Left me for some new chick after 5 years...

[LostOne1989]

I dated a guy for 5 years. We lived together half that time. I've always loved him with all my heart, but he has always lied to me and treated me badly. Of course, we had a lot of good Times together. The bad Times would just randomly pop up.... Anytime a girl came along that he liked. Before we lived together, he would just ignore me for weeks at a time, and I would always find out he had been talking to another girl. He would lie about it and try to rewrite the truth. I would either end up running the other girls off or things just wouldn't work out. so, he always ended up back with me again. Pathetic I know. One of the last times that this happened, we moved in together. That would fix everything, right?

 

Well, he didn't do anything like that for 2.5 years of us living together. Then, at the beginning of 2012, he started acting weird. He tried to leave several times but ended up coming back. I would always find him and he'd come back home. He started talking about this girl he worked with all the time. I got suspicious about it and even said sonething to him. He denied anything was going on and would always talk bad about her. The day before our fifth anniversary he left. He didnt tell me anything. He just left.

 

A few days later he started talking to me. He said he wanted us to keep talking and over the next month, he gave me several different reasons for leaving. I didn't talk to him for two weeks, but one day, he showed up at my door. He told me he loved me and missed me. All he did was think about me. But he didn't want to get back together. He ended up coming back that night after work, and we had sex. He swore he didn't just come back for that and he didn't intend for that to happen. He wanted us to keep talking and seeing each other. The next week, same thing happened. I asked him about that girl and he said he has not been talking to her. I knew he was lying to me, but i wanted to believe him so bad. Well, the next week, he started ignoring me. He wouldn't respond to my calls or texts.

 

I knew it had to do with her but was still in denial. Hoping it wasn't true. Yesterday, I looked at her Twitter page. She had two pictures posted with him. One was from two days before he showed up at my door. The other was from last week when he started ignoring me. For the first time, I had cold, hard proof that he was with someone else.

 

I feel like he was just using for sex and he stopped trying to talk to ne because she probably started having sex with him. It just hurts so bad that everything he said to me since he left was a complete lie. How can someone lie to your face like that and use you after you were together for so long? I never did anything to hurt him. I'm glad I know the truth. I never want to see his face again. But it hurts to feel so used. It makes me feel like I never meant anything to him for him to just leave me don't someone else and use me. It hurts so bad because he meant everything to me.

 

Those pictures will haunt me. When we had sex, he said he didn't feel bad about it because we weren't trying to see other people. He kept saying he wasn't going to try and see anyone else. He's been training for the Navy and he told me that was why he didn't want to be together anymore. But all along he was with her. I just feel like I've never meant anything to him. After five years.

 

I keep thinking he's just going to be with het and they'll be happy and he will never think of me again since I obviously meant nothing to him. But in reality, I feel like he will do the same things to her. He is obviously already lying to her since I'm sure she has no clue that he has been talking to and sleeping with me this whole time.

 

It just hurts so bad that I let him use the crap out of me for a month after he left me for someone else. It hurts that all those things he has said about loving me and missing me were lies. I feel like every word he ever said to me was a lie.

[ChelleBelle08]

Sorry you are going through this, I am going through this but he left for an ex gf. My ex used the excuse "well at least it's better that it wasn't a random girl and i wasn't cheating on you"....again. Either way its bad.. Multiple instances of it even worse. I know it doesn't sink in yet as ive been being told the same thing...We are better than them. They do not deserve us.

 

You seem to be the kind of person i am. Genuinely nice and care about many people...and when we find that guy, we care about them to no end. We forgive easily because we feel that people make mistakes and we feel guilty about hurting others. We care so much it hurts more to be away from them than be with them. I got attached to the routine, his family, the comfort of him being next to me in bed. The fact i had people to be with and did not have to be the strong independent girl i was before him. Going back to being alone, and living alone and re-gaining the independence they took from you is horrible.

 

It sucks that some other women gets him, in my case, the ex gf was newly single and obviously not liking her new-found independence that she's never had and goes running back to someone she knew would take her back. I take comfort knowing he no longer has to dwell on her from afar, and he can figure things out whatever the result will be. You need to take comfort in knowing that he didn't do that to just you, he is going to keep doing it. he has no attachment to the new girls, he is immature and does not know what he wants, if anything.. Unfortunately, i believe that things will not be easy for either of them, they both gave up something so wonderful that they didn't even realize they had. I believe the day will come when they do realize that and wish things were different.

 

The hard part for us is letting them go. They are not good for us, and we need to move on, and make room for someone who is. I am 26,and i have yet to have a relationship with someone who deserved me, and who has put the time and effort in that i have just to make the other person happy. We are filling up our lives with the wrong people, keeping out the people who are meant to be there. DO NOT TALK TO HIM. do not let him in your house. Stay busy. it is so hard because you just want to be with him but you cannot do it. A huge weight is gone from our shoulders and we need to be prepared to turn them down if they come back, as well as prepared to let the right guy in when the time comes. The torture is over. It will take a long time but just smile and be happy.

