bean1 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I'm the first person he has ever dated that was my age, and I'm mature so it wasn't a huge problem. His son is the problem, and I can't get around him without it being awkward. Mature 19 year old girls know better than to date men the same age as their mothers. The fact that you don't realize the major incompatabilities by virtue of such a massive generation gap (age is NOT just a number people, don't be ridiculous), the fact that he is willing to have sex with someone the same age as his child, the fact that he is willing to make a girl his child's age compromise on her wishes and goals in life... strikes of immaturity. It's OKAY to be immature at 19. You get permission to be immature. But holy heck do not compromise your life for someone who really should know better. 3
angie2443 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I'm the first person he has ever dated that was my age, and I'm mature so it wasn't a huge problem. His son is the problem, and I can't get around him without it being awkward. No decent, loving parent would want to be with someone who considered their child a problem. Going by your posts, you are very immature, or incredible naive or not very bright. Way older men do not go after girls the age of their children because of intelligence or maturity. They do it because they have no decency. 2
stillafool Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Because of the age difference. We have the same humor and some thought patterns, which is weird because we have similar humor than the guy I'm dating. I have to always explain our humor to him. Although, he is attractive, I am not attracted to him. He is too young and I'm dating his father, so that is very wrong. Won't it feel strange when the son has his young friends over and they are all in the back yard or where ever having "young people fun" and you and the dad are inside sitting on the sofa watching TV? Won't you feel you are missing out on the fun?
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Mature 19 year old girls know better than to date men the same age as their mothers. The fact that you don't realize the major incompatabilities by virtue of such a massive generation gap (age is NOT just a number people, don't be ridiculous), the fact that he is willing to have sex with someone the same age as his child, the fact that he is willing to make a girl his child's age compromise on her wishes and goals in life... strikes of immaturity. It's OKAY to be immature at 19. You get permission to be immature. But holy heck do not compromise your life for someone who really should know better. That's not entirely true because I'm mature I can't date someone who is in their early to mid 20s. It's like dating 12 year olds. I'm starting to see our differences as far as interests and humor, but once his son goes off the college it would be a whole lot better.When his son is not around we mesh well. And he's not making me compromise my plans. We just scratch the surface of our future goals. I like to plan ahead just as a "what if" backup plan. But as far as sex or in general, he doesnt see me as someone a little older than his son,and he doesn't treat me like that either.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 No decent, loving parent would want to be with someone who considered their child a problem. Going by your posts, you are very immature, or incredible naive or not very bright. Way older men do not go after girls the age of their children because of intelligence or maturity. They do it because they have no decency. Your post is really bias. Not all older guys are like that. But, what do I know I'm immature
stillafool Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) but once his son goes off the college it would be a whole lot better. What exactly is the problem you have with his son? Are you going to college as well? Sorry if you already gave this info in a prior post that I didn't read. Edited May 15, 2012 by stillafool
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 What exactly is the problem you have with his son? Are you going to college as well? Sorry if you already gave this info in a prior post that I didn't read. 1. He emphasis the differences I have with is father. For example, He would make a joke, and I would laugh and we go back and forth. The guy I'm dating(his father) would get upset, and then there is tension between him and I. And it makes me apprehensive about our relationship. 2. He is always around, which is natural because he is still in HS. But he deliberately goes in his dad's room whenever I stay over.And its obvious he is doing it deliberately when he smirks at me like its a joke. That's two of the main reasons why it would be better when he goes to college. And yeah, I'm in college. I'm finishing my freshmen year
bean1 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Have fun K. But you will be bloody embarrassed looking back at 25,30 about how "mature' you thought you were. You know those 15 year old girls who date 25 year old guys 'cause they are soooo mature??? You're the 15 year old right now who thinks the older man is mature compared to boys her age. The problem is that the ones who will date someone so much younger is the one who is actually the immature one and most women his age probably wouldn't put up with half the **** he will expect you to put up with. Because you're young and dont know any better. That's why he's dating you. And sex. Sorry. 3
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 H The problem is that the ones who will date someone so much younger is the one who is actually the immature one and most women his age probably wouldn't put up with half the **** he will expect you to put up with. Because you're young and dont know any better. That's why he's dating you. And sex. Sorry. I wouldn't say this is true in every circumstance of older guy/younger girl. But it does seem to be true in this circumstance. It might be different if he didn't have a teenage kid. It isn't so much a problem that the kid is around, but that he is raising a teen, and dating a teen. Most parents of teens see teens in a certain light, and that is NOT a sexual light. This relationship is bordering on blatantly inappropriate, and his son's presence make that painfully clear. That's why his son's presence upsets your relationship (as if it would be any more appropriate if the son were off at school somewhere?!). 1
