do I need to be a b*tch to guys now?!

[rana-rana]

been as nice as I can be but guys aren't taking the hint. its getting on my nerves now!

 

a guy wants a minute of my time. I be nice and give it to him.

 

he wants to know if I gotta man. I tell him no and that I just got out of a relationship and dont wanna be dating right now.

 

he thinks he can change my mind. I tell him you cant. He doesnt get it!

 

other guys stop me in the street to ask for the time? seriously? I mean I'm not stupid. everyone has cell phones! they just wanna break the ice with me to get something going. no no no!

 

whats with these lame guys using excuses to bother me? I much prefer a man that steps to me like a man and tells me his wants. at least its more honest.

 

but I'm getting mostly guys hiding what they want. its pissing me off and I used to be nice about it before but now I'm ready to explode!

[watshername]

So you do want someone?

let these guys off jesus, it takes guts to ask someone out.

[d'Arthez]

So you do want someone?

let these guys off jesus, it takes guts to ask someone out.

 

It takes guts to ask someone out, but if someone indicates that she is unavailable, guys need to actually add 2 and 2 together as well.

[january2011]

whats with these lame guys using excuses to bother me? I much prefer a man that steps to me like a man and tells me his wants. at least its more honest.

 

You want a random guy to come up to you in the street and say, "I've been watching you. I really like your ass in that dress. I want to take you home and f*ck you. Come with me now?"

 

While I understand it's a pain to be constantly harrassed, I think that the softer approach the guys are taking is a lot more respectful, especially coming from a complete stranger. If you don't want a respectful approach, then I realise that's up to you.

 

However, I do agree that once you've said, "no," then they should back off.

Edited May 13, 2012 by january2011

[NYC-BigKat]

been as nice as I can be but guys aren't taking the hint. its getting on my nerves now!

 

a guy wants a minute of my time. I be nice and give it to him.

 

he wants to know if I gotta man. I tell him no and that I just got out of a relationship and dont wanna be dating right now.

 

he thinks he can change my mind. I tell him you cant. He doesnt get it!

 

other guys stop me in the street to ask for the time? seriously? I mean I'm not stupid. everyone has cell phones! they just wanna break the ice with me to get something going. no no no!

 

whats with these lame guys using excuses to bother me? I much prefer a man that steps to me like a man and tells me his wants. at least its more honest.

 

but I'm getting mostly guys hiding what they want. its pissing me off and I used to be nice about it before but now I'm ready to explode!

 

Oh no not another pretty girl that hates being approached . Do u hate nice guys or something? Why cant girls give credit to a guy for at least having guts 'cause its not easy to do at all u know. Why get mad & feel like you'r being too nice to us just 'cause we feel interested in u? Should I stop approaching pretty girls now??

[rana-rana]

It takes guts to ask someone out' date=' but if someone indicates that she is unavailable, guys need to actually add 2 and 2 together as well.[/quote']

 

exactly my point. but guys aren't taking the hint like they should because I used to be really cool about it.

 

I dont wanna be cool about it anymore. I dont really wanna be mean but I feel like theres no other choice.

 

I'm not a mean girl but am experimenting with some things like the b*tch face to see where it goes but it probably wont help since its not really me or whatever.

[d'Arthez]

As crappy as it may sound, the way you carry yourself may also influence these guys to keep on pestering you after you have given them a clear "no".

 

I dont wanna be cool about it anymore. I dont really wanna be mean but I feel like theres no other choice.

There is a difference between being mean and being assertive. When you are assertive it quite likely you'll be labeled as being a b*tch, because it is supposedly "unladylike" to actually express what you want (even in the 21st century). So prepare to be on the receiving end of some abuse, even though their social skills are poor.

 

You deserve better than that. I'd suggest trying different witty repartees, and then just leave the scene. If you use wit, that does not even have to descend into "meanness" (as perceived by these "perfect" men). Don't let idiots stop you.

[EricaH329]

I try to be nice as well, but some men tend to think of that as being 'unsure' so they continue to push and push. I know it's difficult to approach someone, and i'm sure that if a person is going to get rejected they'd appreciate if it was in the nicest way possible. However, i've noticed that often when I am nice about it, they keep persisting. As though I wasn't being serious the first, second, or third time. Then when I get frustrated and just tell flat out that I don't like them and don't care to get to know them, i'm automatically a b*tch.

 

So, OP, I know how you feel. It doesn't happen all the time, but i've noticed it happens more often that i'd like to admit.

[TheFinalWord]

As crappy as it may sound, the way you carry yourself may also influence these guys to keep on pestering you after you have given them a clear "no".

