eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) Today was a good day. I mean, as much as the days can be good, it was a good day. Most of my crying was done by the time that the sun came out and everyone else woke up. I went to work, and with the support of great people (including those on this site) I slowly built myself up to a kind of inner strength. I had a handle on things, an understanding. I hadn't initiated any contact in a couple of days (which for me, was a huge accomplishment because my urge is always to send, send, send). I was telling myself that everything was going to be okay. And then, I just collapsed, for probably a really stupid reason. I was looking at Facebook (I know - a big mistake, I've been trying to limit my FB time by a lot) when I realized that his sister (a girl I had thought I was actually friends with, had spent a lot of time with) had unfriended me on facebook. It was just one of those moments where you kind of reel back and think: oh. Oh, no. Like, this is really happening to me. This is really, honest-to-God, my life. He is really in love with somebody else. And it just knocked me down to day one and I started sobbing and I couldn't stop. I frequently cry at work, but rarely with such absurd abandon. Our lives are departing, like they had never converged. And I'm sitting here now, at this computer, typing away and I can barely see because there are too many tears. I thought I was getting better; I thought I was moving beyond the point where I wanted to curl up and literally die, but I really, honestly did in that moment just want to stop existing. Why is my brain still trying to process this? Why won't it just sink in that he doesn't want me? To make matters worse, I sent him some texts. I hadn't done it in days; I was proud of not initiating contact during the weekend. And I blew it all: I told him I knew he was happy, but I loved him. I told him that I just never thought he would stop loving me. I just flat out blew it, all of my progress, all of my supposed strength, and I'm just. Done. Edited May 15, 2012 by eles83 because even if i want to die, I'd like my sentences to make sense.
dng Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I just flat out blew it, all of my progress, all of my supposed strength, and I'm just. Done. Progress is very often three steps forward and then two steps backward. Today is hard, tomorrow and the day after will be better, perhaps in three days, like will suck again. For how long have you two been done? I have people around me telling me "I understand perfectly why its taking you so long to get better", and I have other people telling me "You need to kick yourself in the behind and force progress", and everything else in between. Remove him from the equation and then do what your heart tells you to do. I know, its only words.. The actions are yours. 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I have some homework for you...BLOCK everyone who has any connectoin to him, make sure he is blocked, too. I like my Facebook, but it hurt to see not only that my ex moved on and posted the pictures all over the place with his new g/f, but they friended each other's siblings as well. It hurt...but...It doesn't have to hurt anymore; be done with these people. She unfriended you? Block her. It will give you a sense of power to take back for yourself. Crying is good; it is a sense of release; just don't let it consume you. Reality is setting in, but you are handling it just fine. And no more texts to him. Why, for the life of me, do people text/contact those who dumped them? I will never know. My policy was always if you don't want to see me anymore, buh bye..It hurts, but I'll not chase someone/contact them when they don't want anything to do with me. Stay NC; it is the BEST healing for you!!! I promise you, you will pull through this and feel better:) 1
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Thank you, guys. Somehow just the act of typing the words helped me calm down a wee bit. Sure, there's still the heart palpitations and bottomless sorry, but I'm not texting him anymore, so... that's good? LOL For how long have you two been done? I have people around me telling me "I understand perfectly why its taking you so long to get better", and I have other people telling me "You need to kick yourself in the behind and force progress", and everything else in between. Ah - My count is at 13 days in like an hour and a half. I think for me, initially there was a huge rush of support from most people but by now they don't understand why I am still this low. They are all happy in their situations and even the ones who have been here are so far from this point that the best they can say is, "Life isn't fair." For this reason, I have greatly scaled back how much I tell them and I frequent this site instead. I have some homework for you...BLOCK everyone who has any connectoin to him, make sure he is blocked, too. I like my Facebook, but it hurt to see not only that my ex moved on and posted the pictures all over the place with his new g/f, but they friended each other's siblings as well. It hurt...but...It doesn't have to hurt anymore; be done with these people. She unfriended you? Block her. It will give you a sense of power to take back for yourself. Crying is good; it is a sense of release; just don't let it consume you. Reality is setting in, but you are handling it just fine. And no more texts to him. Why, for the life of me, do people text/contact those who dumped them? I will never know. My policy was always if you don't want to see me anymore, buh bye..It hurts, but I'll not chase someone/contact them when they don't want anything to do with me. Blocking everyone with a connection is hard; we have a very large number of friends in common. I'm trying instead to simply not visit FB (I'm debating deactivating it for a while, but I haven't decided yet...) I did delete the app off my phone though. I'm thinking of blocking it on my laptop so I have a few hurdles between me and easy access. I am really trying to not message him. I know it doesn't make sense. I just don't know how to not talk to someone I talked to every day for five years. It's... an internal struggle I'm trying to win. Thanks again.
