JC90 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I've honestly never had so much damn fun on a date - especially a first date. It was like hanging out with your best friend AND your girlfriend at the same time. She made me laugh just as much or more than I made her laugh and I can legitimately say that we connected, had genuine chemistry, and hit it off big time. -We met at a bar on Thursday night around 8:30 -talked for about an hour at the bar -went for a little walk -sat down by the water in the same area and talked a bit more I walked her to her car and she ended up inviting me back to her place (which she had just moved into and was only a couple miles away). Yeah, first date and she invited me back to her place. I was as surprised as you. We get back there and pop in Aliens (yes, she likes scary movies - +100 points). I sit on the couch and instead of sitting a foot away from me she sits right next to me with my arm around her. We apparently have the same ridiculous sense of humor so we're adding our own inappropriate, yet humorous, commentary to the movie. She's continuously looking at my lips and I eventually kiss her. Her response: "I was wondering when you were going to work that in.." By the time the movie finishes it's 2:30 in the morning. Before I leave we make-out, she says "if you keep this up, you're not going to want to leave.." I give her one more kiss then rip myself away, say goodbye, make a joke about hoping I don't get stabbed in the hard streets of *her neighborhood*, and leave. By the way, I purposely didn't try to escalate and push towards sex while at her place. 30 minutes later (at like 3 in the morning) she texts me: HER: Hope you didn't get stabbed! I had a great time ME: Haha I managed to make it out of the streets of *place* safe and sound! And so did I ..We should definitely hang out again soon. HER: Hahaha, glad you made it out alive.. The mean streets of *place* lol. And yes we should ..Somewhere warm! ME: Agreed! I'll talk to you soon, *name*. G'night. Only bad-ish thing is she paid for our drinks.. I got the check from the waiter and she immediately asked "split it?" The check was only 10.75, but I always go dutch on first dates (especially ones from dating sites) so I said "yeah." I take out five (enough for my one beer as well as the tip, so she'd only have to pay for her one drink - no more). I'm fuzzy on this part but I think she took out her credit card, then I took out $10 (in place of the $5) and told her to just leave a tip and I'd get the rest, but she said she didn't have cash and gave the waiter her card. I tried to give her $5 for my drink/the tip, but she declined and said "don't worry about it" or something. To be honest, if I could go back in time I would gladly shell out the full $13-$15 if it would help solidify a second date since the first was pretty amazing in all. Anyways, it didn't seem to deter her from wanting to hang out more that night. I waited till this afternoon to text her about hanging out again.. ME: We should hang out this Tuesday night. I'll bring over a nice bottle of champagne (this I'm guessing you haven't PROPERLY celebrated moving into your new place ;P) and we can take another little walk in *area* and grab some sushi if we feel like it. Whatcha think, *name*? *two mins later* HER: You know if you would have texted me, like no joke 10 mins ago I could have I just made plans. *five mins later* ME: Hmm.. Well I'm free wed and thurs as well.. This was at 1:30pm - I never got a response.. What the hell?
USMCHokie Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I waited till this afternoon to text her about hanging out again.. You don't text to make plans. You call. That way she can't leave you hanging like that. Secondly, from what you've written, it just seems like she wants to get some nookie...and found another willing participant... 1
motive2002 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Well, all you can do is take a deep breath and let some of that anxiety down. You've left the ball squarely in her court. Maybe it was just a fun night after the bar scene and nothing else? I've had experiences like that where everything seemed to click that one night.. and then nothing afterwards. That line about not wanting to leave almost sounded like an invitation for you to stay and possibly get naked. Maybe it was just a one night thing? Maybe she's got other irons in the fire? She's on a dating site so who knows... I'd maybe wait a couple more days.. send out a message, and if there isn't an enthusiastic response just drop it.