 

 

There is a difference between being mean and being assertive. When you are assertive it quite likely you'll be labeled as being a b*tch, because it is supposedly "unladylike" to actually express what you want (even in the 21st century). So prepare to be on the receiving end of some abuse, even though their social skills are poor.

 

You deserve better than that. I'd suggest trying different witty repartees, and then just leave the scene. If you use wit, that does not even have to descend into "meanness" (as perceived by these "perfect" men). Don't let idiots stop you.

 

Very true! There's actually an assertive communication technique called "broken record" where essentially you just repeat your assertive request over and over again. Don't deviate from it.

 

"Thanks but I am not interested in dating you"

 

-excuse X-

 

"Thanks but I am not interested in dating you"

 

-excuse Y-

 

"I'm sorry, I am not interested in dating you"

 

-excuse Z-

 

"Thanks but I am not interested in dating you"

 

You simply repeat it over and over again. The different excuses are attempts to get you to deviate off track. Just repeat the same clear line over and over. He'll give up.

 

Assertive communication works better than aggressive communication, especially if your end goal is to not have to go counter to your natural personality, ie. become mean. Good luck!

Edited May 13, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[Oxy Moronovich]

It's this type of bitchy behavior that drives men more to porn and prostitution.

[d'Arthez]

It's this type of bitchy behavior that drives men more to porn and prostitution.

Nonsense. If they are too stupid to actually comprehend "no" when a woman says "no", they are too stupid to maintain an adult relationship in the first place.

[TheSingleGuy]

I don't know how you are looking when these pestering men approach you constantly, but I'd say there is an easy solution to the problem.

 

If you are dressing sexy, like wearing short shorts with eye make up and doing your hair when you get approached, try going out in a pair of sweats or way too large blue jeans and don't do your make up.

 

My ex-girlfriend always said she'd get approached and hit on more when she was dressed down, wearing a ball cap, sweats, little or no make up, nothing really sexy. In my mind, this makes perfect sense, because, for me and most of my friends, if a woman is dressed really sexy with eye make up and hair and short shorts, or whatever, me, personally, I'm still somewhat intimidated by that kind of beauty. Approaching a really super hot woman is intimidating for men. I know lots of guys are that way. I find more average looking women to be more approachable.

 

Also, there is a ton of things you can do, regardless of how you look, to make yourself unapproachable. When you are out with the girls for dinner, get a table in the restaurant as opposed to sitting at the restaurant bar. Avoid places where men are consuming alcohol, we tend to have more confidence to approach after a little alcohol. If you are alone, hold your phone to your ear and have a fake conversation if you suspect a guy is about to approach. Or put on the head phones and listen to tunes. All these things will make you less approachable.

 

If this is to the point of it being a nuisance, I'd say you just aren't being smart about it. Honestly, I don't know what it's like, but I would give anything to be in your body for just one day and see how men approach you and how often and what they say, etc.

 

If your just naturally hot, and men approach you regardless of how your make up and hair is, trust and believe, you have nothing to to complain about. God could have made you really ugly, but he didn't. Learn to appreciate it.

 

Honestly, when I hear women complaining about this, I really think they are trying to stroke their own egos and I honestly don't think they are getting hit on so much that it's a nuisance. Women tell me they get hit on all the time at the grocery store, but in all my years of eating and shopping for groceries, I've only seen it happen once in my lifetime.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Nonsense. If they are too stupid to actually comprehend "no" when a woman says "no"' date=' they are too stupid to maintain an adult relationship in the first place.[/quote']

I was mainly talking about the second part of her post. She's bitching about guys approaching her. Pornstars and prostitutes don't bitch when you approach them.

 

other guys stop me in the street to ask for the time? seriously? I mean I'm not stupid. everyone has cell phones! they just wanna break the ice with me to get something going. no no no!

 

whats with these lame guys using excuses to bother me? I much prefer a man that steps to me like a man and tells me his wants. at least its more honest.

 

but I'm getting mostly guys hiding what they want. its pissing me off and I used to be nice about it before but now I'm ready to explode!

[Shaun-Dro]

exactly my point. but guys aren't taking the hint like they should because I used to be really cool about it.

 

I dont wanna be cool about it anymore. I dont really wanna be mean but I feel like theres no other choice.

 

I'm not a mean girl but am experimenting with some things like the b*tch face to see where it goes but it probably wont help since its not really me or whatever.

 

A guy like me wouldn't even bother with a girl like you; no matter to me if you're the cutest girl on the block. Once I detect some attitude from you, I'll ignore your type altogether. It sickens me that women get upset when a guy shows interest in them, just because they aren't attracted to them.

