darkmoon Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) everybody is entitled to a past; anyone over the age of, say, thirty-eight, will have a skeleton in thier cupboard, something somebody else might baulk at that might be best hidden, to avoid rejecton or dissapproval it is almost always something men ask women - how many men have you been to bed with? it's a tightrope cuz a woman is supposed to look attractive, hot even, but most guys want a woman who has no past, just a few lovers at most, i am celibate for this reason as i live in a small community (i am a woman myself) but has a man's sexual history ever bugged you? have you asked them how many women they've bedded? would you? somebody - write something! Edited May 14, 2012 by darkmoon
RedRobin Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Ok, I'll jump in. Yes, I have issues with men who have slept with lots of women. It shows me they do not tend to value an emotional connection much and are probably at high risk of cheating should they enter a relationship. I do not hold double standards. If they expect me to show discretion, I expect the same from them. 2
CarrieT Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Doesn't bother me a bit... I've slept with men who have had less than ten and one particular guy who had slept with in excess of 3,000 women. I could care less.
Thieves Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 It doesn't bother me much. The only thing I would expect and discuss with him about his sexual past is if he has cheated many times, if ever, and if he's ever had any sexually trasmitted diseases. Why I'd ask about those two things are obviously self-explanatory, but other than that... everyone has a past. I don't plan to hold it against them as long as they do the same for me, treat me right, and are interested in having a genuine connection.
Cypress25 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 it is almost always something men ask women - how many men have you been to bed with? I have never had a man ask me that. I would be shocked if someone asked me that, actually. It's such an obvious sign of jealousy and insecurity, I don't see how any self-respecting person could ask their partner that. It's one thing to ask about STD status, but there is never any reason to ask someone how many sexual partners they've had. I would never ask that. It's none of my business and I don't need to know. The past is in the past. My first few boyfriends knew that I was a virgin. I told them because I thought they should know, but they never asked. After I lost my virginity, I never discussed numbers with the next guy I dated. It just wasn't important to either of us. 2
nessaaa Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 yes it bothers me. one told me he never used condoms with his exs. major turn off.
threebyfate Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 High number men were never my thing, hence why I primarily avoided them. A disconnect between values of what sex entails or shouldn't tail.
Cypress25 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 one told me he never used condoms with his exs. Well, that is definitely a problem. I don't need to know the number, but I do need to know that my partner practices safe sex.
DuchessKaye Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 No, it doesn't bother me. As long as I know he's free from STD's. I don't care how many women he bedded in the past. Past is past. I've asked one of they guys I've been with and he answered me, I've had 60. But he sounded like he was joking so I just ignored and moved on to the next question.
kaylan Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) everybody is entitled to a past; anyone over the age of, say, thirty-eight, will have a skeleton in thier cupboard, something somebody else might baulk at that might be best hidden, to avoid rejecton or dissapproval it is almost always something men ask women - how many men have you been to bed with? it's a tightrope cuz a woman is supposed to look attractive, hot even, but most guys want a woman who has no past, just a few lovers at most, i am celibate for this reason as i live in a small community (i am a woman myself) I cant answer the main question because Im a man, but I dont have a problem with a girls number provided its middle of the pack. I dont want to date a noob who lacks experience and most likely hasnt sown her wild oats yet...and I dont want a skankoid slut either.Doesn't bother me a bit... I've slept with men who have had less than ten and one particular guy who had slept with in excess of 3,000 women. I could care less. 3000, riiiight. guys are funny when they convince women of these insanely large figures.yes it bothers me. one told me he never used condoms with his exs. major turn off. Well, that is definitely a problem. I don't need to know the number, but I do need to know that my partner practices safe sex. I dont see the problem here. Many people dont use condoms in committed relationships. Especially when other forms of birth control are available. If two people are honest, clean, and monogamous, it is safe sex with or without a condom. Edited May 14, 2012 by kaylan
Cypress25 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I dont see the problem here. Many people dont use condoms in committed relationships. Especially when other forms of birth control are available. If two people are honest, clean, and monogamous, it is safe sex with or without a condom. Right, because the pill is 100% effective. It's always smart to use a condom as backup. And if a man has never used a condom with any of his exes, that's irresponsible. It means he didn't even wait until he was in a committed relationship to go condom-less. It also means he thinks birth control is the woman's problem, which is an obnoxious attitude. I don't know why people think STDs are not possible within monogamous relationships. What if your partner picked up an STD from a previous relationship and doesn't know it? What if your partner was born with an STD? What if your partner gets infected by intravenous drug use? If you think monogamy = safe from STDs, you're a fool.
Ghosst Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I agree with one of the posters above. The only thing I really am concerned with is if someone has cheated. Also, if he has had a lot of partners, I would be concerned with when was the last time he was tested for STDs, especially if I plan to become intimate with him. Generally, if a man has a larger number of partners, he is a better lover. He has had the experience with more women and had the time to practice technique and wants to please his partner. Men who only have had a few partners generally have less stamina and lesser technique. Of course, this is a generalization. One of my partners was quite inexperienced but had great stamina and I had to teach him.
mesmerized Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 It really depends. If he has cheated, lied to girls to get them into bed etc I wouldn't dated him. If his number is very high again I wouldn't date him.
