Dad admitted he just tolerates my husband because I am with him

[pink_sugar]

I already knew this, but once it was verbalized it's hard to accept that my dad will never truely accept my H into the family. I'm only 23 and if I choose to be with my H the rest of my life, this will be hard to deal with forever. I don't know why it's so shocking, I already knew this. Just like I knew his stepfather never accepted our relationship either. But then again, my H's stepfather never even made an effort to be a part of my H's life or get to know him. He only cares about his own family and he recently voiced how he's "done" with the both of us and has been for a long time. Sometimes these things amongst other things make me worry about our relationship and lack of support. It's not so much that I need "approval", but I guess I am dealing with envy of others who seem to have much better inlaws and families accepting of their spouse.

[carhill]

Cleave to each other and present a unified front to family and the world at large. Your union, your partnership, your marriage is the focus. Families who choose not to accept such make that choice. They own it. They take responsibility for it. They accept the consequences of it.

 

I recall a niece of my exW who experienced something like this with her fiance's parents, to the point that the parents showed up to the wedding late and their son later refused to visit them with their grandchildren after such were born. Awful, but everyone made choices.

 

Focus on those who do accept and support you and your H. That's forward. Move forward.

[pink_sugar]

Good point, carhill. My dad actually left early from our wedding for the same reason. We're not planning on inviting him to the vow renewal next year. Those who feel that way can stay home.

 

When we have children, we also plan to limit their exposure to certain relatives. My dad is and always will be stuck in the past. My H never did anything to him and he bases judgement on weight, looks, degree or lack of and job. He always talks about the horrible things I did as a child and what horrible things my mom did back then. I want to move forward and if I do have kids, I don't want to expose them to the imploding negativity.

[Lucky_One]

Honestly? You don't like your father, nor do you respect him or his past choices. Why do you even care how he feels about your husband or your marriage?

 

As a side note - a vow renewal? After 3 years? And anniversary pictures in a second wedding dress because you didn't like your first pictures? Kids these days.....

[pink_sugar]

More like after 5 years and plenty of people have them. A lot of people have separate pictures. We were rushed through all our photos within 20 minutes and the photographer was an amateur. You'd want better photos as well instead of hating your wedding photos and wishing they could have been better. Would you rather spend a few hundred to alter your wedding dress for photos or buy another for the same price? It's a dress an article of clothing. Many photographers suggest wedding re-shoot photos for those who's photos didn't turn out very well. If someone would like nice memorable photos to display, who is anyone to deny them that? Many people even have a wedding ceremony after they are technically married, because they got married in a court house.

Edited May 15, 2012 by pink_sugar