shwang Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I had been with my ex for about 4.5 years. We started dating when I was 16 and she was 15, we were each others first loves/serious relationships/her first sexual partner. Now I am 21 and she turns 20 soon. Through the years, we had a very successful, fulfilling relationship - no cheating, very little fighting, we were best friends... the feelings were real. She would often fantasize about our future together, and after a while of not reading too much into it and just enjoying the relationship while I was in it, I started believing in it too. I suppose I thought we would be together too. She is done with school in a couple weeks and I have about another year, but we started talking about getting a place together shortly after this. One day, I come home from a small 2 day trip and get blind siding thinking she was coming over to hang out. She said she wanted to see what else is out there for her. This completely caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do. After begging for her not to do this and to give me a chance to make it work for us, I had no choice but to let her go and she hugged me and walked away. After that night, I went strict No Contact. 10 days after the break up I ran into her at the gym, which was super awkward. I gave a friendly wave and she just stared at me. She did text me after I left saying "sorry that was so awkward, good to see you," to which I responded, "good to see you too," and that was all. The first couple week were VERY difficult as I had a bad case of facebook stalking, trying to maintain some sort of control over the situation. I soon realized that seeing pictures and hearing of her going to all these wild parties and nonsense hurt more than it helped, so I stopped looking for that trouble and haven't since. About 5 weeks post break up (still No Contact other than the gym) she sends me a congratulatory text for something I didn't even know happened. I asked her what she was talking about and then said thank you and that was about it. It was kind of strange and I think this was her trying to reach out to me a little, but I didn't want to seem to eager to talk to her so the conversation didn't really go anywhere. It has been a little over 6 weeks now, and I still haven't tried to contact her. Both of us texted each other's moms for mother's day, but that is the only thing I have really done to make any sort of contact towards her or her family. What is hard for me to understand is that she is now(or at least when I saw what she was up to) going out partying with a pretty rough crowd that she used to complain to me about how annoying and fake they all were, and she has abandoned most of her close/real friends in the process. I feel this is a case of GIGS, or she is just scared that her whole life seemed to be planned already and she is seeing all of her friends go out and party(not that we didn't do this together, just not nearly as much) and wants to take advantage of her youthful years while she still can. It really sucks knowing that one day, whether it be 5 months or 5 years, she will have some regretful feelings of leaving me, I really did treat her like a princess. That being said, my feelings are torn. As much as I would love to take her back, I couldn't jump into that same relationship knowing the same thing would happen again one day, but the helpless romantic in me wants the storybook ending. I cannot sit around and wait for her, but it has by really hard trying to force myself to WANT to move on, I still think about her every day and every time I start to make some progress, sad thoughts make me relapse right back to the beginning. To anyone who took the time to read this, I and very grateful and would love to hear and input or advice you are willing to offer. I am torn between if/when/how I should reach out to her and initiate some sort of contact. I still deeply care about her, and I fear this may plague me for quite some time. I am also torn whether I am looking to seek closure, or try and create some sort of opportunity for getting back together. Any advice for coping with my situation would be greatly appreciated as well... thank you all!
budley12 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 first off I want to say I am very sorry for your loss and going through this. it sucks =( secondly, it seems you are handling things quite well. Much better than I atleast. I am still having troubles with it and it has been 6MONTHS! thirdly, i would have to agree it could be a case of GIGS. My ex and I were also each others firsts. He left me and immediately dated someone else for a few months. Then they broke up, and my ex contacted me (which sucked and through me back into a loop of me thinking we would get back). Now he dropped me again, and back to NC and I think he is talking to someone new again. I believe that our ex's are just wanting to see what else is out there before getting to serious about anything. My advice would be to stay NC and stick with it. Even if your ex texts you and says she misses it, try and stay NC unless she is giving every effort to get back. I made this mistake and took "breadcrumbs" as my ex wanting to get back and I got hurt again. Hope everything works out for you!
hinatticus Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Definite gigs. You're young and ten years from now you'll barely remember her. At your age it's better to have anger that she did this to you. Seriously you'll find another girl and your ex will be a distant memory. Be single for awhile, it's actually kinda fun. I was single for years after my first love and enjoyed it. Have tons of fun going out and meeting new people, drinking, whatever. If you don't party it up now and get it out of your system, do you really wanna be 35 and getting drunk and going to parties? I'm so glad I had a wicked time in my younger days. I'm responsible now and have no urge to go clubbing. Sucks that I'm a single dad right now, but that's beside the point. Point is, if you dwell on this too long and let it scar you, you'll miss your chance at a great youth. Or maybe you won't. Anyway, you only live once. Party it up now and settle down later; not the other way around.
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