irc333 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Something I'm noticing lately with divorced women both on and off line, they think they're ready to date, when they're not. Though, there are some people that couldn't be happier, and they're "over their spouse" and even CELEBRATE the divorce, while others treat it as a funureal and lament on how they wish the marriage could've gone the way they wanted it to. They miss the "house and white picket fence" some still are nostalgic when they look at the ring. Now, they aren't necessarily missing their cheating and abusive spouse, however...they do miss the marriage institute itself. Like how things SHOULD have been. Then they go out in the dating scene and seems guys (or even of case of divorced men, date these other singles) only to realize they still have issues. I wonderh ow long it takes to recover? How come some people are happy even BEFORE it's over or jump for joy when it's over?
FitChick Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I would say on average two or three years post final decree. This is what men themselves have told me as well as my own dating experience. It doesn't matter that they haven't loved their ex in years. Once the divorce is official, they go through all sorts of emotional ups and downs. Stay away if you are looking for someone to marry.
Damia Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I would say on average two or three years post final decree. This is what men themselves have told me as well as my own dating experience. It doesn't matter that they haven't loved their ex in years. Once the divorce is official, they go through all sorts of emotional ups and downs. Stay away if you are looking for someone to marry. Interesting you say 2 or 3 years for men FC ,most men I see jump right into a new relationship and a lot have one on the go befor they end the previous one!
Author irc333 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Yeah, I have this female friend, knew this male friend for years....he's finally going through divorce proceedings, and she's started dating him. Even referring to him as "boyfriend".
xxoo Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 From what I've observed, the person that does the leaving moves on faster after divorce--often because they have a new person lined up. Some people will stay in a bad marriage for a long time, and won't leave until they have someone waiting in the wings. When a spouse is blindsided by divorce, it tends to take a long time to trust again.
january2011 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 From what I've observed, the person that does the leaving moves on faster after divorce--often because they have a new person lined up. Some people will stay in a bad marriage for a long time, and won't leave until they have someone waiting in the wings. When a spouse is blindsided by divorce, it tends to take a long time to trust again. I agree with xxoo. I think that the person leaving has had more time to process and distance themselves from the marriage. They've moved on or are in the process of doing so, probably well before the divorce actually goes through. That's not to say that the final decree doesn't mean anything. It's a formality but there's also a finality about it that still needs to be processed.
Joaquin Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 As an aside, but kinda related, I see girls coming out of 5,6, 7+ year relationships in their 20s and 30s who seem to be totally destroyed. Sometimes I wonder if it's almost like a divorce as most have lived together with their boyfriends for years and carried on as if they were as good as married. Seems to take them a long time to get into any kind of frame of mind for a new relationship. At least a few years anyway.
bean1 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I find most people who loudly proclaim they are "over it" are the ones who are least over it. They jump out of the pan and into the fire, not working on themselves, trying to find how their marriages failed, how they can improve, instead, just play monkey and grip another branch.
Author irc333 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Could you now imagine how many of these people are signed up on dating sites or just out dating in general? As an aside, but kinda related, I see girls coming out of 5,6, 7+ year relationships in their 20s and 30s who seem to be totally destroyed. Sometimes I wonder if it's almost like a divorce as most have lived together with their boyfriends for years and carried on as if they were as good as married. Seems to take them a long time to get into any kind of frame of mind for a new relationship. At least a few years anyway.
mortensorchid Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Depends on the person, and the one who did the leaving or not. I have a childhood friend who divorced his wife after 10 years (7 years married, 3 dating) who said it's like a nightmare you never wake up from. Lo and behold, he was back on the scene as soon as he got settled into his new house. And then there are those who NEVER date again because it was all so painful. Personally, I think that despite what some may or may not say about it, marriage benefits the man more than the woman. Studies show that men in general will lead shorter lives than women, but their longevity will be longer if they marry rather than stay single or divorced.
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Interesting you say 2 or 3 years for men FC ,most men I see jump right into a new relationship and a lot have one on the go befor they end the previous one! I agree that divorced men are quicker to get back into dating than divorced women. I'm not talking about when a person was in a relationship before they got divorced. I'm talking about getting divorced and then start dating. In the latter case, I'd definitely say men are quicker than women.
Joaquin Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Could you now imagine how many of these people are signed up on dating sites or just out dating in general? Totally. And given their age and desire to settle down, maybe have kids etc, often don't take the time they need to really heal. Recipe for disaster.
Woggle Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I don't know if they still miss the marriage but they have so much baggage and issues with the opposite sex that they are pretty not capable of having anything remotely resembling a healthy relationship.
snug.bunny Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 As an aside, but kinda related, I see girls coming out of 5,6, 7+ year relationships in their 20s and 30s who seem to be totally destroyed. Sometimes I wonder if it's almost like a divorce as most have lived together with their boyfriends for years and carried on as if they were as good as married. Seems to take them a long time to get into any kind of frame of mind for a new relationship. At least a few years anyway. I came out of a 6 year relationship right after I turned 30. Moving on, was somewhat easy, given the circumstances. I had more difficulty overcoming a short dating relationship a few years after. I'm not suggesting that the 6 year relationship ending didn't leave me scarred a little. But, the ending of the 6 year didn't blacken my heart, as the shorter one did. Who knows why.
FitChick Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Men may immediately start dating but that means they just want to play. They don't want to even think about having a serious relationship or remarrying until a minimum of three years has passed post-divorce. Some may have what looks like a serious relationship but it usually ends within a year or two. That relationship is called The Transitional Relationship out of his marriage. Men tend to be more dependent on women after a divorce. Few women want to date or remarry.
daphne Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Having dated a few guys that were recently divorced or separated, I can say that I avoid it like the plague. I only got involved with one, who was the furthest along, but that crashed and burned. I need a min of 3 years post divorce to consider at this point. I don't want someone with so much baggage he can't have a healthy relationship. Especially since my goal is to have a happy, healthy relationship. One data point. A guy I went out with once, who was terrible at dating, cried when I told him I didn't think it was going to work out with us. He then told me never to contact him again in a fit of childish rage. So I didn't. Everything was about him. It kind of always is with someone who's healing after a huge breakup.
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