loveshots Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 My family usually have a getaway, every summer. We'll spend day/s to a beach resort, go to some new places and so on. And this time, my boyfriend, doesn't want me to come. And he threaten me that if I will go with my family to our getaway, he'll broke up with me. I know he's wrong, but I still manage to do something for me not to go, my father got angry, and I have no choice but to go. And now, my boyfriend already broke up with me and we're in the middle of NC. It kills every piece of me. I know that he loves me, because I have seen it with his efforts, the only problem is, he is full of doubts, and pride. And I think he can't appreciate my efforts. Why does he kept on breaking up with me? I don't understand. All through out our relationship, I've tried the hardest just to be the best for him. I just want him to appreciate my efforts. I already think of letting him go, a thousand times. BUT! I just can't. I am so deeply in-love with him, and it kills me to just let it all go. I have given so much for our relationship. And now, I don't even know what to do.
d'Arthez Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 And this time, my boyfriend, doesn't want me to come. And he threaten me that if I will go with my family to our getaway, he'll broke up with me. I know he's wrong, but I still manage to do something for me not to go, my father got angry, and I have no choice but to go. And now, my boyfriend already broke up with me and we're in the middle of NC. It kills every piece of me. I know that he loves me, because I have seen it with his efforts, the only problem is, he is full of doubts, and pride. And I think he can't appreciate my efforts. If he loved you: 1. He would not have threatened to break up with you 2. He would not have broken up with you 3. He would have accepted the family holiday, and tried to make / suggest making other plans. (Before or after you returned from the holiday) 4. He would appreciate you and your efforts more. Stick to NC. Try to spend time with family and friends. Take up / pursue your hobbies. Over time the pain will subside, and you'll realize you have made the right decision.
Author loveshots Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 I know that's the right thing to do. But, I can't. I love him. We have something very special. And it really kills me to know that, I have to let it all go. I just hope that he'll realize everything and came back to me.
d'Arthez Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I know that's the right thing to do. But, I can't. I love him. We have something very special. And it really kills me to know that, I have to let it all go. I just hope that he'll realize everything and came back to me. You may feel that way, but you have been giving it your best shot, while he has repeatedly shown disrespect to you. It is not special if you do all the running and he just tells you what to do, or punishes you for things you cannot do much about (such as the family holiday). As long as he refuses to make the effort, it is onesided relationship. You deserve better than that. And as painful as it is, you are blinded by love, and you don't want to give up. Perhaps you see it as a personal failure, or think you'll never love again. That is not true. You'll meet other men, and love again. That is life. 1
Author loveshots Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 I am turning 19 and he's turning 21. Still young right? And now I am so confused. I have given and sacrificed a lot for our relationship to work. And I just can't let it all go.
d'Arthez Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I am turning 19 and he's turning 21. Still young right? And now I am so confused. I have given and sacrificed a lot for our relationship to work. And I just can't let it all go. Relationships require compromises. Not sacrifices. Don't make your world and your life dependent on a man. Have your own life and complement each other, rather than being dependent on one another.
Author loveshots Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 You may feel that way, but you have been giving it your best shot, while he has repeatedly shown disrespect to you. It is not special if you do all the running and he just tells you what to do, or punishes you for things you cannot do much about (such as the family holiday). As long as he refuses to make the effort, it is onesided relationship. You deserve better than that. And as painful as it is, you are blinded by love, and you don't want to give up. Perhaps you see it as a personal failure, or think you'll never love again. That is not true. You'll meet other men, and love again. That is life. And what if he'll realize he's mistake and come back to me? Do I have to give him a chance? Right now I just feel so confused, down, and tired. Tired of trying to understand his behavior. While I am here suffering because of him, not trying to trust and understand me.
Author loveshots Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Relationships require compromises. Not sacrifices. Don't make your world and your life dependent on a man. Have your own life and complement each other, rather than being dependent on one another. Do I have to let it all go? I always dreamed of him being my man. I have seen he's efforts that's why I love him this much. Is it right give it all up? Do I have tio talk to him and discuss this issues? Or just let it all be?
Author loveshots Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 How old are you and how old is your bf? I am turning 19 and he's turning 21. Still young right? And now I am so confused. I have given and sacrificed a lot for our relationship to work. And I just can't let it all go.
d'Arthez Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 You don't have to give him anything. Certainly not when he does not deserve it. I know at the moment you still feel he deserves another chance. But am I right to assume that this is not exactly the first time there has been a major conflict in this relationship? Chances are that if the relationship patterns do not change, you will keep running into similar issues time and again. What the both of you should want (if you get back together) is that the relationship becomes better, not more of the same. That means he needs to work some of his issues, and that means you must work on your issues (after the two of you have discussed things with each other; you are not mind readers). If at least the two of you can identify with the others' perception of said issues, and are both willing to work on them. Relationships are not one way traffic. 1
Author loveshots Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 That means he needs to work some of his issues, and that means you must work on your issues (after the two of you have discussed things with each other; you are not mind readers). If at least the two of you can identify with the others' perception of said issues, and are both willing to work on them. You are right, this is not the first time. He has insecurities that he can't handle. Maybe I just have to wait, wait until I get tired of waiting for him to realize his mistakes. I hope that, I won't miss him. I hope that I would be strong enough to refuse the temptation of going into his house to see him. I wish and I hope that things will turn out just fine for the both of us.
