SciGuy Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 So, some of you might remember my story from a few months back. There is a girl that I was seeing that was hot and cold for the longest time (5-6 months). When she was hot, she expressed a ton of interest. But, when she was cold, something was just not right. We played this game for several months, while we both agreed to stay exclusive. What made it hard is that we saw each other every day in class. Probably one reason why she was stringing me along. We agreed to be friends (yet still be physical) until things calmed down and we could pursue a relationship. Well, one week ago, on the last day of class, she abruptly told me that she could no longer see me as more than a friend (basically no guarantee of a future relationship). It was weird because we were getting along great right up until then. She blind-sided me with this. But, I guess based on our history I was asking for it. Anyway, there was a guy that she has been friends with for over a year and I always questioned their relationship. She always told me they were just "friends". I even had people telling me that they had previously seen them touching each other at a bar (before we had met). It was a constant source of tension as I wanted her to clear up her relationship with this guy, yet she never did even though she said she was going to. Too many red flags. The day after she called it off with me, I heard from a mutual friend that she had been dating this guy for over a year. Long story short, I made contact with this guy and he was also in shock/pissed and said he wanted nothing to do with her ever again. So basically this girl had been lying to me from the beginning about this other guy. She had been seeing both of us. Probably physical with both of us as well. Fast forward to yesterday. I saw them together while I was out. I was crushed. So, my question is, has anyone ever been involved with someone this long to find out later there was another person the whole time? How did you handle it? I'm between sending an email to her and not doing anything. I felt as if I had a right to know whether she was physical with/seeing someone else for that extended amount of time. Then I could determine whether I wanted to continue seeing her. She gave me no options by lying to me.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Thats why people lie to you. Its to get what they want. if she told you the truth, you would have bailed. But you (eventually) acted on the red flags you saw, and found out the truth. Thats it. She doesnt care about you, thats why she was hot and cold and cut you off. So sending a letter will be a waste of your time, she probably wont even read it. 3
thatone Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 don't worry, that guy will just keep her around until a new girl rears her head then he'll drop her like a bad habit. yes, it happens all the time. yes, that's what red flags are for, pay attention to them. when you find a girl who wants a relationship with you, you'll struggle to do anything wrong. she'll make her entire day to day life revolve around pleasing you. she'll worry herself to death about displeasing you. it's obvious. once you see that first hand you'll be able to spot girls like the one you've been burned by a mile away, and not get attached to them prematurely. 3
Joaquin Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) don't worry, that guy will just keep her around until a new girl rears her head then he'll drop her like a bad habit. yes, it happens all the time. yes, that's what red flags are for, pay attention to them. when you find a girl who wants a relationship with you, you'll struggle to do anything wrong. she'll make her entire day to day life revolve around pleasing you. she'll worry herself to death about displeasing you. it's obvious. once you see that first hand you'll be able to spot girls like the one you've been burned by a mile away, and not get attached to them prematurely. Agree totally. When you've been with a girl who has been committed to you, really committed to just you, it's easier to spot one who isn't. Your intuition tells you and the red flags confirm it. It's perhaps one of the most important things to learn, but usually takes a bad experience to learn it. Op, you've got your stripes. Move on bro. Edited May 14, 2012 by Joaquin 2
phineas Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 OP, sounds like my ex-wife. She told her BF she was divorced ect. the whole while she was sleeping with the both of us. I called him & told him & she is living with him now. He obviously didn't believe me. Whatever, she's his problem now. He most likely didn't tell her you called him otherwise she'd of caused a scene. Just back off & let her think she pulled the wool over your eyes. Then when she comes around again bang her in uncomfortable positions & places like I did with my ex-wife & silently congratulate the other guy for winning the "Prize". LOL! 3
TheFinalWord Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 So, some of you might remember my story from a few months back. There is a girl that I was seeing that was hot and cold for the longest time (5-6 months). When she was hot, she expressed a ton of interest. But, when she was cold, something was just not right. We played this game for several months, while we both agreed to stay exclusive. What made it hard is that we saw each other every day in class. Probably one reason why she was stringing me along. We agreed to be friends (yet still be physical) until things calmed down and we could pursue a relationship. Well, one week ago, on the last day of class, she abruptly told me that she could no longer see me as more than a friend (basically no guarantee of a future relationship). It was weird because we were getting along great right up until then. She blind-sided me with this. But, I guess based on our history I was asking for it. Anyway, there was a guy that she has been friends with for over a year and I always questioned their relationship. She always told