Princess71 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I am acting pathetic and I need to be slapped out of it. I am lowering myself to the point of begging for crumbs. This person has shown me they want nothing to do with me and yet I am STILL thinking of ways to weasel my pathetic self back into his life. PLEASE SNAP ME OUT OF THIS. Tell me how you would lose respect for someone who couldn't just walk away with dignity. Mind you, I haven't done anything humiliating yet, just a couple phone calls, but I want to stop myself from what I WANT TO DO. THANK YOU!
darkmoon Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 you are a bit lonely, maybe even very lonely...sort out your clothes, masturbate thinking of a film-star not him, re-claim your sexuality, take up voluntary work, throw out out his contact details, use meet-up, try that all for a month
watshername Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Everyone feels like this at some point or another but the thing to remember is that it certainly won't make you feel any better. Infact it will only make things so so so much worse. Not only will you look pathetic you will ruin any chance of anything happening in the future. By letting yourself be so weak you are also enabling your emotions to over rule your logic which means that any future relationships will be tainted with the fear of rejection. Take a deep breathe and realise that no one is perfect and you are just not what that person is looking for. That doesn't mean that you are not good enough, you are and will be perfect for someone else.
Radu Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I am acting pathetic and I need to be slapped out of it. I am lowering myself to the point of begging for crumbs. This person has shown me they want nothing to do with me and yet I am STILL thinking of ways to weasel my pathetic self back into his life. PLEASE SNAP ME OUT OF THIS. Tell me how you would lose respect for someone who couldn't just walk away with dignity. Mind you, I haven't done anything humiliating yet, just a couple phone calls, but I want to stop myself from what I WANT TO DO. THANK YOU! Take a hobby, don't stay around the house, keep yourself busy. I found that what works to get you out of this is usually the advice to bypass depression.
Author Princess71 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Take a hobby, don't stay around the house, keep yourself busy. I found that what works to get you out of this is usually the advice to bypass depression. That's a big problem of mine. I have no hobbies. It's always been a problem. Most people can't understand that, but it's true. I mean there are things I like to do, like read, surf the Internet, etc, but nothing that completely takes my mind off him. Some days are worse than others. Today is really bad. But I'm so sick of walking around with this pain. I realize there are much worse things in life than heartache. I have health problems that I should be more attentive to but this takes over. I just don't understand why I can't catch a break in this department. Every time I get close to something good it's ripped away from me.
daphne Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 You are placing the person above yourself in priority. A person can't bring you happiness. I know that's cliche as hell. However, if you try to make someone the key to your happiness, the problem is they won't be terribly attracted to you. So you need to bootstrap yourself, go work out to feel better and get out of this funk, find the things that you enjoy and take responsibility for your happiness. You need to learn how to play with your own toys or you may continue to run into this. IF all else fails, I can always keep you busy doing yardwork at my house. lol
Author Princess71 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 But isn't it the truth that a person is really the ONLY thing that brings real happiness?? What about all those songs about you're just existing until you are in love, etc. ? I've never been in love and I'm sick of entertaining myself already. I've had PLENTY of unrequited love but nothing real. Nothing gives me the excitement that dating a new prospect does. And nothing hurts as much when it goes south, as it always does.
TaraMaiden Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I am acting pathetic and I need to be slapped out of it. I am lowering myself to the point of begging for crumbs. This person has shown me they want nothing to do with me and yet I am STILL thinking of ways to weasel my pathetic self back into his life. PLEASE SNAP ME OUT OF THIS. Tell me how you would lose respect for someone who couldn't just walk away with dignity. Mind you, I haven't done anything humiliating yet, just a couple phone calls, but I want to stop myself from what I WANT TO DO. THANK YOU! Oh for goodness' sake! There are times when i despair about some women! Women are reputedly far stronger emotionally because we understand what it is to have a caring, nurturing empathetic nature - but you're just demeaning yourself and acting like a wimpish doormat! you don't need someone in your life to validate who you are! Your happiness is not dependent on the inclusion in your life of a significant other. Your happiness is not dependent on life being great, wonderful, love-drenched and serene. Because it rarely ever is. Your happiness is not dependent on being able to help anyone, fix anyone, repair anyone or make them change their pattern of behaviour, because you never can, and you never will. Your happiness is not dependent on anything outside of yourself. Any-thing. The only way you can gain true happiness, serenity and lasting Joy - is by accepting that you are absolutely, wonderfully, blissfully perfect just as you are right now. The most important person in your life - the one who deserves your completely accepting, unconditional love and Compassion - is You. And get this: You always will be. So quit being a simpering, whimpering, weak-willed, submissive, needy dependent doormat!! Good grief woman, grow a spine! (Was that tough enough for you? ) 1
