phineas Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) Ignore her & file a restraining order against the guy. i'm serious. Don't even talk to her or acknowledge her existence. Don't ever be alone with her either. A drama storm is heading your way and a these days women can screw you over legally & ruin your reputation by lying. Even if it's proven they lied, it still hangs with you. Edited June 29, 2012 by phineas
Author SciGuy Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) She sent me a message asking if she could meet in person to apologize for what has happened. I actually agreed. Turns out that this whole thing is a bigger mess than I could have ever imagined. I made sure I took advantage of the situation and got everything I needed for closure. Well, it appears that she is being controlled/manipulated by this other guy and she was told to get rid of me. She's terrified of him. The whole thing is absolutely nuts. Bottom-line, both of us have been threatened to get "f'd up" if we continue to communicate and apparently he knows where I live. I still question the validity of what she's telling me based on her lies in the past. But her lies in the past make SO much more sense now if she was trying to protect herself. And, the fact that he attacked me a couple nights ago adds to it. She also never got the email I sent. Last night, I received 10 calls in a row from her phone w/in a 5 minute period. I didn't answer. She sent me a text today saying it was him that was calling from her phone. I don't feel safe anymore. This is out of hand... I'm cutting off all communication from here on. Edited July 1, 2012 by SciGuy
phineas Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 ITS A TARP! Dude. Seriously? She's drama coated drama with a soft gooey drama center. She probably told the other guy the same thing. I'm sorry but nobody is controlled by anyone in this day and age. All a woman has to do is go to the police & file a restraining order. That's it. nothing else. Trust me on this. I've seen it work with female friends. Abusive ex walks into the same bar as her, he knows he can't be there. Talks to her trying to intimidate her, call 911, police show up, tell him to leave. If he doesn't he gets to spend the night in jail. If he's a real pain in the cops butt, making them fill out paperwork they will pretend the order is still in effect even after it expires & haul his ass to jail just for the lulz.
Pierre Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I don't see any infidelity here. The woman in question is a multi dater. That is dishonest, however it is not infidelity.
Author SciGuy Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 I don't see any infidelity here. The woman in question is a multi dater. That is dishonest, however it is not infidelity. Of course there was. She claimed to be exclusive with me in an intimate relationship and denied that the other man was more than a friend. She has been seeing this other man for almost one year.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 They go cold, break up right then and there. 1
burningashes Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Go NC immediately. This is bad news, and she has already shown you that she is a lying scum bag. She hasn't apologized, or shown any remorse whatsoever toward you or the other man. Start bringing tape recorders with you and record conversations, saving messages from emails/facebook etc. You need to man up and look after yourself now, she is walking all over you so much that it's not funny. Who cares about the other man? Who cares about the girl? The girl just has as much free will as you do to leave toxic people like the guy who's "controlling and manipulating" her (or is it really the other way around?!). She would be avoiding this guy if she really wanted to. Think about yourself, and the potential dangers you are putting yourself in. Tell her to leave you alone, and go to the police. If you don't want to file a RO, still go to the police and file a complaint, they'll start a file. Don't meet with her, don't talk to her any more and look elsewhere. If she really must have something from you, mail it or have a friend drop it off. You have no reason to let her remain in your life- that means you should also stop banging her. Sex with this girl is not worth the hell you will go through if you continue any contact with her. 1
Shaun-Dro Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 So, some of you might remember my story from a few months back. There is a girl that I was seeing that was hot and cold for the longest time (5-6 months). When she was hot, she expressed a ton of interest. But, when she was cold, something was just not right. We played this game for several months, while we both agreed to stay exclusive. What made it hard is that we saw each other every day in class. Probably one reason why she was stringing me along. We agreed to be friends (yet still be physical) until things calmed down and we could pursue a relationship. Well, one week ago, on the last day of class, she abruptly told me that she could no longer see me as more than a friend (basically no guarantee of a future relationship). It was weird because we were getting along great right up until then. She blind-sided me with this. But, I guess based on our history I was asking for it. Anyway, there was a guy that she has been friends with for over a year and I always questioned their relationship. She always told me they were just "friends". I even had people telling me that they had previously seen them touching each other at a bar (before we had met). It was a constant source of tension as I wanted her to clear up her relationship with this guy, yet she never did even though she said she was going to. Too many red flags. The day after she called it off with me, I heard from a mutual friend that she had been dating this guy for over a year. Long story short, I made contact with this guy and he was also in shock/pissed and said he wanted nothing to do with her ever again. So basically this girl had been lying to me from the beginning about this other guy. She had been seeing both of us. Probably physical with both of us as well. Fast forward to yesterday. I saw them together while I was out. I was crushed. So, my question is, has anyone ever been involved with someone this long to find out later there was another person the whole time? How did you handle it? I'm between sending an email to her and not doing anything. I felt as if I had a right to know whether she was physical with/seeing someone else for that extended amount of time. Then I could determine whether I wanted to continue seeing her. She gave me no options by lying to me. Let me drop the truth bomb on you: all women are dishonest to one point or another! You're going to continue to discover this as you work up your way through the dating ranks, so it's good to understand this now so you can save any future heartache.
