CopingGal Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I used to think that it's great to be in a relationship for so long. I was with my bf off and on...mostly on for three years. I should have left after the first date. Then I should have left during that first summer (left for good). I was like a doctor on the operating table willing to keep this relationship alive. I should have walked away. I'm not proud of this long-term relationship. I'm glad I walked away- even though it took three years to do it. Considering what I know, I wonder how many women he screwed behind my back and how many lies I never ever found out about. Have you all ever been in a long term relationship only to find out that you should have ended it YEARS before it actually ended? 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I used to think that it's great to be in a relationship for so long. I was with my bf off and on...mostly on for three years. I should have left after the first date. Then I should have left during that first summer (left for good). I was like a doctor on the operating table willing to keep this relationship alive. I should have walked away. I'm not proud of this long-term relationship. I'm glad I walked away- even though it took three years to do it. Considering what I know, I wonder how many women he screwed behind my back and how many lies I never ever found out about. Have you all ever been in a long term relationship only to find out that you should have ended it YEARS before it actually ended? Not years...just a couple of months, actually...Saw some red flags and ignored because of his charm. I could face palm for that. But...coulda shoulda woulda...We were meant to go through what we did. 1
shayla Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 In our 3 year relationship, I stayed 2 years and 11 months too long. I got a strong red flag within the first month and I walked out. But when he cried and begged and pleaded it made me stop and go back. I just kept thinking that his actions were out of character and that it was new relationship jitters. Little did I know that it was his pattern of lying, cheating, and manipulating, and of course that he was a drama major and crying was one of his better acting skills.
chelly.lauren Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Yes, my relationship was also on/off for 3 years with us being mostly together. He eventually left this Jan, but I had broken up with him the previous Feb and we had stayed separated until June. I often feel as though I shouldn't have pursued the relationship again... I was making great steps towards moving on and lost it all when he contacted me to be friends, ultimately leading to us reconciling. Instead, he broke my heart, which I'm finding is much more difficult to recover from.
Coffee20 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I used to think that it's great to be in a relationship for so long. I was with my bf off and on...mostly on for three years. I should have left after the first date. Then I should have left during that first summer (left for good). I was like a doctor on the operating table willing to keep this relationship alive. I should have walked away. I'm not proud of this long-term relationship. I'm glad I walked away- even though it took three years to do it. Considering what I know, I wonder how many women he screwed behind my back and how many lies I never ever found out about. Have you all ever been in a long term relationship only to find out that you should have ended it YEARS before it actually ended? Yes me too but only 9 months, I should have left after the second date, because I had doubts and definitely after the 4th - there were many red flags but I was in love and tried to keep that love alive, I tried too hard and of course it died in the end. Now it seems that our relationship has never really even started, because it looks like I was the one who was in love and he was just a company walking next to me. I always wished that we had a nice first date or second, or wished he would fight for me once like I did, but I lived in an ilussion
TaraMaiden Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 ......Have you all ever been in a long term relationship only to find out that you should have ended it YEARS before it actually ended? Yes. Out of approximately 30 years, I figure 20 of those were a complete waste of time.
coltsfan1 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I was with my ex for almost 4 years, I regret some of it. I was pretty happy with her but we both were selfish and unwilling to compromise. I stayed cause I genuinely loved the person she used to be, but my one TRUE regret is the end. My question is why do we hold on so long? It took me over a year to come to terms with everything. I guess you could blame the difference in gender, what with most of the above poster being ladies.....
TaraMaiden Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 In my case? I really thought we were in love....turns out we were just really good friends... It was mutually convenient, we had young children, and to the outside world we were the closest UK equivalent to the Brady Bunch.
Follower Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Hell yes, i should have left the second she and i agreed i would stay in a city i hated and work dead end jobs that i hated to do it, so out of 4.5 year relationship around 4 of it was a waste. I could have been so much further on with my life goals than i am now.
