bluenaif Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Hello, LDR members I live in M.D., My girlfriend lives in Florida. I'm a SR in high school and she's a JR. The only problems as of now we struggle with is when she never calls me. She almost went a month without calling me. I get frustrated when she doesn't call and she tells me I'm blowing things out of proportion because I will stop texting her or will bicker about it. In, 2010-2011 she called me alot but at the time she should be sleeping for school in the morning, her dad caught on by checking phone records and she was forced to stop doing that. Now she may call me once every month. She says claims she's always busy and how it's tough for her to call because her parents want her to do her homework before she does anything else. She's in drama, and is in all a.p. classes. But I'm thinking what about on a Saturday night!?, Sunday morning or after school? There's an innumerable times she says she accidentally fell asleep when she was suppose to call or didn't receive a text message from me so she thought I was already asleep. I'm calling these B.S. excuses. She'll send e a text I'll send a reply less then 10 minutes later and she's already asleep?!?! Like why not call to find out if I'm sleeping especially if I wanna talk. I feel like she's lying. Can I get some opinions. Am I blowing this out of proportion.
d'Arthez Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 This is hardly a relationship anymore. She would find the time if she was really keen on continuing with this. She does not, and that should tell you enough. Time to break things off. She may feel the same way but, seeing that you are both still young, be waiting for you to declare that it is over. 2
HeavenOrHell Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 You're not blowing it out of proportion, one call a month is nowhere near enough contact for anybody in an LDR. When someone constantly says they're busy they're not putting effort into the r/ship and it will die, or they're wanting out but don't want to hurt you by saying that. Do you have any other communication besides texts? How often does she text, and how does she sound in them, interested, loving?? When did you last see her? How often do you meet up? Visits are crucial in an LDR. Hello, LDR members I live in M.D., My girlfriend lives in Florida. I'm a SR in high school and she's a JR. The only problems as of now we struggle with is when she never calls me. She almost went a month without calling me. I get frustrated when she doesn't call and she tells me I'm blowing things out of proportion because I will stop texting her or will bicker about it. In, 2010-2011 she called me alot but at the time she should be sleeping for school in the morning, her dad caught on by checking phone records and she was forced to stop doing that. Now she may call me once every month. She says claims she's always busy and how it's tough for her to call because her parents want her to do her homework before she does anything else. She's in drama, and is in all a.p. classes. But I'm thinking what about on a Saturday night!?, Sunday morning or after school? There's an innumerable times she says she accidentally fell asleep when she was suppose to call or didn't receive a text message from me so she thought I was already asleep. I'm calling these B.S. excuses. She'll send e a text I'll send a reply less then 10 minutes later and she's already asleep?!?! Like why not call to find out if I'm sleeping especially if I wanna talk. I feel like she's lying. Can I get some opinions. Am I blowing this out of proportion.
trist Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 uhhh forget calling once a month not appropriate for a LD relationship, that's not even appropriate for a relationship where you live in the same neighborhood, unless you live together... even THEN i'm sure people end up having to call each other more than once a month...
HeavenOrHell Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Well couples who live near each other (or live together!) actually SEE each other! uhhh forget calling once a month not appropriate for a LD relationship, that's not even appropriate for a relationship where you live in the same neighborhood, unless you live together... even THEN i'm sure people end up having to call each other more than once a month...
pettie Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Why are you kids throwing away your growing years on a silly long distance text/phone thing? What do you GAIN from that? Lots of lonely Friday and Saturday nights spent 'being true to each other' while life passes both of you completely by? For WHAT? What do you gain by doing that? Jeez, let it go and enjoy being a teenager. Without intentions of deviating the topic and in a broader sense: Which is your definition of enjoying life? Is it necessary to hook up with someone over the weekends to "enjoy being a teenager"? Two people in a LDR can easily pursue separate lifes for a given time (and within reason) and remain in their relationship if they wish so, without being slaved to a computer/phone. If that's your general view about LDR, why are you reading up these threads anyway? I'm not dismissing your point, it just seems a bit radical. I'm just saying that, regardless the age, it is never easy to let go someone you love. 1
Christine52 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) Hello, LDR members I live in M.D., My girlfriend lives in Florida. I'm a SR in high school and she's a JR. The only problems as of now we struggle with is when she never calls me. She almost went a month without calling me. I get frustrated when she doesn't call and she tells me I'm blowing things out of proportion because I will stop texting her or will bicker about it. In, 2010-2011 she called me alot but at the time she should be sleeping for school in the morning, her dad caught on by checking phone records and she was forced to stop doing that. Now she may call me once every month. She says claims she's always busy and how it's tough for her to call because her parents want her to do her homework before she does anything else. She's in drama, and is in all a.p. classes. But I'm thinking what about on a Saturday night!?, Sunday morning or after school? There's an innumerable times she says she accidentally fell asleep when she was suppose to call or didn't receive a text message from me so she thought I was already asleep. I'm calling these B.S. excuses. She'll send e a text I'll send a reply less then 10 minutes later and she's already asleep?!?! Like why not call to find out if I'm sleeping especially if I wanna talk. I feel like she's lying. Can I get some opinions. Am I blowing this out of proportion. You are not over reacting. That is a very long time between calls. This is one reason long distance doesn't work out - people need to be physically close to each other to develop emotional intimacy. Not true for everyone, but for a lot of people. Edited May 14, 2012 by Christine52
EricaH329 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I've spent a lot of time (about 3 years) in an LDR where he would rarely call me or speak to me also. The excuse was the same. He was 'busy'. Now that it's over with, I have to say that I wish I had ended it sooner. There are so many more people out there that would give you the time of day, it seems silly to wait for the one person who doesn't. I'd let her know, up front, that you need more communication in this relationship or it just won't work. From that point, she will have the choice to either make it work, or to let it go. You'll get your answer. Anyone who is committed will do anything they can to make it work. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't feel like you're important enough.
shorty7 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 You have to consider what she's going through emotionally. If it's this hard and emotionally crippling to you, don't you think she may also be going through the same? Sometimes love can be about letting go and not letting the other person suffer/suffocate for your sake. You can't possibly derive happiness from sadness of someone you love. Right now looking at your opening post, you're only focusing on your own feelings. Have you communicated those to her? More importantly, did you try thinking about what might have been going on with her lately or what might cross her mind before you talk about yourself? Not calling you selfish, as those feelings you expressed do come naturally. But you have to have a little more tact in how you communicate together as well. Your frustrations about her not calling is putting you on a detour. When you talk to her about that, she's going to feel you're blaming her for not putting enough effort into the relationship. The connection that needs to happen about those frustrations should be stemmed from you missing her, right? So why can't you just say, "I missed you, it's nice to hear your voice" rather than "Why didn't you call me? You were supposed to call!" Both comments can come from the same root feelings, but have very drastically different effects. One encourages positive feelings and initiation of action from other party; the other is blatant disgruntlement and accusal on a lack of action quite possibly unbeknownst to the offender. 1
ladyabstrused Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Wow shorty7, you said it all well. Totally agree with you there!
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