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 deactivate Facebook... delete the app off your laptop... every time you make a move towards Facebook, I dunno, do 50 crunches or something... you know, when I broke up with my last gf, I know I have to go no contact, just to get over it quicker... but I was really close with her sisters and they both begged me to not to disappear on them... yeah, talk about having two constant reminders of the ex, but I adore them to death and if I have to suffer a little more so those two don't have to suffer for something they didn't do anything wrong, so be it...
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Okay, definitely trying to block FB on my computer because I keep typing in f-a-c-e when I open a new browser, before thought even sets in.
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 deactivate Facebook... delete the app off your laptop... every time you make a move towards Facebook, I dunno, do 50 crunches or something... That's a good idea haha. 50 crunches will also contribute to the Great Plan of Revenge, aka, the only thing I'm living for.
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 nnnoooo, the revenge thing is overrated, lol... I really wanna just reach out and snap you out of it, lol... you're hitting all the phases and steps at once... depressing wrist slitting playlist? check... mass seemingly drunken text messages professing love and adoration? check... plotting of revenge by getting all sexified? check... I think the only thing we are missing is the large tub of Haagen Daaz and the Notebook DVD...
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 nnnoooo, the revenge thing is overrated, lol... I really wanna just reach out and snap you out of it, lol... you're hitting all the phases and steps at once... depressing wrist slitting playlist? check... mass seemingly drunken text messages professing love and adoration? check... plotting of revenge by getting all sexified? check... I think the only thing we are missing is the large tub of Haagen Daaz and the Notebook DVD... I have to say, this made me laugh. Haha! Because the way you wrote it, it sounds like the beginning of a crazy romcom plot but at the same time, it is so true. Although I am not a fan of the Notebook, so I am substituting with Poolhall Junkies and the season finale of the Vampire Diaries... Revenge is all I have! It will, at least, get me in shape! (Also, there will probably be ice cream when I can eat again)
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 you have to eat something... the Kate moss look went out a LONG time ago... ughhh, vampire diaries... a friend of mine made me sit through some of it because, well let's just leave it at that... the girl is CCUUTTEEE though... I forgot her name...
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 But, in case the Revenge Plan fails, there's the back-up Fall Into a Coma Plan. Nina Dobrev! I'm ashamed to know that. I watch TVD for... the plot? (That's actually mostly true, I hate Ian Somerhalder because he looks like a girl)
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 yes her, she is totally wifey material... you want a girl who can look cute and sexy at the same time...
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 and the plot??!! that's like when guys say they read playboy for the articles, lolol...
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 2 weeks is next to nothing after a long relationship. Really not sure why your friends are so impatient with you. If these individual people cannot be supportive of you now, you may as well look elsewhere (other friends, online); leave the matter why these individual people cannot be supportive of you for some other time. This break up is hard enough for you to deal with to begin with. You are struggling to accept this breakup because you don't have clear answers - and if the brain is good at anything it is at coming up with questions that do not have a definitive answer. Love is a fantastic thing: it helps us hope, even when all odds are stacked against us. Rationally speaking you can tell yourself a million times, that it is over, and yet on the flimsiest of evidence, you still think there is a chance that somehow, someway things will work out. Stick to no contact. Block his email address, delete his number from your phone. Spend time on your hobbies. Watch television programs that won't really remind you of the ex. Go out for a day to the countryside or any other place that would not particularly remind you of him. Spend time with some quality friends, who do not make you feel bad about this whole ordeal. The only revenge you really have to take is becoming happy with your life and happy with someone else. That is still far removed, but this is not the end of the line - merely a changing of trains at one of the stations. You are now waiting for the other train to show up. 3
Tree_Salmon Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 It's been almost a month for me and I still get the surge of pain and hatred toward the earth at times. I've stopped telling most of my friends because after a whole people don't care and they start to think you aren't strong enough to take it. There are a few who still want to know what's up and I still tell those but for the most part people are selfish and they only care about their problems. It's been too soon for you and you need to get off of Facebook. I erased and blocked any sign of her out of my life because I've been through this before in my life and I know what works. Sadly the result is always the same. There are days where I don't believe it either. But you have to accept it. Sometimes I feel like I'll never love again and it makes life sad and useless but other times I'm hopeful about the future. This is your mind trying to make sense of the world. There's nothing wrong with still hurting. Even if it was months from now. Don't feel like you're wrong for feeling like this. 1
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Thanks, all, for the support. As has become my New Normal, visiting here makes life a little more bearable. yes her, she is totally wifey material... you want a girl who can look cute and sexy at the same time... On the other hand, celebrity relationships have a short shelf life and then you're really gonna need this site. (Also, yes the plot! Well, kind of. It's complicated!) 2 weeks is next to nothing after a long relationship. Really not sure why your friends are so impatient with you. If these individual people cannot be supportive of you now, you may as well look elsewhere (other friends, online); leave the matter why these individual people cannot be supportive of you for some other time. This break up is hard enough for you to deal with to begin with. I feel a little bad that I have painted my friends in a bad light. I mean, they have been kind and before I had this site, I was pretty much just holding their inbox captive with my thoughts. But many of them married their first loves, and most of the rest haven't maintained a long term relationship, or else they've maintained relatively long term but extremely unhealthy relationships, so they're mostly of all the school of, well, you just need to let it go and be happy now! Without much understanding of the sadness and sense of loss that I have. That's why I ended up posting here, because I felt like I was going crazy since no one could relate. (there's also a sense of awkwardness, I think, some feel because they are in really good places, like the ones expecting children or getting married in a few months and they recognize the disparity) It's been almost a month for me and I still get the surge of pain and hatred toward the earth at times. I've stopped telling most of my friends because after a whole people don't care and they start to think you aren't strong enough to take it. There are a few who still want to know what's up and I still tell those but for the most part people are selfish and they only care about their problems. It's been too soon for you and you need to get off of Facebook. I erased and blocked any sign of her out of my life because I've been through this before in my life and I know what works. Sadly the result is always the same. There are days where I don't believe it either. But you have to accept it. Sometimes I feel like I'll never love again and it makes life sad and useless but other times I'm hopeful about the future. This is your mind trying to make sense of the world. There's nothing wrong with still hurting. Even if it was months from now. Don't feel like you're wrong for feeling like this. This response is like everything I love about this site because it makes me feel like I am normal. I hope you guys have a great day/night/whatever the hour is. I'm off to face the world again...
