What Do You Do?

[eles83]

So, I was sitting here crying (that's meant to be factual, not really dramatic - it can be safely assumed that I am almost always crying) and I was wondering: what do you guys do in the quiet hours? Things always get really iffy for me when it gets dark out and everyone goes to sleep. That's when I end up with crazy urges, like the desire to send him a thousand messages about how he must be out of his mind to let go a girl that wanted to spend her whole life making him happy and really, truly loved him.

 

(Because guys, I ADORE that man, to the extent that I can't even conceive of being with someone else. I love his face and his laugh and his voice and his humor and his sweetness and everything, and I love all those things so much they make even the worst of his faults seem not that faulty, except for the MAJOR FAULT where he doesn't love me anymore)

 

To fill these crazy, long hours, I have taken to listening to my Broken Heart playlist on repeat. It is short and contains only two songs: Sam Cooke's Bring It On Home (my song to cry to) and Jenny Owen Young's F*** Was I (my song to cry/fume/rue the day to). I recommend both, btw, to people who like finding songs to match their emotions.

 

But what does everyone else do? I'm trying to clear my head! (I'm also thinking of adding in some kind of exercise, though I am afraid of waking people up with Middle of the Night Zumba).

[drew9909]

Luckily I have some friends that stay up pretty late too, so they're usually online to chat and listen. If they're not, I hit up hulu or netflix. Usually my mornings are the worst, so tomorrow I'm starting a workout routine.

 

I was reading your situation on the other thread. I'm terribly sorry to hear it. I'm going through a hard breakup currently as well. At least there are plenty of people here to relate and advise.

[Own Worst Enemy]

And as someone who lost her mother very suddenly at a young age, I can compare the two. In some respects, of course there is no comparison. In others, the break up is almost worse, because that person had a choice and chose to leave you. Plus they are alive and well.

 

But what I learned about bereavement is this: it really is cylical. The initial period of anguished heartbreak and crying turns to mixed periods of sobbing then rage. Then you feel calm for a bit, before back to sobbing. Then angry for a bit. Then calm again. Then almost empowered and fck him. Then devastated. Lather, rinse, repeat. eventually the gaps between them get longer and the periods of sobbing and rage get shorter and shorter.

 

The point is, in each of these stages, it is impossible to remember exactly how the other stages felt. You have ton really make yourself remember when you are crying that in a few hours you will be resigned. Like I've said before: if kings and queens and pets and holidays and pre-interview nerves and car journeys and friendships and shoes and even your favourite jeans can't last forever.... Nor can this!

[Savage4]

When the sun goes down and it first gets dark seems to be the hardest for me. When everyone is sleeping except for me because I can't stop thinking about the breakup I found that journaling is very helpful. It puts my thoughts on paper and helps me to see things a little more clearly (I guess writing on here is kinda the same concept). It's a good outlet for my emotions.

I'm actually using the same journal that I wrote in during my last breakup, a few years back, and looking back I am so glad I wrote those feelings in the journal instead of writing them to my ex.

 

I would definitely recommend adding in some exercise, but not late at night. Exercise in the morning if you can, or during the day... exercising late at night will only get you pumped up and keep you awake longer.

Find a hobby that you can work on at night to keep yourself distracted and possibly get some rest.

[MissBrunette84]

I find the mornings the hardest. I have found it really hard concentrating on TV or anything. Plus anything that comes on thats remotely romantic or any mushy songs it actually makes me feel sick. So I guess I avoid it a little bit. Aside from working and my band and trying to see friends a few days a weekl, I have took to just posting here and maybe helping other people feel a little better about their situation.

[someone12341]

what I do when i am alone in the early hours is do one of two things, first I'll clean up make sure everything is clean. then after that I either read post on here or read the bible, I try not to watch tv cause I constantly will get side tracked and start thinking of her, I found reading keeps your mind occupied alot more and doesn't easily get side tracked

[trist]

you know, every time i'm at the gym, i wonder how many are there post breakup... it's funny but not that funny...

 

and stop with the breakup songs... if anything switch it up... and nothing by adele... i swear, the guy that messed her up made her a millionaire... he should get some kind of royalties...

 

savage is on the right track... journal... type something out or write something out... it will help you get sleepy.. better in the journal than via text message or e-mail to the ex, that's for damn sure...

 

i feel everyones pain we've all been there before... it can only go up from here...

