tornangel Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Gonna try to ake this as short as possible. My first love from 12 yrs ago , contacted me on facebook, and said he was getting divorced and asked me out. He was a great guy and made me really happy back then so I said sure. We were together 4 yrs back then but he was in med school , and it was long distance. But our relationship was storybook love. Only issue was my oldest daughter and my custody case. That killed us, as I cheated on him with her dad back then and we ended it. So he lives in Arizona now and said he wanted to come visit his friend and me. So he comes to Ks and never sees me. Then messages me and says he didnt wanna get hurt again and he isnt over his divorce pain. Then like 2 wks later he is in a relationship telling another woman he loves her and tons of pics on vacation with her( 2 mo after his divorce) . I messaged him and said good luck with ur life, u werent the guy I thought u were. And he gets really rude, and I said well it is good I chose not to marry u 12 yrs ago when u asked me on ur gmas porch and he replied " I never asked u or even wanted to. Then I told him it made me cry that he said that, and he said ,,, get over it, I did years ago . I almost replied , if he was so over it-- why did he contact me 12 yrs later. But I chose to be the bigger person. So finally my question----- This guy was the best and sweetest man I had ever met, why would he flat out lie like this ? After he contacted me and everything ?
stillafool Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 You should tell him to contact you when he gets a divorce. He probably contacted you to have someone to have sex with when he comes there. I doubt if he is ready to get serious about a relationship with anyone at this point. He is playing around right now. Let it go.
coltsfan1 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 He told you the truth, you cheated and it probably crushed him. ESPECIALLY if he truly did want to marry. But be glad he is with this other gal, let her be his rebound. If he only wanted to sleep with you he would have came to see you. Trust me I'm a guy its how we think, but MHO is its best to leave what's in the past in the past.
Author tornangel Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 He didnt come back to see me until he had gotten his divorce. And he chose not to see me, after he came on really strong. I had apologized alot to him and felt truly sorry. It just blew my mind when he talked to me like that. I deleted him from my fb. I guess time really does change people. He was the nicest guy in the world before. Honestly wish I would have remembered him how it was before . He is def not ready for a relationship IMO , so I am glad I wasnt the rebound. Just shocked me he lied like that.
eles83 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I know someone who this happened to, almost exactly, except that it happened to her a year ago. The old flame called, suggested that they could have something new, then fizzled out when he started dating someone else. In that case, I think he chose the other girl because she was way closer. I don't know why people do things like that. The only thing that I could think was at least when you were together, he was a nice guy. Whatever he has become after (and he might just be really mixed up right now), when he was your guy, he was a good guy.
nanbullen Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Gonna try to ake this as short as possible. My first love from 12 yrs ago , contacted me on facebook, and said he was getting divorced and asked me out. He was a great guy and made me really happy back then so I said sure. We were together 4 yrs back then but he was in med school , and it was long distance. But our relationship was storybook love. Only issue was my oldest daughter and my custody case. That killed us, as I cheated on him with her dad back then and we ended it. So he lives in Arizona now and said he wanted to come visit his friend and me. So he comes to Ks and never sees me. Then messages me and says he didnt wanna get hurt again and he isnt over his divorce pain. Then like 2 wks later he is in a relationship telling another woman he loves her and tons of pics on vacation with her( 2 mo after his divorce) . I messaged him and said good luck with ur life, u werent the guy I thought u were. And he gets really rude, and I said well it is good I chose not to marry u 12 yrs ago when u asked me on ur gmas porch and he replied " I never asked u or even wanted to. Then I told him it made me cry that he said that, and he said ,,, get over it, I did years ago . I almost replied , if he was so over it-- why did he contact me 12 yrs later. But I chose to be the bigger person. So finally my question----- This guy was the best and sweetest man I had ever met, why would he flat out lie like this ? After he contacted me and everything ? Wow. The guy I thought was love of my life contacted me on facebook after almost 12 years. We were together for 4 years and it was HIS divorce and custody issues that broke us apart. He contacted me and told me all this c*** about how he has never stopped loving me or thinking about me, and he's been trying to find me all these years and we're soul mates. Oh yeah, he had just gotten a divorce. Long story short, he is now seeing somebody else and I am wishing he never contacted me in the first place. I've had to rethink everything I ever thought about him over the years, and yes, I wonder how I could have been so stupid not to realize what an ass*** he was all along. I don't really have any advice for you, your story just reminded me so much of mine. I think maybe they are going through divorce and that may have something to do with the way they're acting. Anyway, I'm sorry you're hurting. I know how you feel.
nature Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I think he's stinging and hurting over his divorce, and his ego is wounded, which is why he's lashing out. Hearing you say it was a good thing you never married him made him lash back at you in whatever way he could. He was probably just speaking thru emotion which is why he said he never asked you. He was being defensive in reaction to you. Deep down I think he knows he's not really ready for another relationship which is why he didn't pursue it with you and is dating someone else instead. You were at one time a great love of his. So he knows he can't just have it casual with you. so instead he's dating someone new who he has no history with and who it is probably easy and simple. Someone to stroke his ego while he's going thru the divorce. In other words a rebound. I wouldn't take his anger and words too seriously. He probably still is the very nice person you loved years ago. However, he's going thru a rough time.
hinatticus Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 He probably wasn't sure what he was doing. Then he remembers you cheating on him. Then you say you're not the man I thought you were. That's the point where he goes into defense mode. He felt you were attacking him. Then you get defensive and back and forth. Any type of friendly chat ended there. Best to forget about it.
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 He told you the truth, you cheated and it probably crushed him. ESPECIALLY if he truly did want to marry. But be glad he is with this other gal, let her be his rebound. If he only wanted to sleep with you he would have came to see you. Trust me I'm a guy its how we think, but MHO is its best to leave what's in the past in the past. Yep. Think back to your 'Trust' thread and rethink this one. It is totally brutal, as you know, to be f'd over. He might have been pining and then rethought the situation, thinking "How could I ever trust her again?" He probably still had a good sitrep in his mind of what happened before and it just happened to jump out.
Recommended Posts