Author Princess71 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Lol thank you, I love it. But just so it's clear, I am NOT desperate for a significant other. I am desperate for this one guy. I am not the type of person that needs to be with someone to feel complete. I just can't stop obsessing over this one person. But I appreciate all the comments and toughness because I have to stop this. I must accept that he's not interested in me. I have to give up And move on. I feel like I will never meet someone that I will feel this way about again. I've only felt this way with a handful of guys and it never worked out...and I'm no spring chicken. So how many more chances have I got??? Must I accept being alone forever? Maybe that's why I'm clinging to him... Because I feel he's my last hope....funny thing is there is no hope there.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 "But isn't it the truth that a person is really the ONLY thing that brings real happiness??" And where or what in the world would lead your mind to believe that this person is a person that would make you beg for crumbs? "What about all those songs about you're just existing until you are in love, etc. ?" And how many songs tell you that this requires you to be an emotional punching bag?...someone who loses their self-respect, their identity, their confidence? Like you, many women seem to forgot one crucial element in many of these "love" longs and romances...It needs to be mutual love! If someone isn't putting in what you're willing to put in then it's like sailing in a half-flooded boat...you alone can't keep it afloat..why do people not understand this? what in the world do you think you're gaining out of it? It's your own vulnerability, weakness, insecurity that leads you down a path where you don't even know what you deserve or should demand/expect out of your life..to the point that someone can walk into your life and reciprocate very little If none at all and you're still swinging from the chandeliers pretending this to be "love" or at least have the potential? are you kidding me? "But I'm so sick of walking around with this pain. I realize there are much worse things in life than heartache." It's not only important to realize when you're being over-dramatic, It's also important to focus on the fact that you don't have to deal and tolerate this emotional heartache by inflicting it upon yourself further by sticking around. You don't gain by doing less, you don't try and fill a hole that doesn't have a bottom...learning to invest yourself wisely is what is key, so you don't have to "tolerate" or settle for a lack-luster situation because you're tired of being alone or what not. "I've never been in love and I'm sick of entertaining myself already. I've had PLENTY of unrequited love but nothing real." And you're never going to If you waste your time with men who don't share the same romantic expectations/desires/emotions and being with men who put you in third place. "I have health problems that I should be more attentive to but this takes over. I just don't understand why I can't catch a break in this department." You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others...you can't use people as a crutch and focus on them so you can ignore your needs. There are no "breaks" in life, If you're not putting in the effort to make what you want happen then you might as well keep playing the lotto for the mega millions and just hoping you get "lucky" and If you don't just keep telling yourself how you can't catch a break....people do this with love the majority of the time as If it's just a game of chance and no work/effort other than to "put yourself out there". "Nothing gives me the excitement that dating a new prospect does. And nothing hurts as much when it goes south, as it always does." Excitement is just a feeling...and instant gratification feeling that you get for a short amount of time...It's not some epic grand emotion that will take you to the moon and the stars. You put way too much bearing and hope on a simple emotion, and you're not the only one...people do this with food, drugs, and create addictions to relive those "satisfying" experiences over and over. But It's not sustainable and should only be given the proper bearing of what it represents, just another emotion in life. Getting all excited and amped up hoping "this is it" Is like buying a car when all you've seen 1/6 of it, hoping it's your dream car only to pull back the cover and revealing a car you hate. Nothing is wrong with those emotions, but placing your expectations and fooling yourself into thinking that you don't have to use your head, figure out compatibility, get to know the real person, matching values/interest or perspectives...there's a lot that goes into determining If you've got real potential and even though dating can be "exciting"..you're still dealing with a real person here. But of course If you're just a feather in the wind, going along with everyone that's not a pyscho, not too crazy, and seems like a decent person inside and out and then thinking "well this could be it, so exciting!" when the guys a douchebag or unavailable or only out for one thing yet you overlook/ignore that because you've got all these fantasies in your head and you forget that in the movies and songs what really counts is not shown or mentioned...the in-between...but the actual person and relationship. Conclusion: You seem like someone who's had a rough time in the dating world, and a lot of string-a-longs with various men...but If you continue to value yourself in a low expectations way, and only demand and expect what someone is willing to give you even though you give them 100 percent then nothing is going to change. You've put a price tag on yourself that says millions but when a man comes along he gets it for 50 cents, or much cheaper than you ever intended yourself to be...so what do you think that says to a man? It says I'm asking or this, but I'll realistically only settle for that...so guess what you get bought for? peanuts. I don't know how your bad your situation is, a few phone calls is minor (however I don't believe you and get a sense that you can be pretty off the charts by the way that you speak/type) but just wanted to give some general advice In the event you do get yourself further into a bad situation since you do have a string of unrequited love scenarios. To be honest with you though, If you think you're weak...then you likely will act out that way...because a lot of women can't help themselves from "seeing what will happen" unless they're totally burned...they usually need to drag it out until It's undisputed that they cannot tolerate what said man is willing to give...and by doing that..you really do lose more than face, you lose your dignity and self-respect and you wonder why it's hard to pick up the pieces after all of that? you're not made of stone, be careful what you give, you can't get it all back.
Author Princess71 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Wow, ninja, thank you for that very long and well thought out reply. You brought up a lot of interesting points, especially the part about the excitement being something that doesn't last. I have been honest and all I have done is a couple phone calls. I have not allowed myself to be used in any way. What I meant by crumbs is that he and I met as friends and he initially expressed interest in persuing more but then changed his mind. I have been trying to change it back by keeping in contact but he doesn't seem to even want to do that beyond an occasional conversation. When I do speak with him he is friendly and responsive but he doesn't initiate. He also doesn't date, claiming some sort of social anxiety. That of course gives me more encouragement because I figure if it's fear that's holding him back maybe that could change. I know he's not lying because when we were just friends he told me he was afraid of dating some other girls who were after him. I have no idea what fear he could be talking about. Sorry for this rant. I didn't intend this to be this long.
Recommended Posts