me they were just "friends". I even had people telling me that they had previously seen them touching each other at a bar (before we had met). It was a constant source of tension as I wanted her to clear up her relationship with this guy, yet she never did even though she said she was going to. Too many red flags. The day after she called it off with me, I heard from a mutual friend that she had been dating this guy for over a year. Long story short, I made contact with this guy and he was also in shock/pissed and said he wanted nothing to do with her ever again. So basically this girl had been lying to me from the beginning about this other guy. She had been seeing both of us. Probably physical with both of us as well. Fast forward to yesterday. I saw them together while I was out. I was crushed. So, my question is, has anyone ever been involved with someone this long to find out later there was another person the whole time? How did you handle it? I'm between sending an email to her and not doing anything. I felt as if I had a right to know whether she was physical with/seeing someone else for that extended amount of time. Then I could determine whether I wanted to continue seeing her. She gave me no options by lying to me. I agree with everything everyone has said. As far as telling the other guy, yeah it should matter, but you'd be surprised what guys can overlook when they are getting regular sex Pretty much nothing can disgust them. That doesn't mean he cares about her, it just means he'll play her game b/c of the sex. You were used bro. Sending an e-mail won't do any good. She waited until the last day on purpose to ease the awkwardness. I know because I've done the e-mail vent before. Chances are she won't read it, and if she does, she won't respond. You do have a right to be mad about it, but venting it towards her won't help. Just try to grow from it and gain experience so it doesn't happen again. Don't let her control your life anymore. When you see hot/cold from a woman, it's not a good sign. Enjoy what you can from her, but don't catch any feelings. Usually this means she is just an attention whore, an actual whore, or is using you for some reason. Either way, the woman is a pretty immoral. Just be glad you found out how she is now, rather than to get married, kids, the whole 9 yards, then find out you're dealing with a mentally unstable woman like phineas did. Just imagine the catastrophe you avoided! 1
mortensorchid Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I'm sorry this has happened to you. One summer a few years ago I was ditched not once but twice in a few weeks. One I had met here and there at a party or two, we had two get togethers then I was leaving for a long weekend in New York. When I came back, he had a new girlfriend and didn't bother to tell me. He gave some lame excuse like "Oh it just came together it really wasn't my fault, etc." I said I hope they will be very happy when I was actually thinking "You miserable, son of a ___". The other I had one get together with, not really knowing him, then when I sent a text later in the week I got a strange response from someone (if it really was who they said it was) who identified themselves as his cousin's girlfriend, and informed me that he went back to his baby momma - of which I had no idea he had. I was hurt that not one but two people would / could be so cruel. Take comfort in the fact that you are not the only one. This girl you talked about (and these two men - if you can call them that) is cruel and a user who likes to lead others on to stroke their own egos and get material things from others. You can do better and deserve more than that cow.
Author SciGuy Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Oh and OP, I hate to say it, but we told you so. Yes, yes, you sure did. It's easy to ignore warning signs once you become completely infatuated with someone. Definitely a learning experience for me. I wish this would've happened in my 20's, but oh well. I appreciate everyone's feedback. One other thing: he DID tell her that I contacted him. She called me later that same night accusing ME of trying to pick up girls at a bar, totally avoiding the real issue. She hung up on me without giving me a chance to confront her. I did write out a short text/email that I'm still contemplating sending. Having yet to confront her about the whole thing I feel is really delaying my healing. This isn't about possibly getting her back or getting her to have sex with me. I feel that I just need to put it all out there and be done with it.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Personally, I would give her a big piece of my mind - to vent it out so I could move on, and to hold her accountable in some way for her selfish behavior. 2
Emilia Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Oh and OP, I hate to say it, but we told you so. ^^ This. I remember your thread OP and we told you the girl wasn't really into you. I think some might have even guessed that there was someone else. We told you if she was into you, she would make time for you and wouldn't play hot and cold. That's the lesson. I haven't been double crossed yet, I'm sure it will happen to me too one day. I tend to move on when I feel I'm not getting a guy's undivided attention. 2
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 hmm op this happens, its kind of one of the risks you take in relationships, just know in your heart that you tried your best. also i hate to say this.. one of the downsides of dating a really pretty girl who is young (>25) would be a lot of competition with other guys for her attention/affection. 1
Author SciGuy Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 Update: Sent a pretty lengthy email over one week ago. Still have yet to hear anything back. I guess it felt good to get everything off my chest and let her officially know that she had been caught. I highly doubt that she will ever come out and admit what she's done and I sort of mentioned that in my email. Oh well. Trying to move on and date other girls.
