snug.bunny Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Haha what exactly should I take away from this whole episode? B*tches be crazy? That you fail to hold accountable, the wrong person. Yeah, he would message me to hang out, I'd say sure, and then last minute he'd cancel He flirted with his ex-gf (my good friend) in front of me the first three times. Wake up sista. 1
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 The whole irony of this situation is that if he had acted interesting in me from the beginning, I would have thrown myself at him. I was so incredibly smitten with him... that's what makes this extra frustrating. There is a lot to like about you V. If you could "only" believe that, you would get so much more out of your life, and out of the relationships and friendships you would form. Because you can't believe that, you tend to fall for guys who are simply not good for you or not good enough for you. This guy you missed out on should not even have made the cut after he flirted with your friend in front of you. Repeatedly. You have lowered your standards when you, perhaps paradoxically, should have increased them. There are men out there who would love you for being you, even despite the insecurities and doubts you have about yourself. And would actually be supportive of you, rather than making you feel even more useless than you must feel at times. No one is perfect. Everyone has their issues. I certainly have mine. However, I do not define my life by the issues I have, but rather by the positives I have going for me - and try to address my shortcomings in the process. And I am sure that applies to a lot of other posters in this thread as well. 3
blueskyday Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Can't say it any better than the above. Many guys will try to get close to you under the guise of friendship when they just want to f*ck you. Sorry, but it's true. A true friend is a "good" guy who lets you know he has a girlfriend. What a loser he is. He was trying to play both sides. Not a good boyfriend, nor friend. Throw this fish back into the water. He is a bottom feeder anyway! Remember, you are beautiful and your light will attract all kinds of guys, good and bad. Don't sweat the bad guys. Get rid of them when you notice they are in the bad guy camp!
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Why would the take-away be about the other girl? You and your friend failed to recognize, express, and act upon your mutual attraction before she came along. I think other posters are establishing that there wasn't mutual attraction. Like Snug Bunny points out, he was consistently canceling on me and flirting with other girls. That's why we eventually settled into a friendship. But apparently now I've screwed even that up. God, men just aren't worth it on any level are they?
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I think other posters are establishing that there wasn't mutual attraction. Like Snug Bunny points out, he was consistently canceling on me and flirting with other girls. That's why we eventually settled into a friendship. He was playing the numbers game. Would you really want to be gf #37 in a year? But apparently now I've screwed even that up. God, men just aren't worth it on any level are they? Why would you even want to be friends with a disrespectful pr!ck?
Kamille Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 God, men just aren't worth it on any level are they? Oh how I disagree with this. The right man is definitely worth kissing many frogs. (Says single old me). 2
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I think other posters are establishing that there wasn't mutual attraction. Like Snug Bunny points out, he was consistently canceling on me and flirting with other girls. That's why we eventually settled into a friendship. But apparently now I've screwed even that up. God, men just aren't worth it on any level are they? V--he was never your friend. He was attracted, and did his best impression of a middle schooler with a crush to get you to throw yourself at him (bragging about other girls, trying to make you jealous). He finally just admitted he likes you, but you were no longer interested. You rejected him. Firmly in "friend zone", he lost interest and started canceling on you. Once he got a gf, he went all "middle school" again talking about you to her to make her jealous---and, miracle of miracle, it worked! They are perfect for each other! 1
snug.bunny Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I think other posters are establishing that there wasn't mutual attraction. Like Snug Bunny points out, he was consistently canceling on me and flirting with other girls. That's why we eventually settled into a friendship. But apparently now I've screwed even that up. God, men just aren't worth it on any level are they? You did NOT screw up anything. And btw, men can still be physically attracted to a woman, and still treat her unsavory. Everything you stated about his actions, shows nothing but utter lack of respect and human decency. And yes, there are men who are worth it. But, there are a lot of ones, who aren't. You're fake friend, doesn't seem to be one of them. 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 V--he was never your friend. He was attracted, and did his best impression of a middle schooler with a crush to get you to throw yourself at him (bragging about other girls, trying to make you jealous). He finally just admitted he likes you, but you were no longer interested. You rejected him. Firmly in "friend zone", he lost interest and started canceling on you. Once he got a gf, he went all "middle school" again talking about you to her to make her jealous---and, miracle of miracle, it worked! They are perfect for each other! Why would he contact me at all then? Just defriend me and forget me; easier on everyone! And how in the world would bragging about other girls make me throw myself at him? That makes absolutely no sense... But yeah, I guess the whole thing was just a wasted effort. He was never my friend, just a user, and I am yet again the villain while he walks off with his perfect crazy girl. The whole thing makes me so angry and so hopeless.
