maybealone Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Sometime in the near future, I will be dating again after a long time of not dating. I've been reading this forum, trying to get up to speed on what to expect this time around. I've found one thing really confusing. In one recent thread here, posters are saying that if a woman invites you to her house, it means she wants to have sex. But in another recent thread, some posters say that dating is much more casual now and hanging out at each other's places is more common than going out. I'm guessing that what this means is that you are supposed to go out for X number of dates, then have sex, then you can starting hanging around at each other's houses. Back when I used to date, it was a mix depending on what the couple could afford and what they had time for. Usually the first couple of dates were out, but then pizza and DVDs (okay, VHS tapes back then ) at home were common dates even before sex. So... what can I expect?
WhiteChocolate Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 It's different for different people. Depending on how old you are, where you live, what your situation is, everyone's expectations may be different. Dating isn't formulaic. It's pretty messy. So I don't really know what to tell you, because more likely than not I will be wrong. 1
dasein Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 If you are a top 5% guy in looks, wealth, power, celebrity, or have incredible game, the hang out will work just fine for you. If OTOH, you are not, I strongly suggest one on one dating, not in groups, where you are out doing something together. The reason is that the hangout leaves all control in the female court. She can freely suck up your attention and favors and then switch back and forth from "Oh I thought we were just hanging out as friends," to GF prospect at the drop of a hat. Dating screens the low quality cake eaters and attention whores out on the front end. If a woman has no sexual interest in you at all, the odds of her going out on a date with you and wasting your time are much less, though she may agree to "hang out" if nothing better is going on, and will BBD you without a second thought. Good luck getting back into it.
Christine52 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 If you're dating just to have fun, doesn't matter. If you're dating to find a potentially life long mate, I wouldn't go to your house for 2 reasons: 1. You need your private space. It can become a habit and they're over more often than they should be 2. It opens the door to potentially have sex too early. You really want to wait as long as you can otherwise you may grow emotionally invested after sex, while he's not even sure if he likes you all that much. I dated a guy for 3 years, and when i got my own place in the third year, we stopped trying after he came over. Why? I didn't have make up on all the time, he would have his hands down his pants drinking beer. It KILLS the romance. Keep it out of your house, and into a cool resto-grill
thatone Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Sometime in the near future, I will be dating again after a long time of not dating. I've been reading this forum, trying to get up to speed on what to expect this time around. I've found one thing really confusing. In one recent thread here, posters are saying that if a woman invites you to her house, it means she wants to have sex. But in another recent thread, some posters say that dating is much more casual now and hanging out at each other's places is more common than going out. I'm guessing that what this means is that you are supposed to go out for X number of dates, then have sex, then you can starting hanging around at each other's houses. Back when I used to date, it was a mix depending on what the couple could afford and what they had time for. Usually the first couple of dates were out, but then pizza and DVDs (okay, VHS tapes back then ) at home were common dates even before sex. So... what can I expect? you can expect normal people to be the same as they were back in the days of VHS tapes. everyone else you can expect...not so much. people who describe dating as "hanging out"... these people are pretending to be 20 something year olds. don't expect much. they never grew up and now that they have become single later in life for whatever reason they are trying to mimic younger people, so expect young people habits (flakes, indecisiveness, immaturity, silly control games). people who think being invited to your house = sex don't get me wrong, a man who gets invited to your house is going to try. but that's the nature of men, we're all going to try. i would say this does apply. women are more comfortable with casual sex now than they were in decades past so this is one thing that's different from the VHS days. but then again maybe not different, just more widespread. sex or not early in dating/relationships doesn't have the negative stigma that it once had. so while i wouldn't bring this discussion up in the first few dates, if you're gonna shoot down a guy you like, give him some positive reinforcement to go with it (i'm guessing you're female?) as for the rest it's really not that different. there are normal people out there and they haven't changed all that much. a bit more on their guard and on the lookout for common deal breakers, perhaps, but otherwise people haven't evolved in 20 years.
Meg717 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 From my personal experience, I would say try to avoid "hanging out" at someones house for the first couple of "dates." I feel that it becomes too casual and to me is more confusing. It's happening to a me and a guy I'm talking to. I have no idea what we are or where we're going bc the dates aren't typical. Could they even be considered dates? LOL I suggest 3/4 dates (dinner, movies, bowling, etc) before you start "hanging out" at their house or your house.
Cypress25 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Back when I used to date, it was a mix depending on what the couple could afford and what they had time for. Usually the first couple of dates were out, but then pizza and DVDs (okay, VHS tapes back then ) at home were common dates even before sex. This is still normal. A real date is two people going out, doing something fun together, talking, getting to know each other. Eventually you can do pizza and a movie at home (and you don't have to have sex just because you're at home), but make sure you don't get stuck in a rut of staying home and watching TV together every weekend. That's the kiss of death for any relationship. It's only acceptable to do that if you've been married for 20 years. Hanging out at home is not a date. I have never in my life had sex with a guy the first time he came over to my place, or the first time I went over to his place. I've never met a guy who expected that. We might kiss or fool around a little, but not sex. I wouldn't even have sex with a guy the first time we spent the night together. Sleepovers are convenient for when you want to spend the whole weekend together, but they don't have to include sex, especially in the early stages of dating. I think most people understand that "Wanna watch a movie at my place?" doesn't necessarily mean "Get ready for sex."
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