GildedLily Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Sounds like she doesn't want a second date that consists of alcohol and staying in. If you like this girl you need to still be taking her out on real dates, where you pay. 1
Author JC90 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 You don't text to make plans. You call. That way she can't leave you hanging like that. Secondly, from what you've written, it just seems like she wants to get some nookie...and found another willing participant... I knew I could have most likely had sex with her that night, but I purposely didn't. I thought that not acting like a horny caveman would make her think I'm not desperate for poon and would have her wanting me 10x more on top of it.. I also didn't push for the physical because I wanted more than just sex to come out of it (due to how well we got along). Guess I was dead wrong and stupid.
DuchessKaye Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Guess I was dead wrong and stupid. No, you weren't wrong. She's the one who isn't right. And you were not stupid, she is just crazy.
motive2002 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I knew I could have most likely had sex with her that night, but I purposely didn't. I thought that not acting like a horny caveman would make her think I'm not desperate for poon and would have her wanting me 10x more on top of it.. I also didn't push for the physical because I wanted more than just sex to come out of it (due to how well we got along). Guess I was dead wrong and stupid. It doesn't seem promising, but it's a bit early to draw any major conclusions. Sounds like she doesn't want a second date that consists of alcohol and staying in. If you like this girl you need to still be taking her out on real dates, where you pay. It could be this too. Perhaps she felt like she may have acted inappropriately or sent out the wrong message the first night, and doesn't want you to think you can call her for a hook-up. Again, who knows. We're speculating. Call her up and ask her out on a date and see what happens. If she's still "busy" or wishy-washy.. then you can move on to the next prospect.
Million.to.1 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) I think you are jumping the gun... It was only a few hours ago. By her reply, it wasn't a brush off IMO. Maybe she is just working out her week. Why don't you just send her another txt asking if you can call her to arrange another date? Then you can speak in person and work out what she wants to do. Maybe the "i'll come over with champange" was a bit too forward. If she doesn't reply to that txt then you have your answer. Edited May 14, 2012 by Million.to.1
6ft180natl Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I've honestly never had so much damn fun on a date - especially a first date. It was like hanging out with your best friend AND your girlfriend at the same time. She made me laugh just as much or more than I made her laugh and I can legitimately say that we connected, had genuine chemistry, and hit it off big time. -We met at a bar on Thursday night around 8:30 -talked for about an hour at the bar -went for a little walk -sat down by the water in the same area and talked a bit more I walked her to her car and she ended up inviting me back to her place (which she had just moved into and was only a couple miles away). Yeah, first date and she invited me back to her place. I was as surprised as you. We get back there and pop in Aliens (yes, she likes scary movies - +100 points). I sit on the couch and instead of sitting a foot away from me she sits right next to me with my arm around her. We apparently have the same ridiculous sense of humor so we're adding our own inappropriate, yet humorous, commentary to the movie. She's continuously looking at my lips and I eventually kiss her. Her response: "I was wondering when you were going to work that in.." By the time the movie finishes it's 2:30 in the morning. Before I leave we make-out, she says "if you keep this up, you're not going to want to leave.." I give her one more kiss then rip myself away, say goodbye, make a joke about hoping I don't get stabbed in the hard streets of *her neighborhood*, and leave. By the way, I purposely didn't try to escalate and push towards sex while at her place. 30 minutes later (at like 3 in the morning) she texts me: HER: Hope you didn't get stabbed! I had a great time ME: Haha I managed to make it out of the streets of *place* safe and sound! And so did I ..We should definitely hang out again soon. HER: Hahaha, glad you made it out alive.. The mean streets of *place* lol. And yes we should ..Somewhere warm! ME: Agreed! I'll talk to you soon, *name*. G'night. Only bad-ish thing is she paid for our drinks.. I got the check from the waiter and she immediately asked "split it?" The check was only 10.75, but I always go dutch on first dates (especially ones from dating sites) so I said "yeah." I take out five (enough for my one beer as well as the tip, so she'd only have to pay for her one drink - no more). I'm fuzzy on this part but I think she took out her credit card, then I took out $10 (in place of the $5) and told her to just leave a tip and I'd get the rest, but she said she didn't have cash and gave the waiter her card. I tried to give her $5 for my drink/the tip, but she declined and said "don't worry about it" or something. To be honest, if I could go back in time I would gladly shell out the full $13-$15 if