little lamb Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 okay you know you get in those situtations where someone says something that totally kills the mood (even kissing moods) and def. something that sticks with you? Well i have one, and its probably petty compared to what others have heard, but its a little upsetting but maybe its common i am not sure.... So i posted earlier and got some good advice back, but heres another thing: My b.f.'s ex who is a bother still today. She has her own b.f. now but still sends emails saying she'd do anything to get back with my b.f. -- and there is that situation but beside that...i got together with my boyfriend a little unorthodoxly. I liked him, then we kissed, then he liked me, and now we're dating. We have been for afew months. though i was bummed i wasn't persued....i know it doesn't always work that way. Though i worry i was just a physical replacement. I know that isn't that case, he told me he liked me....and blah blah blah, but once we kissed, and him having many passed relationships i know he's kissed alot, and i on the other hand save my kisses (just want to save the most special things i can....). However, i mentioned maybe iw as a bad kisser, when he replied, "nope you kiss just like _____" Yep his ex girlfriend whom i am a little weary of. I was like great....and now since i am a worry wart (see my other post from today) is it possible i am a replacement? I am curious, can a guy initially like you because you are like an ex he still loves, and then fall in love with you, or is it not rare to hear a guy mention you kiss like his ex? I am sorry i anaylize too much, he's a good guy and i've talked to him about it, and he's assured me he's over her, adn would never go back, but itshard to hear his friends and even mention that she was hot though.....(yes he tells me i am beautiful) but i just don't feel liek i am measuring up to what he's had....how do i tell him this is how i feel with out ME bringing UP HER again....errrr...frustrated.... Please help me out....boys especially comment, i want a man's perspective/
HokeyReligions Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Sometimes guys (people) just say dumb things! My husband does it. He's accidently called me "mom" a couple of times! LOL! He once told me, well, this is embarassing, but well, uh, (quick back story: Hubby used to be a photographer before I ever knew him, one of his "gigs" was taking pictures of hookers for a friend of his. Payment was NOT made in cash He was 17 at the time, I don't blame him--he was a horny teenager) okay, back to us. Well, uh, he once told me that I gave head like a pro & he named the pro from his old photography days, and commented on how careful I was and good I was with my teeth, just like [pro's name]. A backhanded compliment if ever there was one and definately NOT what I wanted to hear! Sometimes guys just say dumb things! He's said some other dumb things over the years too, but that one sticks in my memory and is most relevant to your post! Maybe he really loved the way he felt when his ex kissed him and he feels the same good way when you do too.
Pyrannaste Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Who was the dumper and who the dumpee? Was he the one wanting to break up? I don't think you are just a replacement....or he'd have gotten back with her since she is trying hard to get together with him again. is it not rare to hear a guy mention you kiss like his ex? It is not rare. Once I even heard I'm not as good a kisser as my bf's ex. I guess it's just men being dumb sometimes. I think you should not worry about the kiss comment. But you *should* worry about him insisting to hang out with her (from your other thread).
Author little lamb Posted June 24, 2004 Author Posted June 24, 2004 I appreciate your advice. She did hurt him, to the point he cried, he's not much of an emotional man, at least not that i am aware of. I am not sure you read my other threat, but he dated her, while she was seperated, but still with her boyfriend of three years then. She was intimate with both, but she told my b.f. she wasn't with her other b.f. At the beginning of the summer, she apparently got back together with her long time b.f. but didn't tell "Mike" my boyfriend. They had mutual friends, but he thought he "Loved" her, now recognized at lust, who told him she was back with her old boyfriend "steve" He asked her, and she denied being with him, until at the end of the summer, both boys met, and as it would have it the truth was out. She was sleeping with Steve, and just made out a lot and wandering hands with mike. She actually was the really forward in all of it. Not to mention deceitful. I've seen pictures, and she is gorgeous. Sandy blonde/brown hair light blue eyes, well endowed, and petit. We've got the petit thing in common anyways, she still is friends with his friends, and i've heard of many stories of her, actually sounds like a fun girl, but at this point i still have biases left not to really ahve a liking towards her. I have mention to my b.f. that she has hurt him, and he knows it, has a lot of regrets, but i think he just felt on top of the world, a beauitful girl wanted HIM. Its always been the other way, he has wanted beautiful girls, but they've been his "untouchables" "Unattainables", with her it was the other way around. I feel a little low on the self-esteem a bit, since I hear how goregous she is, and all, but i dont see how anyone still doesn't remember the pain she caused him. I mean its like "oh that b****" but then...shes's so fun...you know? And for him, i think he just remembers the intimate side of things, and since I am not as free wiht myself sexually, have a little more self-control and guard guys hearts as well as my own, and obviously don't feel as beautiful its hard for me to hear that i kiss like her. Yeah i guess its good, but really, i want to hear the phrase "You're Better" in so many ways. As for you, i am sorry to hear abuot your cheating g.f., that is far from great. I am sure you're still piecing your heart together. Guard it closely, as i hypocritically struggle to do the same, because it is very precious, and don't let unforgiveness make your bitter and rot you from the inside out. The joy of relationships, eh?
faux Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 Originally posted by little lamb Please help me out....boys especially comment, i want a man's perspective/ Alright, here you go: I never want to be compared to anyone's exes. I don't mind occasionally being told that I am better than people someone has been with before, in any respect, as my ego needs boosting sometimes. However, I do not want to be specifically compared to specific people. I never want to hear "You do this just like this person". I do not even want to hear "You do this so much better than this person". I am fine with "You do this better than anyone else." I also do not mind hearing about a specific person, without names being mentioned, such as "There was this one guy who did this, but you know what you are doing". I dated a girl once who would constantly compare me to her exes. She would always say that I was better, be it about personality, how I treated her, or something physical we shared together, but she would always have to bring up specific people. I love compliments, but I don't want to hear after making love, for instance, that something I did was better than a specific person from the past, and then have to hear a whole story about it. If I did something like an ex did, or had a similar interest, I ended up hearing stories about this girl's past, and it really turned me off. I can understand why you are upset. You want to be your own individual person, and when you shared that kiss with your boyfriend you wanted him to take it seriously. You didn't want to hear how you were "just like" someone else!
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