[StellaA]

Hi

 

I have read your story and can totally understand what you are going through. I was with my partner for 5 years, friends for 4 yars before this, he was my best friend. We lived together for a year whoch was great. Out of the blue he got stressed out with everything, family problems, work, not sleeping, stress of thinking about mortgages etc. He then dissapeared for 2 nights, when he came back he was manic and ended up going into a hospital for 2 weeks. This broke my heart seeing him in there. He stayed there for 2 weeks, I was with him every step of the way. When he came out he had to stay with his mum as he needed a carer, he then decided he wanted a break from us. I was gutted! I did not know what to do, I couldn't sit in the house, sleep, eat, drink (apart from the odd alcoholic drink) work, go the gym. For the first time in my life I took antidepressants which was not like me at all, I also had dark thoughts for the first time. I literally went crazy. I then went away for 3 weeks, just before I went away he decides he made a mistake and wants us to try again. I told him I was going away and would speak when I was back. I had an amazing 3 weeks away and found myself again, this did not stop me loving my ex. I decided I wanted to give it another go rather than living with the 'what could of happened' I found that after a year (now) I could still not forget and as much as I wanted it to work, the scars left were just to sore and he was not going to be able to heal them as much as he tried and he could not have done anymore for me. I ended it with him yesterday and it hurt like hell but I know from my prev experience that YOU DO get through it! You have no other option! It DOES get easier with time, I am a year on and still hurt but I am able to go the gym and work! I know I can get through this and you have to have faith that it is because there is something/someone better out there for you.

[fificremefarben]

Hobbies, and lot's of 'em.

 

In the immediate aftermath of my breakup, I went out and bought a massive eyeshadow pallet and make-up brushes. I can do nice eye make-up now, which is something I'd always wanted to learn. I learned to knit too and I got into the gym.

 

Believe me, none of them will fill the void...but they keep your mind off of things for a while.

[TaraMaiden]

 

To fill these crazy, long hours, I have taken to listening to my Broken Heart playlist on repeat. It is short and contains only two songs: Sam Cooke's Bring It On Home (my song to cry to) and Jenny Owen Young's F*** Was I (my song to cry/fume/rue the day to). I recommend both, btw, to people who like finding songs to match their emotions.

 

God forbid....

 

You have to stop doing this, because this just rubs salt in the wounds, keeps you stuck in grief and maintains a negative mind-set.

You found songs to match your emotions - but now you're maintaining the emotions with the songs.

this isn't healthy, and it doesn't help you heal.

It makes you wallow, and have a pity-party of one.

 

I agree with trist - steer clear of the "woe-is-me" merchants - go for unpeat, not downtrodden, so yeah - steer clear of Adele.... Jeesh, I even started a thread on how morose her song was - I thought, 'move on girl!'

 

You have to quit pulling yourself down.

It's unhealthy, and just completely self-defeating.

[tornangel]

I agree, listen to uplifting songs like Fighter by Christina Ag, Too Little to Late by Jojo, Stronger by Kell Clarkson, You dont Know Me at All by Kelly Clarkson. Listen to songs to bring ur spirit up. To make you feel amazing as a person, he lost an amazing person _ you ... HIS LOSS !!! Dont let anyone ever take ur respect away, OWN IT. Do u think he cares that u were the best thing in his life? He is not in love with u, so show him and urself how GREAT u are. Here is a link I love to watch when I am feeling crappy : )

 

[hinatticus]

Try listening to demon hunter- I am a stone. I know it sound like crazy heavy music, but they are actually a Christian rock band. The song is all strings no heavy guitars or drums. It seriously makes me feel strong. I feel like I am a stone, unaffected.