it would help solidify a second date since the first was pretty amazing in all. Anyways, it didn't seem to deter her from wanting to hang out more that night. I waited till this afternoon to text her about hanging out again.. ME: We should hang out this Tuesday night. I'll bring over a nice bottle of champagne (this I'm guessing you haven't PROPERLY celebrated moving into your new place ;P) and we can take another little walk in *area* and grab some sushi if we feel like it. Whatcha think, *name*? *two mins later* HER: You know if you would have texted me, like no joke 10 mins ago I could have I just made plans. *five mins later* ME: Hmm.. Well I'm free wed and thurs as well.. This was at 1:30pm - I never got a response.. What the hell? In my experience you should never not have sex with a woman who is ready and willing just because you like her and are interested in more than sex. I tend to do that with women I really like and always regret it. 1
ascendotum Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I think you are jumping the gun... It was only a few hours ago. By her reply, it wasn't a brush off IMO. Maybe she is just working out her week. Why don't you just send her another txt asking if you can call her to arrange another date? Then you can speak in person and work out what she wants to do. Maybe the "i'll come over with champange" was a bit too forward. If she doesn't reply to that txt then you have your answer. I think this too, except the txt part....call her instead in a day or two. I think you are sweating too much over the drinks bill, if it irked her, you would not have ended up snuggling up with her on the sofa. In my experience you should never not have sex with a woman who is ready and willing just because you like her and are interested in more than sex. I tend to do that with women I really like and always regret it. Agree. I've regreted it too. Hopefully this wont end up the case for you with this girl OP.
Pierre Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I think she analyzed the night and realized you are a bit cheap. Cheap is among the top ten things women list regarding undateable men. She insisted on paying and you let her pay.
Emilia Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I think you need to relax a little OP She is being insecure about her inviting you back to her place and your not having sex with her. Now she is thinking you see her as easy and desperate. Yes I know she invited you but you proved yourself strong by going home without sex. Despite getting so far on the first date your 'I'll bring a bottle of champagne' line has probably made her feel you are taking her availability for granted. Call her, don't text her. Tell her you want to treat her and think of something fun to do. I'm pretty sure she will say yes 1
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 No, you weren't wrong. She's the one who isn't right. And you were not stupid, she is just crazy. anything else to contribute other than your usual ad hominems? i dont think its about the money at all, they only had one drink at the bar and she insisted and offered. he offered champagne and food afterwards, she just didnt reply yet. just leave it at that.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 What you did wrong: - Lack of assertiveness She didn't invite you over just to watch aliens or shoot the ****, she invited you to have a steamy/stimulating experience and possibly night over with you. You show a lack of confidence that is hurting you...you're dragging things out, you're not taking the initiative when you should have which is why she confirmed this by telling you.. Her response: "I was wondering when you were going to work that in.." She was giving you a thousand green lights throughout this whole process likely that were just going right over your head and you were being too slow and apprehensive - Lack of experience/control You were obviously smitten by this woman and you let that overwhelm you and change the way you acted, this is something that happens with less experience, you should have just rolled with it and took charge (romantically speaking) especially when you were invited over on the first date...however this does happen more often than you think. It's just not on the news everyday because it's not news. You should have covered the tab...told her "You get the next one"...or insisted, especially It being so cheap...her offer was appropriate and could be taken but you should have shown your interest and that she was someone that was easily worth it. I'm not sure why you go dutch on dates when it's this cheap or especially If you're really into someone. Now your offer for champagne and a night in is almost like a make up attempt on your part to "seal the deal"...at this point she doesn't have a few drinks in her and isn't in the moment anymore just going with the night and flow because it seems pretty obvious to me she wanted some naked patty cake. Your date request is cheap and convenient...in a sobering mind, going through your daily routine and out of the encompassing experience and having time to let it set it...this is definitely not the most enticing offer you could make to a woman at all, especially If you want to more from her than just to sex her up. What you need to do: First off, If you don't have the ability to seduce a woman and have her interested and compelled by you with any consistency, don't play casanova. Because you definitely seemed at least