 

That's wrong on so many levels because like one of the posters said here: it takes guts and initiative to go after what we want. It's only up until the 80s or so that women show complete lack of regard for it.

 

I don't expect a woman who isn't interested to give a guy a chance, but I do feel she should always appreciate the attempt and the effort no matter what, period.

[d'Arthez]

She's bitching about guys approaching her. Pornstars and prostitutes don't bitch when you approach them.

She is bitching about guys approaching her and failing to understand that when she says she is not interested, she actually means she is not interested.

 

a guy wants a minute of my time. I be nice and give it to him.

 

he wants to know if I gotta man. I tell him no and that I just got out of a relationship and dont wanna be dating right now.

She says she is not interested. Which is the difficult word here? "Not" or "Interested"?

 

he thinks he can change my mind. I tell him you cant. He doesnt get it!

Clearly it is too complex for some men.

 

Then several people lambaste her for being rude, when she has made it perfectly clear she is "not interested". Do men honestly think that because they have a d!ck, that no woman can mean it when she says she is "not interested"??? Just because OP has a vagina renders any opinion she has void in the eyes of these men, and they think it entitles them to waste OP's time. Calling her a b!tch for knowing what she wants is a logical next step for these heroes.

 

These are the same men who get offended when a girl they are seeing is actually approached by a carbon copy of themselves, and she does not make it clear in 0.2 seconds that she is actually "not interested" in seeing whatever dude approaches her.

 

Women simply cannot win.

Madness.

Edited May 14, 2012 by d'Arthez

[Oxy Moronovich]

She is bitching about guys approaching her and failing to understand that when she says she is not interested' date=' she actually means she is not interested.[/quote']

In my last post I clearly stated I was talking about the second half of her quote. Are you ignoring this or you can't comprehend?

[d'Arthez]

Have you learnt to read for context Oxy? Or is that beyond you?

[TripLine]

been as nice as I can be but guys aren't taking the hint. its getting on my nerves now!

 

a guy wants a minute of my time. I be nice and give it to him.

If she really wants to get rid of him, why give him time? Just say no.

 

he wants to know if I gotta man. I tell him no and that I just got out of a relationship and dont wanna be dating right now. Easily say you have one, and then you are free to walk away

 

he thinks he can change my mind. I tell him you cant. He doesnt get it!

 

other guys stop me in the street to ask for the time? seriously? I mean I'm not stupid. everyone has cell phones! they just wanna break the ice with me to get something going. no no no!

 

whats with these lame guys using excuses to bother me? I much prefer a man that steps to me like a man and tells me his wants. at least its more honest.

 

but I'm getting mostly guys hiding what they want. its pissing me off and I used to be nice about it before but now I'm ready to explode!

 

 

Some guys think a yes maybe's mean keep asking. You need to be affirmative. Clearly you were not which is why they kept asking.

[rana-rana]

I don't expect a woman who isn't interested to give a guy a chance, but I do feel she should always appreciate the attempt and the effort no matter what, period.

 

what are u talking about? I did appreciate these efforts thats why I kept on being nice to these guys when I was really sick of them.

 

like I said before I prefer a guy that just comes straight to me without an excuse to come over and introduce himself, compliment me, look me in my eyes and ask for my number.

 

if I feel interested I will give it to him but this dont happen. I keep getting the opposite and going outside today was no different.

 

3 guys tried to catcall me from the distance. yuck!

 

one other guy said something that when he passed me and when I turned to look at him I was like what did u say and he just shrugged and walked on.

 

I mean seriously?! whats going on guys?!

[motive2002]

You complain about guys being honest with their intentions and yet you lay this on them:

I just got out of a relationship and dont wanna be dating right now.

 

I HATE this line. It would be a glorious day if women had stricken this phrase from their vocabulary forever. It's practically an automated response and almost never honest.

If the guy was drop dead gorgeous, and appeared to be well off or (insert other high status thing here) I doubt very much you'd lay that on him.

 

But as another poster mentioned, A guy isn't gonna come out and say "Hey can I get down your pants" so I guess it's all just a silly game we play.

 

If you're attractive, guys are gonna hit on you.. and the majority of them are gonna be guys you DON'T want to hit on you. Get used to it or make yourself ugly and or scarce. Or travel with a big dude at your side

[TripLine]

what are u talking about? I did appreciate these efforts thats why I kept on being nice to these guys when I was really sick of them.

 

like I said before I prefer a guy that just comes straight to me without an excuse to come over and introduce himself, compliment me, look me in my eyes and ask for my number.

That sounds like a script straight from a movie. It takes both of my balls to even go up to a girl that I do not know and try to start small talk/get to know her/hows the weather. In your case, you are saying that guys should straight up introduce > compliment > ask for date? I Guess you can't please all the women in the world.

