when you love someone more than they love you? it hurts. why?

[MatthewRogers]

so it took me about 3 months and i said "i love you." she was so happy. she didnt say it back it didnt bug me at all. she said it finally on her own at about 6 and a half months. greatest feeling ever. this was maybe 3 weeks ago. well.. i still am not sure if she really loves me.

 

she never says it first i have to say it first, and you can tell she has a hard time saying it back to me.

 

i always wonder about her day ask her about what she does and she gives me a good explanation. but she hardly asks about my day. we went to prom last night, we are both older im 20 and shes 18. everyone around us were slow dancing and soo into it all romantic and really loving each other, some people were crying, and i was like ugh i want that. i was TOTALLY feeling the love while my girlfriend hardly looked at me. she was happy, but i was trying to really get into it and was like "hey, look at me" she did but she didnt have the love in her eyes. i could see it.

 

she never holds my hand first i have to do it. she NEVER kisses me first i have to do it. she rarely likes to cuddle. its just SOO many small things like this that make me sad. i want her to love me. i know i cant force it. and i dont wanna say anything to her cause then she'll feel obligated to do these things.

 

she got cheated on before with her ex. and put lot of love into that relationship, i mean before she found out. her feelings for me came realllly slow but they came. we are about 7 months here in a week. im just wondering if this will take time or if she really doesnt love me the way i love her. she doesnt get jealous either if i talk to other girls while i get soo jealous. she always wants to hang out and calls me EVERY night but i feel more like a bestfriend instead of a boyfriend. this hurts!

 

i know this isnt a big deal to some but i really would like some advice on feeling better.

[Nikki Sahagin]

It sounds like you're girlfriend doesn't feel as strongly about you as you do about her. It is also possible she is holding back since her previous relationship (this is not necessarily a bad thing - as the relationship develops in a positive direction, she will be more open).

 

It could be either of these options. Also, you are both very young, and though I don't believe age matters much in terms of feelings, sometimes young people enter relationships based on a quick spark, but the relationship doesn't really have long-lasting legs.

[january2011]

Because you don't feel good enough. It makes you question your worth.

 

You've put yourself out there, allowed yourself to be vulnerable, and you hope that the other person feels the same way. When they don't, it's painful because it makes you feel that somehow you're not worthy of being loved. Even though it's just one person's opinion and feelings, because you love that person, their opinion and feelings matter more to you than anyone else's.

 

When the other person doesn't feel the same way, it also makes you doubt the connection that the two of you have. It makes you doubt yourself. What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't she feel the same way?

 

I agree that some people do hold back for fear of getting hurt again. Some people are also slow to warm up and prefer a more relaxed pace when it comes to relationships.

 

What you need to figure out is if you are willing to continue to be patient and invest in a relationship where you don't feel that she's reciprocating and you're always further ahead than she is.

[MatthewRogers]

well she always calls me first. always texts me first. idk i just dont know what the problem is here. i dont know the answer and i want the answer whether it will take her time, or whether she doesnt feel the same way about me. she says she does, i told her i didnt think she did and she got really upset and said, you dont know how much i think about you. i want to be with you allll the time. maybe shes just not a very lovey person idk... she trusted me to have sex with her. im only her second, shes my second..we waited till 3 months, and thats when i said i loved her.

 

my best guess it has to do with her last relationship but i dont know 100%... this sucks

[trist]

I wouldn't worry about it too much... she just sounds like she's being cautious... and to be TOTALLY honest, I find that relationships work a hell of a lot better when the guys loves the girl just a smudge more... or at least the girl gives the impression that's the case... why? cuz you'll always be fighting for that extra piece... if the situation was reverse, thats when we tend to lose interest and start to take the girl for granted...

[Leigh 87]

I wouldn't worry about it too much... she just sounds like she's being cautious... and to be TOTALLY honest, I find that relationships work a hell of a lot better when the guys loves the girl just a smudge more... or at least the girl gives the impression that's the case... why? cuz you'll always be fighting for that extra piece... if the situation was reverse, thats when we tend to lose interest and start to take the girl for granted...

 

 

Not necessarily; I love my boyfriend a tiny bit more than he loves me - I am more lovey and as a girl, I am comfortable telling him more about hwo I feel about him. Where as he is not as much of a lovey person as me.. while he says he loves me a lot and it is fairly equal, I do think I love him that little bit more.

 

We work well enough after over a year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the OP - one options is; she loves u and is very attached to u - but not IN LOVE with u. She is too attached to leave, and feels to attached that she wants to be around u all the time.

If this is the case, do not take offence to it - she thinks highly enough OF you, as a person, to want to be around u all the time; she respects u and feels safe around u enough to NEED u to feel secure. Without u, she would be very upset.. she might have become very attached.

 

Basically; she is either into you romantically, or she's not. If she DOES like you, in a romantic way, perhaps it is just not as strong for her, as it is for you; or, on the other hand, she could love u very much, but not be able to express it.

 

 

Either way, your not happy in this relationship. I can see that from the way her actions ( or inactions!) make you feel....... It will llikely not change, either because of her personal issues ( due to her last b/f), or because, while she likes u a lot, she is nto into you romantically.

 

Your young, you can get over this, I highly recommend taking a break, tell her your not happy with the way things are; that you love her a lot, and if she ever feels the same way and can express that, you would be thrilled if you ended up back together.

A break is something that does not normally mean egtting back together,. but unlike a break up, it leaves a chance.

Your not happy with her, loving her is NOT enough... You will ALWAYS be looking at other couples, your friends, and in movies and on TV... you will look at loved up couples, and be upset and confused about why a girl who calls u all the day, does not show thhose romantic tendencies.

[MatthewRogers]

yeah i will agree with that. i wish i didnt love her so much.. i wish i could act like her.