to have a mild friendlish type date with no real sexual tension or fire, although a good time. You should have taken it to the next level and called...and you should have done it when it felt right...which was probably a few days later because unless you had sex and shared some real intimate moments like that then she's got no real emotional attachment to you yet and could just blow it off as a thing that didn't happen and now you're coming off too interested...women have short attention spans to gain serious interest, they're are almost always other men vying for her attention like their so called "friends" and guys they're "talking" to or what not. So in a few days or so If you don't hear from her, pick up the phone and call her and ask her out somewhere...you make the plans, pick her up and take care of the date...It doesn't have to be extravagant but at least put in real effort, because that ship might have already sailed and you need a reset...hopefully for you she had enough mutual fun and experience where she really wants to see you again and she's going to make herself available...however a lot of women "play it cool" in the beginning so they don't seem clingy or too interested, but you seem like the kind of guy that just needs to be direct and to the point, so don't try and play any of these loves games...It'll either happen or it won't and don't second guess yourself anymore, just go with the flow and be confident in yourself in whatever you do...confidence is an attitude not just a passive quality. Be more clear and don't play the distorted game, drop her hints that you're really interested in her and don't spill the beans about all your emotions and that night...keep her guessing a little bit and entertained/intrigued, don't be cheap, don't act super into her..let her be into you as well, chalk up the last experience as a very good one but that's over, this is a new ballgame and you've already go a few points on the board so all you really have to do If you get on a date is not screw it up and just be yourself again, and If things are going well then turn up the heat faster.
bac Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 She invited you to her place on the first date. She expected to get laid with a stranger. It means she does it with every guy.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) I think she analyzed the night and realized you are a bit cheap. Yeah, and then she brought him home and tried to have sex with him Edited May 14, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Unneccesary
Pierre Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Yeah, and then she brought him home and tried to have sex with him The analysis was done next day when she had a clear head. I bet this goes nowhere.
Imajerk17 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Call her up and suggest a real date. Not an expensive one, but one away from her place. This advice would work even better if you and she did have sex though. If you call to come over and hang out at her place (or yours) she will feel like you are only trying to get into her pants.
make me believe Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Call her up and suggest a real date. Not an expensive one, but one away from her place. This advice would work even better if you and she did have sex though. If you call to come over and hang out at her place (or yours) she will feel like you are only trying to get into her pants. I agree with this. I would be pretty turned off if a guy invited himself over to my place for our 2nd date, no matter what had happened on the first date. It's too soon for you guys to be having "dates" that primarily consist of drinking at one of your houses. And it's not your place to invite yourself over like that. You don't know her nearly well enough for that level of assumed comfort. Just call her up and ask her out to dinner or something.
Author JC90 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 What confuses me the most is the text she sent me after the date.. Why send me a text saying you had a great time and want to see me again if.. Well... You don't? Also, why respond to my first text but not my second? It doesn't make sense. Oh and I knew at the time that I could have had sex with her. I honestly thought I was doing something good and maybe setting up something more long term as well as making her want me 10x more by teasing her and holding off. I did this because I've had sex with women before early on and have been ignored after - same situation, different circumstances. I'm not "lacking confidence and assertiveness," I purposely didn't push for it. I thought I was doing something good.. This makes me sick to my stomach.. Whenever I meet someone I REALLY like, which is rare by the way, I always play it wrong. I have sex - I shouldn't have. I don't have sex - I should have. This - that. Ughh.. To be honest, I don't see us ever meeting again.. When a girl ignores you, even once, that's it. It means you're f*cked and there's no recovering from it. And they don't tell you exactly WHY either. They just let you wonder - even if you straight up ask them. It's like torture. Even so, I'll try one more time and see what happens. I'll call her and ask her out for sushi Wednesday afternoon, though I don't think she'll pick up the phone. So when she doesn't pick up the phone I'll send her this: "Hey *name*, I'm free tomorrow and Sunday, how about we grab sushi together one night? My treat."
