Radu Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Thread says it all, how do you let a girl down gently and inform her you are not interested without hurting her feelings ? I don't know what to say most of the times, as i'm clearly not interested in them and they still send me signals. Pls stick to the subject at hand, no off-thread discussions.
serial muse Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I'd say the same advice given to the OP in this thread. Try the repetitive reinforcement thing maybe?
DuchessKaye Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Thread says it all, how do you let a girl down gently and inform her you are not interested without hurting her feelings ? I don't know what to say most of the times, as i'm clearly not interested in them and they still send me signals. Pls stick to the subject at hand, no off-thread discussions. You can't let a girl down without hurting her feelings. All you have to do is to be upfront and straightforward. As a woman, I hate vagueness. If a guy is not interested, he has to be honest about it. I admire guys that are not coward and responsible enough. And if you are afraid to tell me that you don't like me just because you don't want to hurt me then you're not doing me a favor, you're doing a favor for yourself. You don't want to feel the guilt of hurting me. You're saving yourself from guilt, not saving me from being hurt. 2
Princess71 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Can you give an example of a vague way of saying you're not interested?
Author Radu Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Can you give an example of a vague way of saying you're not interested? What this user said, i want to be vague and not hurt feelings.
DuchessKaye Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 If you want to be vague then don't expect them to stop giving you signals coz they are not CLEARLY informed that you are disinterested. No matter what you do, you'll still hurt them, so just be responsible, tell them the truth upfront. They might appreciate you better for being honest about your feelings. 1
Emilia Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 That will depend on how smart she is. Stupid people are easier to let down because you can say anything they believe it. If she is smart you should probably just come out and say what the situation is.
Princess71 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I guess I can tell you from my experience that vague would be saying that this isn't a good time for you to date or that you're not sure if you're ready to date at this point or something like that where you are leaving the door open for possibly dating her in the future. You have to leave out phrases of uncertainty like not sure or I don't know. You have to say this isn't going to work or something concrete. 3
bac Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Thread says it all, how do you let a girl down gently and inform her you are not interested without hurting her feelings ? I don't know what to say most of the times, as i'm clearly not interested in them and they still send me signals. Pls stick to the subject at hand, no off-thread discussions. Show her your bad qualities. Present herself as hopeless as it takes. There are plenty of options to choose. Flirt with other women in front of her, ask her to split bills, ask her to do sexual stuff which she hates, make sure that she has an orgasm every time you f....k her, tell her that she is fat or ugly, stare at every pretty girl in front of her, tell her that you would like to get married her and you would expect her to support you financially, be Ok with you cheating on her and be Ok with you growing pot at home.
Author Radu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Show her your bad qualities. Present herself as hopeless as it takes. There are plenty of options to choose. Flirt with other women in front of her, ask her to split bills, ask her to do sexual stuff which she hates, make sure that she has an orgasm every time you f....k her, tell her that she is fat or ugly, stare at every pretty girl in front of her, tell her that you would like to get married her and you would expect her to support you financially, be Ok with you cheating on her and be Ok with you growing pot at home. I don't feel right doing stuff like that. I really don't.
TaraMaiden Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Radu... how would you feel if some girl instead of being honest and direct with you, acted 'vaguely' and sent you what you interpreted to be 'mixed signals'.../ After a while, wouldn't you just be more confused, a little hurt and a bit angry? how fair is it to be 'vague'....?
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I don't feel right doing stuff like that. I really don't. She is still around?
Author Radu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Radu... how would you feel if some girl instead of being honest and direct with you, acted 'vaguely' and sent you what you interpreted to be 'mixed signals'.../ After a while, wouldn't you just be more confused, a little hurt and a bit angry? how fair is it to be 'vague'....? I went through 3 abusive/user/gold digger type of relationships, one after another. Almost every girl i have ever dated has broken up with me in this vague way [outside of a FWB relationship]. How fair was that ? She is still around? Atm nobody is around, this is for future use.
Emilia Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I went through 3 abusive/user/gold digger type of relationships, one after another. Almost every girl i have ever dated has broken up with me in this vague way [outside of a FWB relationship]. You need to work out why you allowed those situations to develop rather than recognise the signs early on and choose not to participate How fair was that ? How is that some new girl's fault? If you want healthy relationships, you need to shake off the bitterness
TaraMaiden Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I went through 3 abusive/user/gold digger type of relationships, one after another. Almost every girl i have ever dated has broken up with me in this vague way [outside of a FWB relationship]. How fair was that ? That's my point... why do the dirty on someone if you know it's horrible when it's done to you..... ?