angie2443 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Your post is really bias. Not all older guys are like that. But, what do I know I'm immature Silly girl:rolleyes:. I didn't say that all older guys are like that- just the creepy ones like this one your'e dating;). Anyways, I'm finding to believe you are not full of it and just having fun making up a sick story for us to read. I'll bow out of this thread. If it is real, it turns my stomach. You'll be able to leave, but the son is stuck with this father forever:sick: 1
pink_sugar Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 his ex? Why didnt it work out? I'm sure he doesnt mind getting remarried, so that's not an issue. He is kinda close to my mother's age. My mom is 43 only 4 years older than him. But it's not that weird for me just a little awkward. I think it's a combination of factors. They got divorced last year. They initially got married so he could help her obtain citizenship, as she was only on a visa. They were together about 5 years. She also wanted another baby (her daughter is now 11 and she's 29) my dad already had two grown kids...he did not want another baby. I also know that she was embarrassed of his age. She had her family believing he was 10 years younger than he is. I think that bothered them both. Decisions people make at 19 aren't always the best. I got married at 19, I don't regret it at all, but I think it may have been better to wait until I was older. (He was 24 then, he's 28 now). I'm starting to feel like I'm having different feelings and interests now than I did at 16 when I met him. It happens unfortunately. Hopefully we will grow together instead of growing apart. But if we ever did get a divorce, I'd have the life experience and he's always been good to me.
make me believe Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 You feel awkward around his son because the fact that his son is almost the same age as you just highlights how WEIRD it is that you are dating his dad. It highlights the age difference between you in a way that can't be ignored, and I think part of you knows that it is really, really weird and problematic that your boyfriend is dating somebody who is basically his child's peer. I mean, really.... you don't find it creepy that, as xxoo has pointed out, he is parenting a teenager AND dating a teenager? That's just bizarre to me. And it's pretty telling that you are looking forward to his son going away to college so that you guys can go back to pretending that a 39 year old dating a teenager is not weird.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I wouldn't say this is true in every circumstance of older guy/younger girl. But it does seem to be true in this circumstance. It might be different if he didn't have a teenage kid. It isn't so much a problem that the kid is around, but that he is raising a teen, and dating a teen. Most parents of teens see teens in a certain light, and that is NOT a sexual light. This relationship is bordering on blatantly inappropriate, and his son's presence make that painfully clear. That's why his son's presence upsets your relationship (as if it would be any more appropriate if the son were off at school somewhere?!). He doesnt see me as a "teenager." His son makes me realize that I am a teenager,and it makes me think of our relationship from a third party or my parents perspective. So, I'm just stuck whether I should try or stop because its far fetch.
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 He doesnt see me as a "teenager." His son makes me realize that I am a teenager,and it makes me think of our relationship from a third party or my parents perspective. So, I'm just stuck whether I should try or stop because its far fetch. He doesn't want to see you as a teenager. But you are a teenager, and sometimes you act like one. As you should. What is the alternative, acting 30 all the time so that you don't remind your bf that he is dating a teenager?
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I think it's a combination of factors. They got divorced last year. They initially got married so he could help her obtain citizenship, as she was only on a visa. They were together about 5 years. She also wanted another baby (her daughter is now 11 and she's 29) my dad already had two grown kids...he did not want another baby. I also know that she was embarrassed of his age. She had her family believing he was 10 years younger than he is. I think that bothered them both. Decisions people make at 19 aren't always the best. I got married at 19, I don't regret it at all, but I think it may have been better to wait until I was older. (He was 24 then, he's 28 now). I'm starting to feel like I'm having different feelings and interests now than I did at 16 when I met him. It happens unfortunately. Hopefully we will grow together instead of growing apart. But if we ever did get a divorce, I'd have the life experience and he's always been good to me. Getting married to become a citizen is probably where it failed. Marriage should be for love. I hope your marriage works out.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 He doesn't want to see you as a teenager. But you are a teenager, and sometimes you act like one. As you should. What is the alternative, acting 30 all the time so that you don't remind your bf that he is dating a teenager? Ha, no...I really should talk to him. It makes no sense that he still hasn't spoken with me about how I feel about his son and everything. It seems he avoids the subject completely.
stillafool Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 How does your mother feel about you dating a guy who is close to her age?
