freisian Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. He is in his first year at University and I am still at high school. We went to the same school and knew each other by sight, but didn't get to know each other until he left. At the moment we are LDR and see each other every 6-8 weeks. I will be going to the same university so the LDR isn't forever. I was very unsure about doing LDR with a first year college guy as I figured there would be so many girls and socialising opportunities that his home town girlfriend would quickly be forgotten about. But things have mostly been ok- he is very attentive and gets in touch daily. We have regular skype dates. We have run into problems in the last month or so though due to him acquiring a bunch of female friends that he didn't tell me about until they started posting on his fb page. They are all in the same course and spend a lot of time together. They are all single. The things they posted on his fb page were flirtatious with "love" and "xoxoxos". Their posts felt like a direct challenge to me - it was as if I (his girlfriend) didn't exist. I wonder if he is behaving like a single guy at university, and this is why they are acting the way they are. He did offer to break away from that group, and did for a while, but I think he is drifting back to them as he doesn't see any problem with their fb postings and he doesn't see any problem with the amount of time he spends with them. I felt a change in our relationship at the time he first became involved with these girls- he became a lot less romantic- so their presence in his life is affecting things between us. He says he really wants to keep our relationship going but I don't think I can handle these girls. And I suspect that even if I got rid of these girls, others would take their place at some stage as I suspect he is just at a stage of life where he should be free and single. I wonder- maybe some guys can help me out- should a guy in his first year in University just be left to be free and single? He tells me often how he couldn't stand to lose me and sees us being together forever etc but as he has so little experience with relationships (I am his first girlfriend) I think it might be better for both of us if he was set free to play the field. At the moment he seems to have the best of both worlds- life as a single guy at university but with the benefits of a girlfriend to call on when he wants.
pteromom Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 The question isn't whether HE should be in a relationship. The question is whether YOU can handle him having fun with friends in college, and his being friends with cute girls who like him, without trying to control who he is friends with. If it is too much for you to deal with, then maybe you should move on. No matter what other people do, he's either trustworthy or he isn't, and he's either worth waiting for or he isn't. 1
TheFinalWord Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. He is in his first year at University and I am still at high school. We went to the same school and knew each other by sight, but didn't get to know each other until he left. At the moment we are LDR and see each other every 6-8 weeks. I will be going to the same university so the LDR isn't forever. I was very unsure about doing LDR with a first year college guy as I figured there would be so many girls and socialising opportunities that his home town girlfriend would quickly be forgotten about. But things have mostly been ok- he is very attentive and gets in touch daily. We have regular skype dates. We have run into problems in the last month or so though due to him acquiring a bunch of female friends that he didn't tell me about until they started posting on his fb page. They are all in the same course and spend a lot of time together. They are all single. The things they posted on his fb page were flirtatious with "love" and "xoxoxos". Their posts felt like a direct challenge to me - it was as if I (his girlfriend) didn't exist. I wonder if he is behaving like a single guy at university, and this is why they are acting the way they are. He did offer to break away from that group, and did for a while, but I think he is drifting back to them as he doesn't see any problem with their fb postings and he doesn't see any problem with the amount of time he spends with them. I felt a change in our relationship at the time he first became involved with these girls- he became a lot less romantic- so their presence in his life is affecting things between us. He says he really wants to keep our relationship going but I don't think I can handle these girls. And I suspect that even if I got rid of these girls, others would take their place at some stage as I suspect he is just at a stage of life where he should be free and single. I wonder- maybe some guys can help me out- should a guy in his first year in University just be left to be free and single? He tells me often how he couldn't stand to lose me and sees us being together forever etc but as he has so little experience with relationships (I am his first girlfriend) I think it might be better for both of us if he was set free to play the field. At the moment he seems to have the best of both worlds- life as a single guy at university but with the benefits of a girlfriend to call on when he wants. The reality is, he is a single guy...you're a girlfriend, not his wife You are letting a lot of fantasies develop in your mind. You don't know that he is being any certain way. LDR are hard enough and it seems he's trying to keep you first. But he is going to have a social life at school; probably life long friends! That's 50% of the point of college. Learning how to interact and grow in a community. It prepares you a lot for the professional world. College is a brand new experience. A wonderful one too. A time of intense growing and learning. If you try to stifle that it will backfire. You can set him free, not by breaking up with him, but by allowing him to grow and be his partner on the journey. Try not to be so jealous. Girls in the college age are in the prime of life as far as looks. If you're used to being the prettiest in HS, you'll be in for a rude awakening. Even if you are pretty, they'll be prettier girls there. The moral is you'll have to let your jealousy go. It will decrease your attractiveness from his perspective. Be confident in yourself. He's picked you, at a distance, even with a lot of single girls. You should be happy about that! If his feelings change, they change. Hey, yours might too when you get there.