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 And how in the world would bragging about other girls make me throw myself at him? That makes absolutely no sense... This isn't all that uncommon. Insecure women do it, too. He wanted to make himself seem more attractive, and make you jealous. I agree that it is unattractive behavior, but he does it because sometimes it works (downside is that it only works on women like his gf ). 1
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Why would he contact me at all then? Just defriend me and forget me; easier on everyone! And how in the world would bragging about other girls make me throw myself at him? By making him appear more desirable. It is a sort of backhanded compliment to himself "V - I am awesome, and I still am spending some time with you. Does that not make me extra awesome?" in the hopes that you would throw yourself at him. You are still assuming he had honest motives. He had not. He wanted to see what was available out there. Either to cheat on his gf(s), or alternatively to pick out the best option he could find. But yeah, I guess the whole thing was just a wasted effort. He was never my friend, just a user, and I am yet again the villain while he walks off with his perfect crazy girl. And what prize she has. You deserve better than a guy who treats you like he has. The whole thing makes me so angry and so hopeless. You avoided being trapped by a sleaze / scumbag / wannabe womanizer. When you get home, have a laugh about that. This guy you missed out on should not even have made the cut after he flirted with your friend in front of you. Repeatedly. You have lowered your standards when you' date=' perhaps paradoxically, should have increased them.[/quote'] Why do you aim for the bottom of the barrel? 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Why do you aim for the bottom of the barrel? Well I can't even seem to get the bottom of the barrel.... and I mean, according to his gf, he's amazing/considerate/sweet/great in bed, etc, so obviously I did miss out.
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Well I can't even seem to get the bottom of the barrel.... and I mean, according to his gf, he's amazing/considerate/sweet/great in bed, etc, so obviously I did miss out. Judging by what you have written about him the only thing you have missed out is a free STD. Why do you think she acted psycho? Because he has serious flaws. Even if he were flawless, picking a psycho gf would not be the smart thing to do.
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Well I can't even seem to get the bottom of the barrel.... and I mean, according to his gf, he's amazing/considerate/sweet/great in bed, etc, so obviously I did miss out. Who is she trying to convince, you or herself?
joystickd Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Well I can't even seem to get the bottom of the barrel.... and I mean, according to his gf, he's amazing/considerate/sweet/great in bed, etc, so obviously I did miss out. He plays games and to most people that is a dealbreaker. What happened here is he lost out. You didn't miss out. She spends time worrying about you if she didn't you wouldn't have got that response from her when you called. Maybe it time you focus on better quality men. 3
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 He plays games and to most people that is a dealbreaker. What happened here is he lost out. You didn't miss out. She spends time worrying about you if she didn't you wouldn't have got that response from her when you called. Maybe it time you focus on better quality men. If I can't even get "low quality" men, as you guys call em, how can I possibly get a higher quality of man?
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 If I can't even get "low quality" men, as you guys call em, how can I possibly get a higher quality of man? Work on yourself. Don't be disappointed when you have missed out on such a low quality man. You are not missing much. And it is not necessarily true that you can get lower quality men / women easier if you are of a higher quality.
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Ugh, this is just further confirmation of just how useless I am to the guys I like. This guy barely seemed to like me, and is now having his girlfriend, or female friend, or whatever she is, do the dirty work of getting rid of me so he doesn't have to bother pretending to be my friend anymore. I don't know why you guys take this as a good sign, that he liked me or something. It seems more and more like it's confirmation that yet again, I'm rejected by a "loser" guy that I was totally into, who can't be bothered with me afterwards. And now, I'm gonna be constantly on edge about having male friends, that I'm going to somehow inadvertently cause their girlfriends to freak out on me! To discover that all of my male friendships are a lie. Ugh, God, f*ck my life.
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 You know, if you worked on your self-perception you could achieve so much more. Seriously. Hell, if I met a person like you where I live I'd pursue her.
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 You know' date=' if you worked on your self-perception you could achieve so much more. Seriously. Hell, if I met a person like you where I live I'd pursue her.[/quote'] Yeah, I get that a lot on the Internet. Yet never in real life... just keep ending up in situations like this.
Kamille Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Yeah, I get that a lot on the Internet. Yet never in real life... just keep ending up in situations like this. V, that guy (whatever he's worth) was into you in real life. Yet, this seemed to come as a surprise to you. Is it possible men try to approach you in real life, but you dismiss their advances as friendliness (or other things)? In other words, is it possible you inadvertently shoot men down before they even get a chance?
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Yeah, I get that a lot on the Internet. Yet never in real life... just keep ending up in situations like this. Which should suggest to you, the problem is not so much getting noticed, with the qualities you have, but rather having too limited expectations. You are aiming for too little. Seriously, you have so much potential, careerwise and relationshipwise, but you are holding yourself back to such a massive extent. Just because your past was not what you want it to be, is no reason to keep punishing yourself ad infinitum for it. A change in environment might be in order? 2
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 V, that guy (whatever he's worth) was into you in real life. Yet, this seemed to come as a surprise to you. Is it possible men try to approach you in real life, but you dismiss their advances as friendliness (or other things)? In other words, is it possible you inadvertently shoot men down before they even get a chance? How can you say he was into me? Hasn't the thread agree he wasn't? Ya know, with the whole game playing, he's just going for numbers player, he flirted with my friend, etc?
Author verhrzn Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 A change in environment might be in order? How would a change of environment help? I'd have to start all over again... bottom of the corporate ladder, no friends, all that money to move and get re-established, and that's IF I can find a decent paying job... And how would that help with relationships? I have a feeling that as long as I'm attracted to men, I'm gonna have these problems.
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 There is a big difference between how people can come across in real life and on the internet (LS included). I know, because I am speaking from experience. That may well be true for you as well. With all the self-doubt you have, I would not be surprised if you exude some of that in your personal friendships, relationships and when you try to make friends in real life. Does not mean you deserve lowlifes. It just means that if you work on your issues, you'll get chances, with people who are right for you, and who are not poisonous to deal with.
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