[blotter]

I stopped reading after this: "I've always loved him with all my heart, but he has always lied to me and treated me badly." You must be a masochist or something.

[eles83]

I am so with you on this. It was five years for me, the living together, too, and then he broke up with me. He said he needed to be alone, but I'm fairly certain he wants someone else/is pursuing her. I'm sure we are having a lot of the same emotions. I too am so frustrated at the idea that after five years and all of the love of my heart and all my support and just EVERYTHING, it would come to this. It feels like living in a bad nightmare that I can't wake up from.

 

But, your ex was so bad - I don't even need to know you guys better to know that that you're better than that ridiculousness. I know that saying you're better off doesn't help (it hasn't helped me to hear it), but you are.

 

And, at least we aren't alone in our emotions... that's honestly the only thing that does help me to know.

[LostOne1989]

Sorry you are going through this, I am going through this but he left for an ex gf. My ex used the excuse "well at least it's better that it wasn't a random girl and i wasn't cheating on you"....again. Either way its bad.. Multiple instances of it even worse. I know it doesn't sink in yet as ive been being told the same thing...We are better than them. They do not deserve us.

 

You seem to be the kind of person i am. Genuinely nice and care about many people...and when we find that guy, we care about them to no end. We forgive easily because we feel that people make mistakes and we feel guilty about hurting others. We care so much it hurts more to be away from them than be with them. I got attached to the routine, his family, the comfort of him being next to me in bed. The fact i had people to be with and did not have to be the strong independent girl i was before him. Going back to being alone, and living alone and re-gaining the independence they took from you is horrible.

 

It sucks that some other women gets him, in my case, the ex gf was newly single and obviously not liking her new-found independence that she's never had and goes running back to someone she knew would take her back. I take comfort knowing he no longer has to dwell on her from afar, and he can figure things out whatever the result will be. You need to take comfort in knowing that he didn't do that to just you, he is going to keep doing it. he has no attachment to the new girls, he is immature and does not know what he wants, if anything.. Unfortunately, i believe that things will not be easy for either of them, they both gave up something so wonderful that they didn't even realize they had. I believe the day will come when they do realize that and wish things were different.

 

The hard part for us is letting them go. They are not good for us, and we need to move on, and make room for someone who is. I am 26,and i have yet to have a relationship with someone who deserved me, and who has put the time and effort in that i have just to make the other person happy. We are filling up our lives with the wrong people, keeping out the people who are meant to be there. DO NOT TALK TO HIM. do not let him in your house. Stay busy. it is so hard because you just want to be with him but you cannot do it. A huge weight is gone from our shoulders and we need to be prepared to turn them down if they come back, as well as prepared to let the right guy in when the time comes. The torture is over. It will take a long time but just smile and be happy.

 

Thanks for sharing your story. It's always good to remember that you are not the only one going through something like this. I'm hoping he won't try to come back. I'm not sure if he will or not. He has many times in the past, but this is the first time he has literally left me for someone else and it seems like things are working out for them. So, I don't know. I know you're right though. Whatever they have going on right now won't last. He will treat every woman the same.

[LostOne1989]

I am so with you on this. It was five years for me, the living together, too, and then he broke up with me. He said he needed to be alone, but I'm fairly certain he wants someone else/is pursuing her. I'm sure we are having a lot of the same emotions. I too am so frustrated at the idea that after five years and all of the love of my heart and all my support and just EVERYTHING, it would come to this. It feels like living in a bad nightmare that I can't wake up from.

 

But, your ex was so bad - I don't even need to know you guys better to know that that you're better than that ridiculousness. I know that saying you're better off doesn't help (it hasn't helped me to hear it), but you are.

 

And, at least we aren't alone in our emotions... that's honestly the only thing that does help me to know.

 

Yeah, mine tried to tell me that he wasn't seeing someone else. He was like I don't want to see anyone else. I just want to be alone. Then, I went and found pictures of them together on dates. So, obviously, that was bull. I knew he was lying though. I just didn't want to believe it.

 

I'm with you though. I don't get how someone can just leave everything after five years. I did everything for him. He had it made with me... but I realize now he has just been using me basically this whole time. I still think he'll realize what he lost one day though. I'm sure your guy will too because your situation sounds a lot like mine.

 

It definitely helps when you can realize that tons of other people go through these things, too. It still sucks, but it helps. I just hate feeling so used and feeling like the last five years meant absolutely nothing to him when it meant everything to me...