Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I disagree with the bolded bits: Why do you disagree?... Isn't it exactly what all the evidence supports? I am a fool for not reading the red flags. He displayed lots of behavior that shows he was not into me (scheduling than canceling, bragging about girls, not pursuing me.) He is now in a happy relationship with someone better (at the very least, better at "appreciating" how awesome he is.) And come on, you've followed my threads... I'm constantly getting rejected, and dumped.
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I am a fool for not reading the red flags. There is truth to the notion that because of the position you are in, it is much harder for you to spot the red flags. Think about it.
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 There is truth to the notion that because of the position you are in' date=' it is much harder for you to spot the red flags. Think about it.[/quote'] Well that's the thing, I did recognize the red flags. Heck, it's partially why there was all the drama with me, him and my friends... My friends claimed it was no big deal. They told me I was being overly sensitive, and that I don't get to be upset about a guy flirting when we haven't even been on a date yet. I get so confused about all the messages I receive. My friends were there and they saw it, so maybe I am being overly sensitive? And which is it, did I recognize the red flags and thus ignore when he showed "green" flags (signs that he liked me), or did I ignore both? Why would I ignore both? ... And why is the nuclear option not a good idea in this case?
iris219 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Why do you disagree?... Isn't it exactly what all the evidence supports? I am a fool for not reading the red flags. He displayed lots of behavior that shows he was not into me (scheduling than canceling, bragging about girls, not pursuing me.) He is now in a happy relationship with someone better (at the very least, better at "appreciating" how awesome he is.) And come on, you've followed my threads... I'm constantly getting rejected, and dumped. OMG. You are trying SO hard to make this situation fit your negative worldview. Posters here clearly see that it in NO way confirms the bolded. Not at all. That’s what posters are trying to get you to understand and it’s frustrating that you don’t understand something that seems so obvious to us. Instead, you try to twist it to make it validate your negative view of yourself and your life. Stop it! 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 OMG. You are trying SO hard to make this situation fit your negative worldview. Posters here clearly see that it in NO way confirms the bolded. Not at all. That’s what posters are trying to get you to understand and it’s frustrating that you don’t understand something that seems so obvious to us. Instead, you try to twist it to make it validate your negative view of yourself and your life. Stop it! Well could you please clarify how it doesn't fit? It may be obvious to you, but I'm missing something, cause I'm pretty sure a girlfriend yelling at me about how awesome the new relationship is, and my friend ignoring me, kinda confirms it.
iris219 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Well could you please clarify how it doesn't fit? It may be obvious to you, but I'm missing something, cause I'm pretty sure a girlfriend yelling at me about how awesome the new relationship is, and my friend ignoring me, kinda confirms it. The crazy GF felt threatened by you. No one yells at some ugly girl her BF rejected. If anything, one feels sorry for the ugly girl her BF rejected and is extra nice to her. Hence, you are NOT the ugly girl this guy rejected. You are the cute, cool girl he was intimidated by, the one he didn’t know how to approach and messed things up with, so now he is forced to date down and has ended up with a psycho. Honestly, you should feel pretty good right now. 1
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) They told me I was being overly sensitive, and that I don't get to be upset about a guy flirting when we haven't even been on a date yet. Your friends seem to suck a bit in the spotting the red flags department. You were not being overly sensitive. Your judgment was quite sound then. And which is it, did I recognize the red flags and thus ignore when he showed "green" flags (signs that he liked me), or did I ignore both? Why would I ignore both? Perhaps because your friends encouraged you to ignore the red flags? Perhaps because you want a meaningful relationship so badly, it is easier for you to ignore the red flags? You did spot the green flags. Remember the time you were chatting with him, all alone outside? He could have had you if he had said the right thing then. If you would have come on stronger, you would have had him. Thankfully for your sake, nothing developed further. Sure, the sex might have been nice, but the whole episode as it panned out, shows that his character and integrity are not up to standard. Which would have given you additional heartbreak, and that is something you do not need at this moment in time. ... And why is the nuclear option not a good idea in this case? If a girl flirtied with some other guy in front of my own eyes, repeatedly, would have meant I would have kept her at an arm's distance - and if things had panned out in a similar fashion, I would have sent the email to her (much as you have done to this guy). If she would not have had an extremely good excuse for this guy's behaviour I would cease to bother with her. Edited May 15, 2012 by d'Arthez
Anela Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Well I guess they succeeded, since I'm pretty torn up. How nice for them. You aren't the villain. He screwed up by not making his intentions clear, and trying to make you jealous. It backfired. He can't be that happy with his girlfriend, if he still feels the need to hurt you.
