ls32ssibm Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 It was a 4 month relationship that ended 8 months ago. I feel lame and pathetic for still feeling hurt by it. Just some background....it was a girl I had known since we were both 9 years old. We were never friends or anything, but ended up dating last year (we were 23-24) after she got home from college. I fell. HARD. Turns out, she was probably using me to get over another relationship that fell apart when she finished college. She told me she loved me back, but ended up dumping me after we had a few arguments. Thanks to good old Facebook, I know she was seeing another guy a week later that had went to her college but lived somewhat locally as well. The last time I broke down and Facebooked her was Feb, haven't since. Anyway, I know we weren't compatible. Everything was a struggle. From hanging out, making plans, intimacy, or even just talking, everything was like pulling hairs. I *think* the whole thing was some sort of weird fantasy for me because I was never popular with the ladies in grade school. She was always a cute girl and I think it was some sort of fantasy I was living, dating a girl in my graduating class.... I don't know, I'm trying to be reasonable to quell my loneliness. I haven't had a gal since, and even then I'm horrible at meeting them and even if I do I don't want to get hurt again.
Savage4 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) A 4 month relationship that ended 8 months ago? I'd say it's time for you to move on. It's always easier said than done, especially if it was your first real love. After 8 months it's a very good bet that she is never coming back, so what are you holding on to? You are living in the past and may very well be missing opportunities in the present. Remember that when one door closes, another opens. It's always a shame when people get used in rebound relationships because they end up falling apart most of the time, but it happens to a lot of us, including me. Your ex keeps using people to feel better about herself time and time again. Unfortunately she will probably continue to be unhappy until she realizes that she is the problem and works through her underlying issues. Sometimes facing the pain and working your way through it is the only way. It's good that you are seeing the relationship for what it truly was instead of focusing on your fairy-tale image of it. Many of us including myself struggle dearly to accept the flaws of our own relationships. It sounds like this relationship meant a lot to you. Maybe a little too much. I'm sure you were addicted to the feeling of being in a relationship, along with sharing your life with this girl. You want that back and you crave that. To clarify: I really think you are hung up on not having a relationship instead of the girl herself. If you were to meet a new girl I guarantee you would forget all about your ex and the way you are feeling now. Next time you are in a relationship with a girl, appreciate it for what it is, don't take it for granted, but don't make it the center of your universe either. Like with everything in life, moderation is key. Don't stop yourself from meeting someone new just because you are afraid of getting hurt. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Edited May 15, 2012 by Savage4
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 The time you were together doesn't dictate how deep the attachment runs for you. So don't see it that way, it's unnecessarily self loathing. However, she has already had twice the space in your head since she left you. And as a friend said cruelly but accurately to me once: do you really think she is lying around there thinking about you? Er. NO! So get out there and meet someone better. There are flirting classes if you want to get in practice!
Tree_Salmon Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) 4 months? C'mon man let this one go. You got off really easy. Be happy it wasn't 4 years and things weren't like heaven. Find yourself someone better Edited May 15, 2012 by Tree_Salmon
Author ls32ssibm Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 I'm chalking this one up to inexperience. First girl I was head over heels for.
favoritepills Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 It gets better. Look at it this way: you got to date the cute girl in class for 4 months. That was cool, now it's time to find another cute girl who's more compatible with you (and likes you just as much as you like her).