Author SciGuy Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Go NC immediately. She would be avoiding this guy if she really wanted to. Trust me, I definitely realize this. I'm going complete NC again. She sent me a message again yesterday but I didn't respond. I don't even know if it's her or him contacting me half the time anymore. I know that he has used her phone to call me recently to see if I would answer. He's nuts.
burningashes Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Good job. Keep it up- I reckon she'll be showing her cards sometime soon, and you'll be ready when she does. I just hope nothing serious happens!
fishtaco Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Of course there was. She claimed to be exclusive with me in an intimate relationship and denied that the other man was more than a friend. She has been seeing this other man for almost one year. Yes there was. She lied. She's a liar, not a multidater. Multidater don't commit to exclusivity as long as they are seeing more than one person. Pierre, as usual, doesn't know what he's talking about. Anyway, sorry to hear this. But there is really no guard against liars. It's you vs them. If she were a multidater, she would not have committed exclusivity to you. In fact, when you talked, which is the right thing to do... if you want something, it is your responsibility to ask for it, she would have told you she's not willing to commit to exclusivity, and let you make the decision. If a woman is playing hot & cold, she could be playing games, and you simply CANNOT take it to the next level, multidating or not, lying or not. Hot & cold shows lack of interest, and ambiguity. Although sometimes, the hot & cold could be unintentional, maybe she's trying to get her life in order. You never know. But the bottom line, if there's hot n cold, whether it's intentional on her part or not, you cannot proceed. You have to either bail out, or stay in a holding pattern and see how things pan out. Not a problem for multidaters, not sure how non multidaters should handle this.
phineas Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Playing hot & cold = they got my number. Funny thing is no matter how much time has passed, they always seem to remember it as soon as I start investing time in another woman. How do they know? I mean I literally started seeing one woman who was a good 45 mins. away from the hot/cold woman a whole month after she didn't call me back or answer my text. No way in hell she saw us together but I swear after I kissed her & was driving home the hot/cold woman texted me. LOL! and it wasn't a "hi" text it was a "hey what's going on, havn't seen you in forever, we should catch up" text.
RedRobin Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 So, some of you might remember my story from a few months back. There is a girl that I was seeing that was hot and cold for the longest time (5-6 months). When she was hot, she expressed a ton of interest. But, when she was cold, something was just not right. We played this game for several months, while we both agreed to stay exclusive. What made it hard is that we saw each other every day in class. Probably one reason why she was stringing me along. We agreed to be friends (yet still be physical) until things calmed down and we could pursue a relationship. Well, one week ago, on the last day of class, she abruptly told me that she could no longer see me as more than a friend (basically no guarantee of a future relationship). It was weird because we were getting along great right up until then. She blind-sided me with this. But, I guess based on our history I was asking for it. Anyway, there was a guy that she has been friends with for over a year and I always questioned their relationship. She always told me they were just "friends". I even had people telling me that they had previously seen them touching each other at a bar (before we had met). It was a constant source of tension as I wanted her to clear up her relationship with this guy, yet she never did even though she said she was going to. Too many red flags. The day after she called it off with me, I heard from a mutual friend that she had been dating this guy for over a year. Long story short, I made contact with this guy and he was also in shock/pissed and said he wanted nothing to do with her ever again. So basically this girl had been lying to me from the beginning about this other guy. She had been seeing both of us. Probably physical with both of us as well. Fast forward to yesterday. I saw them together while I was out. I was crushed. So, my question is, has anyone ever been involved with someone this long to find out later there was another person the whole time? How did you handle it? I'm between sending an email to her and not doing anything. I felt as if I had a right to know whether she was physical with/seeing someone else for that extended amount of time. Then I could determine whether I wanted to continue seeing her. She gave me no options by lying to me. I bolded the two statements above... When you agreed to be 'exclusive'... what exactly did that mean? Did you make a nice list of what you planned to be 'exclusive' with while you were 'friends' not in a 'relationship'? Or, did you just assume that her definition of exclusive was the same as yours? The next bolded statement, you say you agreed to be friends, but still be physical. Ok... were you 'friends' or 'exclusive' or what? This is a perfect example of multi-dater logic. Things get awfully fuzzy when you are 'exclusive' with a 'friend' and not in a 'relationship'... now doesn't it? Others have called her a whore and a slut (typical)... yet I don't see where you've done alot of work to get clear on what the heck you had. Yes, I agree she needed to be up front about who else she was seeing... but isn't this also multi-dater/FWB logic? Don't ask, don't tell? So, you can see how things like this get really nasty, really fast. I'd not waste alot of time crucifying her. Seems you are just as much to blame for having an 'exclusive'/'friend'/not in a 'relationship' arrangement. You might consider ways you could communicate better next time... one person's version of 'exclusive' isn't everyone's version... you might also re-consider the wisdom of arrangments where the boundaries aren't clear. Doesn't sound like this one was.
RedRobin Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 FYI... The last guy I dated while I was doing OLD asked to be 'exclusive' with me... I was a little suspicious that he was asking to be exclusive just to get me to sleep with him (we'd only been dating a few weeks)... so I held off a little longer. Since I don't multi-date, it was no big deal for me to be 'exclusive'. Plus, we were planning a nice camping trip, and I thought it would be romantic to have our first time be something special like that... so it wasn't like I was asking him to be celibate for life... Anyway, the next week, he went out for drinks with a 'friend' instead of agreeing to see me. I dumped him the next day. When he asked me why, I said because I didn't trust him. Just a gut feeling. He was stunned. On the spot he confessed to having cheated on his former wife multiple times... said he'd planned to tell me after he got to know me better. I told him he couldn't hide it if he tried. Anyway, that's what non-multidaters do. Trust but verify, my friend.
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