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 The analysis was done next day when she had a clear head. I bet this goes nowhere. Clear head? The bill was less than 11 bucks. How drunk could you possibly get from 11 bucks worth of booze at the bar? And let's not forget she only drank half. So she got drunk off around 5 bucks worth of booze. C'mon, dude.
Pierre Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 What confuses me the most is the text she sent me after the date.. Why send me a text saying you had a great time and want to see me again if.. Well... You don't? Also, why respond to my first text but not my second? It doesn't make sense. Oh and I knew at the time that I could have had sex with her. I honestly thought I was doing something good and maybe setting up something more long term as well as making her want me 10x more by teasing her and holding off. I did this because I've had sex with women before early on and have been ignored after - same situation, different circumstances. I'm not "lacking confidence and assertiveness," I purposely didn't push for it. I thought I was doing something good.. This makes me sick to my stomach.. Whenever I meet someone I REALLY like, which is rare by the way, I always play it wrong. I have sex - I shouldn't have. I don't have sex - I should have. This - that. Ughh.. To be honest, I don't see us ever meeting again.. When a girl ignores you, even once, that's it. It means you're f*cked and there's no recovering from it. And they don't tell you exactly WHY either. They just let you wonder - even if you straight up ask them. It's like torture. Even so, I'll try one more time and see what happens. I'll call her and ask her out for sushi Wednesday afternoon, though I don't think she'll pick up the phone. So when she doesn't pick up the phone I'll send her this: "Hey *name*, I'm free tomorrow and Sunday, how about we grab sushi together one night? My treat." Maybe she hates sushi. Don't say "my treat". Not classy and seems like a make up game for not coughing up a couple of bucks for a drink in your first date. She was horny and probably used you to make out. NO big deal dude!
SJC2008 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Have sex first and ask questions last! If you want an r with a woman who would rather wait for that thats prefectly cool but you missed out on sex on a silver platter IMO.
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 What confuses me the most is the text she sent me after the date.. Why send me a text saying you had a great time and want to see me again if.. Well... You don't? Also, why respond to my first text but not my second? It doesn't make sense. Oh and I knew at the time that I could have had sex with her. I honestly thought I was doing something good and maybe setting up something more long term as well as making her want me 10x more by teasing her and holding off. I did this because I've had sex with women before early on and have been ignored after - same situation, different circumstances. I'm not "lacking confidence and assertiveness," I purposely didn't push for it. I thought I was doing something good.. This makes me sick to my stomach.. Whenever I meet someone I REALLY like, which is rare by the way, I always play it wrong. I have sex - I shouldn't have. I don't have sex - I should have. This - that. Ughh.. To be honest, I don't see us ever meeting again.. When a girl ignores you, even once, that's it. It means you're f*cked and there's no recovering from it. And they don't tell you exactly WHY either. They just let you wonder - even if you straight up ask them. It's like torture. Even so, I'll try one more time and see what happens. I'll call her and ask her out for sushi Wednesday afternoon, though I don't think she'll pick up the phone. So when she doesn't pick up the phone I'll send her this: "Hey *name*, I'm free tomorrow and Sunday, how about we grab sushi together one night? My treat." Dude, it's not you who plays it wrong. It's the chicks you date who play it wrong. You wanted a relationship, they didn't, so they played it wrong. If I were you, I'd start looking for other chicks. But I'd still try to bang this broad. Do not text her. Call her. Leave a quick voice message if she doesn't answer (which is most likely). If she doesn't respond within 24 hours then move on.
SJC2008 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Have sex first and ask questions last! If you want an r with a woman who would rather wait for that thats prefectly cool but you missed out on sex on a silver platter IMO. A silver platter I have never been served!
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