Pebbles62 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Hello LS'ers, I'm so happy to have found this community. I'm an emotional wreck right now and am struggling to keep my head above water. My year long "relationship" with a sociopath ended two weeks ago and my emotions are all over the place. He didn't hurt me physically or financially but did a huge number on my heart. I'm looking forward to reading, learning and recovering with the help of this wonderful community. TIA
ladyabstrused Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Hello Pebbles! Welcome on board I'm a new member too. It's good here too cos there are quite a lot of people on her who genuinely want to help those in need. How are you feeling? I hope you are coping well after having gone through such hard times in your relationship. You can always talk about it here if you feel like it.
Author Pebbles62 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Thank you Ladyabstrused. I think talking is better than what I'm doing now...replaying it over and over in my head. The worst part is that there are no real answers or explanations which I need. It wouldn't change the outcome but for some reason, I just want to understand why a person does this and just moves on to the next innocent person like nothing even happened. I feel like I'm in a vortex of chaos with no way out. I can see the light, I just can't reach it. This has affected me in almost every way...I can't eat and when I try I'm immediately ill, I can't sleep and yet I'm exhausted, and my focus at work is affected by the lack of sleep and nutrition. I'm asking myself why I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and yet I know it has almost nothing to do with me. I'm intelligent, friendly, outgoing, a genuinely nice person and that's what got me into this I think. I'm a trusting person and believe most people are honest and good. I didn't trust my own instincts but instead trusted that he was being honest with me. In retrospect, all the signs were there and I ignored them all. I didn't want to believe this man that I adored was capable of being so deceitful and cruel. I gave and gave and gave while all he did was take. I'm sure my research will lead me to a disorder of sorts for "over givers". Although I'm curious, I probably don't want to know. When I was a young woman, my Daddy used to frequently tell me I was a mensch and I always tried to live up to that. I believed that was the norm and it frightens me that I don't feel that way today. I haven't felt that way for awhile now and I don't want to become one of those people who is suspicious and expects the worst in everyone and every situation. How do I avoid that? How do I isolate my anger and fear so that it isn't misdirected and held against a wonderful person? As crazy as it sounds, I'm researching and reading everything I can find about getting over this. I don't want to wallow in pity and sob for days or weeks. I want to figure this out now, deal with it and forget I ever met him. I know it can't happen in a day or even a week but I so wish it could. What I really need is to know why he did this but I realize that he is too much of a coward to ever give me that.
ladyabstrused Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 You are good enough the way you are. You must believe this. To start, you need to be healthy. Sleep and proper nutrition is important to a person's mental state. I realise that this was a mistake of mine, when I deprived myself from sleeping or eating. There were vast differences in my thinking, reactions and feelings. You're the one in control of your body and mindset. This whole painful experience for you, is what will teach you to be a stronger person. Your Daddy was right to tell you that, and you should think that. You're good and special the way you are. I'm glad you're not wanting to wallow in pity and sob for weeks on end. Keep working at it and you will find that you're in control of this situation and you will determine whether it ends up badly for you, or it actually benefits you.
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