Author Radu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 I know why i allowed those situations to develop, it's not a mistery anymore and i have worked on myself. I do recognise some patterns now. However this is not about me, this is about how to break up with someone [ideally girl] in a vague and non-comittal way. To let her down gently, to reduce the drama. I was also thinking about breaking up in public. Go to a coffee shop, and give her the 'i think we should be friends' approach.
TaraMaiden Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I know why i allowed those situations to develop, it's not a mistery anymore and i have worked on myself. I do recognise some patterns now. However this is not about me... Actually, it IS about you. How your past experience can affect your present mind-set. how the attitude of others can be reflected back, in the ay you behave. This IS about you, Radu - about finding an equilibrium and using the past to support and validate, not disable and distort. this is about how to break up with someone [ideally girl] in a vague and non-comittal way. To let her down gently, to reduce the drama. I think you may be using the wrong term, in 'vague'... maybe the term that might be more appropriate, would be 'impersonal'.... I was also thinking about breaking up in public. Go to a coffee shop, and give her the 'i think we should be friends' approach. Using a public place is a security buffer - it ensures your public face, but also disables any likelihood on her part to openly demonstrate any form of distress. so you would prefer to guarantee your emotional security, but you're prepared to compromise her own liberty to react in an appropriate manner....? This is not respectful, and I would say, unskillful. 1
Anela Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I know why i allowed those situations to develop, it's not a mistery anymore and i have worked on myself. I do recognise some patterns now. However this is not about me, this is about how to break up with someone [ideally girl] in a vague and non-comittal way. To let her down gently, to reduce the drama. I was also thinking about breaking up in public. Go to a coffee shop, and give her the 'i think we should be friends' approach. Don't do it in a public place. I agree with Tara.
Author Radu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 so you would prefer to guarantee your emotional security, but you're prepared to compromise her own liberty to react in an appropriate manner....? Yes, i won't see her again. And yes, i can be selfish, we all are varrying degrees of selfish. This is not respectful, and I would say, unskillful. I'm not going for respectfull. You think that maybe i should start annoying her to the point where she would leave ? Like this :
TaraMaiden Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 Radu, what's the matter with you today? You're asking for input, but when people have virtually all tried to give you constructive ways of handling this, you've shot everyone down.... Nobody agrees you should be vague. Nobody thinks you should be unkind, selfish and disrespectful. If you're going to go your own way and diss the girl - hell, ok, just do it. but I can't figure you out today. this isn't actually like you..... 1
Author Radu Posted August 17, 2012 Author Posted August 17, 2012 Radu, what's the matter with you today? You're asking for input, but when people have virtually all tried to give you constructive ways of handling this, you've shot everyone down.... Nobody agrees you should be vague. Nobody thinks you should be unkind, selfish and disrespectful. If you're going to go your own way and diss the girl - hell, ok, just do it. but I can't figure you out today. this isn't actually like you..... From time to time, i want to entertain the fantasy of being an *******. To indulge myself in being a manipulative prick. To do stuff like this, oh, how it would simplify things. So great, it would just be me me me me me, her who ? To be on the giving end of bull****. To protect my ego at the expense of others, should i not make sure that the only life i have on this earth is spent in the best way possible for me ? I feel that this thread is not taken seriously, and it depresses me to think that even anonymous ppl in a media that you can completely control can see through this. 1
RonChalant Posted August 17, 2012 Posted August 17, 2012 I for one COMPLETELY agree with the OP. Ok so it shouldn't be a tit for tat thing of "these other women did this, so **** these other females feelings"...but unfortunately this is what women do to men. They cause the "nice guy" to turn completely selfish because that's all they have ever been shown/treated. I'm in the same boat, i was always the one putting my gfs first and they all did me dirty more less...now, I'm somewhat of a "blunt insensitive a-hole" because it is the only way I know how not to be on the receiving end of bull ish. Vague; honestly you cant be if you want to get your point across. It's girl likes you, unless you do something COMPLETELY off the wall they tend to just write it off. Want the easy way out...ignore them and disappear for days at a time. It's the punks way out, but you get to save face #KanyeShrug
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