lostaus Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Firstly, I really dont want negative advise, I really need positive and encouraging support. My bf and I have been living together for almost 3 years. We met 5 years ago whilst travelling, had a long distance relationship before moving in together. Our relationship has been a bit of a rollercoaster, but over the past year we really havent fought over anything major. A few months ago we had our first major fight in over a year, about the fact he doesnt want to get married and I do. We talked this over, and he committed that we will get married in the future, and we worked out that it is the wedding not the marraige that he has a problem with. After that I thought we were fine. Until cooking dinner the other night we faught over something small, and he said he had enough. He said he didnt want to break up with me but felt our spark is gone and doesnt know what to do. He has dealt with depression in the past and this was the first thing i thought of? But he denies it and says I am trying to blame this on his depression. he said he doesnt enjoy having sex with me any more, and that it is getting boring. he said he thinks there is something wrong that he doesnt want to kiss or hug me. He wants to work on it but doesnt know why he feels this way? Sometimes, he said, I cant wait wait for you to come home.. other times I just want to be alone. I just dont know how to fix this. Because he cant even identify why he feels this way? Please give me advise if you have had a partner feel that something is missing and how you fixed it.... How do I fix something when I dont know what is wrong with him? I dont want to break up with him. I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what it is that I have done and how I can possibly make him fall back in love with me...
avt Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Hey lostaus. At one point I was feeling the same way your boyfriend does. I think this is normal when you hit a point in your relationship where you are so used to the person that you almost forget why you're together, and because you're so comfortable and you're not wooing each other anymore it feels like that "spark" is gone. Maybe suggest that to him? Ask him if maybe he misses that, misses trying to conquer your heart, and then find ways to rediscover each other and fall in love with each other again. How about getting into a new bobbie together? Rock climbing? I dunno. Think of something. I feel most couples go through this, especially after 2+ years and if you live together. I'm assuming you're still young and that's another factor too. For me, I stopped feeling like that because I talked to my now ex about it, and he just tried to get us out of the house and doing more stuff together. We started going out on more restaurant dates instead of him cooking everyday, we went ice skating, and we started doing "Biking trips" outside our neighbourhood. Don't feel discouraged and make it clear to him that you know he loves you and you love him back and you can get through it. Don't make him feel guilty. Good luck!
avt Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I meant a new hobby, not bobbie. Stupid autocorrect. lol Good luck again!
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