ThisGuyHere Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I need some advice on what to do. Here's the back story. I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 24. We've been going out for about a year. Her parents are mega conservative and very old fashioned. I'm talking like she can't go out, like at all, and she always has to stop what she's doing and tend to them. Like I understand if they were supporting her but they're not. She still has to pay everyone's cellphone bill even if she's in school and jobless. They are the most non-understanding people ever. She had a very sheltered childhood but when she got older she partied a lot. Not so much anymore. Me on the other hand, is very free spirited. I'm finished with school, my parents are always there for me. I drank and partied and all that stuff all throughout high school and college but not so much anymore. Me and her are completely opposite from each other. Like I do anything and everything for her. Surprise her/be there for her when she's feeling down. Give her gifts on occasion, make her feel special. Spend time with her, etc. but I feel like I'm just there for her convenience now. She's never really there for me when I need her, she's constantly buying things for herself, like to her it's mostly saying "I, I, I" instead of "us" Like I'm the most understanding person ever. I understand I can't see her as often as I want to, or I know I won't get any gifts and stuff because of her situation. But damn, she could at least make me a card or give me a cookie and I'll be happy. I've already talked to her about this but still nothing. I feel so unappreciated. She says she loves me and appreciates the things I do to her but actions speak louder than words. She constantly keeps falling asleep on me, on the phone or hanging out. I know it's not because she's tired because she hasn't been doing anything. Makes me think that she's losing interest? Everytime I bring something up she says that I'm being needy which I think is not true because I give her space. She says I talk too much but would she rather have someone that doesn't talk at all. I treat her like a damn queen and she treats me like crap 50% of the time. She has said a few hurtful things which she apologizes for but it's burned in my brain now. I try to be the perfect boyfriend but I think I'm not anymore. Just because she has a bad day she takes it out on me. I'm like wtf? What I'm trying ask is what should I do now? Like I love her to death but idk how much more I can take. It feels like she doesn't give a damn about me.
CC12 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 You say you want her to show more appreciation toward you. She says that you're being too needy. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, you just both have different styles of showing affection or of being a good boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes that can work in a relationship, sometimes it can't. You seem the type to shower her with affection, gifts, time, etc. And that's really nice of you. But she seems to be the type that just doesn't do those things, for whatever reasons. You two are not a good match, based on that. And on top of that, you say: she treats me like crap She has said a few hurtful things she has a bad day [and] she takes it out on me That's not so good. If you want to continue this relationship, then lay it all out for her. Voice all of your concerns in a non-accusatory way. You know how she does the "I, I, I" thing? You do that, too, in this case. "I feel unappreciated." "I would really love it if you could put more effort into showing me love." "I try very hard to be a good boyfriend to you and sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter." Or whatever. And she'll probably either try to at least meet you in the middle somewhere and then follow through with it, or she'll tell you that you're just too needy and that there's nothing wrong with what she does. If she chooses the latter, then you should be done with her.
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