What would you do?

[just-me12]

Been dating a guy since the start of January, last week he confirmed to me we are in a relationship after I confronted him about going on a trip over to NZ...which was planned but he told me two days before he left saying his gran was really sick and was going over there.

Though it may not sound like a big deal he has told me he does not have facebook, though he does. A friend of a friend has him as they work together. He is also going away for 6 weeks in the middle of June to europe and is yet to tell me. He has said to me, he may be going to europe on a bussiness trip soon. But I know this is definitely not a business trip as he planned it since last November (when we didn't know each other, so the fact he is going away doesn't bother me) it is that he has lied to me about it that kills me. Now I want to end it, I didn't know if I did or not but after just seeing him then for a few minutes it has confirmed my choice, I can't stand kissing someone who is hiding a second life from me. He won't tell me if he is going out with mates instead just says he is busy, I haven't met his family. I feel like a) I am a convenience to him when he is not jet setting off and simply and B) a sexual object. I'm hurt a lot but also relieved to have made the choice to ditch him. Just how, I struggle to see him much throughout the week, he is away till the weekend, I am weighed under with Uni work and just need this stress gone before I can get anything done. I want to just call him

[january2011]

Honesty and trust are in short-supply in this relationship. It's still early days, yet neither of you seem to want to spend time with each other or enjoy each other's company.

 

I suggest telling him in-person that you're not a good fit.

[Ninjainpajamas]

First, you're still ahead of schedule on "the pace at which women make tough/hard decisions"...you're noticing all the red flags...whether It's because you have no choice or whether It's been going on for a while like this at least you're taking the initiative to make the right decision for yourself, not just because you simply have feelings for this guy.

 

From a guys point of view and someone who's done their share of devious deeds there is red flags all over the place, he is definitely up to something...the vagueness, the lack of communication, the last minute informing of trips and then the little lies and then the fact he hasn't introduced you to family tells me he sees you as an option not someone he seriously wants to be exclusively with...it sounds like he may have given you relationship status to quell the flames a little bit since you're become a little more aggressive and confrontation instead of being a good little girl and sitting on your hands and saying nothing (which what these men want you do to, and since you're afraid to open your mouth much about things it's purpose...and then of course the guy gets upset/angry telling you how unreasonable/unfair you are and trying to spin the situation back on poor him).

 

So based on what you have said on this post this seems pretty typical of a guy who's got his hands dipping in several pots and doesn't want an exclusive relationship...or he'd be communicating a lot more and worried about your emotions but men like this only respond when they need you or they're in a rut themselves.

 

Your schooling is infinitely more important than this relationship, so tell yourself to be strong and bear through this and put your emotions aside so you can keep pace and not fall into a pit over a guy who's obviously at least me not going to be around in the future...he's not worth the time, emotion and the sacrifice in the long run, so do your best to focus, this is part of what makes life challenging having to deal with your emotional issues/situations while still trying to succeed.