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Why do you disagree?... Isn't it exactly what all the evidence supports? I am a fool for not reading the red flags. He displayed lots of behavior that shows he was not into me (scheduling than canceling, bragging about girls, not pursuing me.) He is now in a happy relationship with someone better (at the very least, better at "appreciating" how awesome he is.) And come on, you've followed my threads... I'm constantly getting rejected, and dumped. I've explained these points as best I can, and can only assume that more explanation wouldn't help. But I will say this regarding the bolded--every Jr High is filled with "mean girl" behavior similar to how the gf spoke to you on the phone. It is generally understood to be how an insecure, unhappy girl talks. Women who are genuinely happy don't tear other women down. You know this, V. 2
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 He is now in a happy relationship with someone better (at the very least, better at "appreciating" how awesome he is.) May I ask you, if you think there is the possibility that someone might be in a relationship, exactly because he wants to hear he is awesome, when in fact he is nothing but a lowlife? They may even be fooling each other, but that does not establish any truth with regards to his actual awesomeness. People in relationships are not better than people who are single. We know you don't think highly of yourself. But I am sure you'd love to be in a relationship, in which you were told how awesome you are, how attractive you are etc.. You can get there. It is not like you are 21, illiterate and a mother of five children by 5 different fathers. You still have the world at your feet. You have some things to sort out, but you can do it. People who think you are awesome, interesting, etc.. will perceive you as being attractive. Even your supposed physical defects (and I have no clue what you look like) will come to mean something positive to them, and as a consequence for you as well. That presupposes that you aim high enough and not bottom of the barrel - the type of guys who would put you down, have issues with you for not being perfection personified etc.. 1
crazylove Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 This guy is no friend of yours, otherwise he'd have been in touch before this. I shouldn't sweat it.
Author verhrzn Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 Well, an update for all of you lovely LS people who I know are SO fascinated in my life. I have not tried to contact the guy since sending the email on Monday. He did not write back, or show any indication of change. Today, I and a mutual friend were in the area where he works, and my friend suggested stopping by. I said sure. We saw him, and he greeted her with a hug, and me with a very aggressive handshake. Before we left, I pulled him aside and asked if we could talk, because-what the heck was going on. He agreed to meet me after he got off work. I got home, and checked my email. He had sent me an email. The email said that, yes, it was his girlfriend that answered, and that he'd been busy with her and "a kid." He went on to say it was rude and uncalled for, for me to stop by his work. He claimed I had cheated on him, and lied to him and led him on. He said I was an awful person, and that if I ever contacted him again, he would get a restraining order. I am.... blown away, even more than I was before. I have NO idea where he got the cheating part. We were NEVER exclusive to begin with. I have not contacted him, in any way, for 6 months up until this week. In fact, HE contacted ME several times. As of this week, this has been my amount of trying to contact him: 1 phone call, an identical email sent to FB and his email, and then today, which my FRIEND suggested. I feel insane right now. I can't fathom this. This is worse than him not being my friend. I could have taken that. But for him to do it in this way? When I hardly dated him for at most 2 months, almost a year ago?? When he gave me no indication of any of this? How do I deal with this? Am I the crazy one?...
d'Arthez Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 I am.... blown away, even more than I was before. I have NO idea where he got the cheating part. We were NEVER exclusive to begin with. I have not contacted him, in any way, for 6 months up until this week. In fact, HE contacted ME several times. As of this week, this has been my amount of trying to contact him: 1 phone call, an identical email sent to FB and his email, and then today, which my FRIEND suggested. I feel insane right now. I can't fathom this. This is worse than him not being my friend. I could have taken that. But for him to do it in this way? When I hardly dated him for at most 2 months, almost a year ago?? When he gave me no indication of any of this? How do I deal with this? Am I the crazy one?... Are you living in bat-sh it crazy county? Seriously, this is crazy. I am really sorry to hear that this guy is taking asshattery to a new level. This is not you. This is him.
Cracker Jack Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 There's no reason for you to feel insane considering you were dealing with a moron. Seriously, this guy sounds like he has issues up the ass. Don't even bother trying to understand why he said or believes those things. It's really not worth the hassle. Him and his girlfriend sound like the perfect couple. Two weirdos.
threebyfate Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Hold it. You dated this guy a year ago for almost two months? So that's why things got so bat shyte. While you thought the two of you were friends, maybe he was considering it a movement towards a second chance.
