lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) I have been seeing a man since January & all of a sudden he just stopped talking. It's not like anything bad happened, just the opposite! Guess that's where this post comes in so I can get some feedback from the guys that have done this & why & from the women that have been thru this & what what did they do... I have known this man for years. We have the same career (law enforcement) & used to work together before I moved away. At the time we worked together, he was married so I never disrespected him or his wife by acting on the feelings I had for him. I just buried them & chalked it up as something that would never be. We became really good friends & worked perfectly together, but that was it. I moved back to the area because of an ailing family member & took my old job back. Wasn't long before I worked a call with an officer that worked with him (he works at another agency in another town) & once he found out I was back he hit me up. The conversation flowed just as it had back in the day EXCEPT for the fact that he had gotten a divorce a couple years back & was currently single. Our relationship took a new turn because he stated that he had extremely strong feelings for me back in the day & was now able to act on them so we began to date. Everything was as it should be. Long conversations over the phone, which surprised us both because neither of us likes to talk on the phone (we prefer face-to-face) & thousands of text messages. This occurred on a daily basis. Because of the distance & our rigid schedules we had to deal with only seeing each other once a week but we made the best of that one day! This is where it gets confusing. After an amazing date last week, I have yet to hear from him. He literally just dropped off the radar. He won't respond back to even the most casual of text messages. I know he is a busy guy & has alot on his plate BUT this is the man that would talk to me while he was in the middle of a "hot call" or on a traffic stop so the silent treatment has me all twisted up! I have run thru my head a hundred times as to if I said something or did something that ticked him off & can come up with NOTHING! I don't like to talk about my private life with my co-workers & I don't want to say anything yet to my friends so I started googling to see if people have posted anything that was similar & what the ending outcome was. It was all interesting reading but 9 times out of 10, massively deflating I have never chased after a man, nor will I start now. We are both in our 40's & neither one of us are childish or dramatic & I do not intend on changing that up but right now I am in the annoyance phase & am close to sending that "YOU JERK" text/email. It has been a week with absolutely no contact & I am just trying to figure out what my next step to take should be. I don't want to be a stalker but I don't want him to think I don't care. I have never in my life felt the way that I do for him & even tho I never professed my feelings out loud, he knows that he is soooooo not in the "friend zone". I know everyone is different & responses will be varied BUT I would appreciate any & all feedback. Even if it's brutal, just as long as it's honest!! Edited May 15, 2012 by lostandconfuzzled
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 here's the deal... i'm gonna need you to sign off on a couple of fix it tickets for me... tinted windows, no front plate, nothing major... judging from your lingo i'm assuming you're an officer from the states... as for Captain Amazing, one scenario is, as much as you might have thought the 1000's of text messages was mutual, but it might have been overwhelming for him... i know it is for me... initially you put up with it in the beginning phases or until you get to see if you're wearing matching kevlar panties, if you know what i mean... if you are in the annoyance phase, i'm assuming you two have played cops and robbers in the bedroom?? it sounds to me like he just had to fulfill a fantasy of his from before, nothing more nothing less... and you sound level headed and resourceful, so i'm sure you've casually checked around to make sure he wasn't injured on duty or sitting in a holding cell for accepting bribes... there's an idea though... time to make an anonymous call to IAD...
lilyblue Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I have been seeing a man since January & all of a sudden he just stopped talking. It's not like anything bad happened, just the opposite! Guess that's where this post comes in so I can get some feedback from the guys that have done this & why & from the women that have been thru this & what what did they do... I have known this man for years. We have the same career (law enforcement) & used to work together before I moved away. At the time we worked together, he was married so I never disrespected him or his wife by acting on the feelings I had for him. I just buried them & chalked it up as something that would never be. We became really good friends & worked perfectly together, but that was it. I moved back to the area because of an ailing family member & took my old job back. Wasn't long before I worked a call with an officer that worked with him (he works at another agency in another town) & once he found out I was back he hit me up. The conversation flowed just as it had back in the day EXCEPT for the fact that he had gotten a divorce a couple years back & was currently single. Our relationship took a new turn because he stated that he had extremely strong feelings for me back in the day & was now able to act on them so we began to date. Everything was as it should be. Long conversations over the phone, which surprised us both because neither of us likes to talk on the phone (we prefer face-to-face) & thousands of text messages. This occurred on a daily basis. Because of the distance & our rigid schedules we had to deal with only seeing each other once a week but we made the best of that one day! This is where it gets confusing. After an amazing date last week, I have yet to hear from him. He literally just dropped off the radar. He won't respond back to even the most casual of text messages. I know he is a busy guy & has alot on his plate BUT this is the man that would talk to me while he was in the middle of a "hot call" or on a traffic stop so the silent treatment has me all twisted up! I have run thru my head a hundred times as to if I said something or did something that ticked him off & can come up with NOTHING! I don't like to talk about my private life with my co-workers & I don't want to say anything yet to my friends so I started googling to see if people have posted anything that was similar & what the ending outcome was. It was all interesting reading but 9 times out of 10, massively deflating I have never chased after a man, nor will I start now. We are both in our 40's & neither one of us are childish or dramatic & I do not intend on changing that up but right now I am in the annoyance phase & am close to sending that "YOU JERK" text/email. It has been a week with absolutely no contact & I am just trying to figure out what my next step to take should be. I don't want to be a stalker but I don't want him to think I don't care. I have never in my life felt the way that I do for him & even tho I never professed my feelings out loud, he knows that he is soooooo not in the "friend zone". I know everyone is different & responses will be varied BUT I would appreciate any & all feedback. Even if it's brutal, just as long as it's honest!! Back with the ex! At least that's what happened to me in the same situation. Same "feelings for me back in the day" etc, etc. Then, vanished. It's really painful, and I'm sorry. I can't believe people can do this, especially when there is such history.