Author ls32ssibm Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I wrote this on another board, but it's only gotten one reply. I figured I'd write it here, because maybe it will explain why I grew attached to this chick the way I did. Please keep in mind while I was going through everything here, she was writing me very sweet letters. In a way, I am holding on to her through this episode as well. I greatly appreciate anyone who reads it in addition to the main point of this thread. I greatly appreciate anybody who reads this. I've posted a bit on military forums about my screw-ups and how I can improve but I thought it would be better to take it to a different outlet. So here's the story... This time last year I was a completely different person. In a way, I felt like I was one of the luckiest guys in the world. I had a beautiful girlfriend that I had been dating for a few months, and I was about to make a childhood dream come true: In Jan 2011, after two solid years of jumping through the hoops and training, I had been selected for Marine Corps Officer Candidate School, which was slated to start in June of 2011. This time last year I was just saying sayonara to my job that I had held for three years prior, was gearing up, and was motivated. One of the last things I did was go to Gettysburg with the girlfriend on Memorial Day weekend before I shipped out. Just for some elaboration, I am a huge history buff. My heroes? GySgt John Basilone, Capt. Henry Elrod, and my grandfather, a proud 87 year old WWII and Korea veteran. I had ever looked up to athletes or superheroes, but these guys and many others like them, you bet. The best part is that I was vaguely following in their footsteps. I mean, I would never consider myself a hero but I was going to serve my country to the best of the ability. Here's the downfall of my story, so the contrast isn't too shocking; I ended up crashing and burning at OCS. I had prepared physically, but the guys there who were athletes in college had a huge advantage. I had gone underweight at a meager 160 pounds, forced to carry the same amount of weight as some of the guys who were 200 plus. I wasn't the WORST candidate from the get go. A guy from Harvard was sent home on day 4 or 5 for failing the initial physical fitness test. But I more-or-less became the worst. The first hard PFT day I COMPLETED BUSTED ASS. I had a pre-ship run time of 23 minutes (3 mile run), did a 22 minute 3 mile on the initial test, but on this first day our Platoon Sgt. had us run about an 18 min 3 mile, which for me is insane. I didn't fall out. I gave it my all. Following the run was about 20 minutes of hard UBD (upper body development) with various cardio activities thrown in. I did my best. When it was all said and done, I couldn't stand. A Navy Corpsman walked me off the field into the hospital, which was yards away. I had succumbed to "heat stroke", with a body temperature reading of about 106. About 20 others went down that day, in the triple digit heat. This is when things fell apart for me. Due to my injury, I missed a few days if vital training. When I returned to my platoon in full, they all had their rifles issued to them. I hadn't received mine yet. They had already learned how to drill fairly well in those few days. I had no clue. Easily fixable, right? Not so much. When I was finally given my rifle, I was unable to perform a lot of basic drill movements due to never have learned them properly. The Sergeant Instructors tormented me and singled me out every minute of every hour, and every hour of every day it seemed for three-or-so weeks strait. I had a target right in the middle of my forehead. Any correction I attempted to make was completely in vain; I was always doing something wrong. The physical training started getting hard. Very hard. Harder than I was able to adapt. This also singled me out. I would always complete runs, but not fast enough. The mental breakdown created a false reality for me. I hated it. I wanted to go home. Is that what Marines are like? They told me every day that I didn't have what it takes to lead Marines. They told me that when the boards to cut people (around week 7) start up, they were going to make sure I was put on them. I believed them. Come week 4, you are allowed to quit. It isn't as simple as "walking out", the whole process takes a few days. But, once you quit, you can NEVER come back. I had put in my request to quit. I rescinded when we got our first liberty and I was able to make some phone calls back home. Nobody wanted me to quit, but at the same time nobody really knew what I was going through. My grandfather had gone through "similar" training, but I don't think he was the Gomer Pyle of his platoon, either. So, the Marine Sergeant Instructors treated me even worse when they found out I had contemplated quitting. So bad, that I had considered it again on week 6 when I had a chance to speak to my Platoon commander. This time, it was my fellow candidates who stopped me. They had said they had seen a lot of improvement in me and they agreed that a lot of flak I was catching was completely unwarranted, and suggested I report it as being "singled out" to my Platoon commander. I didn't do this since I didn't want to display further weakness. Week 8 comes around. I get boarded. The reason cited was my academic average was sub-par (which it was. I admit I was slacking a bit here during the timeframes that I was under a complete mental breakdown) but the real reason was my attempts to quit the course. They questioned my commitment. After being berated in front of a Major and a Colonel, and trying to give my side of the story on why I should stay, I was sent home. I didn't convince them, because truthfully I didn't WANT to stay. There were 3 more weeks to go, and 3 more boards. I just knew I wasn't going to back it anyway. I had stepped on two many toes and made too many mistakes. I missed my friends, my girlfriend and my freedom. Fast forward one year. A lot has happened. My beloved "sweetheart" who wrote me letters while at OCS ended up dumping me a month after I got home because of how "I was acting" after all of it. I guess I don't blame her, but I said some nasty things to her that I regret and she didn't deserve after she broke my heart. I have been unable to find "steady" employment like I had before (that's a whole story by itself), and I have severely disappointed many, many people who had been bragging about what I was doing, including my grandfather. They may not say it directly, but I can tell. So what am I doing now? Well, I finally wrapped up my B.A. I haven't been able to meet another girl that I would actually like to date, although that isn't my biggest concern, but being lonely sucks. Anyway, perspective is everything. I'm trying to get back into the OCS class for this upcoming January. The thing is, it will likely be with a reservist contract since the military was recently gutted. It's a lot different, but still, I will be able to serve. I seem a little crazy for wanting to go back after all that happened, but DEEP down it's what I want. All I can do is hope that I'll be better prepared. I am still haunted by all the mistakes I've made, and wonder what would have been. A lot of this is hard to think about let alone write about, but I just needed to vent in someway.
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