Almond_Joy Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I'm currently dating a great guy. I can really see him and I becoming serious, but there is a big age gap. I'm 19 and he is 39. That doesn't really bother me, but he has a son who is 16 turning 17. I'll admit, it's so awkward coming over to his house with his son around. It is really bothering me that his kid is only 2 years younger than me. I don't want to stop dating a great guy because he has a son, but I dont know what to do. Should I stop dating him? I really need some advice. Thanks My first relationship was with a man 13 years my senior, with 2 children. We were together for 6 1/2 years. If you're in this for the short term, I'd say continue. You two can have a fun relationship without you being around his son. Do not, however, think of it as anything more than a short term thing. If you want something long-term, walk away before you get any more attached. If you're uncomfortable with the age disparity now, it'll just get worse as you get older. Your perception of him may change as you get older also. Good luck.
InJest Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 He likes ****ing your young, tight vagina. He also likes the fact that you're 19 and naive, so he can tell you anything and you'll believe it. I'm only 26, and the only reason I **** 19/20 year olds is because it's easy, they don't say no to anything, and they'll believe pretty much anything I say. They also do whatever they can to make sure they don't upset me, even compromising their own feelings and what they want at times. Sound familiar? I try to teach them a thing or two, but honestly they already think they know every goddamn thing, while failing to realize I'm just after that tight, wetness, so it's hard for me to feel bad for them. Anyway, do what you want, but don't set high expectations..especially not marriage or kids. 1
Lexii94 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Have you always been attracted to old guys? If yes, then either your father was never around or he abused you. So, you are looking for someone to replace something you never had. With that said, get out of that relationship. It's gross. I also think his son has a crush on you. You said he jokes around with you and interrupts you when you and your pedophile..I mean boyfriend on purpose when you guys are trying to have sex, which is again gross to me. In my state if you were only 3 years younger he would be in jail for a lifetime.
serial muse Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Ha, no...I really should talk to him. It makes no sense that he still hasn't spoken with me about how I feel about his son and everything. It seems he avoids the subject completely. Well, from what you said about the humor thing, it sounds like maybe that's because he's jealous. I don't know, I'm sure there are situations where it could work out, but your particular situation sounds fraught. It sounds to me like it's not so much that the son makes you realize what a third party might see, but that he reminds you that you don't actually have that much in common with this guy. Which seems like explanation enough for why the father doesn't want to talk to you about it. It sounds like when it's just you and the father, you act more mature and grown up and that's probably fun, in a way. But that will likely pall after a while - nobody really wants to have to play a character all the time. You want to be able to relax. Joking around is a big part of that. Shared senses of humor, frames of reference - those things really can matter. After a while, I wonder if you will start to resent that you aren't able to be fully yourself around your BF. So, yeah, I agree with those who said you shouldn't get ahead of yourself. Don't make any long-term plans, and don't change any of yours. Live your life. Time will tell if you'll really think the relationship is right for you. Maybe you will, maybe not.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 How does your mother feel about you dating a guy who is close to her age? I'm sure she is upset, but I don't know how upset because we were on the phone. I live in a different state.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Well, from what you said about the humor thing, it sounds like maybe that's because he's jealous. I don't know, I'm sure there are situations where it could work out, but your particular situation sounds fraught. It sounds to me like it's not so much that the son makes you realize what a third party might see, but that he reminds you that you don't actually have that much in common with this guy. Which seems like explanation enough for why the father doesn't want to talk to you about it. It sounds like when it's just you and the father, you act more mature and grown up and that's probably fun, in a way. But that will likely pall after a while - nobody really wants to have to play a character all the time. You want to be able to relax. Joking around is a big part of that. Shared senses of humor, frames of reference - those things really can matter. After a while, I wonder if you will start to resent that you aren't able to be fully yourself around your BF. So, yeah, I agree with those who said you shouldn't get ahead of yourself. Don't make any long-term plans, and don't change any of yours. Live your life. Time will tell if you'll really think the relationship is right for you. Maybe you will, maybe not. Yeah, he is definitely jealous. Sometimes I edit myself because he just doesnt get it or he finds it kiddie.