ChelleBelle08 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Well, just need some uplifting thoughts and support. I know my relationship is over, I do not have crazy expectations of getting back together with my now ex-boyfriend. Background is I knew him for awhile, and kind of ignored his advances. I moved an hour and a half away, and upon visiting friends met up with him and started dating. We were together 9 months. However a couple months in he cheated on me with a random girl, that being hard enough, i forgave him since our relationship was not totally established at the time. That being bad enough, throughout the relationship i have know him to have a weird connection still with his ex gf. (they lived together for 3 years, but also broke up 3 years prior) they barely talked but the times ive seen them together one could tell something was weird. He always told me that he will always have a special place for her in his heart but that they can no longer be together, and that i should trust him. Which, i did. The past few weeks ive had a weird gut feeling in general when with him. Finally, after a week abroad and not talking to him, upon my return i saw his ex had called him one time. I therefore decided to flat out ask what was going on with his ex gf. Turns out she is newly single, and started contacting him. Since he has known she was single, he has had increased feelings for her that he thought would go away and did not. He admitted since they broke up 3 years ago, he has had feelings that would come and go. this time they have not despite me being in his life. He felt that he needs to talk to her and try to work things out to figure out his hang ups with her and either be with her, or figure things out so he can get over her. Therefore, i am left single, alone and hurt. After spending a lot of time working on my insecurities, thinking i was crazy for being concerned about a girl 3 years into his past. He told me i was prettier, smarter, younger, and in better shape than her, and yet has no clue what is drawing him to her. He was very closed off in our relationship, in which i tried everything to help him with. I gave 110% into this and really started to fall for him. despite these issues, we got along wonderfully and just loved being together. We ended things 5 days ago and i have not heard from him since, or contacted him myself. I am angry that some girl was so easily able to waltz in and take him from me, that he treated me so poorly, and that i am still so hurt about this break up. Its hard for me to not analyze and think that i could have done something to prevent this, or be better for him that this would not happen. I am not oblivious to the many issues i've stated, but it does not make me feel better or helping me to move on. It's early, but i still feel like i will be alone and unhappy forever, due to my many poor experiences with men. I want an instant fix, and an instant way to get over him which i know is impossible. I miss him being with him and miss talking to him. I just need some support and advice from those who understand what i am going through....thanks
january2011 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 It was pretty rubbish the way that things ended. Thankfully, you are not with him now. I wouldn't allow him back into your life. It is still early and you'll cycle through the pain, self-doubt and anger but one day you will wake up and decide that you've had enough of grieving for the relationship. You're done. Until that day, you need to keep your head above water until things get better. Go NC. Focus on self-care. Spend time doing things that make you smile and with people who love and care for you. I know that you think you won't be happy again, but trust me. You will. You just can't see it right now because you're still in pain. 1
Better_Days Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 He always told me that he will always have a special place for her in his heart but that they can no longer be together, and that i should trust him. That's basically implying that "I still love this girl but she has a boyfriend" You should've figured when he told you this. There's nothing you can do right now. Chances are they will go on it for a while then break up again, then he will probably contact you. Hopefully by then, you have moved on. There is really no point thinking/analyzing why this girl can get him so easily while you cant. This will just make you keep thinking about the whole thing. NC is the only way to ease the pain.
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I am not oblivious to the many issues i've stated, but it does not make me feel better or helping me to move on. It's early, but i still feel like i will be alone and unhappy forever, due to my many poor experiences with men. I want an instant fix, and an instant way to get over him which i know is impossible. I miss him being with him and miss talking to him. I just need some support and advice from those who understand what i am going through....thanks I hear what you are going through, and am going through the same thing after a much longer relationship. As you know, there is no instant fix. I still hurt, months later. I will say that it lessens over time, and please, accept it. Accept it. If it helps you to remind yourself that they are never going to come back, by all means, do that. They will probably haunt you for months to come, or longer, but remember that is a memory, that is not who they were, they are different people now. Allow yourself to grieve, and if you have hateful thoughts toward him, express them to yourself - just another grieving avenue. Beyond that, do not ever let him get the better of you. You are better than that and trust me, you will definitely meet someone again, someone better.
Joaquin Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Yes keep strict NC as others have said. You need this guy completely out of your life. Any contact will bring you down. The poster who said it may take some months is not wrong, so give yourself time. One thing I have found is that questioning why it happened, how did we let it happen, the red flags were there etc although a natural part of the healing remain unanswered. Eventually though you WILL stop caring and see it for what is was, and that you are better off out of it. Just be glad you got the chance to get out now before further time was invested, possible marriage, kids, etc. as he was likely always going back to her. Chin up.
Author ChelleBelle08 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 It's hard to not blame myself when he brings up the fact that i live far away and had no plans of moving back (which is false, i told him multiple times i would move if he wanted me to ) and that i can't move because i am starting graduate school. i personally know what i would have done given the chance, he just never asked or communicated with me. I know he was just reaching for excuses but they hurt me. i enjoyed being in a relationship as well, and enjoyed spending my spare time with him.. However i was the one always traveling to see him, and now that im alone i have all this free time to sit here and think about it, due to the lack of establishment i have done by dating him most of the time i have lived here. I just feel sad, jealous and lost, but at the same time happy that crap is away from me! BUT i just want to stop thinking!!
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