 

if I feel interested I will give it to him but this dont happen. I keep getting the opposite and going outside today was no different.

 

3 guys tried to catcall me from the distance. yuck!

 

one other guy said something that when he passed me and when I turned to look at him I was like what did u say and he just shrugged and walked on.

 

I mean seriously?! whats going on guys?!

[smith9800]

I try to be nice as well, but some men tend to think of that as being 'unsure' so they continue to push and push. I know it's difficult to approach someone, and i'm sure that if a person is going to get rejected they'd appreciate if it was in the nicest way possible. However, i've noticed that often when I am nice about it, they keep persisting. As though I wasn't being serious the first, second, or third time. Then when I get frustrated and just tell flat out that I don't like them and don't care to get to know them, i'm automatically a b*tch.

 

So, OP, I know how you feel. It doesn't happen all the time, but i've noticed it happens more often that i'd like to admit.

It is the same that i was going to say.....

[d'Arthez]

It takes both of my balls to even go up to a girl that I do not know and try to start small talk/get to know her/hows the weather. In your case, you are saying that guys should straight up introduce > compliment > ask for date? I Guess you can't please all the women in the world.

Scary huh? The idea that women are different from one another. Or should it be illegal for women to prefer an assertive guy? Or even better, any guy other than whatever male approaches them?

 

Get real people.

[Radu]

been as nice as I can be but guys aren't taking the hint. its getting on my nerves now!

 

a guy wants a minute of my time. I be nice and give it to him.

 

he wants to know if I gotta man. I tell him no and that I just got out of a relationship and dont wanna be dating right now.

 

he thinks he can change my mind. I tell him you cant. He doesnt get it!

 

other guys stop me in the street to ask for the time? seriously? I mean I'm not stupid. everyone has cell phones! they just wanna break the ice with me to get something going. no no no!

 

whats with these lame guys using excuses to bother me? I much prefer a man that steps to me like a man and tells me his wants. at least its more honest.

 

but I'm getting mostly guys hiding what they want. its pissing me off and I used to be nice about it before but now I'm ready to explode!

 

So ... you are upset at guys for not getting the hint that you don't want a relationship.

 

But, you are also upset that the guys that approach you are not what you look for in a guy.

 

So, if you don't know what you want, how are they supposed to know ?

 

You know what lady, be happy with what you've got.

Guys approach you, obviously they find you attractive.

Some women don't get approached.

You don't want to be approached ?; put on a wedding band or get yourself unflattering clothes.

Or if all else fails, tattoo 'not interested in dudes' on forehead.

 

PS: It's good to vent, hope you feel better now.

 

LE: I have a girl friend. She was upset that one morning this shy guy approached her and asked for her number on the street, and almost wouldn't take no for an answer [she was single].

So she blew up on him, started belittling him in the middle of the street. Ppl laughed.

She felt gooooood, empowered, had a fantastic day.

 

2 weeks later she felt sorry for the way she acted and she felt that she should have given him a chance.

She tried to get his attention [they go to work on the same bus], but he was very cold to her. She came to me to bitch about guys being *******s [for this new reason].

 

Moral of the story ... idiots burn bridges, smart ppl leave them open and put a closed sign on them.

Edited May 14, 2012 by Radu

[CC12]

I just got out of a relationship and dont wanna be dating right now.

 

I HATE this line.

 

How come? It just means "I'm not interested."

 

It would be a glorious day if women had stricken this phrase from their vocabulary forever. It's practically an automated response and almost never honest.

 

No, I think it usually is honest. "I'm not interested."

 

If the guy was drop dead gorgeous, and appeared to be well off or (insert other high status thing here) I doubt very much you'd lay that on him.

 

You mean if a guy approached her who appealed to her for whatever reason, you doubt she'd say that to him? Yeah, I think you're right. She would not say "I'm not interested" to someone she's interested in. That would be stupid.

 

 

 

Anyway, OP, sorry you got some vitriol and other bullsh*t thrown at you in this thread. I don't think you deserved it. How dare you not enjoy the advances of any and all men, right?

 

d'Arthez gave you very good advice. I'll quote it so you don't miss it.

 

There is a difference between being mean and being assertive. When you are assertive it quite likely you'll be labeled as being a b*tch, because it is supposedly "unladylike" to actually express what you want (even in the 21st century). So prepare to be on the receiving end of some abuse, even though their social skills are poor.

 

You deserve better than that. I'd suggest trying different witty repartees, and then just leave the scene. If you use wit, that does not even have to descend into "meanness" (as perceived by these "perfect" men). Don't let idiots stop you.