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 well i didn't see that one coming... you said he divorced a couple of years ago... damn... are we SURE he was divorced?? lol...
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Captain Amazing? Good one lol...as for the communication, we excelled in that area & yes, I have made sure he is ok, I know he is not back with his ex because she remarried a few months back. We live in small rural areas so it's not hard to find out who did what with whom. The physical attraction was toe-curling (for both lol) so that's not the problem either. I think the biggest part is that if he did get "tired" of me, he should man up & say so. Not pull this juvenile stunt of no talking. I expected more & I refuse to lower my expectations... P.S... No ticket fixing, but good try lol
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 The "vanishing" act is just so confusing because he knows I know where he is & what he is doing (work-wise). Trust me, I have mad Penelope skills! But I refuse to hunt him down & demand a response. Guess I feel like if I meant that little then he doesn't deserve me. I just can't seem to get it out of my head what happened. Maybe it's the no closure thing. I know friends that have had this happen to them & half move on like no biggie, the other half because extremely insecure but all became jaded & I do not want to fall into THAT category!!
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I say we plant evidence in his locker and call it a day... don't let him get to you and force you to fire off a hate filled text message / e-mail... be the better person and let him play these childish games... some day down the road, there will come a time when he might need assistance from a neighboring department ( yours ) and hopefully you will be the only officer on duty, and when he's overwhelmed by a herd of deer stampeding into a truck stop, take your sweet time getting there... (I only say deer and truck stop because they are the first two things that popped into my head when you said rural area) 3
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 The "vanishing" act is just so confusing because he knows I know where he is & what he is doing (work-wise). Trust me, I have mad Penelope skills! But I refuse to hunt him down & demand a response. Guess I feel like if I meant that little then he doesn't deserve me. I just can't seem to get it out of my head what happened. Maybe it's the no closure thing. I know friends that have had this happen to them & half move on like no biggie, the other half because extremely insecure but all became jaded & I do not want to fall into THAT category!! you won't, you know why? you carry at least a 9mm in your holster... hopefully a .40... so you remind the next guy to come along that you have cuffs and bullets and a vast forrest (again, back to the rural thing, I can't stop thinking of Super Troopers) to dispose of his carcass... jaded, well, that's probably too late, you've been an officer how long?
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Aren't you the comedian trist! I appreciate the humor tho & in between all of that I got what you are saying. Take the high road, no hate mail...I guess I just want him to know that what he is doing is extremely insensitive. He always rattled on about how he was "nothing special" & I would always respond back that he was unique in my eyes but now he is exactly what he said he was & that is just so deflating. Although I do hope that when he heads to the truck stop to fuel up that the biggest herd of deer hinder him until he runs out of gas & has to call me for assistance. Answer will be (after a long bout of laughing) "Negative, hoof it or use that quarter to call someone else who cares"
Parallel_Lines Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I say the guy just got overwhelmed, needed to retreat to his cave. Don't follow him in there, and don't wait by the entrance Let him recharge a bit and he'll come running back to you. I don't think he has lost interest, he just needs some alone time right now. 4
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 you won't, you know why? you carry at least a 9mm in your holster... hopefully a .40... so you remind the next guy to come along that you have cuffs and bullets and a vast forrest (again, back to the rural thing, I can't stop thinking of Super Troopers) to dispose of his carcass... jaded, well, that's probably too late, you've been an officer how long? Been in this field for over a decade but am not jaded...yet lol
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 now that's the attitude I expect from a gun toting rural deputy !!! and now I know it's REALLY rural where you are from... us city folk dont even see any more pay phones really, let alone one that costs a quarter... last I checked and it was YEARS ago, it's around 50-75 cents, lol... you'll be fine, it's natural to want to know what happened, even though you know the answer to that question... nobody likes it, so I don't imagine you would either... just take your anger or frustration out on someone driving with a broken taillight or the next jaywalker... it'll be out of your system soon... I see an increase in citations whenever you're on duty for the next little while though, lol... 1
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I say the guy just got overwhelmed, needed to retreat to his cave. Don't follow him in there, and don't wait by the entrance Let him recharge a bit and he'll come running back to you. I don't think he has lost interest, he just needs some alone time right now. I had wondered the exact same thing but the lack of communication is what has got me. That's why I backed off. I am so not the clingy type & will not smother him or try to find a way to get an unwanted reaction BUT again, I feel as if I back off that he will think I don't care enough to pursue. If this is a test, I don't want to fail BUT dang, I suck at tests lol 1