Author SciGuy Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 Major update: So, I happened to run into her with this other guy today. Things were said. I couldn't help it. She basically denied ever having anything physical with me right in front of this other guy that she has been seeing for a year. Well, I had pictures to prove otherwise. And, yes, he saw them . He was beyond pissed. It was karma at it's finest. Like an episode of cheaters without the cameras. I definitely said some things that no man should ever say to a lady. But, we aren't dealing with a lady...she's a nutcase. Was it the right thing to do? Still not sure about that. But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Now maybe I can sleep tonight. 4
Radu Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) The day after she called it off with me, I heard from a mutual friend that she had been dating this guy for over a year. Long story short, I made contact with this guy and he was also in shock/pissed and said he wanted nothing to do with her ever again. So basically this girl had been lying to me from the beginning about this other guy. She had been seeing both of us. Probably physical with both of us as well. Fast forward to yesterday. I saw them together while I was out. I was crushed. So, my question is, has anyone ever been involved with someone this long to find out later there was another person the whole time? How did you handle it? I'm between sending an email to her and not doing anything. I felt as if I had a right to know whether she was physical with/seeing someone else for that extended amount of time. Then I could determine whether I wanted to continue seeing her. She gave me no options by lying to me. So, do you want to get out of this with some dignity or not ? If you don't care, go ahead and send the mail, send flowers ... beg ... whatever. If you want to stop feeling like a victim, then get on your hands and knees and pray to whatever God you worship that you : - were not 'chosen' by her - are disgusted by this - you post on this forum where we can tell you how wrong it would be to send her a mail Be happy that you told him, you allowed him to make an informed choice ... something you were not given. From now on, whatever happens between them [and she will use him too], it's on him. Move on and go into NC with this girl for your sanity. If you allow her to weasel her way back into your life [and she will try shortly after she dumps the other guy], you lose the NC ... complete NC from now on. Major update: So, I happened to run into her with this other guy today. Things were said. I couldn't help it. She basically denied ever having anything physical with me right in front of this other guy that she has been seeing for a year. Well, I had pictures to prove otherwise. And, yes, he saw them . He was beyond pissed. It was karma at it's finest. Like an episode of cheaters without the cameras. I definitely said some things that no man should ever say to a lady. But, we aren't dealing with a lady...she's a nutcase. Was it the right thing to do? Still not sure about that. But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Now maybe I can sleep tonight. As the guy who has been cheated on, i wish someone had done this for me. However, you gave into your anger ... which shows you have little selfcontrol. Edited May 28, 2012 by Radu
Emilia Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Major update: He was beyond pissed. It was karma at it's finest. Like an episode of cheaters without the cameras. I definitely said some things that no man should ever say to a lady. But, we aren't dealing with a lady...she's a nutcase. Was it the right thing to do? Still not sure about that. But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Now maybe I can sleep tonight. I'm not a vindictive person but it sounds like she deserved what she got 2
phineas Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Major update: So, I happened to run into her with this other guy today. Things were said. I couldn't help it. She basically denied ever having anything physical with me right in front of this other guy that she has been seeing for a year. Well, I had pictures to prove otherwise. And, yes, he saw them . He was beyond pissed. It was karma at it's finest. Like an episode of cheaters without the cameras. I definitely said some things that no man should ever say to a lady. But, we aren't dealing with a lady...she's a nutcase. Was it the right thing to do? Still not sure about that. But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Now maybe I can sleep tonight. If this is what you needed for closure, to move on & never have anything more to do with this woman than yes I believe it was the right thing to do. Mostly because you saved another man from a similar fate & maybe, just maybe taught the little girl a lesson & set her on the path to not being a cheating whore anymore. Now, delete her from your life & find a woman who actually wants to make time for you. 1
Author SciGuy Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 If this is what you needed for closure, to move on & never have anything more to do with this woman than yes I believe it was the right thing to do. Mostly because you saved another man from a similar fate & maybe, just maybe taught the little girl a lesson & set her on the path to not being a cheating whore anymore. Now, delete her from your life & find a woman who actually wants to make time for you. I don't regret my decision one bit. She dropped me and just went on with her life like nothing happened, while I've been miserable. No response to my email. And, then I see this guy picking her up. Looks like she's doing great, yet she's the one that's done everything wrong. You're right, I couldn't control myself. Trust me, I sat there for about 20 seconds trying to decide if I should do anything. But, I knew it was my opportunity. It was meant to happen. I would've never seen them together again. Hopefully, she never forgets this. I definitely will never forget the way she looked at me when she said that we had never been anything or done anything together. It was so creepy. It's crazy to think I fell for this nutjob. 2
thatone Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 we have nothing more to teach you young padawan. joaquin is right, you got your stripes, move on to the next.