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I used to think that it's great to be in a relationship for so long. I was with my bf off and on...mostly on for three years. I should have left after the first date. Then I should have left during that first summer (left for good). I was like a doctor on the operating table willing to keep this relationship alive. I should have walked away. I'm not proud of this long-term relationship. I'm glad I walked away- even though it took three years to do it. Considering what I know, I wonder how many women he screwed behind my back and how many lies I never ever found out about. Have you all ever been in a long term relationship only to find out that you should have ended it YEARS before it actually ended? Long term that turned majority live-in for 10 years. I think of all the effort, the best years of my life (factoring wanting to be taken back a second time only to be f'd over again), and yes, knowing what happened after wasting 10 years of my life to be betrayed, yes, I do wish I had ended it, but hindsight is not available for purchase anywhere in this lifetime.
samslick Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I was with my stbx wife for 8 years (married for 2). We met when she was 17 and I was 20. I held on desparately as I loved her unconditionally and thought if I kept trying, I could fix everything for both of us. Boy was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I ignored all the red flags, I neglected myself and my own happiness and our marriage just turned into a horrible martyr relationship, where she would guilt trip the **** out of me and I would cave every time. She was spoiled rotten, and never had to do anything for herself. I wouldn't give up on her as everyone else in her family had cast her aside as she was the youngest and always strived to be the center of attention. I was taught that anything worth doing is worth doing right, and I ended up treating her like a child and I felt like I was her parent. We should never have been together in retrospect, and 6 months in I could already see problems with our marriage, but we could never communicate effectively and solve our issues. She was my first love and my first serious relationship. The only postiive thing is I know now what I don't want out of a relationship, and Im on the slow path to becoming happy with myself again. Im not afraid of living alone, I have more anxiety I think about how I will start over dating and finding someone in the future. Which was another reason why I think I held on so long with my ex, despite all the problems.
nevadagirl Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Within a few months of a 2 year I knew I should run. He was hung up on his ex. Didn't want her to know he had a new girlfriend to spare her feelings. It led to being a total doormat. He left me homeless. I took him back. To be dumped repeat edly.....each time worse than before.
Starman8 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 There were so many red flags during my 2 year relationship that it makes me sick to think how much b.s. I put up with from her. The funny thing is, if I were to hear about those things from a friend who was going through that, I would give him all the right advice and tell him to leave that girl alone. Despite all of that, I still think about her 9 months after the breakup way too much. I just hope the next time I decide to get into a relationship, I make the right decisions and treat myself with more respect. As for now, I still don't have the energy to start actively dating again. I feel like I should though. I don't know?
robkris8079 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 well I stayed so long (5+ years) because before this relationship I was in one for 11 years, 3 of which included marriage. So when I got into this one I said I was going to take it slow. Slow is exactly what I did. Then I really started falling for her. But she was young and in college. So I supported her through that and not really worrying about a future together. Then she started nursing school and again I wasn't bringing up future commitments yet as she needed to finish schooling and get a career. We did have some talks about the future and both agreed that she needed to start her career first. So everything seemed on track. She finished college, finished nursing school, we moved in together, she got an awesome job so her career was taking off! Next step was making that commitment to each other. Oh wait, no apparently next step is her emotionally and physically (not coming home or wanting to be there) checking out of the relationship . I look back and really we should have ended this earlier. We were not in the same places in life. I stood waiting and assuming she was going to get there but it didn't happen. Oh well I learned from this. It doesn't take 5+ years for your partner to know what they want and you should never ever wait thinking someone is going to change or get to a certain point in there life. I have no regrets though even for it dragging out. I had alot of great times and learned so much. I love who I am now and if that didn't last 5 years I don't think I would be who I am.
