GorillaTheater Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Now tell me honestly if you had a daughter(dont know if you do or not) and she brought home a 45 year old man at 19 you wouldnt feel a certain way about that guy? I do, and I would. Didn't figure that would sway the OP one way or the other, though. Now, if HE was posting here... 1
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 I really cant imagine what a 39 year old could see in a 19 year old other than pedophile like fantasies. Im not saying anything is wrong with you but you are just starting your life, and he is well into his. The truth is you wont last and he needs help. No, that's not true. I'm 19 not 16. I dated older guys before him and it wasn't like they asked me to dress up in a school uniform O_o
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Agreed. Please don't change your important, unique life plans for ANY man. You'll either end up breaking up and then feeling like you were used and walked all over - or you'll end up together but resenting him anyway. Speaking as a 22-year-old who has decided to hold back from dating for a while, I keep finding out how little I know, how much I still have to grow as a person, and how much I still have no idea who I actually am deep down (even though I've almost finished college now and have travelled all over the world)! Whether you stay with this older guy or not, you have to be you before you can start making such big life plans. You know ..you're right. I should stay strong with my plans. Because I would feel like crap if I made a major sacrifice and we end of breaking up.
pteromom Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Now tell me honestly if you had a daughter(dont know if you do or not) and she brought home a 45 year old man at 19 you wouldnt feel a certain way about that guy? I wouldn't be happy about it at all. Not due to any kind of pedophilia fear, but because I wouldn't want her doing what the OP is considering - having children early and selling her future for a guy she'll never have a truly EQUAL relationship with. I have many friends in relationships/marriages with older guys, and in only one case, she is happy. The others - they are now in their 40s, married to 60-something year old guys. They are energetic and wanting to go out and do things, and their husbands are old and frail and impotent. Not that ALL 60-somethings are old, frail, and impotent by any means, but that's the case with my friends. I do think that relationships with a huge age difference can work. But most don't. 1
gaius Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 My mom is 51 and her husband is 26. I am almost 28. How did they meet? How long have they been together?
bean1 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 How did they meet? How long have they been together? Met online 3 years ago. Have been married for 1.5 year now although only together in person for 2 weeks (when they got married). He lives in Morroco, we're in Canada. Obviously an immigration scam on his part but again boils down to the much older person being delusional about the realities and practicalities of being married to a much much younger person. 2
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 It is one thing to be close in age to his son if you are both adults, and the "parenting" stage is complete. It is another when you both are teens--one a teen he is parenting, and one a teen he is dating. Seems like a big lapse of judgment on his part. OP, this doesn't raise any red flags for you about his judgment? Why date a teen when you are trying to parent a teen? 5
FrustratedStandards Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 No, that's not true. I'm 19 not 16. I dated older guys before him and it wasn't like they asked me to dress up in a school uniform O_o I think the point people are trying to make is that the age gap is too big, and for a man in his late 30's to be interested in a teenager is somewhat strange and inappropriate. But better to regret what you did than what you didn't. Eventually you will realize your age gap implies more than just numbers, but life goals, kids (like you said he wants before he's 45 and that's too early for you) and other things will eventually become apparent. He will get tired of going out with you (clubs and bars and such), he won't enjoy spending time with your friends (it would be like you spending time with 5 year olds), and you will realize that he has already been through everything, seen everything and your young adult struggles will seem childish to him. Not saying he will put you down for it, but you will be alone through all of it. In my experiences, I didn't share my problems because I felt they were so childish in comparison to him. He had to deal with kids, an ex wife and work while I had to deal with picking a major.
mesmerized Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 First, why does it make you uncomfortable? Do you by any chance feel any attraction for the son?
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 It is one thing to be close in age to his son if you are both adults, and the "parenting" stage is complete. It is another when you both are teens--one a teen he is parenting, and one a teen he is dating. Seems like a big lapse of judgment on his part. OP, this doesn't raise any red flags for you about his judgment? Why date a teen when you are trying to parent a teen? No. i havent really thought about it. He"s never dated someone as young as me before. I am pretty mature and independant.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 First, why does it make you uncomfortable? Do you by any chance feel any attraction for the son? Because of the age difference. We have the same humor and some thought patterns, which is weird because we have similar humor than the guy I'm dating. I have to always explain our humor to him. Although, he is attractive, I am not attracted to him. He is too young and I'm dating his father, so that is very wrong.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Because of the age difference. We have the same humor and some thought patterns, which is weird because we have similar humor than the guy I'm dating. I have to always explain our humor to him. Although, he is attractive, I am not attracted to him. He is too young and I'm dating his father, so that is very wrong. It won't seem so wrong when he is 30, you are 32 and the father is 52. 2
mesmerized Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Because of the age difference. We have the same humor and some thought patterns, which is weird because we have similar humor than the guy I'm dating. I have to always explain our humor to him. Although, he is attractive, I am not attracted to him. He is too young and I'm dating his father, so that is very wrong. Attraction sometimes doesn't know right or wrong. I don't think anyone would blame you if you did feel attracted to the son which I have a feeling you do a little bit. In any case, he apparently makes you realize that you don't have that much in common with the father and that's probably part of the reason you're thinking of breaking up with him. Am I right? 1
adultfinder Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Hello dear! It would be nice if you will stop dating with him. It is very awkward to have a so called boyfriend having a son which id just 2years younger than you. Go out. Go with some blind dates maybe. Maybe, you are just looking for a father figure you you saw that from him. Maybe it would be a help to you. And a lesson also. Good day.
