just need to leave it alone and continue moving on, but...I thought I'd ask the experts on here before I did anything, lol.

[Chi townD]

Yep! You need to move on. You ended the relationship. Therefore, you made the choice of having her out of your life. Her legal troubles are her own. She's gonna lose her license for quite a while, but that was her own fault. She wanted a life away from you to date other guys (which she did in earnest) and to party. Her partying burned her. So, now she has to put her big girl pants on and face the music. Her lashing out on you on Facebook was just a selfish way of blowing off steam because her world is imploding on her. Since you two didn't end on the best of terms, it was easy to lash out at you.

 

She made these choices in her life. Not you. You just need to focus on yourself and improving yourself. She's got her own problems to deal with and you don't need to swoop in and save her. Remember, she didn't want to get serious or take life further with you. So, you owe her nothing.

 

ANd I might be older but what the hell does balling out the apartment and balling out at the clubs. The only time I've seen this term used (balling) is when a person is doing anabalic steroids.

Edited May 15, 2012 by Chi townD

[thinman]

1.ballin out

To spend exorbitant amounts of money. Usually with the confines of one ridiculously drunken evening. Often accompanied by sluts, assorted bling, and no regard for any type of human reason.

 

Yo, we ballin out tonight or what?

 

And yeah, you're absolutely right. You know, usually the answers are right in front of you, in plain sight. Sometimes it takes a little convincing to accept those answers though. Thanks.

[dasein]

Consider just wishing her well without telling her about it. We have a way of letting our minds trick us during NC to break it. This girl made her choice, she chose other than you. The end. If she changes her mind, she will let you know. In your shoes, I'd keep having fun, working on yourself, and moving on from her by sticking to NC. Good luck.