Radu Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Right, because the pill is 100% effective. It's always smart to use a condom as backup. And if a man has never used a condom with any of his exes, that's irresponsible. It means he didn't even wait until he was in a committed relationship to go condom-less. It also means he thinks birth control is the woman's problem, which is an obnoxious attitude. I don't know why people think STDs are not possible within monogamous relationships. What if your partner picked up an STD from a previous relationship and doesn't know it? What if your partner was born with an STD? What if your partner gets infected by intravenous drug use? If you think monogamy = safe from STDs, you're a fool. Even married, the condom is better. As a man, if you don't use condoms in today's relationships, you are a major idiot. Kaylan, you are quite the idealist. I used to ask, i stopped asking [guy here], i still discuss them because they can give valuable insight [and i can't keep my mouth shut], but i'm not curious to know the number actually.
Author darkmoon Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 @ KAYLAN, you say - "I dont want to date a noob who lacks experience and most likely hasnt sown her wild oats yet...and I dont want a skankoid slut either." so a woman has to live in an artifcial world of what? 3/4 exes? am not saying you are wrong, you are good man, but how many is too many?
Radu Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 darkmoon, he is young ... so his frame of reference is probably for his age. It would be another thing if he was 40. PS: I lolled at skankoid.
6ft180natl Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I really thought it didn't matter to women so much and was mainly a concern for men? I feel like I know logically that women are just like men in many ways and have sexual needs and easier access so maybe I shouldn't care about that number but still a woman with a high number instinctively makes me feel like it would be harder for me to feel connected to her and love her. Not that I couldn't or would get rid of a great woman if she had a higher number than I like but I might have a hard time eventually marrying her. Then again my concept of marriage may still need to adjust to reality. I'm 29 so I know anyone in my age range is probably going to have a fair bit of experience and I kind of feel hypocritical for feeling like that but maybe its just something most men instinctively value in women.
kaylan Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Right, because the pill is 100% effective. It's always smart to use a condom as backup. And if a man has never used a condom with any of his exes, that's irresponsible. It means he didn't even wait until he was in a committed relationship to go condom-less. It also means he thinks birth control is the woman's problem, which is an obnoxious attitude. ? Whats safe sex mean to you? Because for most people I talk to, safer sex is mostly about avoiding stds. I dont consider babies unsafe. So I stand by my last post. Whats wrong with a committed couple having unprotected sex? Sure other forms of birth control arent 100% but they are taking measures not to get pregnant and they arent putting themselves at risk of stds. So Id see nothing wrong with a girl or guy who was in such a relationship. Seems like safe sex to me. Youre making really fast assumptions about what not using a condom means about someones past. Ive encountered chicks who didnt want to use condoms to begin with and were on birth control and her views didnt reflect mine at all. You act as if guys are the only ones who enjoy condom-less sex. Many women do as well. Get a clue. I don't know why people think STDs are not possible within monogamous relationships. What if your partner picked up an STD from a previous relationship and doesn't know it? What if your partner was born with an STD? What if your partner gets infected by intravenous drug use? If you think monogamy = safe from STDs, you're a fool. Stds are not possible in a relationship between clean and committed people. Please go back and reread my previous post. I clearly said this. If two people are clean and get checked to make sure before moving their relationship forward, then that relationship has no chance of stds provided both partners remain committed. Right? Youre the fool here because you gloss over posts and dont read them for understanding. Plenty of monogamous people dont have stds because monogamy prevents that. Many more who stay on top of their status are std free too. Lets be real. If two people are clean and get checked before sex, they can have all the condom-less sex they want. Learn to read word for word next time. And drugs? What part of clean did you not understand in my last post. Stop reaching in a feeble attempt to damn anyone who decides not to use condoms with their committed partners. 1
kaylan Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I agree with one of the posters above. The only thing I really am concerned with is if someone has cheated. Also, if he has had a lot of partners, I would be concerned with when was the last time he was tested for STDs, especially if I plan to become intimate with him. Generally, if a man has a larger number of partners, he is a better lover. He has had the experience with more women and had the time to practice technique and wants to please his partner. Men who only have had a few partners generally have less stamina and lesser technique. Of course, this is a generalization. One of my partners was quite inexperienced but had great stamina and I had to teach him. I find this to be false. Every man and woman is different, so having a high number of partners means nothing since you have to learn rythm with someone new. Whats more indicative of skill is the amount of times someone has had sex. A guy can have sex with 20 women but only have slept with each of them a few times. Is that enough times to really figure out how to make each of those women get off? What about a guy whos had sex over 100 times each with about 10 different women? Whos really got more experience. I say as long as someones not a complete noob, the number of sex partners is not indicative of their skill. You also forget that many guys who sleep around do not do it for women. Many of them only care about their own orgasm. So basically, Id say a persons personality and empathy are more indicative of their skill, not sex number.
