rbitrage Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Ok this is turning into a soap opera. This friend of my ex doesn't know she and I used to go out. I dated my ex for a month. She dumped me yesterday. Today her friend approaches me on a dating site. I had an old profile up which she wrote to. Question is, do i go out with her or do i not? Do I want to go out with her friend? No I am not really into her. Why do it then? a) to make my ex realize I am moving on and b) i guess kinda make her jealous. I'm not trying to be a slime ball here. So for those who think this is totally wrong then just say that and don't blast me as I am just asking a question for now. Is the goal to get the ex back? Kinda yeah.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Ok this is turning into a soap opera. This friend of my ex doesn't know she and I used to go out. I dated my ex for a month. She dumped me yesterday. Today her friend approaches me on a dating site. I had an old profile up which she wrote to. Question is, do i go out with her or do i not? Do I want to go out with her friend? No I am not really into her. Why do it then? a) to make my ex realize I am moving on and b) i guess kinda make her jealous. I'm not trying to be a slime ball here. So for those who think this is totally wrong then just say that and don't blast me as I am just asking a question for now. Is the goal to get the ex back? Kinda yeah. you cannot make someone stay who doesn't want to stay. If she wants to come back, she will call you. Using someone to make someone else jealous isn't going to get you anywhere; you will hurt somene that way. If you don't want to go out with this person; don't. You don't need to show your ex you are moving on; just move on. You will only come off looking immature, like "look at me! look at me!" She's not interested anymore and it was just one month. Not much in the grand scheme of things.
chelsea2011 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Well, how old are you for starters? Think of it this way, how would you feel if one of your best buddies did that to you? Personally, friends should leave friends ex's alone; it's a breach of friendship. Do you want someone who would do that to their friend? 2
Eddie Edirol Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 If you arent into the friend, dont go out with her, you'll waste your time, and probably wind up hurting her. You'll feel bad about that later. As far as making your ex jealous, even if going out with the friend was enough to make your ex want to try again with you, she would just dump you again, and it would hurt even worse. Not worth it. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 If a person has to play games to obtain something; it's not worth it.
Savage4 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) I don't know the extent of your breakup but I think the answer to this is pretty obvious and you know it too. You say that you don't want to go out with her because you are not into her but you are asking if you should anyway? Your reasons would be entirely selfish and shallow. Her friend would think that you are interested in her. She would probably develop feelings for you then get hurt when you end up leaving her because you never cared for her to begin with. If you just want to have some fun with this girl then by all means go for it but let her know your true intentions and don't lead her on. And the fact that it is her friend is a dick move to begin with. "Is the goal to get the ex back? Kinda yeah." You want to get your ex back? Going out with her friend then rubbing it in her face sounds like a fool proof plan to me! She broke up with you yesterday for Christ's sake! Give it some time.. Edited May 15, 2012 by Savage4 1
Author rbitrage Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Yeah i hear what you all are saying. I was never gonna do it. Some guy friends of mine said it was the way to go because my ex was so much about playing games and trying to be all alpha. She loves very alpha guys and they thought this would be a total alpha move and make her jealous and increase her attraction to me. The other girl is no innocent little fawn either by the way. These are a particular breed of new york woman. In fact it's a constant game or power struggle in this city between a bunch of overgrown adolescent minded yuppies, and i'm trapped in the middle. Anyways, i don't need any negative karma so have no plans on doing this. 1
chelsea2011 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Yeah i hear what you all are saying. I was never gonna do it. Some guy friends of mine said it was the way to go because my ex was so much about playing games and trying to be all alpha. She loves very alpha guys and they thought this would be a total alpha move and make her jealous and increase her attraction to me. Just so you know, alpha guys are not all that. Personally, I think guys who know how to balance their professional and personal life is much much hotter. Quit listening to your friends and think about what YOU want. The other girl is no innocent little fawn either by the way. These are a particular breed of new york woman. In fact it's a constant game or power struggle in this city between a bunch of overgrown adolescent minded yuppies, and i'm trapped in the middle. That's just sad. Anyways, i don't need any negative karma so have no plans on doing this. Good for you. Answers in bold.
Savage4 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Yeah i hear what you all are saying. I was never gonna do it. Some guy friends of mine said it was the way to go because my ex was so much about playing games and trying to be all alpha. She loves very alpha guys and they thought this would be a total alpha move and make her jealous and increase her attraction to me. The other girl is no innocent little fawn either by the way. These are a particular breed of new york woman. In fact it's a constant game or power struggle in this city between a bunch of overgrown adolescent minded yuppies, and i'm trapped in the middle. Anyways, i don't need any negative karma so have no plans on doing this. Haha, particular breed of new york woman. The way you describe this power struggle just sounds like trouble. If you got more involved in it I think you would be facing many more problems than you are now. I hate all the childish games that people play, but unfortunately it's a real part of dating and attraction. I'm sure getting with her friend would make your ex jealous but I could see her despising you instead of trying to fight for you with her friend. Personally I see this as more of an immature or childish move than an alpha move. I think the alpha thing to do in this situation is what you are planning on doing by taking the higher road.
Author rbitrage Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I hear what everyone is saying and I know in the 'normal' world out there this all seems crazy, but having lived in nyc for five years, I can tell you that this city seems to thrive on such games. Call it a bunch of immature overpaid yuppies all trying to out do each other, but there's a reason why this city has more single people over the age of 30 than almost any other. It's destructive but the so called high road people are getting trampled. Most of my friends are now dating girls outside of ny precisely because they are tired of the mind games. It's pretty strange because all these attractive successful people on both sides (men and women) go year after year being single and my guess is this city is full of lonely people but no one sees the foolishness of their ways. Truth be told I'm no different because here i am posting a question to do what i know is a stupid thing because I want my ex back and the only way to get her back is to show her I'm a desired object. Hate admitting this but please don't blast me for my honesty. Sometimes I get very cynical that I may end up single for a long time which is not what i want. But I am no different than most people in nyc. We want smart, attractive, fit, ambitious partners who can withstand tidal waves and still be left standing (emotionally speaking). The games are an elaborate filter to test for all this, and with my ex who I thought was awesome, I guess I failed the emotionally strong test.
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