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Have you always been attracted to old guys? If yes, then either your father was never around or he abused you. So, you are looking for someone to replace something you never had. With that said, get out of that relationship. It's gross. I also think his son has a crush on you. You said he jokes around with you and interrupts you when you and your pedophile..I mean boyfriend on purpose when you guys are trying to have sex, which is again gross to me. In my state if you were only 3 years younger he would be in jail for a lifetime. I prefer older guys because they are mature and less annoying as far as dating.And despite what my father has or has not done that doesnt define what I am attracted to. And it's not gross -_- it's just weird for me, and I dont know if it's going to last.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Katyerine, not all older guys are mature. But I am sure you know this. As I've grown older, I've learned that when it comes to older guys, they can be more practiced in hiding their immaturity then younger men because of their life experience. The sheen of a regular job and family life can also gloss over the immaturity because maturity comes in many different forms. There is work maturity, there is emotional maturity, there is even family maturity and they don't all equal the same thing inside someone. I've dated men that were very mature and accomplished in work but where not very emotionally mature. And I've dated men that were very responsible toward their families but where not as responsible in their romantic relationships. I am not making any claims that the man you are dating is or isn't mature. But I will just give you advice based on my personal experience. Take from it what you will. When I was 19, I felt that I was pretty mature for my age. And I was! I didn't get into partying like other girls my age, I never drank and I never did drugs because those things didn't interest me. I had several jobs and was going to school. I also had an easier time relating to older people then my peers. So when older men hit on me, and I was newly into dating, it was just so much easier to go out with them because they really didn't require much of me and they gave me a bit of a confidence boast. They didn't require as much of me as someone my own age would have. It was so nice and easy being in relationship where he has more responsibility and where I knew I was the prize because I was younger then him. And that's really how I saw it. I was the prize. I was the younger one. I didn't have the responsiblity he had. And I thought I was very mature and that he was. But the reality of it was that neither of us where mature. I changed alot from 19 to 25. A LOT. More then I could have imagined. And I think a lot of people change alot during that time. As I got older, I saw my past relationships more clearly. As I got older, I was less intersted in being with older men. They were not always as mature as I though. And I found that when I dated men closer to my own age, they required more of me. They challenged me. And because of those two things, my relationships were deeper with men my own age then when I dated older men. Now my life experience doesn't mean it's yours. But I am only giving you advice based on my life experience. My mom married my dad who was 15 years older then herself. And she always told me to never marry a man that much older then myself. She loved my Dad but they had their issues and some of then where due to age. Age does matter. It's another factor in relationship. Just like money, likes, morals...lots of things. As my parents got older, she stil lwanted to do things and he didn't. She ended up having to take care of him and my dad passed away. You're a long way from that but it's somethign to seriously thing about. He will age faster then you. The older we get, the faster we age. You will always be a different stages. Finally, What your father did or hasn't done does play it's parts in what you are attracted to. there is a reason why it's a stereotype. The affect are parents have on us matters. It's the first relationship we have with the opposite and same sex. And it HUGELY impacts how we see future relationships and how we interact with relationships. That also wasn't something I saw clearly, and why I seeked out older men when I was younger, Until I was 25. I did't have that self awareness unitl I was older. I do think something is very very off when someone with young children dates someone close to their child's age. You have less of an age difference between you and his son then you and him do. I think it's really strange when parents have children the same age of people they start dating. Something is not quite right there. And you have to ask yourself two things, do you want to be with a man that would date a 19 year old when his own son was 16/17? And how do you think you will feel about that when your 30+. Will you want to be with a man at that age that wanted to be with a 19 year old when he was 39? Look, the truth is, it is simply weird that a man with a 16/17 year old son wans to and is dating someone who is 19. I also wonder how this man's son feels about this. Dating someone that could really be in his own son's dating bracket. And I can't imagine that his son feels too good about it. And it doesn't seem like his man is taking into account his son when he should be. I can't imagine what happens when his son is 30..and your 33......Son might start looking a lot more attractive then 50+ year old Daddy. 1
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