NeverDated Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) I agree with kaylan on this. Babies aren't "unsafe" - they're a major inconvenience, in the vast majority of relationships, but getting pregnant in one relationship isn't an STD you can pass on to the next person. :lol: My boyfriend's past never bothered me aside from the involvement of his exes. I know how many partners he's had, he knows how many I've had, we know that we're both clean. The only time his prior sex life starts to irk me is when one of his exes decides she wants to "be friends" with me. But that's more of a sick curiosity on my part - what world do these women live in that they think I'd like to be friends? Will we compare pointers on how to polish his knob over coffee? Edited May 14, 2012 by NeverDated english
somedude81 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I have a sexual history that could potentially bother some women so I'll just keep it to myself. None of the stuff I would hide, would have any affect on a relationship. But some women are very judgmental about certain things.
kaylan Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 @ KAYLAN, you say - "I dont want to date a noob who lacks experience and most likely hasnt sown her wild oats yet...and I dont want a skankoid slut either." so a woman has to live in an artifcial world of what? 3/4 exes? am not saying you are wrong, you are good man, but how many is too many? Tbh its not just a numbers game. Im also concerned about the manner in which a chick has ended up with a guy. The story behind the number is just as important as the number. Say a chick is close to my age (25) and has been with 10 guys. Ok...no biggie...but if I found out only a couple of those guys was a bf and the rest were drunken bar or club hookups, Id take some pause. Why? Well because itd make me think her views on sex were off from mine. I find 3 and 4 to be small numbers and dont expect many women older than 21/22 to have that low a number. I wouldnt mind a chick whos been with 4 guys at my age. I wouldnt love nor hate it. If it was much lower, than Id take pause. Id know shes prolly very serious about sex and Id be afraid to let her down if we didnt end up together for a long time. Not to say I dont have any serious feelings about sex, its just that love will usually come after sex for me.
Christine52 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Three letters: S.T.I. More likely if you are promiscuous. So yes, it bothers me. A guy with more than 5 partners warrants a screening at the doctor's. It's for your own good, and for future partners you will have.
threebyfate Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Three letters: S.T.I. More likely if you are promiscuous. So yes, it bothers me. A guy with more than 5 partners warrants a screening at the doctor's. It's for your own good, and for future partners you will have.Doesn't matter how many partners. It's worthwhile to ensure that any of your sexual partners are screened prior to engaging in sex. Same goes for yourself.
Cypress25 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Whats safe sex mean to you? Because for most people I talk to, safer sex is mostly about avoiding stds. I dont consider babies unsafe. To me, safe sex is protecting yourself from pregnancy and STDs. Both are potential consequences of sex that I would rather avoid. I am equally concerned about both. Whats wrong with a committed couple having unprotected sex? Sure other forms of birth control arent 100% but they are taking measures not to get pregnant and they arent putting themselves at risk of stds. No, she is taking measures not to get pregnant. He is not doing a damn thing. If the woman is on the pill, and the man is not using a condom, only one of them is practicing safe sex. The other one is just having sex, thinking he doesn't have to worry about anything because the woman has got it covered. Ive encountered chicks who didnt want to use condoms to begin with and were on birth control and her views didnt reflect mine at all. You act as if guys are the only ones who enjoy condom-less sex. Many women do as well. Get a clue. If you agree to condom-less sex, that reflects your views. Even if the woman doesn't want to use a condom, that doesn't mean you have to go along with it. As a man, you could insist on condoms. She's not holding a gun to your head, forcing you to have sex without a condom. Stds are not possible in a relationship between clean and committed people. Please go back and reread my previous post. I clearly said this. If two people are clean and get checked to make sure before moving their relationship forward, then that relationship has no chance of stds provided both partners remain committed. Right? Yes, but how many people actually bother to get screened for STDs before having sex with a new partner? Very few. Most people just assume they're clean. And they just assume that their partner is monogamous. If two people are clean and get checked before sex, they can have all the condom-less sex they want. Until the woman forgets to take her pill one day and ends up pregnant. Or if the woman happens to be in that unlucky 1% and gets pregnant despite taking her pill consistently. And when that happens, the man is always quick to blame the woman, as if it's all her fault and he played no part in getting her pregnant. But what was he doing to protect himself? Nothing. And drugs? What part of clean did you not understand in my last post. Stop reaching in a feeble attempt to damn anyone who decides not to use condoms with their committed partners. Ha, you only think they're committed. I read your whole post, I always do. Men who refuse to use condoms are selfish, plain and simple. They think protection should be the woman's responsibility, and if that protection fails, she'll be stuck with the consequences. Babies aren't "unsafe" - they're a major inconvenience, in the vast majority of relationships, but getting pregnant in one relationship isn't an STD you can pass on to the next person. A major inconvenience? Maybe to you. To me, an unplanned pregnancy is my worst nightmare. I'm the one who would either have to get an abortion or give birth, and both of those options are more than "a major inconvenience." Getting a flat tire is a major inconvenience. Getting pregnant is a crisis that has the potential to ruin my life. Preventing pregnancy is of the utmost importance to me, and it better be equally important to the guy I'm dating.
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