mandylin Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I was never a jealous person prior to this. This is the story: Got involved in a relationship. We were together for about 3 years, and my boyfriend's ex pestered us the whole time. Apparantly they had unfinished business so he went back to her. After a year, he breaks up with her and asks if I will give it another shot. I love the guy, so I agreed. Ok, that is the background. We agree to do what it takes to rebuild and repair our relationship. I have a problem, though. As a result of the breakup we had, I now have some security issues. A few months ago, he met this girl online in a game he plays. I play the game too. This girl is the married friend of another guy friend of his. So when my boyfriend plays with his guy friend, in the game, this girl tags along. I noticed her right away and she appeared to be all over my boyfriend. For the first time in my life, something like this bothered me, and because of the trust issues, I asked him to minimize contact with her. He told me he hardly knew her, wasn't interested in knowing her and not to worry. So months go by and from what I can tell, his "wasn't interested" turned into a friendship between them. The whole time I am seeing this happen, I am expressing discomfort. Apparantly this married girl has managed to start THREE times, love affairs in the game, so honestly I don't like the situation. My boyfriend tells me that her current ingame boyfriend is his guy friend. My boyfriend, though, due to playing around her a lot, is now hanging out in the game with her and talking to her a lot. Now, he is telling me that she told him it was "just friends" and he agreed with her it would never be anything more. Now here I am, I guess jealous, which sucks. I never had this problem before in any other relationship. I am very uncomfortable with this girl and many many times I have asked my boyfriend to back off from the situation and not interact with her. The trust issues between him and I, instead of getting better are getting worse. I am paranoid and upset a lot of the time over this. My boyfriend tries to reassure me and says don't worry, she and I are just friends. Problem is, they are now taking the friendship to real life. Joining each other's pages on social networks. I am totally hating it. My boyfriend says she knows all about me and she is sympathetic to us. I wish I could say that makes me feel better, but it doesn't. I am really struggling here. He has other women friends and I don't feel bad at all about them. Or his guy friends. Just this girl. I don't know if I am just being weird about this or what. When I ask him not to play around her, he says "I'm not playing with HER, I am playing with my friend (the guy friend) ." Or lately he said, "honey, it's like Alice in wonderland trying to escape that little house. I tell them to go play without me and I am doing other things, then suddenly, no matter how hard I try, I find myself back playing with them!" Yeh, I kind of rolled my eyes on that one. I guess the situation has compounded because even though I don't come near this girl, he tells me not to bother her. He is afraid I am so upset I will tell her off. Well, I am getting pretty upset. I didn't say anything to her and one day a couple of months ago, he thought I had said something to her and upset her ( I didn't and he knows it now!) and he told me "never attack my friends, GOODBYE!" Well, I was like wtf, are you drunk? And told him if he had a problem to ASK me if I did something and talk about it before some freaky dramatic exit. Well, he calmed down and we moved on, but tbh, there is not much more I would like right now that to see this girl GONE. Do I have a valid right to ask him to cut the ties? Thing is he loves this online game and he claims he has no one else to really play with except his guy friend ( and also his now woman friend). Essentially he plays with a large group of people, but tends to wander off with that pair. This is driving me nuts. Someone, anyone... am I being stupid here or... because normally I am not jealous, but I am seriously thinking of calling it quits with him over this girl because he won't stop talking to her, spending time around her and with her in this game. Am I weird, because anytime in the past where he has had issue with guy friends, I just sort of ended contact with those men without my boyfriend putting up a big fuss. I never wanted him to be upset just so I could be friends with people who hardly matter! Advice please! I am willing to try pretty much anything in order to alleviate the frustration I am feeling.
spiderowl Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 You can ask him to cut the ties but it doesn't mean he will. Even if you had a valid claim, you can't enforce love and affection by insistence. I can see why you are bothered by her and, to be quite honest, he's not doing much to help. He's playing with or near this girl, he knows it and you know it. Saying that he's told her about you is not exactly reassuring. I guess I have little tolerance for guys messing about but I think the minute I start to feel that a guy is starting to play around emotionally, if not actually physically, I'd be backing off from him and looking at my other options. You can't make someone love you or be faithful, it has to come from them. If you feel he's not respecting you any more, then you need to ask yourself what you are going to do about it. I am sorry you feel so upset about this. It would upset me too. I wouldn't be happy feeling like that and would get out. I'm just glad I have separate accommodation and have that option. I'd hate to feel so vulnerable in a relationship again.
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 u know this is like, the Nth time ive heard this happen...married woman and game and e-bf's. but of course , only because ive been a witness to all of this. i wonder what actually goes on that womans life that she would do this..to be honest im not so sure if gaming has a part on a married womans life, simply because it takes up so much time..i dont mean to judge though.. in my honest opinion this is kind of dangerous, but u cant tell him who to see and who to not see. guys kind of "lose it" when this happens. perhaps youre looking too much at him that you have failed to look at yourself. it happened to me and it still happens to me. i have managed to catch myself when i do that and when i get insecure i try to figure out what is lacking in me thats making me feel that way. and if all else fails, get another bf.
Author mandylin Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I will add some information to this.. essentially when he left before, he had been cheating on me for many months and I only found out later. So when we got back together, there were a lot of trust issues. We agreed to work on this and when he saw I was wary of this girl, he began to conceal his interaction with her. It came out, of course and I felt a double whammy. From his side, he said he meant well. He only concealed it, he said, because he was afraid I would be upset for no reason and he hated seeing me worry over "nothing". Well, I kind of feel like this was mishandled. The concealing on his part upset me a lot and it reminds me of what happened in the past. I don't see him concealing anything about other women he knows. I don't have problems with them. At this point, though, I have a really negative association with this girl. I'm not sure how to get past it.
newmoon Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 just my two cents after reading your story - you have the right to ask him to stop contact with her altogether if he wants to maintain a relationship with you. you already asked for minimal contact, which he hasn't followed, and based on your history with him... well, you have the right and should expect he'd be willing to accommodate your request. it sucks when trust is broken because that is really hard to repair and you're probably not jealous as much as just worried he might repeat his actions again - it doesn't sound like you fully trust him although you're wanting to.
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