DuchessKaye Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 This situation doesn't seem strange to me. Age seems to play an important role in relationships and a large gap in years can mean more differences than just the time you’ve spent on the planet compared to your partner. It also could mean differences in modes of communication, interests, and lifestyle. But that shouldn’t scare you away from what could potentially be a very loving and nurturing relationship. Instead of focusing on your differences, try highlighting your similarities. Make it a priority in your relationship to spend time on activities that you both enjoy. It will make the difference in age seem much less significant if you have a foundation based on common interests and understanding. Age is just a number and as long as you are comfortable and happy in your relationship with your partner then it shouldn't matter whether they're 25 or 65. You said you love him? If you are sure about it and you're sure it's not going to change. Then go for it. Get over the fact that he has a son that is 2 years younger than you. You have to get used to it. What you feel for your 39 year old guy is all that matters. 2
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Attraction sometimes doesn't know right or wrong. I don't think anyone would blame you if you did feel attracted to the son which I have a feeling you do a little bit. In any case, he apparently makes you realize that you don't have that much in common with the father and that's probably part of the reason you're thinking of breaking up with him. Am I right? No, I'm not attracted to him, but yeah being around him does show how drag my relationship is with his father can be sometimes. But, yeah you are kind of right. There is just a lot to think and consider about.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Attraction sometimes doesn't know right or wrong. I don't think anyone would blame you if you did feel attracted to the son which I have a feeling you do a little bit. In any case, he apparently makes you realize that you don't have that much in common with the father and that's probably part of the reason you're thinking of breaking up with him. Am I right? No, I'm not attracted to him, but yeah being around him does show how drag my relationship is with his father can be sometimes. But, yeah you are kind of right. There is just a lot to think and consider about.
mesmerized Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 No, I'm not attracted to him, but yeah being around him does show how drag my relationship is with his father can be sometimes. But, yeah you are kind of right. There is just a lot to think and consider about. Take your time, you are 19. It would be a mistake if you tried to plan your whole life now. I know you think you are mature and all, and I have no doubt you are for your own age, but you will still change considerably in the coming years and you don't want to be stuck with a bad decision that you made at 19. 1
pink_sugar Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I know what you mean. My dad met his exW when I was 17, she was only 6 1/2 years older than me and only 2 1/2 years older than my brother. Odd thing is that he joked about her being our "stepmom" for years on end and her daughter that she had at 18 being our "sister". We're closer to her in age than we are to her daughter! You're only 19, but there's nothing wrong with giving it a shot. Even if you do break up later at least you know you gave it a shot and had the experience. There are several things to consider. You may want children in another 5-10 years, at which point he could end up being a grandfather. Does he want to get remarried? Is he close to the same age as your parents? I know that can definitelty get awkward. I know my dad's ex's dad was the same age as him.
6ft180natl Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Going to be kind of weird for the son in a few years as he starts dating I would think.
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I know what you mean. My dad met his exW when I was 17, she was only 6 1/2 years older than me and only 2 1/2 years older than my brother. Odd thing is that he joked about her being our "stepmom" for years on end and her daughter that she had at 18 being our "sister". We're closer to her in age than we are to her daughter! You're only 19, but there's nothing wrong with giving it a shot. Even if you do break up later at least you know you gave it a shot and had the experience. There are several things to consider. You may want children in another 5-10 years, at which point he could end up being a grandfather. Does he want to get remarried? Is he close to the same age as your parents? I know that can definitelty get awkward. I know my dad's ex's dad was the same age as him. his ex? Why didnt it work out? I'm sure he doesnt mind getting remarried, so that's not an issue. He is kinda close to my mother's age. My mom is 43 only 4 years older than him. But it's not that weird for me just a little awkward.
angie2443 Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Going to be kind of weird for the son in a few years as he starts dating I would think. I feel bad for his son, if this post is real. No person dates someone this close to their children's age unless they are emotionally stunted. 1
Author Katyerine8993 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 I feel bad for his son, if this post is real. No person dates someone this close to their children's age unless they are emotionally stunted. I'm the first person he has ever dated that was my age, and I'm mature so it wasn't a huge problem. His son is the problem, and I can't get around him without it being awkward.
xxoo Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I'm the first person he has ever dated that was my age, and I'm mature so it wasn't a huge problem. His son is the problem, and I can't get around him without it being awkward. If you were that mature, his son wouldn't be a problem. You'd have nothing in common with a 16 yo boy, and the difference between the kid and the adult would be profound. 1
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