 

 

DEMON HUNTER LYRICS

*

"I Am A Stone"

 

It’s Hard to Say

That I’m Back

On a Straight Line

 

You See My Path

Is In Fact

Just A Fault Line

 

It’s In My Blood, It’s In My Lungs

And It Won’t Die

 

I Fight These Words, I Bite My Tongue

So I Don’t Lie

 

Though It’s Me to Blame

There is No More Shame in Me

In Me…

 

I Just Feel the Same

Immune to All This Pain

And the Scars Don’t Write a Song for Me At All…

 

I Am a Stone, Unaffected

Rain Hell Down Onto Me

Flesh and Bone, Unaffected

Your Fool I Will Not Be

 

I Am a Stone, Unaffected

(I Am a Stone)

Rain Hell Down Onto Me

Flesh and Bone, Unaffected

(I Am a Stone)

Your Fool I Will Not Be

 

I Try to See and Believe

In the Short Sight

Accept the Burn of A Vain

And A Half-Life

 

And How You Rest Your Faith in These for a Lifetime

That Hollow Lie Against My Hope That I Won’t Buy

 

Though It’s Me to Blame

There is No More Shame in Me

In Me…

 

I Just Feel the Same

Immune to all You Say

And the Scars Don’t Write a Song for Me At All…

No Your Tears Won’t Line A Path for me to Crawl

 

I Am a Stone, Unaffected

Rain Hell Down Onto Me

Flesh and Bone, Unaffected

Your Fool I Will Not Be

 

I Am a Stone, Unaffected

(I Am a Stone)

Rain Hell Down Onto Me

Flesh and Bone, Unaffected

(I Am a Stone)

Your Fool I Will Not Be

 

The Waters Rise Above My Eyes

I Will Breathe It In and Go Out With the Tide

And When You Think This is The End

You Will Find Me There Where I Have Always Been

 

I Am a Stone, Unaffected

Rain Hell Down Onto Me

Flesh and Bone, Unaffected

Your Fool I Will Not Be

 

I Am a Stone, Unaffected

Rain Hell Down Onto Me

Flesh and Bone, Unaffected

Your Fool I Will Not Be

 

I Am a Stone, Unaffected

(I Am a Stone)

Rain Hell Down Onto Me

Flesh and Bone, Unaffected

(I Am a Stone)

Your Fool I Will Not Be

 

I Am a Stone…

I Am a Stone

 

It's funny someone mentioned Adele. My ex started listening to her and I didn't know why. I guess my ex related to her heart break. Anyway, I've been listening to this song non stop. I know what you mean by nights being hard. That's when I have my moment of weakness. Music and posting here helps me. Books also help.

 

Stay strong and be a stone, unaffected.....

[eles83]

You guys have a lot of good ideas.

 

And as someone who lost her mother very suddenly at a young age, I can compare the two. In some respects, of course there is no comparison. In others, the break up is almost worse, because that person had a choice and chose to leave you. Plus they are alive and well.

 

I'm sorry for your loss. Although nothing has hit quite so hard as that, I have faced loss including the death of some close friends and relatives and I have had a similar thought - that a break-up is hard because when someone dies, there's more to it than simply, I don't want to be in your life anymore. They're not rushing out and replacing you. As always, I appreciate your insight.

 

To everyone, re: Adele, aha. I can't tell you how much I am trying to avoid Adele. Those songs made me sad when I was happily in love; I can't deal with them now that I am suffering. I like the journal idea. I enjoy writing as a hobby, maybe I will write a story full of suffering and pain and agony (lol, or does that count as wallowing?)

 

In the immediate aftermath of my breakup, I went out and bought a massive eyeshadow pallet and make-up brushes. I can do nice eye make-up now, which is something I'd always wanted to learn. I learned to knit too and I got into the gym.

 

I like the eye shadow idea because it contributes to my Great Plan of living solely for some distant, possibly unattainable revenge of being so beautiful and fabulous and joyful (in appearance) that he is sorry.

 

Try listening to demon hunter- I am a stone. I know it sound like crazy heavy music, but they are actually a Christian rock band. The song is all strings no heavy guitars or drums. It seriously makes me feel strong. I feel like I am a stone, unaffected.

 

I like this. I'm trying to move it into my rotation. Thanks.

 

Thank you ALL, as always, you at this forum and those who offer advice are truly my saving grace.

[BewitchedandBothered]

It's almost 2 years since I was dumped; it's hard to remember much. As I recall, i did have a very good friend who was going through the very same thing, same time and she and I would be on the phone all hours of the night. We got NO sleep. If we weren't talking on the phone, I watched alot of movies to cheer me up; old black and white films, musicals, comedies and it helped:) I listened to happy music, classical and jazz--anything that lifted the spirit. I later joined a gym and wasn't able to be up so much during the wee hours anymore. It's gradual, and you will heal over time. I am a homebody, so going out was never really my thing, except to appreciate nature. Oh!! And I adopted a dog from a shelter:)