Sophie99 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Not years, but months, yes x There were red flags but because I did love him and the security of the relationship, I ignored them. Lets just say, I should have shown him the door the day he said "Change this about yourself by Friday, when I will make my decision about us". I *face-palm*. I should really have said "I'll make that decision easy for you right now". This was at least a few months before we broke up. Ahh well!
wilsonx Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 You stay so long because you loved them. Dont doubt yourselves now. Appreciate the times you had together. For those of you that seek perfection, the beauty in perfection is that its NOT perfect. There must be bad in order for it to be perfect. For me, I want to spend my life with my best friend. Not chasing a chemical in love feeling. The real love comes from those when you see them without the glasses on for both their positives and negatives and still accept them. 1
dng Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Long term that turned majority live-in for 10 years. I think of all the effort, the best years of my life (factoring wanting to be taken back a second time only to be f'd over again), and yes, knowing what happened after wasting 10 years of my life to be betrayed, yes, I do wish I had ended it, but hindsight is not available for purchase anywhere in this lifetime. This sounds familiar. Very familiar. Wasted 10 of the best years of my life, left her after something like 4 years and that was HARD.. Only to take her back when she begged and promised.. Only to be betrayed in the end and not given a second chance like she was given. I wish I never took her back. I should have followed what my instincts told me when I left her.
dng Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 I do wish I had ended it, but hindsight is not available for purchase anywhere in this lifetime. Yes, and also, martyrdom is not what its all cracked up to be. Do like I do and try to shake it off for good... Life has to start again.
smokey bear Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 You stay so long because you loved them. Dont doubt yourselves now. Appreciate the times you had together. For those of you that seek perfection, the beauty in perfection is that its NOT perfect. There must be bad in order for it to be perfect. For me, I want to spend my life with my best friend. Not chasing a chemical in love feeling. The real love comes from those when you see them without the glasses on for both their positives and negatives and still accept them. OMG , you still do this! xx
Author CopingGal Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 There were so many red flags during my 2 year relationship that it makes me sick to think how much b.s. I put up with from her. I just hope the next time I decide to get into a relationship, I make the right decisions and treat myself with more respect. As for now, I still don't have the energy to start actively dating again. I feel like I should though. I don't know? You'll date when your ready. I myself won't be ready for a very long time.
Author CopingGal Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 Not years, but months, yes x There were red flags but because I did love him and the security of the relationship, I ignored them. Lets just say, I should have shown him the door the day he said "Change this about yourself by Friday, when I will make my decision about us". I *face-palm*. I should really have said "I'll make that decision easy for you right now". This was at least a few months before we broke up. Ahh well! He sounds like a real ass. You are lucky to be away from him.
Author CopingGal Posted May 15, 2012 Author Posted May 15, 2012 This sounds familiar. Very familiar. Wasted 10 of the best years of my life, left her after something like 4 years and that was HARD.. Only to take her back when she begged and promised.. Only to be betrayed in the end and not given a second chance like she was given. I wish I never took her back. I should have followed what my instincts told me when I left her. Same with me. My bf at the time got on his knees and cried (out of one eye...he was probably faking) and begged me to take him back...only to end up treating me worse than he did before we broke up. Glad I only wasted three years on that bombaclot.
Phanpooh Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 Fist time, 1 week Second time, 2 Months and sometime, after a night Last time 1 year, i saw what wrong but i didnt fix and let everything move naturally, no trying, no mixxing, no cheat, no lie, and when i lost everything, she left me for "just a friend" Karma is a bitch
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 This sounds familiar. Very familiar. Wasted 10 of the best years of my life, left her after something like 4 years and that was HARD.. Only to take her back when she begged and promised.. Only to be betrayed in the end and not given a second chance like she was given. I wish I never took her back. I should have followed what my instincts told me when I left her. In my case she shafted me twice, but it's very similar, she did promise and plead, and for a while...aww f it. Long story short, got my heart ripped out, you know how it goes, and yes, I concur, I should have never taken her back either. But believe me, I am trying to shake this evil witch the best that I can.
brokenheart12 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I used to think that it's great to be in a relationship for so long. I was with my bf off and on...mostly on for three years. I should have left after the first date. Then I should have left during that first summer (left for good). I was like a doctor on the operating table willing to keep this relationship alive. I should have walked away. I'm not proud of this long-term relationship. I'm glad I walked away- even though it took three years to do it. Considering what I know, I wonder how many women he screwed behind my back and how many lies I never ever found out about. Have you all ever been in a long term relationship only to find out that you should have ended it YEARS before it actually ended? everything you said is what i'm feeling right now.. 3 years, lies, cheating, and very recent :( not pleasant
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