d'Arthez Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Stick to no contact, spend time with your friends. Friends usually can identify the good points and bad points of our loved ones, and insofar you need support to stick to NC, they'll be happy to remind you. Try picking up on your hobbies. Do things you enjoy. You are "only" 19. You still have about 60 years of life ahead of you. Remember that - this is not the end of your world. The world is still at your feet - who knows what the future will bring. 1
WonderKid Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Okay so I don't know the guy but bear with me here. It seems to me he was going to break up with you regardless--he just needed the fuel. It is probably something else on his mind. Why would a guy flip out because you have to go with your family? He's not married to you and family comes first. Love is a very strong word. It can make you blind to some things. If he keeps breaking up with you, draw a line. Some type of threshold. So you won't tolerate it. All you can do is be the best that you can right? What more can you do? What more does he want? 1
Christine52 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Being heartbroken is very hard. Just know this: it will pass. You will move on. And when you do, don't give yourself to a man - until he gives you a ring. Protect your heart always, because one day you will get married and you don't want it to be in pieces when you do. Wait for someone who respects you, and truly loves you - actions, not words, are what you're looking for here. 1
WonderKid Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 ^^^ She's exactly right though. I believe in someone showing that they love me not by just telling me things. I protect my heart in bold ways but it beats being hurt. Just take it slower next time. 1
baguette Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Someone keeping you away from your family is a big no-no. 1
Author loveshots Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Okay so I don't know the guy but bear with me here. It seems to me he was going to break up with you regardless--he just needed the fuel. It is probably something else on his mind. Why would a guy flip out because you have to go with your family? He's not married to you and family comes first. Love is a very strong word. It can make you blind to some things. If he keeps breaking up with you, draw a line. Some type of threshold. So you won't tolerate it. All you can do is be the best that you can right? What more can you do? What more does he want? I honestly don't know. I am in the middle of confusion right now. I know I have to end this, but a big part of me is scared to lose him. That I might regret, giving him up, giving everything up. He can't trust me, he is full of doubts, that one day I will replace him with another man. I just know what to do, to say and to prove to him. Because I think I have given him everything that I can. I just don't know what to do right know.
d'Arthez Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 (to the mods: this is a duplicate thread - is it possible to merge them?) It is difficult to let go. But let go. Honestly, you can't build and improve a relationship when the other partner in it throws break up threats out left right and center. That is emotional blackmail. 1
WonderKid Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I honestly don't know. I am in the middle of confusion right now. I know I have to end this, but a big part of me is scared to lose him. That I might regret, giving him up, giving everything up. He can't trust me, he is full of doubts, that one day I will replace him with another man. I just know what to do, to say and to prove to him. Because I think I have given him everything that I can. I just don't know what to do right know. Not trying to be blunt and bold, but leave him. He can't trust you and he won't trust you. And any guy keeping you away from family is a hell no. He's got to be jealous hearted or a bit insecure for him to think that. Obviously, he doesn't believe in your love for him. If you gave him your 110%, and he's not giving and only receiving, you need to leave him. Trust is a big word too. He keeps threatening your love for him. Nobody should do that. It is best that you call it quits with him until he gets his thoughts about you straight. You're not replacing him, he's replacing himself by acting the way he does. I don't know if you're fed up now, but ask yourself how much more can you take knowing that you gave him your all? 1
lynbetz Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Maybe you just have to try new tactics with him... make youself more available for him and try new things, make him want you. 1
Author loveshots Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I went to his house yesterday, he didn't remove my pictures on the display area, my name is still on the wall, the wallpaper on his phone was still our picture. Does that mean he still want me? Does pushing me away is his way of challenging or testing me? I love him and I want him so bad. But I guess, I should really move on
Author loveshots Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Maybe you just have to try new tactics with him... make youself more available for him and try new things, make him want you. Do you think that's the right thing to do? How can I make him want me? I am scared that at the end I will just feel frustrated and disappointed.
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 He is trying to manipulate you. That is a big red flag. Sure you could try and play games to keep him around longer, but that will result in even more heartache. That is just not worth it. Bite the bullet now, rather than letting this guy poison and jade you completely. With regards to the non-removed pics: could simply be a lack of effort on his part. He may not even really think about it just yet.
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Why was he afraid of you going on a beach vacation with your family? Sounds like there is something not being said here. Did you cheat on him? Did your family try to get you to cheat on him?
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