joystickd Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Major update: So, I happened to run into her with this other guy today. Things were said. I couldn't help it. She basically denied ever having anything physical with me right in front of this other guy that she has been seeing for a year. Well, I had pictures to prove otherwise. And, yes, he saw them . He was beyond pissed. It was karma at it's finest. Like an episode of cheaters without the cameras. I definitely said some things that no man should ever say to a lady. But, we aren't dealing with a lady...she's a nutcase. Was it the right thing to do? Still not sure about that. But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Now maybe I can sleep tonight. for exposing her to the world as a slutbag. As a general rule from now on never and I mean never do that again. The best revenge is success. Just move on and pretend the person doesn't exist. Find someone else to date. Usually those types think they have you and if you ignore them and start dating other people that bothers them. Sometimes doing things like that can go horribly wrong meaning that guy could have got violent. 1
Author SciGuy Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 for exposing her to the world as a slutbag. As a general rule from now on never and I mean never do that again. The best revenge is success. Just move on and pretend the person doesn't exist. Find someone else to date. Usually those types think they have you and if you ignore them and start dating other people that bothers them. Sometimes doing things like that can go horribly wrong meaning that guy could have got violent. I don't think I would've done it any differently. She got what she deserved. And, I could've cared less about that guys reaction at the time. Probably because the first thing I told him is that she had been lying about him just being a friend and that if I knew they were dating then I would've backed off. I think he finally wanted to know the truth too. Based on his reaction I think there was a better chance of him getting violent with her. He kept yelling at her, "I don't believe you! You're lying!!!" Over and over again.
Sugarkane Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I can't blame you, wish it would happen to more cheaters! It must have felt great to do. Problem is they usually lie their butt off to the other person and make out that your the psycho.
truth_seeker Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I can't blame you, wish it would happen to more cheaters! It must have felt great to do. Problem is they usually lie their butt off to the other person and make out that your the psycho. This is true. When someone gets caught and cornered they will desperately try to lie their way out of the situation or paint the other person as the nutjob to save face. 1
Author SciGuy Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 This is true. When someone gets caught and cornered they will desperately try to lie their way out of the situation or paint the other person as the nutjob to save face. Agreed. But, I had some pretty provocative photos that she sent me that made me look like a little less of a nutjob...
Author SciGuy Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 for exposing her to the world as a slutbag. As a general rule from now on never and I mean never do that again. The best revenge is success. Just move on and pretend the person doesn't exist. Find someone else to date. Usually those types think they have you and if you ignore them and start dating other people that bothers them. Sometimes doing things like that can go horribly wrong meaning that guy could have got violent. Ok, you were right. I haven't spoken to this girl since this happened. I was at a bar tonight and got a heads up that she was there. Ok fine, I thought I'd just continue to ignore her like I have successfully all week in class. Well, I saw the guy she has been dating from across the room and he signaled me to go talk. He walked outside and I naively thought he just wanted some more info out of me. When he kept walking further away from the bar to "talk" I knew something was up. I said, no I'm not going any further and realized then that he wanted to fight me. I said whatever she has told you she is LYING!!! He was irrational and just wanted a piece of me. Nothing I said was helping. Well, he took a few swings at me which I successfully avoided and the next thing I know about four people were pulling me away. He yelled some things and left. I heard that she then left and followed after him or something. The whole thing is so bizarre. I still have no idea why he went after me. I mean, I know I was hooking up with "his girl" but doesn't he realize that i DIDN'T KNOW they were together?! I already told him that. I'm going to see this girl in class tomorrow. What should I do?!
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