Starnette83 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 [color=green][font=arial]For u who have been updated on my storry..well ive been wtih my bf since i was 17-him 16...now 3 years and 6 months, we are eachothers FIRST LOVE..sex-relationship type-etc..ANYWAYS....for a while we had been having problems, i am constantly jealous and have trust issues cuz in the past he has said stuff like "I'm curious what else is out there", "I won;t know if i really love u, cuz i have no one else to compare u with"..and stuff liek that...anyways regardless we remained, we did have a month 1/2 breakup back in August 2003..but he came back and i got back with him. Well, I broke up with him a week ago because I had been not that happy for a long time cuz he hasnt said he loves me since february, and when i say it to him, he just looks at me, but nothing...and it hurts me...so i called him up and said it was over cuz i was bitter that he didnt love me. and he agreed that a breakup was good cuz he didnt feel the same for me, i began crying and we hung up... so i didnt call him for a week...I even blocked him from Aim so he couldnt see me when i was online...until yesterday when he calls me....at first he called 6 times but i didnt pick up...and then at the last one he left me a message saying "I need to tell u semthing, please call me back when u get this"...his voice sounded sad..so i called him cuz my mom pushed me to do it..grr..anwyays it wasnt anything important, just basuically he wanted to see how i was doing and cuz he missed me..then i cut it short and said that i had to go and that id call him back... I didnt call him back...and like 2 hours later he calls me..and is like..."u wanna go out?" and i said no...and after some convincing , i then said ok... we went out and he was being nice with me...but it gets on my nerves cuz its like GRRRRRRRRRRRRR he acts whatever soemtimes and then he does this!!! and i knew i was gonna give in, cuz i loved him holding me and stuff... anyways i hadnt had done it with him for a week..so we both really wanted to..so after hanging out and eating, we went to his place...i said hi to his mom and then went to his room... We made out hardcore..it was so hot!!! i was WOWed by it and i could tell so was he...then we had the best sex ever..twice!! anyways now though i kinda feel stupid cuz i gave in so fast..but im just so weak!!!!!!! this is the guy ive had sex with for 3 years and im just so used to him...and its hard to say no when i want him just as bad!!!!!! Now i dont know how to act when i feel i already gave in...didnt i??? its like i lost already didnt i? or can i still put up a front and act cold? see i love him so much but i want him to realize more that he better get his act together or else!! i mean he did call..btu still he needs to do more...but ugh i shouldnt have gone out with him..but i was so bored and wanted to see him!! whats next? am i stupid!? u can say it if u want!! any comments, suggestion may help...from both men and woman[/font][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 You're not stupid, you're just in love. After being together again, maybe he's realized how much he really does care for you. Has he acted different? If not, maybe you need to give him more time alone to decide what he wants. Next time don't give in as easy. Let him see what its like without you being in his life or awhile, without you to hold and to be with. If its true love he will realize how much you mean to him and he'll want you back. But then it's up to you to decide if you really want him in your life or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted June 23, 2004 Author Share Posted June 23, 2004 [color=red][font=arial]thank you Honey...see its so confusing..cuz i dont even know what i want anymore, I do love him but i just have so many trust issues with him that it lacks me from ebing completely happy with him, cuz i feel that he will hurt me again..and i hate this feeling and thats why i wanna let go..cuz i dont think i can get myself to trust him!!! plus another thing is that we are echothers first sexual partner, first love and everything, and iw as his first gf and i just think that all this makes it impossible for a future with him....and its scary cuz i dont want him to leave me when im even more IN Love then i already am...ugh its confusing...maybe i should CHILL OUT!!![/font][/color] [color=green]its just scary..cuz maybe he misses me cuz he hasnt found anyone else, but what if he found soemone, would he dump me as though i didnt mean ****??? see its that exactly that scares me!!! and hes so weird..one moment hes so coolw ith me and then hes so whatever, its hard..its liek he himself doesnt knwo what he wants![/color] Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 I was my ex's first love, too. It seemed like everything was going great, then about a month ago he told me that he never wanted to talk to me again, and the next day he called and said he wanted to be friends. It turned out there was another girl he liked which he had been seeing behind my back for awhile. She was the first girl that showed interest in him besides me while we were together, and he did drop me like a piece of ****. Well I tried the friends thing, but every night ended with me crying, and I don't want to do that. So today is my 2nd day of no contact with him. But my point is that you being his first love, maybe he just needs a chance to get out and see what its like to be with someone else. Maybe he's scared to commit to someone when he doesn't know what else is out there. I'm not saying you should sit around and wait on him, you have feelings, too. It seems like he needs to realize your feelings and that he's not the only one in the relationship that might be confused. Maybe that's something you both need to sit down and talk about it. If you two are really meant for each other, I don't see why he would need to go out and experience life with someone else. If you do decide to see him again, don't let the night end with sex. Instead, have him talk to you about how he's feeling and what he wants from your relationship. Maybe it's time for you two to take a break to find if this is what you want out of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starnette83 Posted June 23, 2004 Author Share Posted June 23, 2004 yes honey i agree...i just saw he updated his hotornot account and im so pissed...i called him and told him that how could he even claim he misses me when he still has his hotornot account and even updated it, he denied it and later said that hes just looking for freidns, and i said thats not a friend site, thats a hook up site, stop lying to me..anyways im tired of this bull..hes never gonna change!! NEVER!!!!! so i need to stop giving him chances, its jut stupid already..i believed him yesterday and yet hes still doing the same crap..i dont want to stay in smething which i know will eventaulyl turn out in cheating..so whatever as much as it breaks me...i have to let him go! Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 I agree with you. My ex changed his yahoo profile to "Long term relationship", erased all my emails, blocked me from his buddy lists and everything, then changed his password after I found out and confronted him, but continuted to lie about it. It wasn't until I found the letters from a girl at school that they were writing back and forth that he admitted he'd had a gf while he was with me. I don't know why there has to be guys like them out there, but there are, and we really need to move on and find one of those guys that don't treat girls like this. I really believe that no contact is the best thing, but if he does come and want you back, you need to figure out if you want that. Like you said, he might never change, and it could turn into cheating, which hurts sooo much:(. I don't want you to get hurt, so maybe letting go of him now will be the best thing for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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