drew9909 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Hi everyone. Like many on here, I'm going through a rough breakup and trying to find the answers to all the questions stuck in my head. I was with my girlfriend for a little over 2 and a half years, during most of my time in college. Over the course of our relationship, we were very close and reliant on each other for support in every aspect of our lives. For the most part, she was probably more dependent on me than her, but I think our love for each other was very balanced. I worked an on-campus job during most of my college career, of which during the last year, my girlfriend was one of my co-workers. We surprisingly worked very well together, never letting issues at work affect our relationship negatively. Eventually I graduated in December of 2011, and had to leave my campus job soon after. She was sad to see me go, saying that I helped her stay sane at work. I also lived out of town, so that put a bit of a strain on our relationship until I eventually moved closer to her in March. She was so happy to have me nearer, but we still weren't able to see each other too often since she was still busy in school. Around this time, she started becoming closer to her classmates, wanting to hang out with them more and more since she hadn't really had too many close friends throughout college. I admittedly grew jealous because she seemed to be having a great time with new people while I struggled to find work and fell into a post-college depression. We got into a fight one night because we had plans to see each other, but she just plain forgot and was hanging with her friends instead. I regret everything about that night. I was feeling very alone and isolated, and ended up losing my temper with her. It sucked that she forgot about me, but I certainly could have handled myself better. The next day we got into a deep conversation and I asked her if she thought she would one day marry me. She said she hadn't really thought about it, which I found hard to believe after over 2 years of being together. We ended that talk on an okay note, but I think the conversation left us both uneasy. After another couple of weeks of barely seeing her, she went to Vegas with a few of her new friends. When she got back, she admitted to me that she did not miss me while she was there, and she took that as a sign that she was falling out of love. She also said she had been thinking about our talk earlier that month, and she realized that she did not want to marry me. We spent the next three weeks trying to fix things. At times, she seemed utterly happy with me again. I believe I truly did my best, but it wasn't enough. She told me that while she wasn't with me, she thought about us a lot and realized she still wanted to break up. And so we did. We were both pretty distraught over it, and she even spent the night just to make sure I was doing okay. I appreciated it that so much, because she just as easily could have left me alone and depressed that night. Of course, the feelings caught up to me the next day and ever since I've felt pretty empty without her. I tried no contact at first, and couldn't do it. I told her I'd be okay with talking to her every so often, which she was ecstatic to hear. She does really want to be there for me and I believe she sincerely hopes to be close friends one day. I had to be honest with her though, and told her that I do still want a future with her. I can't just pretend to be okay with the breakup. I realize that we can't be together now because we are both at very different points in our lives, but I told her that after I get myself on back on track with work and life goals that I want to be with her again. She appreciated my honesty, but obviously doesn't want me to torture myself with hopes of being with her. (Sorry this is so long) Since we've broken up, she's thrown so many signals at me that she isn't over me. She's even told me that she was conflicted and wanted to be with me, but also wanted to stay single for a while. She's also mentioned that when she does see me, she catches herself wanting to be affectionate with me. I think that's what keeps my hope going. I've gone through heartbreak before, but it's always been so much easier to get over the girl because I realized how wrong they are for me. She's just being so good to me during this breakup, it makes me want to still be with her. My friends have said maybe she just needs more time to figure out that she wants to be with me, but she seems so back and forth. It's so confusing and I don't know if I should act now and try to get her back, or really just give her time and space. Either way, it's agonizing living so close to her. It's too easy to just ask "can we meet up and talk?" and she would probably say yes. I'm sure I missed about a million details that I could throw in, but I think this is the gist of it. I'm trying to keep myself busy, but I can only do so much before I fall into my own thoughts again and wonder if I should call her. Any advice with this situation?
hinatticus Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Most people are gonna say gigs and nc. I agree. young lovers rarely last. It happened to me, it happened to you , it happens to everyone. My first love(when I was 18) left me during university then came back then left again. The relationship lasted 3.5-4 years, can't really remember cuz it's not that important. Point is you'll get over it. Go over to the separation forum, there is some real hurt in there(20 year relationships/marriage, kids, infidelity) At your age you don't even really need to better yourself. Go out, drink, workout, travel, get a new hobby, have fun.
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