Author verhrzn Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Hold it. You dated this guy a year ago for almost two months? So that's why things got so bat shyte. While you thought the two of you were friends, maybe he was considering it a movement towards a second chance. I guess, maybe he was actually hoping for a second chance, but he knew I was trying to see other people. That's why he claims I "lied to" him... that he found out I was going on dates when I didn't tell him directly, well after he and I had broke up. But we've hung out since we discovered that, and everything seemed fine. We've made plans to hang out... like I said, he texted me in February, then canceled, then texted again 3 weeks ago, with another cancellation. So, why is he all of a sudden so angry with me?? Why the sudden "you lied, you're awful, I'm gonna put out a restraining order." I mean, a restraining order. Really??! I've since deleted the texts between us (and his number, and blocked him on FB), but I'm pretty sure I can get the texts from the phone company to show how LITTLE I contacted him, and I have an entire email chain demonstrating I have in no way been stalking him, and at no point until today did he say to leave him alone. The extra worse part is, we're both going to the same convention in July. I have been looking forward to this con all year. I've spent a lot of time and money on my costume. If I go, can he drag me into court for somehow harassing him??
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 So, why is he all of a sudden so angry with me?? Why the sudden "you lied, you're awful, I'm gonna put out a restraining order." I mean, a restraining order. Really??! I may be wrong, but chances are he has been screwing around on his girlfriend, got caught, and feels the heat. The extra worse part is, we're both going to the same convention in July. I have been looking forward to this con all year. I've spent a lot of time and money on my costume. If I go, can he drag me into court for somehow harassing him?? Do go. If he sues you (which I think is as likely as the Titanic unsinking itself), it will be completely frivolous.
Author verhrzn Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) Do go. If he sues you (which I think is as likely as the Titanic unsinking itself), it will be completely frivolous. I don't wanna get sued! God, this is just awful. I have NEVER had an "ex" (if you can even call him that...) react like this. I just do not know how to deal with this much vitriol and drama being thrown my way. ... Anyone have any suggestions on how I could look on the bright side of this? Edited May 20, 2012 by verhrzn
mark 40 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I don't wanna get sued! God, this is just awful. I have NEVER had an "ex" (if you can even call him that...) react like this. I just do not know how to deal with this much vitriol and drama being thrown my way. ... Anyone have any suggestions on how I could look on the bright side of this? its like you're obsessed with the guy. how about move on?
Author verhrzn Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 its like you're obsessed with the guy. how about move on? .... Um, how bout I just got accused of being a cheater threatened with a restraining order from someone who I thought was my friend, less than 12 hours ago?
gaius Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 He's playing games with his current girlfriend and you are the made up antagonist. I'm sure the first thing he did when he got home was tell her all about the restraining order threat.
Els Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 You need to be given a restraining order in black and white for it to even mean anything, IIRC. Things like that don't fly based on hearsay and 'I told her I'd get it'. For as long as you aren't actually GIVEN one, it's just moronic talk on his behalf. Cut him out of your life, don't worry about the restraining order threat and go for the con and enjoy yourself.
mark 40 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 .... Um, how bout I just got accused of being a cheater threatened with a restraining order from someone who I thought was my friend, less than 12 hours ago? as i said, move on. forget this jerk even exists.
Author verhrzn Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 You need to be given a restraining order in black and white for it to even mean anything, IIRC. Things like that don't fly based on hearsay and 'I told her I'd get it'. For as long as you aren't actually GIVEN one, it's just moronic talk on his behalf. Cut him out of your life, don't worry about the restraining order threat and go for the con and enjoy yourself. What does it take to actually earn a restraining order? I've outlined pretty clearly the amount of contact I've initiated; I DID show up at his work, but that was because I was already there, and it's a fairly normal thing for friends to do, even if he thinks it's "rude and uncalled for." (Yeah, cause the original phone call was totally appropriate, as was him apparently thinking I'm a mind reader who telepathically sensed we shouldn't be friends.) Sorry, I'm venting, I'm still really upset.
matte123 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I don't wanna get sued! God, this is just awful. I have NEVER had an "ex" (if you can even call him that...) react like this. I just do not know how to deal with this much vitriol and drama being thrown my way. ... Anyone have any suggestions on how I could look on the bright side of this? I would contact your phone company to see if you can get records just in case he tries to file a restraining order. I think that if he ever files, it's most likely going to be thrown out since he would have to prove that he's being harassed. Go to the convention. Don't let him ruin your fun or scare you. If you're really worried, go to the convention with friends and do not talk to him or his girlfriend at all. Your friends can be potential witnesses. Good luck and have fun at your convention 1
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