Did I end it too soon?

[bcm235]

I finally made the decision to end things with the girl i am seeing yesterday. Just over a year ago we started dating and within two months I asked her to be my girlfriend (She was 21, I'm 26). Things were up and down she had a lot of insecurities from past relationships but I held her hand throughout. I got offered a really good job 3 hours from home. She was very supportive of this and knew I needed to focus on my career. We made plans to spend 3 weekends a month together and we did at the start. Then she started a new uni postgrad course. Things started to go downhill. She made two new really close guy friends and I got quite jealous. It wasn't so much that they were male but that she had given me a hard time about seeing girl mates so i found it to be a double standard. After a month on the course I walked away.

 

We got back together a week later but things remained pretty bad. She slept over at one of the guys houses quite often saying she could concentrate on her work more and that because his dad had died he needed support. She had invited the other guy to her old uni graduation ball that I was meant to be going to with her. She spent more time with both of them on her birthday and she was tired and moody when she did see me. So again I walked away.

 

Just before xmas I was moving on with life again. She text wanting to meet up. I saw her and she looked gorgeous and all the old feelings came flooding back. We gave it a go, we talked more and spent two weeks with each other. We had the odd argument but nothing major.

 

I moved back away after xmas to return to work and things were good for 3 weeks. Talking on the phone regular, texting lots. We gave a time limit to see if we wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend again but again things went down hill. She spent a fair bit of time with these guys again. She said things that I would leave out of conversations such as 'His friends call him big boy, everyone one at uni thinks we are together etc'. One hour and a half phone call she spoke of nothing but one of the guys. All my unhappiness built up and I snapped. I had a huge go down the phone. She got really upset and started texting really nasty things so I started to ignore her.

 

I wake one morning to find a message. She is in tears and said she has cut herself. I met and talked to her and the heartbreaking thing to hear was after calling me she wanted to call one of her guy friends but she thought if she died I would hate her.

 

This was two months ago. Things were never the same after. She started contacting me less. She used to text 12/15 times a day now she wasn't picking up calls or reply to messages. She said she had lots of uni work on and needed to focus on that but there were plenty of weekends we could have spent together where should would meet up with her friends. Yesterday I just got sick of it, went on facebook chat and said I can't do this anymore.

 

She said fine and that she was sick of explaining herself. Im kinda mixed up now as she has 3 weeks left of her course and I kinda feel maybe I should have waited and that maybe she would have had more time for me.

 

 

 

Im trying to be balanced so here are some extra facts:

 

 

 

- She does study lots. She is doing a teaching degree. Long hours, lots of essays.

 

- She has always made excuses when i have asked to meet her new male friends

 

- I met her at uni and at the time I had had a lot of one night stands. In this relationship I have never cheated and I am a different man now in the world of work.

 

- She is quite shy and finds it hard to make friends. She said with these guys she is just making new friends.

 

- She has been out clubbing alone with one of the guys a number of times and also to the cinema regularly

 

- She is going through counselling and her counsellor has told her not to depend on her phone so much... however

 

- I accepted I may not hear from her everyday but she couldn't even pick up this week after three phone calls on three seperate days with no apology.

 

- I truly believe she would not cheat on me, however she has admitted to 'emotionally' cheating in a previous relationship

 

- This is my third failed relationship. My first love left me for another guy (cheated for 2 months before i found out), the second gradually got distant and ended it for no reason. Two months later she was dating a friend.

 

GOING CRAZY:/

[MissBrunette84]

Maybe give it a few weeks and see if she initiates any kind of contact with you after her uni course ends. She might have more time to think about how she has been and has acted?

 

It depends if you want her back or not really?

[jennisfora]

you don't trust her, and it is understandable, there is some distance involved, and when someone talks about a friend of the opposite sex excessively, often it is a crush, and can become more, so, i get your misgivings totally. i dont think you should get back together unless you feel you can trust her. with the trust broken, the same events would play out, i dont know how you get the trust back, unless she is willing to cut back her time with these guys, or you are willing to just have faith that it is nothing. which is hard to do, and could backfire horribly. i don't think i could do it.

[EricaH329]

I was in a similar situation myself. I was in a LDR and he was my fiance, who happened to make a few REALLY close girlfriends. I'd see pictures of them hugging, and kissing eachother on the cheek. He would stay the night with them, and they were always around when him and I got the chance to talk on the phone.

 

I realized one thing. The bottom line is that I didn't feel comfortable with it. It didn't really matter if he was cheating on me or not. The point is that I wasn't happy with it, and he was. It was a matter of whether or not I could deal with it enough to remain in a relationship with him that would work without me complaining about what he was doing.

 

It wasn't going to happen. Ever. It's not that I didn't trust him, or trust them, it was that I didn't feel comfortable with it. He didn't make me feel like I was any different than his new close girl friends, and that wasn't acceptable to me. So I walked away.

 

While the break up itself hurt, and sucked, I knew I was being honest and true to myself. It would have never worked. And that's how you have to think of it as well.

 

Is this something you will be able to deal with the rest of your relationship? If so, will you be able to keep the relationship a happy one without bringing up her and those other guys? You have to be honest with yourself. Only then will you find the answer you are really looking for.

[ShaneSchommer]

In my honest opinion she was cheating on you. Going out clubbing? come on man... sorry to hear this and sorry to hear you havent had much luck with previous girls. Whenever I come on here all I see is girls doing ****ty things to guys. I think the tables are turning in this day and age. anyway. I dont think it is healthy to be on and off. because when that happens it will keep happening so just try and move on the best you could.

[bcm235]

I geniunely don't believe she has cheated I just think she acts like a small naive school girl who has no concept of boundaries in a relationship. I just thought she was different from the rest. I figured having met someone who had suffered crappy relationships in the past that she would understand how I view some of her actions a bit more.

[Jono85]

i also think she def cheated. spending many nights at that guys house??? gimme a f-n break. she knew you were very insecure about the situation or at least didn't like these 2 new guys and the double standard, yet she stayed over at his house? you should have ditched her long time ago, that is totally uncool imo. this girl isn't worth your time. cutting herself? find someone emotionally stable. this is the type of girl to cheat (yes emotional cheating is still cheating) when you're too far away, as you are. she needs male attention all the time. get out now.