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 now that's the attitude I expect from a gun toting rural deputy !!! and now I know it's REALLY rural where you are from... us city folk dont even see any more pay phones really, let alone one that costs a quarter... last I checked and it was YEARS ago, it's around 50-75 cents, lol... you'll be fine, it's natural to want to know what happened, even though you know the answer to that question... nobody likes it, so I don't imagine you would either... just take your anger or frustration out on someone driving with a broken taillight or the next jaywalker... it'll be out of your system soon... I see an increase in citations whenever you're on duty for the next little while though, lol... Let's just say my treadmill is growling at me cuz I have been running out my frustrations on it lol. Heaven forbid I take it out on the public, that's a whole other topic thread haha. As for the rural area? Yeah, you got me pegged. At least we have internet & Ma Bell tho Thank you for your input & the chuckles. I appreciate them both
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 well by Internet do you mean dial up? have you heard of 4G service yet? lol, just kidding... just don't over analyze it, relax, take a breath and do you for the time being... you're already taking care of that pretty much... let the facker come crawling back, but in the case he doesn't, just hold your head up high and forget him... he doesn't deserve to load his bullets into your chamber anymore... and yes, that was a sexual reference... first time I've ever been able to use a firearm to describe it... 2
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 well by Internet do you mean dial up? have you heard of 4G service yet? lol, just kidding... just don't over analyze it, relax, take a breath and do you for the time being... you're already taking care of that pretty much... let the facker come crawling back, but in the case he doesn't, just hold your head up high and forget him... he doesn't deserve to load his bullets into your chamber anymore... and yes, that was a sexual reference... first time I've ever been able to use a firearm to describe it... That's why I decided to get on here, it's a distraction from the over-analyzationing that I am trying hard not to do...Glad I did get on here because the fresh & amusing insight is just what I needed, so either way this thing plays out, at least I tried to make sure that my dignity stayed intact! Sorry, it took so long to respond but there is no 4G in iHop As for the firearm reference, LOVE it & will jot that down for future reference lmao!! 1
crazylove Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Maybe something major could have come up with family/friends? Does he have any children from his marriage? Either that, or he could just be a commitmentphobe and is withdrawing because you guys have become too close. Who knows the weird ways in which mens minds work?! lol:o 1
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Maybe something major could have come up with family/friends? Does he have any children from his marriage? Either that, or he could just be a commitmentphobe and is withdrawing because you guys have become too close. Who knows the weird ways in which mens minds work?! lol:o hey now, we're actually quite simple creatures... feed us, let us watch football n Sunday's and give us sex... what's so complicated about that?? 2
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Maybe something major could have come up with family/friends? Does he have any children from his marriage? Either that, or he could just be a commitmentphobe and is withdrawing because you guys have become too close. Who knows the weird ways in which mens minds work?! lol:o All good points! Kids, yes, he has two. Just like me, same age as mine with a desire to have no more since our babies are 16. Both girls are my friends on FB & I have seen nothing & trust me, they post about everything lol! He doesn't like FB, thinks its annoying. I personally think it is a useful "tool" I have complimented myself on thinking that maybe he did withdraw because he was starting to feel more than he wanted as well. Bad part is, that's supposed to be flattering to know I am doing everything right & yet I also feel as if that is also a bad thing & am being "punished". I am a thinker & sometimes I do way to much of that. I just have never spent so much time doing it this way lol Ahh, the inner workings of the minds of men...ergo the reason for this post cuz they are sometimes more confusing than us women-folk
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 hey now, we're actually quite simple creatures... feed us, let us watch football n Sunday's and give us sex... what's so complicated about that?? Simplicity at it's best! FYI, we women like the same things 2
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 that's what they all say, and then suddenly you want us taking out the trash during a crucial 3rd and 1... we're hardly talking about the douche now... I think we're well on the road to recovery!!
crazylove Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 that's what they all say, and then suddenly you want us taking out the trash during a crucial 3rd and 1... we're hardly talking about the douche now... I think we're well on the road to recovery!! What's wrong with the man taking out the trash?! LOL:laugh: 1
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 What's wrong with the man taking out the trash?! LOL:laugh: absolutely nothing, but I swear it always happens at the absolute worst time... it's like you plan it that way... on purpose... just to see how much we care, lol... 2
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 that's what they all say, and then suddenly you want us taking out the trash during a crucial 3rd and 1... we're hardly talking about the douche now... I think we're well on the road to recovery!! Humor & guns, two things to get this chic distracted...even tho I'm not obsessing over the "douche" I do like the fact that I can talk about it & feel somewhat better for the moment. It was either talk, get it off my chest or go postal & in my profession that's alot of unwanted paperwork lol 1
Author lostandconfuzzled Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 What's wrong with the man taking out the trash?! LOL:laugh: Hey now, we are trained on tactical trash timing...I am an expert
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