xxSRMxx Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Don't be hard on yourself..... Facebook has set me back today aswell, we are still on each others friend lists but ive hidden his posts so that his status doesnt come up etc. But i couldnt help but look at it today and he had changed his profile pic...he looked really good in it, I felt ****e. Try to limit your time on there.... if you want to deactivate then do it. Its horrible when the person you once shared pretty much everything with starts to become a stranger, its heartbreaking and it hurts in places i never even knew existed. But none of this pain is permanent, we will be fine...one day.
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I hate when they look good. Why can't they post like a picture with red eyes, a sniffley nose and like a cardboard sign that says, "my life has fallen to pieces, please forgive me my dearest of loves. I live for your random, crazy text message essays." 1
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Sorry for being a bit harsh on your friends. I can see now why they find it a bit difficult to be supportive of you. I hate when they look good. Why can't they post like a picture with red eyes, a sniffley nose and like a cardboard sign that says, "my life has fallen to pieces, please forgive me my dearest of loves. I live for your random, crazy text message essays." Don't worry. He'll be thinking that in a few years - when it is too late for him to hope for anything more than that. 1
trist Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I hate when they look good. Why can't they post like a picture with red eyes, a sniffley nose and like a cardboard sign that says, "my life has fallen to pieces, please forgive me my dearest of loves. I live for your random, crazy text message essays." uuuhhhhh hhunnnhhh... we've now entered what we like to call the delusional phase... why? seriously, how big would this piece of cardboard have to be to fit all those words on there??!
xxSRMxx Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Chuckled at the comment about essay text messages....Dont think ive ever sent text messages as long as the ones i did ever. Theyve stopped now, I got to the point where i was repeating myself and it was just annoying the hell out of him.... and myself!
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Sorry for being a bit harsh on your friends. I can see now why they find it a bit difficult to be supportive of you. Eh, I think having to explain that helps remind me that they are a good bunch, even when they don't really get it. Sometimes I get super frustrated with them and they don't deserve that. Your advice is always so sound. uhhhhh hhunnnhhh... we've now entered what we like to call the delusional phase... why? seriously, how big would this piece of cardboard have to be to fit all those words on there??! You say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. Also, I wouldn't mind tiny print, it's be worth zooming in. THOUGH, a silent YouTube video with cardboard signs in the style of the Love Actually love confession would be a very nice alternative.
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Chuckled at the comment about essay text messages....Dont think ive ever sent text messages as long as the ones i did ever. Theyve stopped now, I got to the point where i was repeating myself and it was just annoying the hell out of him.... and myself! Haha, yeah... I've slowed down (with the exception of last night) once I began to realize he might be with HER. Lol, I'm trying really hard to remember that I have some pride.
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Haha, yeah... I've slowed down (with the exception of last night) once I began to realize he might be with HER. Lol, I'm trying really hard to remember that I have some pride. Don't worry about her and how she might perceive you. She has probably been fed a ton of crapola by your ex anyway. Giving her a good reason to make certain this guy is not going to contact you won't hurt you at all. I hope your day is going along reasonably well.
Author eles83 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) Ah, it was more, am I seriously begging a man who could be at this moment, only two Weeks single, making out (I'm pretending that's as far as it is.possible for two people to go) with another woman???? I mean the sad thing is, yeah, and I would do it again if it would help, but since it won't, I at the very least won't say, please give me another chance. Thank you, it's early but so far I'm okay! Edited May 15, 2012 by eles83 I shouldn't be allowed to post from my phone lol mistakes are made.
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