Pierre Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. He is in his first year at University and I am still at high school. We went to the same school and knew each other by sight, but didn't get to know each other until he left. At the moment we are LDR and see each other every 6-8 weeks. I will be going to the same university so the LDR isn't forever. I was very unsure about doing LDR with a first year college guy as I figured there would be so many girls and socialising opportunities that his home town girlfriend would quickly be forgotten about. But things have mostly been ok- he is very attentive and gets in touch daily. We have regular skype dates. We have run into problems in the last month or so though due to him acquiring a bunch of female friends that he didn't tell me about until they started posting on his fb page. They are all in the same course and spend a lot of time together. They are all single. The things they posted on his fb page were flirtatious with "love" and "xoxoxos". Their posts felt like a direct challenge to me - it was as if I (his girlfriend) didn't exist. I wonder if he is behaving like a single guy at university, and this is why they are acting the way they are. He did offer to break away from that group, and did for a while, but I think he is drifting back to them as he doesn't see any problem with their fb postings and he doesn't see any problem with the amount of time he spends with them. I felt a change in our relationship at the time he first became involved with these girls- he became a lot less romantic- so their presence in his life is affecting things between us. He says he really wants to keep our relationship going but I don't think I can handle these girls. And I suspect that even if I got rid of these girls, others would take their place at some stage as I suspect he is just at a stage of life where he should be free and single. I wonder- maybe some guys can help me out- should a guy in his first year in University just be left to be free and single? He tells me often how he couldn't stand to lose me and sees us being together forever etc but as he has so little experience with relationships (I am his first girlfriend) I think it might be better for both of us if he was set free to play the field. At the moment he seems to have the best of both worlds- life as a single guy at university but with the benefits of a girlfriend to call on when he wants. You are both young. The issue is simple: Is your BF is an honest young man with integrity then he will not cheat. Otherwise, everybody does the FB thing and it seems more than what it is. If your BF comes from a family where cheating is the norm then he will cheat on you. What is his family like?
Author freisian Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Pierre, His parents are still together, but apart from that I don't know if there is any history of cheating. I am kind of thinking at the moment that maybe I should let him go. If we are meant to be together, then even if I let him go for now, we could still reconnect in the future if circumstances permitted. As a guy- how interchangeable are women and how often do you fall in love in a lifetime? He did fall head over heels for me, but he is young, and so I am not sure how long his feelings will last before someone else catches his eye.
hiimgerman Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Pierre, His parents are still together, but apart from that I don't know if there is any history of cheating. I am kind of thinking at the moment that maybe I should let him go. If we are meant to be together, then even if I let him go for now, we could still reconnect in the future if circumstances permitted. As a guy- how interchangeable are women and how often do you fall in love in a lifetime? He did fall head over heels for me, but he is young, and so I am not sure how long his feelings will last before someone else catches his eye. I agree with TheFinalWord though. He hasn't cheated on you right? Why not keep holding on unless you really can't tolerate his socialising
Pierre Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Pierre, His parents are still together, but apart from that I don't know if there is any history of cheating. I am kind of thinking at the moment that maybe I should let him go. If we are meant to be together, then even if I let him go for now, we could still reconnect in the future if circumstances permitted. As a guy- how interchangeable are women and how often do you fall in love in a lifetime? He did fall head over heels for me, but he is young, and so I am not sure how long his feelings will last before someone else catches his eye. Some people fall in love many times in a lifetime whereas others fall in love only once. Whether he stays with you or not depends on the personalities you both have. Some folks fall in love in HS and others have a zillion dates until they fall in love at age 35. Some folks want to have a wild youth and have sex with a lot of partners before settling down whereas others are in search of a relationship. You need to do self analysis on what you want and then ask what he wants.
Recommended Posts